Lance-level creep, just not as good at it
May 6, 2016 12:14 AM   Subscribe

 
Oh, that kind of doper.
posted by sour cream at 1:01 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm a newbie road cyclist, and my partner works in the industry. Most of our friends are road cyclists. I love (love!) riding, but I hate (haaaate) most of the culture. The Instagram stardom! The kit snobbery! The Strava feuds and the velodrome scandals. Is Melbourne's cycling scene just very dramatic, or is it like this everywhere?
posted by third word on a random page at 3:52 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


"KOM" means "King of the Mountain", since the article doesn't make this explicit at the start.
posted by ardgedee at 3:57 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Is Melbourne's cycling scene just very dramatic, or is it like this everywhere?

I wonder how much of that is due to mandatory helmet laws deterring casual cycling and keeping the act of riding a bike as a subculture of the hardcore.
posted by acb at 5:19 AM on May 6, 2016


<derail type="australian">
third word... I've been on the periphery of the road toads in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane.

The Melbourne cycling scene is insane. Narcissistic, competitive, self-centred dangerous loons are the baseline. It's a fertile ground for serious world-class athleticism at the expense of any kind of fun. Three-hour hell rides every Saturday are expected. In Brisbane, a 13-minute grind up the mountain is justification for full breakfast, extra bacon.

In Melbourne it's all about being first at any price. In Brisbane the drug of choice is the post-ride espresso.

I think it's driven by Melbourne's deep psychological regret that it isn't actually Sydney.

</derail>
posted by Combat Wombat at 6:31 AM on May 6, 2016 [4 favorites]


I wonder how much of that is due to mandatory helmet laws deterring casual cycling and keeping the act of riding a bike as a subculture of the hardcore.

Zero. RAGBRAI is a casual ride, with the vast majority of the riders not CAT-whatever, and they have to do a lottery every year because 8500 week-long slots aren't enough. Plenty of people on the local trails, again the vast majority of them non-racers, and most people wearing a helmet. It's simply a mind-set among the amateur racers that the roads exist solely for them to get a KOM and anyone or anything that gets in the way of that--stop signs, lights, traffic, less-aggro cyclists--is the enemy. And, believe me, it is not exclusive to Melbourne.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:41 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Jeez. Obsess much? Who is the Lance-level creep - the rider or the author? Did Thorfinn-Sassquatch take one of his KOMs or what?
posted by sudogeek at 7:03 AM on May 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


FTA: Still, I think too many cycling fans want to define elites as heroes or villains, and I refuse to see things in such binary terms

I think I read a different article than he thinks he wrote.
posted by paulcole at 7:38 AM on May 6, 2016


Did Thorfinn-Sassquatch take one of his KOMs or what?

OMG. I have not yet read the article but this was the name that entered my head when I read the post. I admit to comparing my Strava segments to the all-time lists (I'm consistently somewhere between the 450th and 1,237th fastest cyclist around Los Angeles, woo.) and have seen his handle everywhere. Every time I'm keeping up behind a rando on a nice bike who's making the hills around Griffith look easy I imagine it's him. I bash as hard as I can up the Widowmaker under the La Tuna Towers and still can't get anywhere CLOSE to thorfinn's 16-something mph on that segment. I just figured it was a GPS error and that time is for the reverse route. His online presence makes him look like he's training for Olympics, so I'm looking forward to diving into this article!

Thanks!
posted by carsonb at 7:39 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


I wonder how much of that is due to mandatory helmet laws...

That's ridiculous.

Cycling attracts a lot of obsessive-compulsive types who get all of their validation and self worth from the trivia associated with cycling: KOMs, equipment, etc. They're a minority, but they're irritating enough to stand out. In my very limited experience, it's not the pros, but the shoulda-coulda-woulda types who are the worst.

The absolute worst though are the CAT6ers and SS riders who draft off you until you have to slow down, then run a light or stop sign and turn off immediately, so it looks like they "won." Won what? I don't fuckin' know. I didn't even know I was racing...
posted by klanawa at 7:41 AM on May 6, 2016 [4 favorites]


....

And the title of the post makes more sense now. Eesh.
posted by carsonb at 7:55 AM on May 6, 2016


The notion that Strava is going to, in any way, vet riders is complete lunacy. I'm surprised the writer could even ask with a straight face.

Odds are you'll never get a KOM, get over it.
posted by GuyZero at 7:59 AM on May 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


Odds are you'll never get a KOM, get over it.

I had a top ten for about three weeks while working on re-opening a trail recently! Now that the trail's open all the way through I'm back down to top 500, but I know that trail like the back of my hand and can ride every switchback.
posted by carsonb at 8:02 AM on May 6, 2016


Just throw your bike in your car, drive, very slowly (but not too slowly) up whichever hill and Presto! KOM!
On the Internet, no one knows you're a car.

(Also it took me a bit of googling to get all the terminology straight so I could understand what even happened. tl/dr is: doper goes fast, is fastest on Internet fast-measuring site. Envy arises followed by unalloyed schadenfreude.)
posted by From Bklyn at 8:14 AM on May 6, 2016 [3 favorites]


Or, basically, my first two comments.
posted by carsonb at 8:17 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Cycling attracts a lot of obsessive-compulsive types who get all of their validation and self worth from the trivia associated with cycling: KOMs, equipment, etc. They're a minority, but they're irritating enough to stand out. In my very limited experience, it's not the pros, but the shoulda-coulda-woulda types who are the worst.

Are there any sports - no, wait - any ACTIVITIES - that don't?

In my experience, it's not the pros, and it's not even the shoulda-coulda-woulda types who are the worst. It's the folks a step or two below that - the pathletes, the weekend warriors (#notallpathletes obviously).

I (and many of my friends - elite amateurs, the shoulda-woulda-coulda types except we know the great distances between us and the pros) spend perhaps 15 hours a week training on the bike, month in and month out, year after year. I'm not interested in blasting through red lights, buzzing by slow, hybrid-riding folks on the rail trail enjoying the first nice day of spring. I'm on my way out to the open roads. That's where I'll rip it.
posted by entropone at 8:23 AM on May 6, 2016


I get tons of KOMs by making little segments that nobody every finds. It's a hell of a game but it works.
posted by rebent at 8:29 AM on May 6, 2016 [4 favorites]


It's a hell of a game but it works.

That's not weird and vaguely obsessive, no.
posted by GuyZero at 9:01 AM on May 6, 2016


This just reaffirms my belief that all the riders with better segments than me are pas normal. It's not lack of ability, everyone else is dirty.
posted by cmfletcher at 9:07 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Related:
Digital EPO. Upload your data and let their algorithms boost your performance. Then upload it to Strava.

You know. For novelty use only.
posted by entropone at 9:15 AM on May 6, 2016


I (and many of my friends - elite amateurs, the shoulda-woulda-coulda types except we know the great distances between us and the pros)...

Nah, when I say shoulda-coulda-woulda, I mean the ones who don't put in the work like you do. By the time I realized that I had a bit of potential and all I needed to unlock it was some hard work, I was too old, so I'm in this dubious category myself.

Are there any sports - no, wait - any ACTIVITIES - that don't?

I suppose not. Don't tangle with hardcore birders, whatever you do. Save yourself.
posted by klanawa at 9:16 AM on May 6, 2016


Digital EPO. Upload your data and let their algorithms boost your performance. Then upload it to Strava.

This just changes the timebase of samples which is trivial to detect and reject. No one has a GPS unit with a .9 Hz sample rate.
posted by GuyZero at 9:20 AM on May 6, 2016


Yeah, the hardcore scuba divers will eat you alive as well.

In the bay area there is a hard core group of riders. I think it is endemic to all human activity. I hover at the bottom of the Strava charts myself.

This Thorfinn fellow seems to be quite the character albeit flawed like most characters are. Shame about the EPO. You have to be pretty driven to cheat at a Masters event. I know that when I became eligible for Masters stuff it was a pretty clear signal that I was done and the youngsters were going to rule the earth. I did not even consider pumping myself full of drugs and doubling down on my efforts. That takes some drive.

This guy has to have more testosterone in his system than god to be screwing around with this at his age.

Well, testosterone and flexible ethics constraints.
posted by pdoege at 9:43 AM on May 6, 2016


Nah, when I say shoulda-coulda-woulda, I mean the ones who don't put in the work like you do. By the time I realized that I had a bit of potential and all I needed to unlock it was some hard work, I was too old, so I'm in this dubious category myself.

Well... same. kind of.

But yeah I just knee-jerked a bit about the perception that the racers out there are the ones treating multi-use paths like their own personal speedway... and in my experience, it's very much not true. The folks with the most time and experience generally don't try to ride the way they can in places that they shouldn't - because it's not safe (and safety matters since we/they ride all the freakin' time), and it's not fun, and it's not a good group ride or workout.
posted by entropone at 9:52 AM on May 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


I ride, but I'm not as serious as these folks. Strava says I'm on an average of 110 miles and 7+ hours a week right now, which sounds like a lot but really isn't in terms of serious cycling. Basically, I'm definitively Not Slow, but I'm not doing enough work to get truly fast.

In Houston, where I live, I don't even KNOW people crazy enough to dope like this, but they exist. Anecdotally, we're talking more about moneyed suburbanite riders, which I never see or ride with. Dentists on $10,000 Cervelos, e.g.

We have a cycling scene, and there are definitely tales from racers I know about folks who take a DNF -- or who no-show -- if they hear of testing at the end of an event. And this is Cat3/Cat2 or masters stuff, which is just bananas.

All that said, I can SEE the frustration that must lead to it from where I sit, as a 46 year old guy. I get annoyed when I feel like I'm not getting faster, but there are lots of other factors for me that are easier, cheaper, and less risky than EPO. I should ride more. I should lose 10-15 pounds. I should do more structured training instead of just riding a bunch. And I can do all those things.

For driven folks who get really deep into it, though, the frustration won't go away even after they get to 350-400 mile weeks and ideal weights and scientifically planned training. I have mixed feelings about professional doping (in any sport), when livelihoods are in play, but even with an idea of the frustration involved I'm still baffled by amateur doping with no real upside beyond bragging rights.

(And, honestly, it would be easy for Strava to just piggyback the sanctions handed down by official bodies, but is half a solution but probably better than nothing at all.)
posted by uberchet at 10:04 AM on May 6, 2016


The roads are well-maintained, The World Famous, but it's steep. The gentlest grades are consistently 8% and stuff like Whiting Woods is 11%. Climbing it is a challenge with 2.5in tires, I can only imagine what it's like on clinchers. And going down?!

Golden Saddle took a group up to Mt. Lukens (via the 2 and the fire station road) on road bikes recently, for another example.
posted by carsonb at 12:30 PM on May 6, 2016


I climb as hard as any KOM. I just do it on easier routes.
posted by GhostRider at 10:24 AM on May 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


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