Why are they all so bad at their jobs?
December 23, 2015 11:09 AM Subscribe
This post was deleted for the following reason: Hey, this "what is war stars anyway?" riff seems to be not going over that well; might go over better with different framing or with other skeptical links? For people who liked/are interested in talking about the movie, the Fanfare thread is hopping. -- LobsterMitten
Must train brain to think "The Force Awakens" instead of "The fucking article."
posted by Melismata at 11:15 AM on December 23, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by Melismata at 11:15 AM on December 23, 2015 [12 favorites]
@jeffamaphone: Very high, discussing everything from the first scene to the last with a level of bewilderment. Probably should avoid until you've read it.
posted by brecc at 11:15 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by brecc at 11:15 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
OKTHX.
posted by jeffamaphone at 11:15 AM on December 23, 2015
posted by jeffamaphone at 11:15 AM on December 23, 2015
i spent all my cultural literacy points on tweed and a pocket watch and a pince nez
what is this running water you speak of
like water has feet
churl
back away lest i cut a switch and write about you to other quartered gentlemen
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:18 AM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
what is this running water you speak of
like water has feet
churl
back away lest i cut a switch and write about you to other quartered gentlemen
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:18 AM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
I clicked this assuming it was about Teach for America.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:20 AM on December 23, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:20 AM on December 23, 2015 [7 favorites]
Oh I thought it was going to be Teach For America.
posted by zachlipton at 11:21 AM on December 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by zachlipton at 11:21 AM on December 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
I really have no idea if I have absorbed enough Star Wars that none of this is a problem or if this person is just dreadfully unobservant. Like, I get that scale works in a ridiculous way on this universe, on the other hand I have no problem whatsoever following if people are on Jakku or on Starkiller base or whatever.
Also there is a FanFare thread for spoilerific fun.
posted by Artw at 11:25 AM on December 23, 2015
Also there is a FanFare thread for spoilerific fun.
posted by Artw at 11:25 AM on December 23, 2015
Luke had a metal arm in Rey's flashback. I have no idea if he had one in the final scene. To be fair, that arm has been robotic for some time.
posted by timdiggerm at 11:28 AM on December 23, 2015
posted by timdiggerm at 11:28 AM on December 23, 2015
Also the artical inorrectly identifies Domhnall Gleeson as Percy Weasley, when everyone knows he is Bill.
posted by Artw at 11:28 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 11:28 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Remember the cracks your parents made about Star Wars in 1983? They're back -- in listicle form!
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:30 AM on December 23, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:30 AM on December 23, 2015 [7 favorites]
People speak in Star Wars with an English accent or an American accent for the same reason that a hobbit, his gardener, his cousin, and his closest friend can have, respectively, a RP accent, a West Country accent, a Scottish accent, and some other regional accent that is probably German-inflected London drawn out with longer vowel sounds, respectively.
It's because accent doesn't denote place of origin in these films, but instead character and class. Scrappy types will have American accents, even if they are English, as with John Boyega. Villainous characters will have veddy proper English accents, even if they are Irish, as with Domhnall Gleeson. People who are somehow extra special will have slightly less proper, but still formal English accents, such as Daisy Ridley and Carrie Fisher in her first few scenes in the original Star Wars.
And people who can't do accents will have whatever accent they came with, and Max von Sydow will have a Max von Sydow accent, because anything else would be inappropriate.
posted by maxsparber at 11:31 AM on December 23, 2015 [4 favorites]
It's because accent doesn't denote place of origin in these films, but instead character and class. Scrappy types will have American accents, even if they are English, as with John Boyega. Villainous characters will have veddy proper English accents, even if they are Irish, as with Domhnall Gleeson. People who are somehow extra special will have slightly less proper, but still formal English accents, such as Daisy Ridley and Carrie Fisher in her first few scenes in the original Star Wars.
And people who can't do accents will have whatever accent they came with, and Max von Sydow will have a Max von Sydow accent, because anything else would be inappropriate.
posted by maxsparber at 11:31 AM on December 23, 2015 [4 favorites]
Stormtrooper armour does remain worthless though, not wrong there.
posted by Artw at 11:31 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 11:31 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, this is also why Adam Driver's accent changes depending on whether he is wearing his helmet or isn't.
posted by maxsparber at 11:32 AM on December 23, 2015
posted by maxsparber at 11:32 AM on December 23, 2015
Emo Kylo Ren has promoted Hux to favoured character status, for me BTW, if his ability to loose his shit ranting in a pompous and unlikable way hadn;t already got him there .
posted by Artw at 11:34 AM on December 23, 2015
posted by Artw at 11:34 AM on December 23, 2015
This is amazing. They managed to somehow take a humorless curmudgeonly parent from the pre-Star-Wars generation and an ADD-riddled post-prequel tween and combine them into one person, and then that person just vomited on a keyboard, and it was published online for real people to read.
posted by Behemoth at 11:34 AM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Behemoth at 11:34 AM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
Is there some kind of island I can travel to where nobody cares about lore
posted by selfnoise at 11:36 AM on December 23, 2015
posted by selfnoise at 11:36 AM on December 23, 2015
Please disable your ad blocker.
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:37 AM on December 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:37 AM on December 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
The applause when we first reconnect with Harrison Ford, a 900-year-old wisecracking man
He's not that old. It is nice to see him with a bit more life in him after seeing him mumble unenthusiastically through Indy 4, though.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:37 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
He's not that old. It is nice to see him with a bit more life in him after seeing him mumble unenthusiastically through Indy 4, though.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:37 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
There are some trenchant observations in here. Like, in all seriousness, where the fuck physically is anything in this movie in relation to anything else in this movie? I want to believe that the filmmakers bothered to have a working mental model of this at least on the level of "planets usually orbit stars, and stars are usually quite a ways from one another", but the text doesn't exactly present much evidence of any such model.
On the other hand. I am getting somewhat past "diminishingly enamored" and into "outright pretty fatigued" with internet cleverness as dominant prose style.
posted by brennen at 11:38 AM on December 23, 2015
On the other hand. I am getting somewhat past "diminishingly enamored" and into "outright pretty fatigued" with internet cleverness as dominant prose style.
posted by brennen at 11:38 AM on December 23, 2015
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posted by jeffamaphone at 11:14 AM on December 23, 2015