Buckle up Bonehead. 'Cause you're goin' for a ride!

April 3, 2016 5:15 PM

100 Greatest Movie One-Liners Before the Kill (slv)(NSFW)
posted by octothorpe (52 comments total)

If this doesn't include "I now pronounce you man and knife" then what is the point?
posted by destro at 5:40 PM on April 3, 2016 [7 favorites]

Silent Night Deadly Night 2! One of my favorite movies. And Commando! Robocop! Con Air! Cobra! This is basically my entire movie library. I have good taste.
posted by Peccable at 5:48 PM on April 3, 2016 [7 favorites]

An impressive mix... "Casper"?!? You don't see Eric Idle killed off very often (and not as impressively; one of the few things the Pythons didn't excel at).

Somebody needs to quantify this... how many shot, how many blowed up good, how many cut in two (or more) pieces, how many die in a fire, how many fall (and of those, how many do we see the landing)? I'm not gonna do it, but somebody should.
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:07 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

How many variations on the Wilhelm scream?
posted by iotic at 6:12 PM on April 3, 2016

Commando is basically 90 minutes of this already. Schwarzenegger made such an industry of the one liner before the kill that they should make him compete in his own category — his here barely scratch the surface, and yet most of the others pale by comparison.

Let off some steam, Bennett.
posted by mubba at 6:15 PM on April 3, 2016 [10 favorites]

Somebody needs to quantify this...

Fine.

One pass, and hard to break down sometimes, especially since they don't always show the actual kill (the movies sometimes only implied it themselves.)

Vehicle 6
Shot 26
Explosion 20
Stabbed 9
I have no idea 2
Fall 16
Parachute related 2
Projectile/Rocket (non explosive) 3
Airlocked 1
Heat vision or similar super power 4
Dismembered 3
Crushed 3
Punch? 1
Head butt 1
Switched off 1
Burned (non explosive) 1
Nose twist (part of the count?) 1
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:44 PM on April 3, 2016 [3 favorites]

Yeah Schwarzenegger and Bruckheimer pretty much need to be excluded because they dominate too much of the list.

Oddly enough most of the Eastwood one liners seem really underpar.
posted by vuron at 6:50 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

...no Total Recall?
posted by I-baLL at 6:53 PM on April 3, 2016

Die, bad robots, die!

With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero!
posted by Earthtopus at 6:54 PM on April 3, 2016 [5 favorites]

It seems the rule was specifically lines you say before killing someone, not after, so that excludes, "Consider that a divorce," "Let off some steam," and a few other good lines.
posted by RobotHero at 6:58 PM on April 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

Ice to see you!
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 7:05 PM on April 3, 2016 [6 favorites]

"Garbage day!" really is preposterously memorable.
posted by maxsparber at 7:16 PM on April 3, 2016 [3 favorites]

There wasn't much repetition of the one liners, but there was a lot of repetition in the killings.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:20 PM on April 3, 2016

It seems the rule was specifically lines you say before killing someone, not after, so that excludes, "Consider that a divorce," "Let off some steam," and a few other good lines.

See you at the party, Richter!
posted by knuckle tattoos at 7:27 PM on April 3, 2016 [5 favorites]

This was preposterously enjoyable.
posted by chinston at 7:34 PM on April 3, 2016

Glad to see "Not my daughter, you BITCH!" in the mix. That was a fist-pumper in the theater.
posted by Ber at 7:35 PM on April 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

I am way more fond of I Come in Peace than I probably should be, but Dolph Lundgren firing an alien handgun you can level a city block with never gets old.

Also I was hoping Commando would be well represented, was not disappointed.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 7:59 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Let off some steam, Bennett.

I can't believe that wasn't in the list, and even though Schwarzenneger was 20% of this already, he could have filled it with one movie.
posted by Peccable at 8:12 PM on April 3, 2016

Glad to see "Not my daughter, you BITCH!" in the mix.

For me it was "I am no man!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:25 PM on April 3, 2016 [6 favorites]

They left off when Ripley killed the Alien.
posted by Oyéah at 8:56 PM on April 3, 2016

While the Evil-Dead franchise was well-represented I feel that "yo, she-bitch, let's go" also deserves a mention.

Also "I'll show you the life of the mind! (Heil Hitler)"

And I guess it doesn't count if the victim is the one that delivers the one-liner, but what about, "now go get your fuckin' shine-box"?
posted by wabbittwax at 9:49 PM on April 3, 2016

To Live and Die in L.A.:

Eric 'Rick' Masters: A 19th Century Cameroon, yes? Your taste is in your ass. [shoots Waxman in the face]
posted by Auden at 10:05 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

...no Total Recall?
I wondered why Arnold's infamous "divorce" line wasn't included until I saw that he said it AFTER he shot.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:11 PM on April 3, 2016

honestly, I hate this whole tangent of our culture. There's only one thing to say to someone that you're about to kill, be they good, bad or ugly:

"Sorry, but it was bound to happen eventually."
posted by philip-random at 10:38 PM on April 3, 2016

honestly, I hate this whole tangent of our culture.

It's really the only part of this or any culture worth anything. Is life without Commando really life at all? In such a nightmarish world the living would envy the dead.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:05 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Is there also a cut of clumsiest one-liners before the kill someplace? This one should definitely be included: You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.
posted by sapagan at 11:19 PM on April 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Murder = comedy! Death = entertainment! Justice = killing! Execution = movie!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 11:32 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Popculture thread = killjoy! Humorless reminder of grim reality = edgy wit! Sneering = sophistication!
posted by LeRoienJaune at 1:12 AM on April 4, 2016 [13 favorites]

Anything that references the greatest movie of all time in the title has to be awesome
posted by threeze at 1:29 AM on April 4, 2016

I want to take this thread as an opportunity to mention how amazing the commentary tracks for some of these movies are.

Cobra always stands out because of how goofy it is: it's just the director more-or-less describing everything that's happening on screen for the entire movie. "OK, now we see the motorcycle riding towards us. We shot this very early in the morning. Now there's a helicopter."

I think there's a Schwarzenegger movie where he does the same thing, but I can't remember which one it is.
posted by teponaztli at 1:33 AM on April 4, 2016

Is there also a cut of clumsiest one-liners before the kill someplace? This one should definitely be included: You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

This has been linked here before, but that line wasn't delivered the way Whedon intended.
posted by A dead Quaker at 1:56 AM on April 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

It seems the rule was specifically lines you say before killing someone, not after, so that excludes, "Consider that a divorce," "Let off some steam," and a few other good lines.

Yeah, but under that rule they should still have included "Ha ha ha ha...You think this is the real Quaid? It is!" and I am peeved.
posted by A dead Quaker at 2:06 AM on April 4, 2016

Not watching the video right now since it's NSFW, but hopefully includes my favourite.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:29 AM on April 4, 2016

99 Great Movie One-Liners before the Kill plus the one about lightning and a toad.
posted by biffa at 4:25 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

A dead Quaker: "This has been linked here before, but that line wasn't delivered the way Whedon intended."

I find it hard to imagine a line reading that wouldn't be terrible.
posted by octothorpe at 4:36 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

I am way more fond of I Come in Peace than I probably should be, but Dolph Lundgren firing an alien handgun you can level a city block with never gets old.

If you liked this there's a chance you have also watched Michael Biehn in "Time Bomb" which is a criminally good Avi Nesher action film from the early 1990s. My taste in late 80s and early 90s action films is impeccable and I recommend it wholeheartedly. It may or may not be available in it's entirety on the You Tubes alongside Excessive Force, The Perfect Weapon, Death Machine and holy crap who wants to watch really bad action movies on FanFare?
posted by longbaugh at 6:30 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

I've also just found Brandon Lee in "Rapid Fire" and "Showdown in Little Tokyo" OMG my viewing is sorted for the week.
posted by longbaugh at 6:33 AM on April 4, 2016

You don't see Eric Idle killed off very often (and not as impressively; one of the few things the Pythons didn't excel at).

You seem to have forgotten the "self-defense against fruit instructor" sketch.
posted by Billiken at 7:29 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't know if it's true or not but I hope it is.
The original line from the first X men movie with Halle Berry as Storm was written:

"You know what happens to a toad when it gets hit by lightning? It croaks"

But apparently the line was rejected by the studio as too jokey for the moment, which is a damn shame imho.
posted by Faintdreams at 8:41 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

You don't see Eric Idle killed off very often

Perhaps he knew How Not To Be Seen
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:53 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

You don't see Eric Idle killed off very often

But I didn't eat the salmon mousse!
posted by briank at 10:10 AM on April 4, 2016

Stone Cold, awesome. Surely Brian Bosworth's finest role.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:14 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

EmpressCallipygos: "For me it was "I am no man!""

Aaargh, that always bothered because it is *so* much lamer than the book dialogue. But I usually feel that way about LOTR.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:20 AM on April 4, 2016

What percentage of these films feature Lance Henrikson?
posted by longbaugh at 10:38 AM on April 4, 2016

I wish the Rocket Man bit was more concise. It always struck me as incredibly cumbersome.
posted by ckape at 10:49 AM on April 4, 2016

Well, Cage is supposed to be a geek who's not really cut out for this shit, so you might expect something fumbly.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:52 AM on April 4, 2016

> a Schwarzenegger movie where he does the same thing

I believe it was Conan the Barbarian (although I wouldn't doubt Schwarzenegger has repeated it in other films) but it's essentially Arny and the director (?) commenting about the movie ("Yeah, I remember banging her real good...") and becoming increasingly more inebriated as the film progressed.
posted by porpoise at 12:32 PM on April 4, 2016

"This is from Matilda."

Still love that movie.

"Deserve's got nothing to do with it."

And that one.
posted by teleri025 at 2:04 PM on April 4, 2016

Not an action movie sorta guy, but did I miss "To be or not to be? Not to be." in there? Always liked that one.
posted by Devonian at 2:43 PM on April 4, 2016

Victims, aren't we all
posted by churl at 5:28 PM on April 4, 2016

I take issue with the Die Hard choice. The better line, which does indeed involve and precede a kill, is "take this under advisement, jerkweed." Perhaps they felt it required too much setup.

I also take issue with the lack of any lines from Big Trouble in Little China.

"Deserve's got nothing to do with it."
And that one.

Lots of great bits about the subject in that movie. "Recon he had it coming" "Recon we all do."
posted by phearlez at 7:43 AM on April 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

David Webb Peoples should have written more movies.
posted by octothorpe at 8:29 AM on April 5, 2016