We Don’t Even Want to Talk About Midi-Chlorians At All
December 11, 2015 1:22 PM Subscribe
Ever since its 1977 cinematic debut, the Force has been strong in popular culture. People with only passing exposure to the Star Wars saga probably have at least a general notion of how the story’s mystical energy works: light sides and dark sides, wizard-like abilities over objects and minds, laser-beam swords. But who is the Force strongest with? And how has the balance between light and dark shifted throughout the series? In anticipation of “The Force Awakens,” we decided to find out by watching every minute of the first two trilogies to identify, measure, and categorize use of the Force. This was a delicate exercise, mainly because the Force is vague and entirely fictitious. But we’re confident in our findings—and if you search your feelings, we think you will be, too. The Force Accounted [SLBB]
Sweet Jesus December 18th can't get here soon enough.
posted by notyou at 1:27 PM on December 11, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by notyou at 1:27 PM on December 11, 2015 [10 favorites]
Sweet Jesus December 18th can't get here soon enough.
Dunno about you, but our tickets are for the 17th. Then we'll all know, one way or another.
posted by anastasiav at 1:33 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
Dunno about you, but our tickets are for the 17th. Then we'll all know, one way or another.
posted by anastasiav at 1:33 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
With sparse text, it's unclear if notyou is excited for the film, or just tired of the mega-hype and all news sources trying to cobble together stories to latch onto the momentum.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:36 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by filthy light thief at 1:36 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
I was expecting Star Wars accounting jokes.
posted by AndrewInDC at 1:38 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by AndrewInDC at 1:38 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
Is it just me, or does the Jedi Mind Trick, in light of Jessica Jones (which is part of the same overarching company as Star Wars), now seem like it should really be more of a Dark Side thing?
If I remember right, most Force Persuades are "dark side" options in The Old Republic (the MMO), but I'm not super sure on that.
posted by kmz at 1:40 PM on December 11, 2015
If I remember right, most Force Persuades are "dark side" options in The Old Republic (the MMO), but I'm not super sure on that.
posted by kmz at 1:40 PM on December 11, 2015
The latter, FLT.
Disney won't rest until every mind on the planet is infected with Star Wars, and they must be getting close. It's really something.
posted by notyou at 1:43 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Disney won't rest until every mind on the planet is infected with Star Wars, and they must be getting close. It's really something.
posted by notyou at 1:43 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I suppose the place to start with doing this is doing a word search through the closed captioning for each movie. Those can sometimes be found as separate files with time stamps for every line.
posted by ZeusHumms at 1:45 PM on December 11, 2015
posted by ZeusHumms at 1:45 PM on December 11, 2015
They're counting all of Luke Skywalker's force usage as light side?
Huh.
I wonder if they had any second thoughts about that while they were putting that lone blue tick mark under "Force Choke".
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 1:55 PM on December 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
Huh.
I wonder if they had any second thoughts about that while they were putting that lone blue tick mark under "Force Choke".
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 1:55 PM on December 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
The Force = The Mass x The Acceleration
posted by Kabanos at 1:59 PM on December 11, 2015 [54 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 1:59 PM on December 11, 2015 [54 favorites]
This is not the Excel spreadsheet you were looking for.
posted by This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things at 2:00 PM on December 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things at 2:00 PM on December 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
Leia out Forces Darth Maul. Wuh? That's surprising. I assume they're referring to moments when she had 'a feeling' so to speak? Otherwise, I'm at a lost. Granted, Maul didn't get nearly enough screen time, much less use that time wielding the Force...but he did use it.
Also, I assume that Yoda re-directing Force lightning doesn't count as using the technique?
Ponderings aside, enjoyable read and graphics!
posted by Atreides at 2:13 PM on December 11, 2015
Also, I assume that Yoda re-directing Force lightning doesn't count as using the technique?
Ponderings aside, enjoyable read and graphics!
posted by Atreides at 2:13 PM on December 11, 2015
So they count Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker as different people.
Combined, they have more time than the Emperor.
Interesting accounting.
posted by Seamus at 2:33 PM on December 11, 2015
Combined, they have more time than the Emperor.
Interesting accounting.
posted by Seamus at 2:33 PM on December 11, 2015
AndrewInDC: "I was expecting Star Wars accounting jokes"
Most people were, but the incessant trade blockades so vital to the Star Wars narrative have really reduced the Farfaraway Galaxy's accounting and auditing sector to a standstill, which understandably also strangles the supply of accounting jokes. We apologize for the inconvenience.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:35 PM on December 11, 2015 [9 favorites]
Most people were, but the incessant trade blockades so vital to the Star Wars narrative have really reduced the Farfaraway Galaxy's accounting and auditing sector to a standstill, which understandably also strangles the supply of accounting jokes. We apologize for the inconvenience.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:35 PM on December 11, 2015 [9 favorites]
When did Leia use the Force?
When Luke calls to her on Bespin? Which means she might only have the free Adobe Force Reader software installed, not the Publisher package and certainly not the Lightning add-on.
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:41 PM on December 11, 2015 [52 favorites]
When Luke calls to her on Bespin? Which means she might only have the free Adobe Force Reader software installed, not the Publisher package and certainly not the Lightning add-on.
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:41 PM on December 11, 2015 [52 favorites]
Am I the only person who thought [SLBB] would be "Single Link Brandon Blatcher?"
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:10 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:10 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
This was a delicate exercise, mainly because the Force is vague and entirely fictitious.
See, the thing is, when I was 9 or 10 or 11 or 12 or even 15, The Force wasn't vague or fictitious. It was a thing I hadn't learned to notice or sense or work with yet. I was trying, but obviously being a Jedi required a sensitivity I didn't have yet.
But then midichlorians were invented, and suddenly no matter how much I tried, I would never be able to because I wasn't born with the right things in my body.
The whole Jedi thing was fun and aspirational up until The Phantom Menace came out, and then it was all just about being born with the right shit in your makeup.
Basically all my childhood dreams were killed by that one thing.
posted by hippybear at 3:50 PM on December 11, 2015 [25 favorites]
See, the thing is, when I was 9 or 10 or 11 or 12 or even 15, The Force wasn't vague or fictitious. It was a thing I hadn't learned to notice or sense or work with yet. I was trying, but obviously being a Jedi required a sensitivity I didn't have yet.
But then midichlorians were invented, and suddenly no matter how much I tried, I would never be able to because I wasn't born with the right things in my body.
The whole Jedi thing was fun and aspirational up until The Phantom Menace came out, and then it was all just about being born with the right shit in your makeup.
Basically all my childhood dreams were killed by that one thing.
posted by hippybear at 3:50 PM on December 11, 2015 [25 favorites]
The whole Jedi thing was fun and aspirational up until The Phantom Menace came out, and then it was all just about being born with the right shit in your makeup.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.
posted by prize bull octorok at 3:52 PM on December 11, 2015 [17 favorites]
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.
posted by prize bull octorok at 3:52 PM on December 11, 2015 [17 favorites]
Okay, now add in everything from the Clone Wars TV show and Rebels so far.
posted by sandswipe at 3:54 PM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by sandswipe at 3:54 PM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
Dunno about you, but our tickets are for the 17th.
I have 12/17/15 @ 11:30PM tickets. We were both 9 years old when the original opened, and are agreed that this is likely are last-ever midnight opening. I'm excited, but kinda sad. (I've taken 12/18/15 as a vacation day, because, come on, I'm too old for this shit.)
posted by MoxieProxy at 4:00 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
I have 12/17/15 @ 11:30PM tickets. We were both 9 years old when the original opened, and are agreed that this is likely are last-ever midnight opening. I'm excited, but kinda sad. (I've taken 12/18/15 as a vacation day, because, come on, I'm too old for this shit.)
posted by MoxieProxy at 4:00 PM on December 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
I was expecting Star Wars accounting jokes
Audit? At our moment of triumph? I believe you overestimate their chances.
posted by Cash4Lead at 5:17 PM on December 11, 2015 [11 favorites]
Audit? At our moment of triumph? I believe you overestimate their chances.
posted by Cash4Lead at 5:17 PM on December 11, 2015 [11 favorites]
There's a scene in Revenge of the Sith in which young Obi Wan stows away in a closet aboard Padme's ship to confront a homicidal Anakin, and he shuts the sliding closet door with a flick of his wrist after having sat down in a position similar to one takes in a toilet stall. A pretty mundane application of telekinesis, no? It wasn't a distant association to imagine Obi Wan cleaning his bum in a similar way. In a preceding episode, Anakin, using telekinesis to play with an apple (or some sort of fruit) to amuse Padme, conveys to her how much trouble he'd be in if such were witnessed by his master.
So, some thought was given to appropriateness and a temptation to abuse such powers-- when impressing girls, and when no one is looking.
Not similarly, but related (to me), are scenes in which the management of an imminent threat requires technicians seated before large panels of controls to perform a task in sufficient time after some newly promoted general barks its order-- Shield's UP! That arm's length and response time is a costly one.
posted by lazycomputerkids at 5:28 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
So, some thought was given to appropriateness and a temptation to abuse such powers-- when impressing girls, and when no one is looking.
Not similarly, but related (to me), are scenes in which the management of an imminent threat requires technicians seated before large panels of controls to perform a task in sufficient time after some newly promoted general barks its order-- Shield's UP! That arm's length and response time is a costly one.
posted by lazycomputerkids at 5:28 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I liked the way the Force was depicted in the first film, when it was still mostly a Dune-flavoured mixture of other memory, spice prescience and bene gesserit mind control plus a little bit of genuinely mysterious space sorcery, before the second film developed it into a literal physical force that was the most boring thing that it could possibly have turned into. Then we got evil space emperor lightning and it was mysterious again, until we found out that any force user who does enough bad things can make exactly the same kind of lightning and the magic went away again.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 5:38 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 5:38 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
Luke is just the kind of isolated disaffected young man that terror recruiters seek out.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 5:41 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by the man of twists and turns at 5:41 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
I did not expect the BB to be Bloomberg Business. Boing Boing, maybe. Bloomberg Business?
posted by shakespeherian at 5:44 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by shakespeherian at 5:44 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Ha! Son Goku has more "force" than every Sith Lord and Jedi combined.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:52 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:52 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Strength ≠ frequency
Of course Luke has more screen time. He's the blasted protagonist.
posted by lumensimus at 5:54 PM on December 11, 2015
Of course Luke has more screen time. He's the blasted protagonist.
posted by lumensimus at 5:54 PM on December 11, 2015
So they count Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker as different people.
Uh, spoiler?!
posted by Xavier Xavier at 5:58 PM on December 11, 2015 [9 favorites]
Uh, spoiler?!
posted by Xavier Xavier at 5:58 PM on December 11, 2015 [9 favorites]
I hate myself. I'm going opening night.
posted by Xavier Xavier at 6:06 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Xavier Xavier at 6:06 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
So how many Newtons already? ffs.
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:09 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:09 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
Dunno about you, but our tickets are for the 17th. Then we'll all know, one way or another.
Actually, that will be the day we find out that Daesh, in conjunction with the Mundane Science Fiction fandom, has unleashed a virus that completely erases all of the digital copies of the Force Awakens. The resulting riots and media coverage will cause the fall of western civilization.
posted by happyroach at 9:42 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Actually, that will be the day we find out that Daesh, in conjunction with the Mundane Science Fiction fandom, has unleashed a virus that completely erases all of the digital copies of the Force Awakens. The resulting riots and media coverage will cause the fall of western civilization.
posted by happyroach at 9:42 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
(I've taken 12/18/15 as a vacation day, because, come on, I'm too old for this shit.)
I'm taking a half day and seeing it at 9:30AM on the 18th, I'm going to go into work either really happy or really disappointed, but at least I'll be at work.
posted by numaner at 10:53 PM on December 11, 2015
I'm taking a half day and seeing it at 9:30AM on the 18th, I'm going to go into work either really happy or really disappointed, but at least I'll be at work.
posted by numaner at 10:53 PM on December 11, 2015
Greg Nog, please MeMail me your address so I can send you this invoice for about four hours of my precious time.
And don't ever link to a Reddit thread like that again!
posted by rokusan at 1:54 AM on December 12, 2015
And don't ever link to a Reddit thread like that again!
posted by rokusan at 1:54 AM on December 12, 2015
It doesn't seem to include Jar Jar Binks's assisted force-jumps, which would up the Dark Side tally a bit.
I'd seen passing mentions of the theory that Jar Jar was actually the evil mastermind of the prequel trilogy but never bothered following it up, because there's only so much Star Wars fanwank you can fit in to one lifetime. But I just skimmed that reddit thread... my god, it's not completely implausible. There's even actual evidence, kind of.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 3:11 AM on December 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'd seen passing mentions of the theory that Jar Jar was actually the evil mastermind of the prequel trilogy but never bothered following it up, because there's only so much Star Wars fanwank you can fit in to one lifetime. But I just skimmed that reddit thread... my god, it's not completely implausible. There's even actual evidence, kind of.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 3:11 AM on December 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
The two scenes where Binks mouths the words that Padme / Padme's bodyguard are saying... that is very interesting. If only Lucas had the courage of his convictions.
posted by anthill at 6:04 AM on December 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by anthill at 6:04 AM on December 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
Disney will use the force enough to make us realize that there is no good side.
posted by srboisvert at 7:17 AM on December 12, 2015
posted by srboisvert at 7:17 AM on December 12, 2015
Dunno about you, but our tickets are for the 17th. Then we'll all know, one way or another.
I'm in at 7:15 pm, 12/17/15. For some reason, I thought "It'll be less crazy for the second showing after 7:00 pm." We'll see. I'll be leaving work early to change and get in line earlier enough to assure myself a decent seat.
Jar Jar the Sith
This is getting out of hand. -_-
Apparently my next great task in life, one I can have chiseled into my tomb stone will be to methodically tear this theory to pieces. That character deserves no such revisionist respect in any manner or form. Grrr. That said, he could have been improved immensely if they had simply made him mute.
posted by Atreides at 9:56 AM on December 12, 2015
I'm in at 7:15 pm, 12/17/15. For some reason, I thought "It'll be less crazy for the second showing after 7:00 pm." We'll see. I'll be leaving work early to change and get in line earlier enough to assure myself a decent seat.
Jar Jar the Sith
This is getting out of hand. -_-
Apparently my next great task in life, one I can have chiseled into my tomb stone will be to methodically tear this theory to pieces. That character deserves no such revisionist respect in any manner or form. Grrr. That said, he could have been improved immensely if they had simply made him mute.
posted by Atreides at 9:56 AM on December 12, 2015
I just realized that "midi-chlorians" sounds like some electronic musicians at a pool party in the 1980s, so I made a hasty flyer for Pool Bob and the Midi-Chlorians.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:06 AM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by filthy light thief at 11:06 AM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
That's better than slapping yourself in the head when you realize that Lucas just took mitochondria and ripped them off for his Force enabling cell-like things.
At least we know he owns a book on human biology or went to Wikipedia or something.
posted by Atreides at 11:13 AM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
At least we know he owns a book on human biology or went to Wikipedia or something.
posted by Atreides at 11:13 AM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
At least we know he owns a book on human biology or went to Wikipedia or something.
Presumably the former because the Wikipedia didn't exist in 1999.
It's a dumb, nitpicky thing to mention, but it does sometimes amaze me how different the world was 15 years ago.
posted by Copronymus at 12:00 PM on December 12, 2015
Presumably the former because the Wikipedia didn't exist in 1999.
It's a dumb, nitpicky thing to mention, but it does sometimes amaze me how different the world was 15 years ago.
posted by Copronymus at 12:00 PM on December 12, 2015
It's a dumb, nitpicky thing to mention, but it does sometimes amaze me how different the world was 15 years ago.
Incidentally, that's as applicable to the Star Wars franchise as it is to the Internet!
posted by Atreides at 3:06 PM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
Incidentally, that's as applicable to the Star Wars franchise as it is to the Internet!
posted by Atreides at 3:06 PM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
MoxieProxy: "(I've taken 12/18/15 as a vacation day, because, come on, I'm too old for this shit.)"
I don't have to take the day off* because our entire IT department, about 25 people, are seeing the movie on the 18th on the company's dime. I have no idea how my boss pulled off getting that many tickets on that day, but I can't wait.
* - Unless the movie really sucks and I'm forced to take the rest of the day off. I won't be alone if that's the case.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:35 PM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't have to take the day off* because our entire IT department, about 25 people, are seeing the movie on the 18th on the company's dime. I have no idea how my boss pulled off getting that many tickets on that day, but I can't wait.
* - Unless the movie really sucks and I'm forced to take the rest of the day off. I won't be alone if that's the case.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:35 PM on December 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
I couldnt get decent tickets until the 24th, so I will be floating in a cryotank far away from Metafilter and the rest of the world for the entire week previous. No TV, no newspapers, and very very minimal internet.
Given the pop culture hugeness of Star Wars, I really doubt I can avoid spoilers completely, but I'm gonna try.
posted by rokusan at 9:41 PM on December 12, 2015
Given the pop culture hugeness of Star Wars, I really doubt I can avoid spoilers completely, but I'm gonna try.
posted by rokusan at 9:41 PM on December 12, 2015
“5 Things 'Star Wars' Fans Don't Understand About 'Star Wars',” David Wong, Cracked, 14 December 2015
posted by ob1quixote at 8:49 AM on December 14, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by ob1quixote at 8:49 AM on December 14, 2015 [3 favorites]
Darth Jar Jar is truth, and would have made such a good movie
posted by Jacen at 12:00 PM on December 14, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Jacen at 12:00 PM on December 14, 2015 [1 favorite]
“10 of the worst changes to the Star Wars trilogy after their original theatrical release,” Casey Chan, Sploid, 14 December 2015
posted by ob1quixote at 6:16 PM on December 15, 2015
posted by ob1quixote at 6:16 PM on December 15, 2015
The reviews for the new one are pretty strong, currently at 83% on Metacritic. I'm trying not to read a single review before I see it though.
posted by octothorpe at 5:14 AM on December 16, 2015
posted by octothorpe at 5:14 AM on December 16, 2015
I too have been avoiding all articles/reviews b/c I wanted to go in fresh and be surprised. Haven't even watched the trailers. I asked Twitter to be considerate about spoilers, so of course two dudes, unknown to me, replied in less than five minutes with massive spoilers. Humanity has turned to the dark side.
posted by leesh at 12:53 PM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by leesh at 12:53 PM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
leesh: “I asked Twitter to be considerate about spoilers, so of course two dudes, unknown to me, replied in less than five minutes with massive spoilers. ”It's just so tempting to post a giant Star Wars spoiler though.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:59 PM on December 16, 2015
Aw, that cheered me up a little bit. Thanks.
posted by leesh at 1:13 PM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by leesh at 1:13 PM on December 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've gone deep six on all remaining spoilers. I haven't even touched Twitter and thankfully, am among the nerdiest/biggest Star Wars fans in my circle of friends on facebook that it remains mostly worry free. Incidentally, my wife, who has no plans to see it any time soon, has already read every spoiler. I'm essentially living with someone who could ruin it for me at any time. This is where the whole marital trust thing comes into play.
posted by Atreides at 2:33 PM on December 16, 2015
posted by Atreides at 2:33 PM on December 16, 2015
3 Words: Darth Jar Jar
posted by This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things at 3:03 PM on December 16, 2015
posted by This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things at 3:03 PM on December 16, 2015
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This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
WRITER: Uh, I haven't got any ideas - I spent all week re-watching the Star Wars films. Man, you know, they don't actually use The Force all that much.
EDITOR: THAT'S IT
posted by GuyZero at 1:26 PM on December 11, 2015 [19 favorites]