Go to bed, sheeple, it's late!
March 28, 2016 12:20 PM Subscribe
This is a false flag to distract us from the real, far reaching Oreo Conspiracy.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:34 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:34 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
Katy Perry actually being a grown up JonBenet Ramsey I think my brain broke.
posted by synthetik at 12:37 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by synthetik at 12:37 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Cadbury's Creme Eggs?
Don't give a shit if they're a bit smaller. I do give a shit that a US enormocorp is now making them out of terrible dog-treat US chocolate as opposed to Dairy Milk.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 12:39 PM on March 28, 2016 [14 favorites]
Don't give a shit if they're a bit smaller. I do give a shit that a US enormocorp is now making them out of terrible dog-treat US chocolate as opposed to Dairy Milk.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 12:39 PM on March 28, 2016 [14 favorites]
Extremely disappointed Oliver didn't dig into the actual real conspiracy: Cadbury eggs are getting smaller (in the US).
That's not a conspiracy. That's the hand of a loving God.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:39 PM on March 28, 2016 [8 favorites]
That's not a conspiracy. That's the hand of a loving God.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:39 PM on March 28, 2016 [8 favorites]
Don't give a shit if they're a bit smaller. I do give a shit that a US enormocorp is now making them out of terrible dog-treat US chocolate as opposed to Dairy Milk.
I wish UK folk would stop going on about Dairy Milk. It's a travesty. I grew up eating it and, honestly, UK chocolate is just horrifically greasy. Yeah, it's more palatable that US chocolate, but then so is cardboard and disappointment.
posted by Emma May Smith at 12:44 PM on March 28, 2016 [44 favorites]
I wish UK folk would stop going on about Dairy Milk. It's a travesty. I grew up eating it and, honestly, UK chocolate is just horrifically greasy. Yeah, it's more palatable that US chocolate, but then so is cardboard and disappointment.
posted by Emma May Smith at 12:44 PM on March 28, 2016 [44 favorites]
Make fun of realists all you want but is it a coincidence that the timestamp of this fpp literally is: March 28, 2016 21:20.
OMFG.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:47 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
OMFG.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:47 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Huh, and I thought it would be about the HFCS.
Cadbury's Creme Eggs have too many conspiracies.
posted by YAMWAK at 12:53 PM on March 28, 2016
Cadbury's Creme Eggs have too many conspiracies.
posted by YAMWAK at 12:53 PM on March 28, 2016
Hey! Disappointment is quite tasty if consumed along with ice cream.
sigh
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:54 PM on March 28, 2016 [7 favorites]
sigh
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:54 PM on March 28, 2016 [7 favorites]
Make fun of realists all you want but is it a coincidence that the timestamp of this fpp literally is: March 28, 2016 21:20.
That's nothing. Look at the number. In October 1582, the Gregorian Calendar was implemented, in a plot of the Vatican to confuse people everywhere.
CIVILIZATION STILL HASN'T RECOVERED, SHEEPLE. YOU ARE CONFUSED BY FACTS BECAUSE THE VATICAN WANTS YOU TO QUESTION THEM.
posted by lmfsilva at 12:56 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
That's nothing. Look at the number. In October 1582, the Gregorian Calendar was implemented, in a plot of the Vatican to confuse people everywhere.
CIVILIZATION STILL HASN'T RECOVERED, SHEEPLE. YOU ARE CONFUSED BY FACTS BECAUSE THE VATICAN WANTS YOU TO QUESTION THEM.
posted by lmfsilva at 12:56 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
I can only bring myself to eat a Creme Egg every few years. The popping mini eggs however were my favourite thing about Easter. So naturally Cadbury's doesn't sell them in Canada anymore.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:56 PM on March 28, 2016
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:56 PM on March 28, 2016
Mini Eggs are the best. You couldn't get me to eat a Creme Egg on a dare.
posted by tommasz at 1:01 PM on March 28, 2016 [10 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 1:01 PM on March 28, 2016 [10 favorites]
So I'm taking a little work break to have a treat and check out MeFi. I bite into a Cadbury Caramel Egg just as the page refreshes and then I freeze for just a minute in place. I'm not saying that it's a conspiracy but...
That video was pretty great and he's not wrong about the taste. I do like the Caramel Eggs alright though.
That Katy Perry JonBenet video though. Yikes. I just couldn't follow that and I was really trying.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 1:02 PM on March 28, 2016
That video was pretty great and he's not wrong about the taste. I do like the Caramel Eggs alright though.
That Katy Perry JonBenet video though. Yikes. I just couldn't follow that and I was really trying.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 1:02 PM on March 28, 2016
Wretch729: "Cadbury eggs are getting smaller (in the US)."
Ryan from The Office blew the lid of off this eight years ago.
posted by mhum at 1:07 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
Ryan from The Office blew the lid of off this eight years ago.
posted by mhum at 1:07 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
Make fun of realists all you want but is it a coincidence that the timestamp of this fpp literally is: March 28, 2016 21:20.
You laugh, but sitting here waiting for the exact second to click "Post" while hoping it's not going to be a double was even more stressful than my initiation.
posted by numaner at 1:15 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
You laugh, but sitting here waiting for the exact second to click "Post" while hoping it's not going to be a double was even more stressful than my initiation.
posted by numaner at 1:15 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Disappointment is quite tasty if consumed along with ice cream
Speaking of disappointment, Cadbury makes a creme egg ice cream, but apparently it is not sold in the US.
posted by Panjandrum at 1:22 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Speaking of disappointment, Cadbury makes a creme egg ice cream, but apparently it is not sold in the US.
posted by Panjandrum at 1:22 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
not as funny as Pitch Perfect 237
Youtube Pitch Perfect 237
posted by mary8nne at 1:31 PM on March 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
Youtube Pitch Perfect 237
posted by mary8nne at 1:31 PM on March 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
OK, look, Creme Eggs were decent for a number of years, but once they started making the center (centre) out of frosting rather than goo, everything went to hell in a handbasket. They were never a well-advised concept, but now they're simply horrible.
posted by aramaic at 1:37 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by aramaic at 1:37 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Eh, I know this is supposed to be silly, but turning a little girl's brutal murder into an internet meme is just gross.
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 2:24 PM on March 28, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 2:24 PM on March 28, 2016 [9 favorites]
Pretty much all Easter candy is disgusting. Third-rate chocolate in disturbing not-quite-right molded shapes, whatever the hell Peeps are made of, these Cadbury abominations, malted milk eggs that taste like freeze-dried, dust-flavored ice cream. I used to include jellybeans, but then Jelly Belly and Jolly Ranchers came along and now make surprisingly good ones. So I'll eat those. The jellybeans I got as a kid were disgusting, as were those vaguely egg-shaped, marshallow-paste things that they don't seem to make anymore, that tasted like chemical death even when I was five.
If you don't mind Hershey chocolate, they offer Easter versions of their standards, but I do mind them, so that doesn't help me any.
Also everyone uses shredded coconut dyed green for "grass" to decorate Easter desserts so that means I skip them.
Overall, Easter is the holiday least likely to make me overeat, so I guess I'm happy about that, but still sad that such terrible candy is in the world being given to children.
posted by emjaybee at 2:49 PM on March 28, 2016 [6 favorites]
If you don't mind Hershey chocolate, they offer Easter versions of their standards, but I do mind them, so that doesn't help me any.
Also everyone uses shredded coconut dyed green for "grass" to decorate Easter desserts so that means I skip them.
Overall, Easter is the holiday least likely to make me overeat, so I guess I'm happy about that, but still sad that such terrible candy is in the world being given to children.
posted by emjaybee at 2:49 PM on March 28, 2016 [6 favorites]
Y'all haters corny with that Illuminati mess.
posted by Deoridhe at 2:52 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Deoridhe at 2:52 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
UK chocolate is just horrifically greasy
I like Dairy Milk. It's sweet and full of fat. Doesn't smell of sick. That's enough for me. Not a huge fan of most posh chocolate. Either it tastes bitter, too much of vanilla. I do like the Lindor balls though. They're really sweet and fatty.
In short: I like sugar and fat.
posted by howfar at 2:56 PM on March 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
I like Dairy Milk. It's sweet and full of fat. Doesn't smell of sick. That's enough for me. Not a huge fan of most posh chocolate. Either it tastes bitter, too much of vanilla. I do like the Lindor balls though. They're really sweet and fatty.
In short: I like sugar and fat.
posted by howfar at 2:56 PM on March 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
Milk chocolate is its own thing. It can be done well.
posted by werkzeuger at 3:01 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by werkzeuger at 3:01 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
Well, yes. But I actually think Dairy Milk is fine and preferable to a lot of high priced milk chocolate which is often flavoured too strongly with vanilla and has too high a melting point for my preference.
posted by howfar at 3:06 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by howfar at 3:06 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:21 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Best Easter chocolate was coconut cream eggs. I got one every year. Agree that Cadbury eggs are no longer any good., and I now prefer dark chocolate.
posted by mermayd at 3:25 PM on March 28, 2016
posted by mermayd at 3:25 PM on March 28, 2016
not as funny as Pitch Perfect 237
I'll be right back. I have scrape my brain off my iPad.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:28 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'll be right back. I have scrape my brain off my iPad.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:28 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
Well, yes. But I actually think Dairy Milk is fine and preferable to a lot of high priced milk chocolate which is often flavoured too strongly with vanilla and has too high a melting point for my preference.
Absolutely agree, and loads better than the chocolate now in the Creme Eggs.
posted by werkzeuger at 3:43 PM on March 28, 2016
Absolutely agree, and loads better than the chocolate now in the Creme Eggs.
posted by werkzeuger at 3:43 PM on March 28, 2016
In short: I like sugar and fat.
Well, y'know. Everything but sugar, fat, and salt is an "acquired taste."
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:10 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Well, y'know. Everything but sugar, fat, and salt is an "acquired taste."
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:10 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
As a former resident of Birmingham, England, the home of Cadburys and someone who has taken the incredibly trippy Cadbury factory tour I'd just like to point out that there was very real Cadbury conspiracy that involved covering up 30+ positive tests for salmonella and shipping contaminated product and poisoning enough people that they were caught by epidemiologists tracing hospitalized salmonella patients all over England.
I believe they paid a fine but not a single executive was punished by the law.
posted by srboisvert at 4:14 PM on March 28, 2016 [8 favorites]
I believe they paid a fine but not a single executive was punished by the law.
posted by srboisvert at 4:14 PM on March 28, 2016 [8 favorites]
"Pretty much all Easter candy is disgusting. Third-rate chocolate in disturbing not-quite-right molded shapes..."
Clearly you have never tried a Lindt Gold Bunny.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:16 PM on March 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
Clearly you have never tried a Lindt Gold Bunny.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:16 PM on March 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
What did the chocolate bunny say to his psychiatrist? "I feel so hollow."
posted by jadepearl at 4:42 PM on March 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by jadepearl at 4:42 PM on March 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
I bought some all-white Cadbury Mini Eggs thinking they were just white on the outside. No sir, they were not. They were horrible, terrible, no good, dastardly white chocolate. I gave about half of them to my niece, who is 3 and doesn't care. I've slowly been eating them because literally no-one else will, all the time thinking "I wish this was real chocolate".
posted by fiercekitten at 4:56 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by fiercekitten at 4:56 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
I had a creme egg recently. Apparently it's been changed and is a crime against nature now, but the effect on me was identical to what it always had been - a few minutes of headspinning mania followed by a prolonged sugar coma - so I'm not sure what the problem is.
It's essentially an extreme sugar delivery system.
posted by Grangousier at 5:19 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
It's essentially an extreme sugar delivery system.
posted by Grangousier at 5:19 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
Re: the 2006 salmonella contamination (at the time of the trials where a total of £1 million in fines was levied, so well after any risk of further infections): A total of 42 people fell ill and three had to receive hospital treatment. You can probably let go of that resentment now, srboisvert. It was bad management, but it strikes me as people hoping problems will go away rather than any actual callous intent. If you want to call Bournville heartless, there's always the entire cacao supply chain.
But yeah, Mondelēz standard cocoa mix is a noticeably poorer chocolate shell than Dairy Milk (and also, not Fairtrade certified).
posted by ambrosen at 5:49 PM on March 28, 2016
But yeah, Mondelēz standard cocoa mix is a noticeably poorer chocolate shell than Dairy Milk (and also, not Fairtrade certified).
posted by ambrosen at 5:49 PM on March 28, 2016
The name change bit made me laugh. I could have given the Last Week Tonight writing room some fodder for their conspiracy theory.
In nineteenth century Britain, there was a sort of chocolate cartel that arose among the -- wait for it -- Quakers. Fry's, Cadbury, and Rowntree were all companies founded by Quakers of the same name. Elizabeth Fry, the famous prison reformer, married into the Fry family.
I'd love to see John Oliver's writers try to turn the name change into some kind of Quaker conspiracy.
For the record, I have never once eaten a Cadbury's creme egg, though I am fond of chocolate. They don't exactly look appetizing.
posted by orange swan at 5:53 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
In nineteenth century Britain, there was a sort of chocolate cartel that arose among the -- wait for it -- Quakers. Fry's, Cadbury, and Rowntree were all companies founded by Quakers of the same name. Elizabeth Fry, the famous prison reformer, married into the Fry family.
I'd love to see John Oliver's writers try to turn the name change into some kind of Quaker conspiracy.
For the record, I have never once eaten a Cadbury's creme egg, though I am fond of chocolate. They don't exactly look appetizing.
posted by orange swan at 5:53 PM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
Anyone getting all chocolate-hipster in an Easter candy thread is my foe for life. I live for mini eggs. In America Cadbury chocolate was on the top of the chocolate pantheon, with that Palmer shit at the very bottom. Easter candy is a trick to pull off right, and mini eggs just have the right amount of shell and that bad ass dairy milk chocolate. I know Hershey's is Satan's ass sweat or whatever hyperbolic shit people say, but it represents the middle of the road for so many poor and middle class kids and honestly I've seen a lot of stupid candy hate lately that seems to miss the point that our connections to these things are rooted in class and what was available, but when better options are available many kids figure it out. Carry on, lulz
posted by aydeejones at 5:58 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by aydeejones at 5:58 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
Amen to horrid jelly beans being super horrid though, some things are truly offensively chemically terrible but there's still gonna be someone who thinks it's awesome and that's ok. I made fun of those foil covered fake juice bottles poor kids drank when I was a kid because we were slightly less poor and my mom knew kool aid was a better bet. With horrid jelly beans there were a couple flavors that weren't unpalatable entirely (vanilla?) but Starburst and jelly belly beans are a revelation compared to that freakishly opaque sugar shellac death. Ultimately the lesson is kids are suckers for cheap shit unless they have access to better shit, and snobbery is turtles all the way down
posted by aydeejones at 6:02 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by aydeejones at 6:02 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
For the record, I was the kid that ate all those weird black and grey jelly beans. The ones that looked like concrete on the inside.
Still am. Now, fork 'em over; I know the rest of you are avoiding those like the plague.
posted by spinifex23 at 6:08 PM on March 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
Still am. Now, fork 'em over; I know the rest of you are avoiding those like the plague.
posted by spinifex23 at 6:08 PM on March 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
Oh for fucking Christ's sake, am I literally the only person here who's sat on a Cadbury Egg for three weeks until it hatched? Do you people really not know what animal lays Cadbury eggs?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:15 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:15 PM on March 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
I've slowly been eating them because literally no-one else will, all the time thinking "I wish this was real chocolate".
Once you go dark, you never go back.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:42 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Once you go dark, you never go back.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:42 PM on March 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
plus, all those fnords...
posted by mollymillions at 9:20 PM on March 28, 2016
posted by mollymillions at 9:20 PM on March 28, 2016
You can probably let go of that resentment now, srboisvert. It was bad management, but it strikes me as people hoping problems will go away rather than any actual callous intent.
Thirty positive tests for salmonella. THIRTY.
That isn't bad management.
That's attempted murder and they are damn lucky, and luck it certainly was, that nobody's death was linked to it.
It isn't resentment. It's astonishment.
posted by srboisvert at 5:34 AM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Thirty positive tests for salmonella. THIRTY.
That isn't bad management.
That's attempted murder and they are damn lucky, and luck it certainly was, that nobody's death was linked to it.
It isn't resentment. It's astonishment.
posted by srboisvert at 5:34 AM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
What I admit to liking that everyone thought was disgusting, those orange things shaped like peanuts that taste vaguely like bananas. Peeps and jelly beans were only to look at and play with, even as a kid they tasted awful. My husband to this day loves Mounds bars.
posted by mermayd at 5:36 AM on March 29, 2016
posted by mermayd at 5:36 AM on March 29, 2016
Eh, I know this is supposed to be silly, but turning a little girl's brutal murder into an internet meme is just gross.
I always found people's fascination with the case to be disturbing and I find that's mostly what's being ridiculed with the meme. Likewise, this piece isn't entirely mocking Creme Eggs (justifiable as that is) and more about the conspiracy culture in general. It could just as easily been about Elvis, aliens, small pox vaccinations, or that weird little eye wiggle that Kevin Spacey does that no one ever talks about and still delivered the same message.
posted by dances with hamsters at 8:31 AM on March 29, 2016
I always found people's fascination with the case to be disturbing and I find that's mostly what's being ridiculed with the meme. Likewise, this piece isn't entirely mocking Creme Eggs (justifiable as that is) and more about the conspiracy culture in general. It could just as easily been about Elvis, aliens, small pox vaccinations, or that weird little eye wiggle that Kevin Spacey does that no one ever talks about and still delivered the same message.
posted by dances with hamsters at 8:31 AM on March 29, 2016
The best part is there is now a YouTube conspiracy video about John Oliver's YouTube conspiracy video. You'll find it in the related videos in the sidebar. It's SIX TIMES as long as the original video. No, I didn't watch the whole thing.
posted by chrominance at 3:22 PM on March 29, 2016
posted by chrominance at 3:22 PM on March 29, 2016
No, the best part is that it's literally impossible to tell if a conspiracy video is a parody of conspiracy videos
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:11 PM on March 29, 2016
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:11 PM on March 29, 2016
Do you people really not know what animal lays Cadbury eggs?
Oh great, another site I have to check the url for before I click on the link. (fun note: the annoying pop-up that wants you to like their fb page says "Do you think Hillary Clinton should be in PRISON?? Like us on Facebook!")
* sanitizes browser history *
.....
I feel like I just fell for a conspiracy trap involving my browser.
* sanitizes computer, eyes, and possibly life *
posted by numaner at 2:25 PM on March 30, 2016
Oh great, another site I have to check the url for before I click on the link. (fun note: the annoying pop-up that wants you to like their fb page says "Do you think Hillary Clinton should be in PRISON?? Like us on Facebook!")
* sanitizes browser history *
.....
I feel like I just fell for a conspiracy trap involving my browser.
* sanitizes computer, eyes, and possibly life *
posted by numaner at 2:25 PM on March 30, 2016
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posted by Wretch729 at 12:31 PM on March 28, 2016 [5 favorites]