You're in charge, pal. Just look at the size of your commemorative knife
April 8, 2016 8:46 AM Subscribe
Commemorative championship bullshit is a cottage industry that's latched onto sports both professional and amateur, not unlike a remora on the bottom of a shark. Only this remora wants to sell you a team-branded divot tool and adjustable baseball cap made of Chinese newspaper shreds: Which Alabama Commemorative Championship Knife Are You?
It would be an honour to be stabbed in a bar fight with any of those knives!
Crimson Tide indeed.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:00 AM on April 8, 2016 [3 favorites]
Crimson Tide indeed.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:00 AM on April 8, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm more of a commemorative multitool kind of guy. Sadly, it seems like your only option in this area is Dale Earnhardt.
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:02 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:02 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
The writing reminds me of James Lileks and any opportunity to revisit the Gallery of Regrettable Food is a happy one.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:03 AM on April 8, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by munchingzombie at 9:03 AM on April 8, 2016 [5 favorites]
Somewhere in my parent's house is a commemorative bottle of Coke from the 1982 Carolina NCAA title, complete with Coke inside. My grandmother bought it, kept it, gave it to me, I'll probably give it to my kid, it's the dumbest thing but I love it.
The collection of commemorative Pepsi bottles from Richard Petty's retirement will probably get tossed, though.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:12 AM on April 8, 2016 [4 favorites]
The collection of commemorative Pepsi bottles from Richard Petty's retirement will probably get tossed, though.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:12 AM on April 8, 2016 [4 favorites]
In 2003 I went with some friends to the Fiesta Bowl, driving from Ohio. After the game, one of our group insisted on buying championship gear right then and there. The other four of us didn't especially want more Ohio State junk. When we insisted on doing anything else, he broke out in tears that we weren't true Ohio State fans. Our friend spent a solid hour in a cash register line for the privilege to drop $150 (that he couldn't afford) on a poorly made Ohio State 2003 National Champions Track Suit, that he proceeded to wear for the next three months, and didn't stop wearing until a couple weeks after the crotch had blown out.
If there wasn't a market for this junk, I'd surmise they would have stopped years ago.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:14 AM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]
If there wasn't a market for this junk, I'd surmise they would have stopped years ago.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:14 AM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]
Except for the Ka-Bar style hunting knife, Those are W.R. Case slipjoint knives. They're very nice knives. Before GEC got into the game a few years back, Case was the last maker of high-quality traditional slipjoint knife patterns. The ones on display here are "Trapper pattern" and "Peanut pattern."
Just as some men wear watches or carry fine pens, some men carry elegant pocket knives when they want to dress up, or just collect them to look at.
These are pretty high-quality knives, except the very first one is not from Case, but Ocoee River, which makes junk knives in traditional patterns. (I had their Outdoorsman "elephant's toenail pattern", and the liners were bent out of the box and the blade chipped after a year of moderate use. Looked pretty, tho.) The non-commemoration model is twenty bucks or so on Amazon, where the Case will be $45 or so for the Trapper, and $30 for the Peanut, or more if they come with fancier scales (the part of the knife on the handle) like antler or abalone shell for instance.
I can't really hate on these - I can think of dumber collectibles to buy. Don't imagine they're going to be worth anything down the line, but if someone you know likes pocket knives and Alabama football, they'll appreciate the Case knives as a gift.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:14 AM on April 8, 2016 [16 favorites]
Just as some men wear watches or carry fine pens, some men carry elegant pocket knives when they want to dress up, or just collect them to look at.
These are pretty high-quality knives, except the very first one is not from Case, but Ocoee River, which makes junk knives in traditional patterns. (I had their Outdoorsman "elephant's toenail pattern", and the liners were bent out of the box and the blade chipped after a year of moderate use. Looked pretty, tho.) The non-commemoration model is twenty bucks or so on Amazon, where the Case will be $45 or so for the Trapper, and $30 for the Peanut, or more if they come with fancier scales (the part of the knife on the handle) like antler or abalone shell for instance.
I can't really hate on these - I can think of dumber collectibles to buy. Don't imagine they're going to be worth anything down the line, but if someone you know likes pocket knives and Alabama football, they'll appreciate the Case knives as a gift.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:14 AM on April 8, 2016 [16 favorites]
Somewhere in my parent's house is a commemorative bottle of Coke from the 1982 Carolina NCAA title
What is it about commemorative Coke bottles? I have one from the Atlanta Olympics. Why did I buy it? Why do I still have it? I didn't visit Atlanta in 1996! I got it in '98! I got it from the Coke museum in Atlanta, so at least some part of that isn't weird. Though I also have a commemorative Coke bottle from the Coke thing in Las Vegas. WHY. I don't even drink soda! Coca-Cola toxoplasmosis???
posted by everybody had matching towels at 9:30 AM on April 8, 2016 [4 favorites]
What is it about commemorative Coke bottles? I have one from the Atlanta Olympics. Why did I buy it? Why do I still have it? I didn't visit Atlanta in 1996! I got it in '98! I got it from the Coke museum in Atlanta, so at least some part of that isn't weird. Though I also have a commemorative Coke bottle from the Coke thing in Las Vegas. WHY. I don't even drink soda! Coca-Cola toxoplasmosis???
posted by everybody had matching towels at 9:30 AM on April 8, 2016 [4 favorites]
It would be an honour to be stabbed in a bar fight with any of those knives!
Don't joke. UA grad and let me tell ya, folks round Tuscaloosa parts don't play, nor did they back in the day certainly.
And yes, I'm with Slap*Happy in that there are much dumber collectibles out there (I mean Coke bottles, with beverage still in them amirite?) and that Case, at least as far as I knew, used to make really decent and functional pocket knives. Insofar as any of this subset are Case knives I'd expect them to perform perfectly well in their stabby, cutty, foldy capacities.
Anyway, we did the World of Coke tour here in Atlanta here with MsEld's parents when they specifically requested it and the tour was very adamant in that the cokes they were giving out in the lobby on the way 'ARE NOT YOUR COLLECTIBLE BOTTLE [that you can only get here in this place on the Earth, ever], PLEASE DRINK THIS, YOUR COLLECTIBLE BOTTLE IS AVAILABLE AT THE EXIT, NEXT TOUR IN... blah blah". People are serious about those 'collectible' Coke bottles.
We drank ours, with semi-decent whiskey, within the week and recycled the glass. More benefit than most folks will get out of theirs I bet.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:40 AM on April 8, 2016
Don't joke. UA grad and let me tell ya, folks round Tuscaloosa parts don't play, nor did they back in the day certainly.
And yes, I'm with Slap*Happy in that there are much dumber collectibles out there (I mean Coke bottles, with beverage still in them amirite?) and that Case, at least as far as I knew, used to make really decent and functional pocket knives. Insofar as any of this subset are Case knives I'd expect them to perform perfectly well in their stabby, cutty, foldy capacities.
Anyway, we did the World of Coke tour here in Atlanta here with MsEld's parents when they specifically requested it and the tour was very adamant in that the cokes they were giving out in the lobby on the way 'ARE NOT YOUR COLLECTIBLE BOTTLE [that you can only get here in this place on the Earth, ever], PLEASE DRINK THIS, YOUR COLLECTIBLE BOTTLE IS AVAILABLE AT THE EXIT, NEXT TOUR IN... blah blah". People are serious about those 'collectible' Coke bottles.
We drank ours, with semi-decent whiskey, within the week and recycled the glass. More benefit than most folks will get out of theirs I bet.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:40 AM on April 8, 2016
Oh and Case Sodbusters are the best. This southern gentleman has spoken.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:43 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:43 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
The only thing that stops a bad guy with an Alabama Championship Commemorative Knife is a good guy with an Alabama Championship Commemorative Knife.
or an Auburn Championship Commemorative Knife, obviously
posted by Naberius at 9:49 AM on April 8, 2016 [3 favorites]
or an Auburn Championship Commemorative Knife, obviously
posted by Naberius at 9:49 AM on April 8, 2016 [3 favorites]
The only thing that stops a bad guy with an Alabama Championship Commemorative Knife is a good guy with ... ... an Auburn Championship Commemorative Knife, obviously
If history is any indicator this is only true roughly 43% of the time.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:54 AM on April 8, 2016 [7 favorites]
If history is any indicator this is only true roughly 43% of the time.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:54 AM on April 8, 2016 [7 favorites]
That's better odds than you'll get in a busy Wal-Mart!
posted by Naberius at 9:55 AM on April 8, 2016
posted by Naberius at 9:55 AM on April 8, 2016
and any opportunity to revisit the Gallery of Regrettable Food is a happy one
Ah, the halcyon days! Before... the madness set in.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:56 AM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]
Ah, the halcyon days! Before... the madness set in.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:56 AM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]
That's better odds than you'll get in a busy Wal-Mart!
Wal-Mart you say? *sigh* Yea, yea... We went there.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:58 AM on April 8, 2016
Ahem. Remoras actually benefit their hosts, as they feed on parasites and debris.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:00 AM on April 8, 2016
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:00 AM on April 8, 2016
Lampreys are the parasitic "attached fish-creatures" you are looking for...
posted by Windopaene at 10:15 AM on April 8, 2016
posted by Windopaene at 10:15 AM on April 8, 2016
I'm more of a commemorative multitool kind of guy. Sadly, it seems like your only option in this area is Dale Earnhardt.
If there was a list of commemorative things with only one option, I think Dale Earnhardt would have the most. (I say this as an owner of a Dale Earnhardt "3" Latch Hook Kit 13" X 13" which a friend bought me years ago as a joke that even I don't quite get but warms my heart anyway.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:20 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
If there was a list of commemorative things with only one option, I think Dale Earnhardt would have the most. (I say this as an owner of a Dale Earnhardt "3" Latch Hook Kit 13" X 13" which a friend bought me years ago as a joke that even I don't quite get but warms my heart anyway.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:20 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
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