“...the urgent need to intervene well before violence happens,”
April 9, 2016 3:58 PM Subscribe
A Familiar Pattern in a Spouse’s Final Act by Benjamin Mueller, Ashley Southall and Al Baker [The New York Times] After years of violence, Nadia Saavedra finally told her husband to leave their
Bronx home. Soon after, the police say, he returned to kill her and then himself. [WARNING: Article contains descriptions of physical violence, domestic abuse, assault, homicide.]
Because at heart, we're just fine with letting men kill women any ol' time they want, probably without any consequences.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:27 AM on April 10, 2016 [10 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:27 AM on April 10, 2016 [10 favorites]
This is mostly very good, but some of the phrasing sounds a lot like the abuse-as-a-mutual-problem thinking that I would hope we're moving away from. We learn that their "tumultuous marriage had turned murderous" and hear the abuse euphemistically described as "their discord." Also, we're told that "people without jobs are more likely to abuse their partners, counselors say, in part because they lose their stake in following social norms." Perhaps asserting control over your human property is a social norm, one that's followed as a form of compensation for failing to live up to standards of masculinity in another area?
Finally, there's the end of the piece, which describes the contents of the killer's suicide note, in which he blames the victim for starting a new relationship, and the final sentence, in a paragraph by itself: "He asked Uri to take care of his sister." Um. That's very touching, but the media usually stay away from publishing suicide notes as per NIH guidelines aimed at avoiding a situation where "vulnerable...persons...find personal details in the coverage with which they may empathize." Isn't this even more imperative when the writer of the note is also a murderer justifying his act?
posted by Ralston McTodd at 10:35 AM on April 10, 2016 [7 favorites]
Finally, there's the end of the piece, which describes the contents of the killer's suicide note, in which he blames the victim for starting a new relationship, and the final sentence, in a paragraph by itself: "He asked Uri to take care of his sister." Um. That's very touching, but the media usually stay away from publishing suicide notes as per NIH guidelines aimed at avoiding a situation where "vulnerable...persons...find personal details in the coverage with which they may empathize." Isn't this even more imperative when the writer of the note is also a murderer justifying his act?
posted by Ralston McTodd at 10:35 AM on April 10, 2016 [7 favorites]
Because at heart, we're just fine with letting men kill women any ol' time they want, probably without any consequences.
I agree. I also think there's a lot of banal evil at play - this article really made me think about this recent post, and the big common thread in all those suggestions is simply that they cost money. I think a lot of people would sort of prefer women not be killed in the abstract, but not if it, you know, raised taxes. :(
This is mostly very good, but some of the phrasing sounds a lot like the abuse-as-a-mutual-problem thinking that I would hope we're moving away from.
I noticed that too. I was also not happy with uses of passive voice like this:
Finally, there's the end of the piece, which describes the contents of the killer's suicide note
Yeah. I found that deeply upsetting, personally. Like, 'tempted to write and complain' upsetting. My childhood was pretty derailed by a man like the one in the article. We were lucky enough to get away without any fatalities, but not for lack of trying on his part. You're right: nothing could be more mainstream than the notion that a man owns his wife and children, and giving air time to his final wishes was disgusting. It wasn't his place to decide what his wife did, nor was it his place to issue any final directions to his son. The only acceptable use of his words there would be to point out how fucked up he was, not to end on them.
(I don't feel I have as much room to be infuriated by that as a woman - my story is in my past, and I have the luxury of moving on from it instead of being afraid of every romantic partner in my own adult life - but I was still furious he'd be talked about with even the slightest sympathy.)
posted by mordax at 12:25 PM on April 10, 2016 [5 favorites]
I agree. I also think there's a lot of banal evil at play - this article really made me think about this recent post, and the big common thread in all those suggestions is simply that they cost money. I think a lot of people would sort of prefer women not be killed in the abstract, but not if it, you know, raised taxes. :(
This is mostly very good, but some of the phrasing sounds a lot like the abuse-as-a-mutual-problem thinking that I would hope we're moving away from.
I noticed that too. I was also not happy with uses of passive voice like this:
“Nadia Saavedra’s death underscores the urgent need to intervene well before violence happens,” said Sarah Solon, the spokeswoman for the Mayor’s Office of Criminal Justice.Like... violence didn't just 'happen.' A dangerous man chose to commit violence.
Finally, there's the end of the piece, which describes the contents of the killer's suicide note
Yeah. I found that deeply upsetting, personally. Like, 'tempted to write and complain' upsetting. My childhood was pretty derailed by a man like the one in the article. We were lucky enough to get away without any fatalities, but not for lack of trying on his part. You're right: nothing could be more mainstream than the notion that a man owns his wife and children, and giving air time to his final wishes was disgusting. It wasn't his place to decide what his wife did, nor was it his place to issue any final directions to his son. The only acceptable use of his words there would be to point out how fucked up he was, not to end on them.
(I don't feel I have as much room to be infuriated by that as a woman - my story is in my past, and I have the luxury of moving on from it instead of being afraid of every romantic partner in my own adult life - but I was still furious he'd be talked about with even the slightest sympathy.)
posted by mordax at 12:25 PM on April 10, 2016 [5 favorites]
He had been planning this for three weeks! Three weeks!
posted by domo at 9:29 AM on April 11, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by domo at 9:29 AM on April 11, 2016 [1 favorite]
Wow, I missed that. Kind of undercuts the narrative about "tumultuous marriages" and "swirls of jealousy". At least they didn't say that he was "distraught" and "just snapped".
posted by Ralston McTodd at 4:36 PM on April 11, 2016
posted by Ralston McTodd at 4:36 PM on April 11, 2016
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posted by emjaybee at 7:02 AM on April 10, 2016 [1 favorite]