Dr. Shark Bird vs. Rusty Justice
March 15, 2016 12:48 PM   Subscribe

The 2016 Name of the Year bracket is here! Who will succeed 2015 winner Amanda Miranda Panda as the 2016 Name of the Year? (Previously.) Will it be Taco Pope? Oozi Cats? Lt. Sharlene Sprinkle-Huff? The Key & Peele-worthy Shuntayvious Primes-Willes? Could the final match place Dick Tips against Sweet Orefice? Place your bets now!

The Name of the Year committee notes: "All names included here are, to the best of our knowledge, real. No malice is intended." No malice is usually taken, though it's not unheard-of for NOTY to remove a name from the bracket at its owner's request. It helps that the competition's anonymous organizers are clearly personally delighted by every single name, and the tone is one of celebration rather than mockery. (They do acknowledge that some names are only "funny" to American ears.)

A selection of past NOTY winners:

2014 Shamus Beaglehole
2011 Taco B.M. Monster
2010 Nohjay Nimpson
2007 Vanilla Dong
2006 Princess Nocandy
2004 Jerome Fruithandler
2002 Miracle Wanzo
1999 Licentious Beastie (INVALIDATED 2006; Runner-up: Dick Surprise)
1997 Courage Shabalala
1996 Honka Monka
1994 Mummenschontz Bitterbeetle (INVALIDATED 2006; Runner-up: Scientific Mapp)
1993 Crescent Dragonwagon
1992 Excellent Raymond
1992 Assumption Bulltron (Name of the Decade)
1991 Doby Chrotchtangle
1985 Godfrey Sithole
posted by babelfish (52 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
The Name of the Year committee notes: "All names included here are, to the best of our knowledge, real. No malice is intended."

Yet American Baby Names Are Somehow Getting Even Worse (Deadspin, 2012) doesn't sound quite so celebratory. (I clicked that particular related link because I know a little boy named Banjo, who will hopefully get a(n imaginary) friend named Kazooie. Or he'll just go by Jo(e) and pretend like his parents didn't wish him ill-fortunes and mockery forever.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:56 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've got a special fondness for 2009's Barkevious Mingo, because that particular name ended up inspiring Daniel Radcliffe in his choice of Fantasy Football team name.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:58 PM on March 15, 2016 [3 favorites]


(Though I dearly love the name Goodluck Jonathan, who is the former president of Nigeria)
posted by filthy light thief at 12:59 PM on March 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


Yet American Baby Names Are Somehow Getting Even Worse (Deadspin, 2012) doesn't sound quite so celebratory.

Deadspin didn't, and doesn't, make the bracket. They just have a post about it. The bracket is done by nameoftheyear.com, while that particular Deadspin post was written by Drew Magary.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 1:03 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Winners all, surely.

But in a more accurate way, Chizu Shimizu Buckalew is the winner, or should be.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:03 PM on March 15, 2016 [4 favorites]


Yeah, for whatever reason nameoftheyear.com hasn't posted the bracket yet, and I was excited, hence the Deadspin link.
posted by babelfish at 1:04 PM on March 15, 2016


Chizu Shimizu Buckalew is definitely a culture drone name.

That being said, I'm putting down $100 on Rusty Justice.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 1:05 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


The name "Princess Nocandy" reminds me that I should never, ever, ever be involved in the naming of a child, due to how I'd likely give in to the temptation to give that child the middle name Bubblegum.

whatever, Bonnibel Bubblegum Buick would be a great name.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:09 PM on March 15, 2016 [8 favorites]


Yeah let's do this. Dick Tips to win, Taco Pope to place.
posted by phunniemee at 1:15 PM on March 15, 2016 [4 favorites]


As someone born at the end of the 1960s and named "Jim", I think I speak for the other seven billion guys my age who are also named Jim when I say that I am all in favor of parents branching out and naming their kids whatever the hell they want. Within reason.

My son, Courtesy Flush Bondcliff, might not agree.
posted by bondcliff at 1:20 PM on March 15, 2016 [14 favorites]


"Goldman Sachs High Value Investor and Private Banking, this is Vanilla Dong. How may I help you?"
posted by lstanley at 1:20 PM on March 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


Yeah, it's a pretty good bracket I guess. But nothing, NOTHING, will ever top the Glory Year of 2011. That was the year of Taco B.M. Monster, of Mercedes Bunz, of Solo Alone, of Monsterville Horton IV. It was the year that Judy Graham Swallows and Shalom Dreampeace Compost could only barely sneak in as 15th seeds. It was truly the greatest sporting event of our time.

Now get off my lawn, Duffy McSwiggin
posted by saturday_morning at 1:22 PM on March 15, 2016 [10 favorites]


Dick Advocaat should win this every year.
posted by biffa at 1:25 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


I am slightly bummed that 2015 didn't see Infinite Grover take the crown. If ever there needed to be a memefication of a name, it is definitely INFINITE GROVER.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 1:26 PM on March 15, 2016 [10 favorites]


Dick Advocaat should win this every year.

I disagree, because it should go to actual urologist Dr. Dick Chopp
posted by saturday_morning at 1:28 PM on March 15, 2016


I don't know why, but the one that is still making me laugh is Burm Snart. Potential Cinderella run?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:37 PM on March 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


No one will ever make up a more unlikely name than Nojay Nimpson.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:40 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


Yeah let's do this. Dick Tips to win, Taco Pope to place.

Final Four:
Jasmine Albuquerque-Crossaint
Dick Tips
Dr. Shark Bird
Mighty Fine

Dr. Shark Bird is your 2016 NOTY
posted by Rock Steady at 1:43 PM on March 15, 2016 [3 favorites]


I love that Saint Schwing and Snookie Catholique face each other in the first heat. Jasmine Squirrel's name reminds me that I always thought Rocket J. Squirrel was a beaver based on how she's drawn; ignorant about flying squirrels, I thought that her first name was a nickname born of her special talent. I reasoned that her last name was just chance, kind of like somebody might be named Cooper without, you know, actually making barrels for a living. She looks like a beaver. Really.
posted by carmicha at 1:48 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


Final four: Furious Carney Vs. Dick Tips---> Dick Tips
Taco Pope Vs. Sweet Orefice---> Sweet Orefice

Dick Tips Vs. Sweet Orefice ---> Sweet Orefice,
because "Dick is abundant and low value"
posted by Chrischris at 1:49 PM on March 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


Tiny LaVonda.
posted by Paul Slade at 1:51 PM on March 15, 2016


When my wife was pregnant, we were at this party one time and someone asked me if we'd thought about names. I said "well if its a boy I was thinking 'Optimus Prime'". I was joking but one of the hosts really liked the idea. His son now has Optimus as a middle name.
posted by Hoopo at 1:53 PM on March 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


I'm actually quite sad to see Rusty Justice going up against Dr. Shark Bird in the first round... the good doc will take it, but Rusty deserves better, dammit.
posted by saturday_morning at 1:53 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


Weird. One of these people has my uncommon but not unheard of first name but, I dare say, an inferior last name. After realizing that, some of these don't seem so remarkable. Tre McKitty? Peola Smith-Smith? Amethyst Valentino?
posted by cmoj at 1:54 PM on March 15, 2016


I'm actually quite sad to see Rusty Justice going up against Dr. Shark Bird in the first round... the good doc will take it, but Rusty deserves better, dammit.

Yeah that's a really hard pick those are two of the best.

I'm more into "I wish I had that name" than "I'd hate to be that guy" and I'd definitely be happy to be named "Rusty Justice."

Though "Burm Snart" also makes me giggle, and I would not like to be named "Burm Snart."
posted by atoxyl at 2:23 PM on March 15, 2016 [3 favorites]


Crescent Dragonwagon has some nice recipes.
posted by feckless at 2:29 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I love the idea of the hyphenated last name "Smith-Smith" because of everything implied by it
posted by DoctorFedora at 2:33 PM on March 15, 2016 [18 favorites]


i'm really rooting for Daystar Smallboy
posted by burgerrr at 2:44 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


I KNOW that I shouldn't laugh -- heck, my own first name is a modal verb and my surname is a mystery to all -- but every year I snerk and snort over this list.

Truly, American names are a land of contrasts...glorious contrasts!
posted by wenestvedt at 3:35 PM on March 15, 2016


I have a friend whose first name is a very common female first name that also happens to be a fairly common last name. She married a man with that last name. She took his name when they got married. I love that she did that--perhaps the best reason for taking one's husband's name I've ever encountered.
posted by soren_lorensen at 3:43 PM on March 15, 2016 [4 favorites]


I must be getting old. If you told me this was last year's Coachella lineup, I would totally believe you.
posted by subliminable at 4:37 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


I love the idea of the hyphenated last name "Smith-Smith" because of everything implied by it

Yeah I didn't quite get that one at first but wait what?
posted by atoxyl at 4:51 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I always thought Rocket J. Squirrel was a beaver based on how she's drawn

Incidentally I'm pretty sure Rocky is supposed to be male - but of course he's voiced by June Foray.
posted by atoxyl at 5:01 PM on March 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


I love the idea of the hyphenated last name "Smith-Smith" because of everything implied by it

Someone had to forge the first smith.
posted by sebastienbailard at 6:05 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Dick Advocaat should win this every year.

I disagree, because it should go to actual urologist Dr. Dick Chopp


It should be a constitutional right that every patient visiting the urologist is provided with a Dick Advocate.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:20 PM on March 15, 2016


My money is on Furious Carney as the only name to make laughing sounds come from my face.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 6:32 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Incidentally I'm pretty sure Rocky is supposed to be male...

Mind blown.
posted by carmicha at 6:53 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm pulling for Cosmo Bjorkenheim.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:22 PM on March 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


BURM SNART 2016 #feeltheburm
posted by valrus at 7:27 PM on March 15, 2016 [9 favorites]


Final Four:
Onno Hoes vs Dick Tips: Dick Tips
Rusty Justice vs Showander Descarte: Rusty Justice

Dick Tips vs Rusty Justice: YOUR 2016 NAME OF THE YEAR: RUSTY JUSTICE
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 8:59 PM on March 15, 2016


As a cycling fan, I was really pulling for Rigoberto Uran Uran, but his second round was against Dick Tips. Sorry Rigo.
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 9:00 PM on March 15, 2016


Howdy Goudey.

Does Goudey rhyme with Howdy, or does Goudey rhyme with Doody?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:54 PM on March 15, 2016


Aww, man. I forgot this thing existed, so I didn't get my submission in before the deadline. There is a realtor who works near me, whose name is prominently displayed on several "For Sale" signs around the neighborhood. I really, really hope he (she?) works with waterfront property.
posted by Mayor West at 6:35 AM on March 16, 2016 [4 favorites]


Has Wisconsin fire-chief Les McBurney been in one of these yet? Do the rules account for job related humor in naming?
posted by idiopath at 12:46 PM on March 16, 2016


Not trying to stalk anybody too much - this was just absolutely cursory googling - but I was curious:

Oozi Cats is a CEO who makes $4 million a year!
Onno Hoes is a Dutch politician!
Taco B.M. Monster is a Dutch medical researcher!
Shark Bird is physician in Florida!
Nohjay Nimpson was "discovered" as a track star, but she now has an MPH and seems to be in the early phases of a career in health administration.
Rusty Justice - appears to be the name of a few people on Facebook but I'm guessing the submitted one is a startup founder.

So don't let a funny name hold you back!
posted by atoxyl at 12:51 PM on March 16, 2016 [2 favorites]


Also I'm not the first person to point this out but Dutch often seems oddly- especially when spoken - like a parallel-universe version of English.
posted by atoxyl at 12:54 PM on March 16, 2016 [1 favorite]


Hey, Tokyo Sexwale (the 2001 winner) has had a pretty impressive political career as well. (Even though his name isn't as funny when you pronounce it properly.)
posted by McCoy Pauley at 12:58 PM on March 16, 2016


Burm Snart is... an old dude who likes to play table tennis? There are a few Snarts out there.
posted by atoxyl at 1:01 PM on March 16, 2016


Hey, Tokyo Sexwale (the 2001 winner) has had a pretty impressive political career as well. (Even though his name isn't as funny when you pronounce it properly.)

Huh I knew who he was but I didn't know that"Tokyo" is actually nickname anyway.
posted by atoxyl at 1:03 PM on March 16, 2016


Once they start posting the matchups at nameoftheyear.com, they generally explain who each of the "naminees" are in real life. I'd say over the years they have been 40% college or minor league athletes, 40% small-time criminals, 20% other.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:21 PM on March 16, 2016 [1 favorite]


Jasmine Albuquerque-Croissant


I don’t know how I missed that one. Winner.

The scene was an ambitious "ephemeral performance piece" by Santa Monica artist Lita Albuquerque and supported by the Laguna Art Museum….Right before sunset, Albuquerque's daughter, Jasmine Albuquerque-Croissant, walked down ceremoniously from the museum, dressed in a long flowing red dress…


ROGER! I should have known.
posted by bongo_x at 10:55 AM on March 20, 2016


Looking at some of the old brackets to amuse myself this afternoon, and I've got to say, 2011 was a hell of a year. Won by the certainly deserving Taco B. M. Monster, other worthy names that year included Draco Slaughter, Stonegarden Grindlife, Vernon Lee Bad Marriage Jr. and Monsterville Horton IV - and that's just in the Dragonwagon Regional!
posted by Rock Steady at 2:19 PM on March 21, 2016


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