Greatest Living Americans Bracket
March 17, 2016 10:29 AM   Subscribe

"America is home to more than 100 people. These are the 64 greatest and most important. We did not forget anyone. Fill out the bracket, hit Submit, and find out how correct you are."
posted by KathrynT (102 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
They wrong. The final is clearly Tay Tay vs. Beyoncé. I'd have given it to them if either one of them won, but seriously?

And Wambach goes on but Carli Lloyd, Destroyer of Worlds doesn't?

I cannot believe anything with Jon Bois' name on it would be this wrong.
posted by eriko at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


Just as I suggested we remove Attenborough from the David Bracket, to provide some level of competition, I'd recommend that RBG be removed from this one, for the same reason. I mean, come on.
posted by The Nutmeg of Consolation at 10:38 AM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


What the hell with these first round matchups? Ronda Rousey v. Ruth Bader Ginsburg? Amy Poehler v. Erykah Badu?
posted by sparklemotion at 10:39 AM on March 17, 2016 [10 favorites]


Nice. And Caityln Jenner is on the list because fuck you haters.
posted by charred husk at 10:39 AM on March 17, 2016


How the hell am I supposed to choose between Aretha Franklin and Beyonce?!
posted by KathrynT at 10:40 AM on March 17, 2016 [26 favorites]


Nothing feels truer to the very best strains in the American cultural DNA than ranking people in terms of how relatively important they are. Can't wait to see where my kids fall on the list--oh, hey, wait... I swear, they're real!
posted by saulgoodman at 10:41 AM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


How the hell am I supposed to choose between Aretha Franklin and Beyonce?!

Dude, Aretha. No contest.

I still don't see how they went with Michelle Obama rather than RBG.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:42 AM on March 17, 2016 [37 favorites]


Three of them were UConn basketball players. I'll allow it.
posted by kurumi at 10:43 AM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


How the hell am I supposed to choose between Aretha Franklin and Beyonce?!

Choose Aretha. Easy peasy.
posted by el io at 10:49 AM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


If Aretha is not in the Final Four, this is a reality in which I do not choose to reside.
posted by delfin at 10:51 AM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Came to say what EmpressC did. More generally, RBG out in the first round? Horseshit.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 10:52 AM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


Ronda Rousey v. Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

It's obviously a cage match, bare knuckle, no holds barred argument on equal rights. I'd put my money on Ginsburg.
posted by nubs at 10:52 AM on March 17, 2016 [6 favorites]


I love you, Jon Bois.

I love you so much.

I'd say I want to be your bff, but I want to be Mallory Ortberg's bff more and I can't have more than one bff.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 10:52 AM on March 17, 2016 [7 favorites]


Ronda might be good coming out of the gate, but RBG has stamina. And she's wily.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 10:55 AM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


I question the premise.
posted by Naberius at 10:55 AM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


I did SO much better on this one than I did on the Daves. Also, a frisson of delight that it is an all-ladies bracket, and yet specifically goes without mentioning that fact.
posted by redsparkler at 10:56 AM on March 17, 2016 [18 favorites]


Michelle Obama made it to my final four, but I had Aretha taking it all too. Sorry Jon, you are wrong.
posted by yhbc at 10:57 AM on March 17, 2016


I going with Merle.
posted by clavdivs at 10:58 AM on March 17, 2016


I call shenanigans. Aretha Franklin vs Ruth Bader Ginsberg is the only plausible final match.
posted by ardgedee at 10:58 AM on March 17, 2016 [24 favorites]


I don't see how the final could have been anything but Beyonce-Meryl with Beyonce taking the prize.
posted by maryr at 10:59 AM on March 17, 2016


Wow. My winner, Dolly Parton, was their runner-up. I'm okay with Michelle Obama being the eventual winner...Dolly would probably be the most gracious runner-up in March Madness history.
posted by Elly Vortex at 10:59 AM on March 17, 2016 [15 favorites]


I had a hard time re: Rousey/RBG and Aretha/Beyonce as well. In the end, I listened to my heart. But Ms. Obama was the only possible final choice here.

Also, a frisson of delight that it is an all-ladies bracket, and yet specifically goes without mentioning that fact.

I had to triple-check the names just to be sure, and it was great. "Kevin Durant's Mother" was a pretty sweet pre-troll to the probably inevitable "why aren't there dudes" backlash.
posted by middleclasstool at 11:00 AM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


My end match was Beyonce v Michelle Obama.

My justification for getting Beyonce past Aretha was that she could reach farther because she was able to stand on the shoulders of giants.
posted by politikitty at 11:01 AM on March 17, 2016 [9 favorites]


How the hell am I supposed to choose between Aretha Franklin and Beyonce?!

Without Aretha, is there a Beyonce?
posted by Etrigan at 11:03 AM on March 17, 2016 [8 favorites]


as soon as i saw dolly parton was an option i just clicked her all the way through to the finals because obviously she is the winner
posted by burgerrr at 11:04 AM on March 17, 2016 [14 favorites]


So, is this like the Final Four equivalent of the Super Bowl Activity Pack?
posted by leotrotsky at 11:04 AM on March 17, 2016


Totes Bullshit Bois

I had the Juggernaut that is Aretha Franklin taking out Oprah in the Finals but that shit was close.

Tay-Tay and Michelle Obama and RBG were seriously kicking some major ass in my brackets.

Maybe Bois should stick to wacky Madden hijinx and leave the important stuff to others ;)
posted by vuron at 11:06 AM on March 17, 2016


As Suzanne Vega once said, there is no winning in fighting with girls -- there is only pain.

And who knows about pain more than Oprah?
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:10 AM on March 17, 2016


Rigged.

Clearly biased to "pop culture" instead of lasting importance.

Beyonce does not have as much importance as Arianna huffington
Aretha Franklin has had years and years more importance than Beyonce
Aretha has more importance than Dolly
Melinda gates clearly has more importance Mia Hamm
Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sonia Sotomayor are both more important Americans than Serena Williams or Toni Morrison.

My final four were: Aretha, Faye Dunaway, Melinda Gates, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg with RGB taking the crown for the best options.
posted by Hasteur at 11:17 AM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


I was under the impression that Cher's Twitter account is the greatest living American.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:18 AM on March 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


Janelle Monae is not represented.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
posted by ursus_comiter at 11:21 AM on March 17, 2016 [25 favorites]


Ruth Bader Ginsburg would eat Michelle Obama alive. Like, for serious. This is a dang travesty. Ronda Rousey, while an impressive fighter, is uh, just a pile of muscles and tactics. (Which I suppose shows the degree of distain in which I hold ultimate fighting, but still.) Seriously, I am angered.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:25 AM on March 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


I am shocked that a professional bowler made the bracket.

Can anyone name the professional bowler in question?
posted by slogger at 11:27 AM on March 17, 2016


Can anyone name the professional bowler in question?

Well, duh. How do you think RBG paid for law school?
posted by Etrigan at 11:29 AM on March 17, 2016 [11 favorites]


First, this i a great tool and I hope that someone does this great UI as a tool for everyone, if it doesn't already exist.

Second:
Your winner: Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Your score: 47/192
posted by Theta States at 11:30 AM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


Like ThetaStates, I want this technology -- clicking through a bracket like this is an interesting way to make decisions. I want the ability to populate a bracket from other sets of available data (song titles from iTunes, etc) or by manual input, so that I can quickly sort through multiple options. What song do I really want to hear? What part of my filthy house should I clean now? Where do I want to go on vacation? Which restaurant do I want to try next? Etc.
posted by cubby at 11:32 AM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


OMG they have Rousey beating RBG in round 1 and I am ready to flip tables.
posted by Theta States at 11:34 AM on March 17, 2016 [17 favorites]


I dunno, the Grace Jones and Erykah Badu matchup was agonizing to decide.
posted by Snowden at 11:38 AM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


I cannot and will not choose between Dolly Parton & Doris Burke. They are both the greatest.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:39 AM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


Thrilled about the inclusion of Simone Biles. She doesn't deserve to go far in this particular tournament, but if you don't know who she is now, you'll know her after the Olympics this summer.

(I should do my first FPP on her...)
posted by timestep at 11:43 AM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


RBG was robbed
posted by Thorzdad at 11:44 AM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


I don't know who a lot of these people are. If they turn out to be entertainers that doesn't bother me, but I have a bad feeling I *should* know some of the others.
posted by JanetLand at 11:50 AM on March 17, 2016


Test is wrong. Ruth Bader Ginsburg wins, hands down.
posted by Mental Wimp at 11:52 AM on March 17, 2016 [7 favorites]


Parton was never going to get past Aretha. Oprah on for me, but looking at round 1, the Jennifer faceoff says Lopez over Lawrence, which is unconscionable.
posted by biffa at 11:53 AM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


RBG didn't even get out the first fuckin' round? SHENANIGANS.
posted by dirtdirt at 11:55 AM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


I ended up with Aretha Franklin vs Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I picked Aretha because RBG has never sent chills up my spine merely with the power of her voice.
posted by wabbittwax at 11:55 AM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


I, too, ended up with Aretha vs RBG. Clearly the only correct answer.
posted by librarina at 11:59 AM on March 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


I guess that's one way to prove you're crazy wrong about both RBG and Aretha. You did a bad job, Jon Bois.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:00 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


I don't know who a lot of these people are. If they turn out to be entertainers that doesn't bother me, but I have a bad feeling I *should* know some of the others.

They are mostly athletes and entertainers. To give you a sense of how seriously you might want to take these rankings, their follow-up to this bracket was one for Kitchen Equipment.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:09 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


To give you a sense of how seriously you might want to take these rankings, their follow-up to this bracket was one for Kitchen Equipment.

What I learned today is that Jon Bois and Spencer Hall should stick to their day jobs of reviewing/reporting sportsball teams and stay the hell away from ranking living americans/kitchen utinsels as they have some nailbiters in the first round that indicates a failure of bracket seeding and illogical arguments
posted by Hasteur at 12:17 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


oooh that Kitchen Equipment Bracket was great! I picked Sauce Pot for the winner, they picked Chef's Knife.
posted by maggiemaggie at 12:17 PM on March 17, 2016


!!! how did cast iron skillet or rice cooker not win the kitchen equipment bracket, this is insane
posted by burgerrr at 12:18 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


My brackets were heavily weighted toward the Supremes.
posted by janey47 at 12:18 PM on March 17, 2016 [6 favorites]


Oh god the kitchen essentials bracket is crushing me far more. I'm like 3 selections in and paralyzed already.
posted by Theta States at 12:20 PM on March 17, 2016


Beyonce does not have as much importance as Arianna huffington

Cite?
posted by Lyme Drop at 12:21 PM on March 17, 2016 [8 favorites]


I gotta say, I was meh about the David bracket, but I'm surprisingly emotionally invested in this one. So many tough choices and so many ridiculous winners. Erykah Badou over Amy Poehler? No. Jennifer Lopez over Lawrence? NO. Beyonce over Aretha? Mmm - tough one. I picked Aretha, but I can live with it. Ronda Rousey over RBG? OK, now it's ON. WTF?? My final 4 were Aretha, Amy Poehler, Oprah and RBG.
posted by widdershins at 12:22 PM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


Beyonce does not have as much importance as Arianna huffington

Cite?


Beyonce produces new content (on average) every 2 months or so. Arianna Huffington launched the concept of investigative blogging and created a absolutely enormous platform that produces new content daily.
posted by Hasteur at 12:24 PM on March 17, 2016


I hate myself for having chosen tongs over silicone spatula. I'm a horrible person. Please make this stop.
posted by Theta States at 12:24 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Your score: 93/192

I had the final right, but my final four was way off. I didn't pick the winner, but it wouldn't have mattered who came out of the other bracket. I wasn't going to pick against Dolly.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:25 PM on March 17, 2016


I'm sorry, there is no way that Aretha doesn't go all the way!

I ended up with RBG vs Serena Williams which was way harder than I imagine.
posted by TwoStride at 12:29 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


I love you MetaFilter. I also had RBG over Aretha in the finals.
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 12:38 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


See, the thing is, not only does Aretha beat Beyonce (though it's close), but even if Beyonce sneaks by, they think she could take Alice Walker, which just proves them to be the Skip Bayliss and Stephen A. Smith of Greatest American picking.

Whoever seeded this into a round 2 matchup between Michelle Obama and Missy Elliot is a cruel parody of a person.

Rhonda Rousey over RBG. I just. I don't. I suddenly have an unwelcome sympathy for people who send death threats via Twitter.

Spencer Hall, I expect a solemn editorial mea culpa by the end of the day. Rousey over RBG. What the shit.
posted by Errant at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


Amy Pohler but no Tina Fey?!?
... quickly looks to see if Fey is Canadian.
posted by a complicated history at 12:51 PM on March 17, 2016


And I had Aretha beating RBG in the finals.
posted by a complicated history at 12:54 PM on March 17, 2016


I'm surprised to see lots of other pop-culture icons but not Madonna? Did they forget that she's American?

If you're going by hugeness of media empire/ platform then I think Oprah has to be in the final four.
posted by nakedmolerats at 12:57 PM on March 17, 2016


Tough matchups, valid concerns with the Selection Committee's methodology and/or sanity, Greatest Americans out of contention way earlier than expected...

Yes, this is a good approximation of March Madness.
posted by carsonb at 12:58 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Oprah's problem is that she's on a collision course with the buzzsaw that is Michelle Obama. Bad luck, Oprah. Maybe next year, change your name to Aoprah.
posted by Errant at 12:59 PM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


Whoever seeded this into a round 2 matchup between Michelle Obama and Missy Elliot is a cruel parody of a person.

This would be the case under any circumstances, but it feels especially cruel in light of yesterday's photo.
posted by karayel at 1:16 PM on March 17, 2016 [7 favorites]


Well, they obviously had to make it living people so that Bowie wouldn't win again.

and before you make the obvious point, yes he was, because "Young Americans." So there.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:17 PM on March 17, 2016


My brackets were heavily weighted toward the Supremes.

No that's Diana Ross
posted by atoxyl at 1:29 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Erykah Badou over Amy Poehler?

Every time, and I like Amy Poehler.
posted by atoxyl at 1:30 PM on March 17, 2016


RBG had the misfortune of running into Serena "Greatest of All Time" Williams. A sad day for American jurisprudence/bracketology.

Also, Beyonce over Aretha is a bad choice, and Jon Bois should feel bad.

I have strong opinions about this bracket.
posted by enjoymoreradio at 1:31 PM on March 17, 2016


The main things I learned here are that musicians matter a lot to me - well, on the left side, on the other side I picked a lotta Justices to make up for not feeling like a serious person. And I'm into Faye Dunaway in a way that the Internet sadly is not.
posted by atoxyl at 1:33 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


The only true winner in this bracket is Ruth Bader Ginsgurg. Had she not existed, many of the spaces in this bracket could be blank, because the women whose names are in there now might never have had access to the opportunity to enrich the rest of our lives with their awesome talents.
posted by sallybrown at 1:42 PM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


(But Aretha over RBG is defensible because Aretha.)

(The only acceptable final 2 is clearly Aretha vs RBG. Although in 20 years Michelle Obama could be ruling the planet, so we'll revisit that.)
posted by sallybrown at 1:51 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


There's the same ratio of "who's that?" on this bracket for me as there was with the Daves. All I'm saying is Kim Gordon is final four material in my world.
posted by Hoopo at 1:52 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


Ginsburg / Iron Skillet 2016

Or were these two ladders not the semifinals?
posted by zippy at 2:13 PM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


I'm trying to remember if Jon Bois is a science fiction nerd, because if you think this was ugly then imagine the first round match-up of Jean-Luc Picard vs. Doctor Who.

I mean, I'd give it to Picard, but I wouldn't be happy about it.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:22 PM on March 17, 2016


Based on the way the brackets are laid out, seems more likely to be Jean-Luc Picard vs. Jean Grey, which may not ameliorate the dilemma.
posted by Errant at 2:25 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


Nice. And Caityln Jenner is on the list because fuck you haters.

The appropriate thing should have been Jenner being put up against Laverne Cox in the first round, where Cox would hands-down. Because many of the things that make Jenner noteworthy are easily and thoroughly undermined by her politics and priorities.
posted by evilangela at 2:26 PM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


And Caityln Jenner is on the list because fuck you haters.

I'd like to think she's on there because Olympic decathlete, but maybe also because someone has to be to the right of Megyn Kelly.
posted by psoas at 2:27 PM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


Also, can we give Temple Grandin a bye? 'Cause I feel like setting her up against Tay Tay right off the bat is a thousand kinds of unfair.
posted by psoas at 2:29 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Alice Walker against Grace Jones. Missy Elliott against Michelle Obama. Meryl Streep against Mia Hamm right out of the gate. This is inhumane.
posted by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on March 17, 2016


RBG didn't even get out the first fuckin' round? SHENANIGANS.

Agreed. But also?

Meryl Streep didn't even get out the first fuckin' round? SHENANIGANS.
posted by Night_owl at 2:37 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Oh, also, I like the sneaky "these are the greatest Americans" without mentioning what else they have in common.
posted by Night_owl at 2:38 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Where's Hillary Clinton?
posted by foobaz at 2:43 PM on March 17, 2016 [3 favorites]


Where's Hillary Clinton?

She's in the NIT.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:53 PM on March 17, 2016 [5 favorites]


I had Ruth Bader Ginsburg beating Beyonce in the final, but heck it was tough from the quarter finals onwards.

What surprised me (Englishman, living in England most of the time) is that I knew nearly all of participants. Not sure I could say the same about a similar 64 for England.
posted by Wordshore at 3:18 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


I love that the header image is all men and the actual bracket is all women. I also love that I didn't actually notice it was all women until I looked at it three times.
posted by valrus at 4:55 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


I gave Grace Jones #1 and managed to get 57/192.
posted by oceanjesse at 5:14 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Need more interactive bracket games. Help?
posted by Night_owl at 6:10 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


I have a weird thing for Supreme Court Justices.
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:44 PM on March 17, 2016


Checked thread to confirm I was not the only one who picked RBG as the winner.

All is well.
posted by duffell at 6:45 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


My final four: Dolly Parton, Elana Kagan, Meryl Streep, Toni Morrison.

Came down to: Dolly Parton and Toni Morrison.

Winner: Toni Morrison.

Fight me.
posted by jscalzi at 6:50 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


Final Four: Dolly Parton, Grace Jones, Michelle Obama, and Temple Grandin.

Methodology seems legit.
posted by northernish at 7:16 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


Do you feel embarrassed when you accidentally say stuff like that out loud?
posted by KathrynT at 8:03 PM on March 17, 2016


Do you feel embarrassed when you accidentally say stuff like that out loud?

Do you mean me? I'm not embarrassed to admit that I have lots of things I've yet to learn about. Although having Googled the names I didn't know, with one exception they were all pop musicians from the last decade or athletes, which are two fields I know virtually nil about and am unlikely to start trying to follow at this late date.

But the exception was Joan Didion, who actually sounds like a really cool person and whose books I am going to try to check out from the library. So I appreciate you posting this and letting me find out about her. :)
posted by pattern juggler at 8:57 PM on March 17, 2016


Thanks for reminding me. *puts on "Lady Soul"*
posted by Lyme Drop at 10:02 PM on March 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


I had an amusing time mentally pitting RBG against Serena Williams. First I tried it on the tennis courts and then I tried it in the judicial courts. Both good matches, would watch again A+++.
posted by like_neon at 2:26 AM on March 18, 2016 [2 favorites]


Um how can this be a list of the greatest living AMERICANS (nothing else specified???!) if there arent a very significant GROUP that appears to be totally UNrepresented?

I mean obviously Pets. Or would that be unfair like slipping some NBA teams into march madness?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:32 AM on March 18, 2016 [1 favorite]


I came down to Aretha, Faye Dunaway (the weakest division), Oprah, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Seems to me that most often when Michelle and her husband are mentioned, his name comes first, whereas Oprah never comes in second to anybody. (Except, in my bracket semi-finals, to RBG.)

p.s. In the real world, the only one of these names that’s going to be included on top of a bracket at the end of the month is Breanna Stewart.
posted by LeLiLo at 11:29 AM on March 18, 2016 [2 favorites]


I had Melinda Gates and Ruth Bader Ginsburg in my final four with MG taking the crown.
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 5:32 PM on March 19, 2016 [1 favorite]


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