Yo mama's so vast, she contains multitudes
May 30, 2016 8:22 AM Subscribe
Pull quote ALSO made me LOL
posted by bq at 8:47 AM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by bq at 8:47 AM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
I was hoping for yo mama jokes taken from literature
Villain, I have done thy mother
posted by saturday_morning at 8:50 AM on May 30, 2016 [29 favorites]
Villain, I have done thy mother
posted by saturday_morning at 8:50 AM on May 30, 2016 [29 favorites]
Your mother is a fine woman with an excellent BMI.
Yeah, I went there.
posted by Splunge at 8:51 AM on May 30, 2016 [4 favorites]
Yeah, I went there.
posted by Splunge at 8:51 AM on May 30, 2016 [4 favorites]
Yo mama's so grotesque, Gregor Samsa thought he turned into her.
posted by logicpunk at 9:55 AM on May 30, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by logicpunk at 9:55 AM on May 30, 2016 [13 favorites]
The most recent Surprisingly Awesome podcast is all about insults, janks, zingers, sick buuurns, and features a healthy dose of yo mama.
From the opening:
From the opening:
I took a picture of your mom, got it developed. When I hung it up, the nail bent.
Your mama’s so fat, when she wears yellow, people yell taxi.
Your mama’s so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs.
Your mother’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.posted by Martijn at 10:07 AM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
Came in here to post "I have done thy mother" from Titus Andronicus, but got beat to it.
Instead, I will point out that your mama's so dumb, she heard the weather was chilly and ran outside with a bowl.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:23 AM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
Instead, I will point out that your mama's so dumb, she heard the weather was chilly and ran outside with a bowl.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:23 AM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
Yo mama jokes feel weird in 2016.
posted by blue t-shirt at 10:42 AM on May 30, 2016 [12 favorites]
posted by blue t-shirt at 10:42 AM on May 30, 2016 [12 favorites]
Your mama's so fat, that when I told Tom Sawyer to go paint the fence, he accidentally painted her.
posted by Fizz at 10:43 AM on May 30, 2016
posted by Fizz at 10:43 AM on May 30, 2016
Yo mama's such a control freak, she petitioned the State of Massachusetts to make a law changing the signs over the express lanes to read "10 items or fewer".
posted by Mister Moofoo at 11:03 AM on May 30, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 11:03 AM on May 30, 2016 [8 favorites]
Wouldn't the mama be so brilig that her slithy toves would gyre and gimble all over the wabe, instead of all over town?
posted by mochapickle at 11:15 AM on May 30, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 11:15 AM on May 30, 2016 [8 favorites]
Yo mama's so dried-up, she rides to work on a sandworm.
posted by Daily Alice at 11:26 AM on May 30, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by Daily Alice at 11:26 AM on May 30, 2016 [7 favorites]
Yo mama is a fish.
posted by barrett caulk at 11:46 AM on May 30, 2016 [10 favorites]
posted by barrett caulk at 11:46 AM on May 30, 2016 [10 favorites]
Yo mama so dumb, she thinks that truly this is the best of all possible worlds.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:27 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:27 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
What's fun is just rolling with it, yes and.
"In fact, my mother is in an open relationship, and likes guys your age, I can give you her number if you're interested."
posted by idiopath at 12:59 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
"In fact, my mother is in an open relationship, and likes guys your age, I can give you her number if you're interested."
posted by idiopath at 12:59 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
Yo mama died today. Or maybe, yesterday, yo can't be sure.
posted by dannyboybell at 1:26 PM on May 30, 2016 [18 favorites]
posted by dannyboybell at 1:26 PM on May 30, 2016 [18 favorites]
I'm not a resident of a country where yo mama jokes are customary, but I remember the last time I read a yo mama joke was on usenet. Must have been the end of the nineties or somesuch.
The joke? Oh, yes. Yo mama is so fat, your father has to roll her around in flour to find the wet spot.
posted by Captain Fetid at 1:54 PM on May 30, 2016
The joke? Oh, yes. Yo mama is so fat, your father has to roll her around in flour to find the wet spot.
posted by Captain Fetid at 1:54 PM on May 30, 2016
Yo Mama's so arresting she makes Josef K scared of slander.
posted by comealongpole at 2:22 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by comealongpole at 2:22 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
Yo mama so lazy, for a long time she went to bed early.
posted by uosuaq at 2:23 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by uosuaq at 2:23 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
I got in a flame war with a friend from my literature classes a while back, so I've got a few of these at the ready:
Your mom is so fat, she was disappointed when she learned "The Iceman Cometh" wasn't about receiving a delivery from Schwan's
Your mom is so dumb she thought studying Continental Philosophy would get her free breakfast
Your mom is so fat, I can quoth her saying "Evermore" when offered dessert
Your mom is so fat, she thought The Joy of Cooking was A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Your mom is so dumb she thought À la Recherche du Temps Perdu was about trying to acquire french toast
Your mom is so fat, James Joyce named "Here Comes Everybody" after her
Your mom is so fat, Moby Dick is a roman a clef about her love life
Your mom is so dumb, she thought Judith Butler would bring her food if she shook bell hooks hard enough
Your mom is so fat, she thought Five Easy Pieces was a KFC meal
Your mom is so fat, she had nineteen brumaires of Louis Bonaparte
Your mom is so fat, she is Kierkegaard's Knight of Infinite Digestion
Your mom is so fat, she edited Tel Queso in the 60s
Your mom is so fat, the shadows in Plato's cavern are actually projected onto her
Your mom is so dumb she tried substituting jouissance for bouillabaisse
Your mom is so dumb, she wondered Immanuel Kant what
Your mom is so dumb, she thinks the Socratic Method is a metal band named after suicide
Your mom is so fat, when she sits around, she REALLY sits AROUND. Because she is the panopticon.
Your mom is so fat she's the objet GROS a
Your mom is so fat, when Lacan sketched out her psychoanalytic topography, he ended up using the Mercator projection
Your mom is so fat the only transference she achieves is transferring your food to her plate
Your mom is so ugly she broke the mirror phase
Your mom is so fat she IS the collective unconscious
Your mom is so dumb she thinks Max Horkheimer is that thing that happens when you eat so much you throw up
Your mom is so dumb she tried rubbing Jurgen Habermas all over her body to moisturize her skin
Your mom is so fat she is loving eating repeating
Your mom is so fat the Purloined Letter was actually just stuck to her loins and she didn't notice it
Your mom is so fat, she considered the lobster and then ate it
Your mom is so fat, she created eater-response theory to make chefs feed her more
Your mom is so dumb she thought she was For Whom The Bell Tolls because it was dinner time
Your mom is so fat she thought The Thin Man was a horror story and not a murder mystery
Your mom is so fat I write her name in blue
posted by phibetakafka at 2:36 PM on May 30, 2016 [16 favorites]
Your mom is so fat, she was disappointed when she learned "The Iceman Cometh" wasn't about receiving a delivery from Schwan's
Your mom is so dumb she thought studying Continental Philosophy would get her free breakfast
Your mom is so fat, I can quoth her saying "Evermore" when offered dessert
Your mom is so fat, she thought The Joy of Cooking was A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Your mom is so dumb she thought À la Recherche du Temps Perdu was about trying to acquire french toast
Your mom is so fat, James Joyce named "Here Comes Everybody" after her
Your mom is so fat, Moby Dick is a roman a clef about her love life
Your mom is so dumb, she thought Judith Butler would bring her food if she shook bell hooks hard enough
Your mom is so fat, she thought Five Easy Pieces was a KFC meal
Your mom is so fat, she had nineteen brumaires of Louis Bonaparte
Your mom is so fat, she is Kierkegaard's Knight of Infinite Digestion
Your mom is so fat, she edited Tel Queso in the 60s
Your mom is so fat, the shadows in Plato's cavern are actually projected onto her
Your mom is so dumb she tried substituting jouissance for bouillabaisse
Your mom is so dumb, she wondered Immanuel Kant what
Your mom is so dumb, she thinks the Socratic Method is a metal band named after suicide
Your mom is so fat, when she sits around, she REALLY sits AROUND. Because she is the panopticon.
Your mom is so fat she's the objet GROS a
Your mom is so fat, when Lacan sketched out her psychoanalytic topography, he ended up using the Mercator projection
Your mom is so fat the only transference she achieves is transferring your food to her plate
Your mom is so ugly she broke the mirror phase
Your mom is so fat she IS the collective unconscious
Your mom is so dumb she thinks Max Horkheimer is that thing that happens when you eat so much you throw up
Your mom is so dumb she tried rubbing Jurgen Habermas all over her body to moisturize her skin
Your mom is so fat she is loving eating repeating
Your mom is so fat the Purloined Letter was actually just stuck to her loins and she didn't notice it
Your mom is so fat, she considered the lobster and then ate it
Your mom is so fat, she created eater-response theory to make chefs feed her more
Your mom is so dumb she thought she was For Whom The Bell Tolls because it was dinner time
Your mom is so fat she thought The Thin Man was a horror story and not a murder mystery
Your mom is so fat I write her name in blue
posted by phibetakafka at 2:36 PM on May 30, 2016 [16 favorites]
Yo mama's so careless she smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into her money or her vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept her together and let other people clean up the mess she had made.
posted by carmicha at 2:58 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by carmicha at 2:58 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
Yo mama, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul.
posted by carmicha at 3:03 PM on May 30, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by carmicha at 3:03 PM on May 30, 2016 [9 favorites]
Chapter excerpt from A Song Of Ice And Fire: A Feast For Yo Mama
YO MAMA
Food food food food food?
Food food food food food. Food food food food food. Food food food, food food food. Food food food? Food. Food food food food food food food food food food. Food, food food food food.
"Fo-o-o-d," food food. Food food food. Food, food food food food. FOOD.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:06 PM on May 30, 2016
YO MAMA
Food food food food food?
Food food food food food. Food food food food food. Food food food, food food food. Food food food? Food. Food food food food food food food food food food. Food, food food food food.
"Fo-o-o-d," food food. Food food food. Food, food food food food. FOOD.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:06 PM on May 30, 2016
Call me Ishmael, like your mama does when we're fucking
posted by humanfont at 4:40 PM on May 30, 2016 [12 favorites]
posted by humanfont at 4:40 PM on May 30, 2016 [12 favorites]
Yo mama's so humorless, she asks you to not make slut-shaming fat jokes delivered in mock AAVE.
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:09 PM on May 30, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:09 PM on May 30, 2016 [6 favorites]
Yo mama so fat, the last dude she mooned turned into a werewolf.
posted by JohnFromGR at 5:10 PM on May 30, 2016
posted by JohnFromGR at 5:10 PM on May 30, 2016
It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and yo mama was so dumb, she didn’t know what she was doing in New York.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:39 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:39 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
Your mama's so fat that she's subject to institutionalized discrimination and public ridicule.
posted by bile and syntax at 5:44 PM on May 30, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by bile and syntax at 5:44 PM on May 30, 2016 [8 favorites]
Yo mama's so fat, she read Lindy West's Shrill and cried when she finally realized that she was entitled to the same joy, self-respect, and basic dignity as anyone else.
And then she got mad.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 6:43 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
And then she got mad.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 6:43 PM on May 30, 2016 [2 favorites]
If you really want to hear about yo mama, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is how fat she is, and how stupid she is, and how old she is, and all that kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, yo mama would have two hemorrhages if I told anything pretty personal about her.
posted by mochapickle at 7:45 PM on May 30, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 7:45 PM on May 30, 2016 [4 favorites]
"Abandon hope all ye who enter here" is scrawled in blood red lettering on the side of Yo Mama near the corner of Eleventh and First and is in print large enough to be seen from the backseat of the cab as it lurches forward in the traffic leaving Wall Street and just as Timothy Price notices the words a bus pulls up...
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:24 PM on May 30, 2016
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:24 PM on May 30, 2016
None of them are jokes.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:41 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:41 PM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
I remember mistaking Yo Mama for a trout stream in Vermont, and I had to beg her pardon.
"Excuse me," I said. "I thought you were a trout stream."
"I'm not," she said.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 9:21 PM on May 30, 2016
"Excuse me," I said. "I thought you were a trout stream."
"I'm not," she said.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 9:21 PM on May 30, 2016
August Strindberg was good at this, there's a quote of his in steel plates on a popular street in Stockholm (Drottninggaran): Din mor var här,… och hon lämnar en lukt efter sig som en ihjälslagen orm.
Yo mama was here and she left behind an odor like that of a snake beaten to a pulp.
posted by meijusa at 3:16 AM on May 31, 2016
Yo mama was here and she left behind an odor like that of a snake beaten to a pulp.
posted by meijusa at 3:16 AM on May 31, 2016
Your mom's so fat she uses the total perspective vortex as a mirror.
posted by humanfont at 5:22 AM on May 31, 2016
posted by humanfont at 5:22 AM on May 31, 2016
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"Thy mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"
(Timon of Athens, Act 1 Scene 1)
posted by bigendian at 8:45 AM on May 30, 2016 [13 favorites]