General Anxiety Disorder ruined my relationship
December 15, 2015 1:01 PM Subscribe
Anxiety ruined my life I would like you to know this post is coming from someone who never believed in mental illness.
Until I was diagnosed with GAD I associated all mental abnormalities with schizophrenia or fake (because I don't know anyone with a MI). I was in a relationship with a beautiful, remarkable woman for years. When we separated.. it was only supposed to be for a few months (six at the most). From the day we separated.. It was like I completely forgot about her. I felt so relieved to sleep alone after 3 years! I didn't remember what I saw in her and no longer valued our relationship. All I could remember was our last argument. She cried constantly and I didn't feel anything. She visited me, brought me gifts and even called my parents. All I could think about was anticipating something negative so I continued to push her away. I stopped trusting her. I stopped listening to her. I stopped calling. It wasn't until 1.8 years after our separation that I in fact had feelings for this woman.. but now she's long gone! I immediately saw a therapist... that's when they told me about GAD! I was so shocked! I wept and wept. I tried to apologize to this woman but it's far too late.
The sad part is I don't even remember all her attempts to get me back because I was always consumed by my own thoughts
"what if shes lying"
"what if she has some kind of STD?"
"Do you love me? Are you sure?"
"Are you cheating on me?"
(2 second pause)
"What took you so long to answer"
when we were together I lost control of who I am. I didn't know I was ill and I hurt a woman who wanted nothing more than to start a family by a beach and live happily ever after. Mental illness is real. I'm taking medication. I've forgiven myself for what I didn't know. I lost my best friend.
now I feel like I'm wondering aimlessly through life. Who am I supposed to spend my life with? Who am I supposed to call when something's wrong? I lost the only person that knows me.. because I was becoming someone she didn't know. I'm happy shes happy.. I really am. But how do I find happiness and live with myself now??
Until I was diagnosed with GAD I associated all mental abnormalities with schizophrenia or fake (because I don't know anyone with a MI). I was in a relationship with a beautiful, remarkable woman for years. When we separated.. it was only supposed to be for a few months (six at the most). From the day we separated.. It was like I completely forgot about her. I felt so relieved to sleep alone after 3 years! I didn't remember what I saw in her and no longer valued our relationship. All I could remember was our last argument. She cried constantly and I didn't feel anything. She visited me, brought me gifts and even called my parents. All I could think about was anticipating something negative so I continued to push her away. I stopped trusting her. I stopped listening to her. I stopped calling. It wasn't until 1.8 years after our separation that I in fact had feelings for this woman.. but now she's long gone! I immediately saw a therapist... that's when they told me about GAD! I was so shocked! I wept and wept. I tried to apologize to this woman but it's far too late.
The sad part is I don't even remember all her attempts to get me back because I was always consumed by my own thoughts
"what if shes lying"
"what if she has some kind of STD?"
"Do you love me? Are you sure?"
"Are you cheating on me?"
(2 second pause)
"What took you so long to answer"
when we were together I lost control of who I am. I didn't know I was ill and I hurt a woman who wanted nothing more than to start a family by a beach and live happily ever after. Mental illness is real. I'm taking medication. I've forgiven myself for what I didn't know. I lost my best friend.
now I feel like I'm wondering aimlessly through life. Who am I supposed to spend my life with? Who am I supposed to call when something's wrong? I lost the only person that knows me.. because I was becoming someone she didn't know. I'm happy shes happy.. I really am. But how do I find happiness and live with myself now??
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, this is not a Metafilter post. -- LobsterMitten
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