The Descent of Snowman

May 30, 2016 8:39 AM

Here in the northern hemisphere the days are getting warm enough to start wishing for some cool air. Let's dream together of snowy mountains and fun ways to get down them. Sure, we could alpine ski or snowboard, some of us may telemark, and lots of us go sledding, but we're dreaming here so let's make things more unusual.

Enjoy the deep carving of a snowboard, but hate facing sideways? Like beautiful parallel turns and hate the ability to move your feet independently? Willing to take a chance with your knees? The Monoski may be for you! From a distance you'll cut turns like an alpine expert. Up close you'll look like a Dufflepud. But it does look fun.

If you prefer to keep putting one foot in front of the other you can do that too, on a Skwal. It's elegant and athletic. Do try not to crash, though. Your orthopedist doesn't need a third home.

Want to try these but you're a Nordic person? Do not despair! You can single-ski in telemark bindings on a Teleboard! It's like a skwal, but with greater opportunity to fall on your knees or face — it has a certain grace.

Bindings too constraining? Ditch them completely and ride a Snowskate, which is a step further from snowboarding to skateboarding. The snowskate is not to be confused with the quite different Snow Skates, which are all skate, no board. Of course these are also a cousin to the Skiboard (also called Snow Blades or Mini-skis. Why it's just like skiing ... on your children's skis. Sometimes these are also called snowlerblades but really, Snowlerblades are something else.

You'd better sit down for this next one. The Jack Jumper or Skibock is a ski with a bench seat on it. Upcycle leftover skis, and know you're taking part in an old New England tradition. I recommend you have a soft chair to sit in after you do this.

The word monoski is also interchangeably used for the Sit-Ski, a jack jumper put to adaptive use in para-alpine recreation and competition by seated athletes.

If you're sick of skis and find all this purpose-built hardware dreary, there's always Shovel Racing. It's like sledding, but I'm sure the shovel handle between your legs increases your focus. Yes, it's competitive (and terrifying). Shovel racing is performed both on snowy hillsides and icy bobsled tracks. If you've got access to a bobsled track but your shovel got broken somehow, you can also ride a wok.

You can also ride a boat downhill. You don't even need a PFD! Snow Kayaking lets you put your skills to use in the winter. Plus: it's also called snow boating! Snow boating!

FLATLAND BONUS: For those who lack mountains but have one friend they trust implicitly, consider Snow Kneeboarding.

CARLESS BONUS: You don't even need a friend with a car if you're into skijoring. You just need dogs or horses. Skijoring (with riderless horses) was a demonstration sport in the 1928 Winter Olympics.

SUMMER BONUS: When snow is far away how you gonna get down? Ice Blocking, baby! Yeah, that's right: ride a big block of ice down a mountain.

SICK OF THE COLD BONUS: And then there's grass skiing!

posted by Songdog (12 comments total)

There's another oddball option that I searched for but was unable to track down: plastic boots with foot-length skis for soles—my dad owned a pair of these in the late 1980s but I can't remember the name and without that it's a hard thing to find.

I'm sure I've left some great stuff out. Please tell us about it!
posted by Songdog at 8:40 AM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

Ah, I remember when skiboards only had no-release bindings. Those were an orthopod's wet dream.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:56 AM on May 30, 2016

skwals! pure carving experience.

i rode a skwal once - this is after 12 straight weeks of skiing when I was in the shape of my life.

then I fell over and thought "If I fall like that again I will never ski again and possibly not walk for the next year"

.....once!
posted by lalochezia at 9:08 AM on May 30, 2016

For the absolute ninja out there, the step up from snowskates is noboards. This section makes my jaw gape...
posted by protorp at 9:10 AM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also: do you like skiing.....but you don't live in a country with big snow covered mountains AND think it doesn't have enough i) carpet burns ii) abilities to break any digit, such as a middle finger, that you momentarily touch down while self-arresting*?

If so, you're in luck! Dry slope skiing!


* yes, yes I did!
posted by lalochezia at 9:12 AM on May 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

I believe the Norwegians also call "this" Nädskvish.
posted by buzzv at 10:12 AM on May 30, 2016

If you love your dog, try skijoring next winter!
posted by wenestvedt at 11:08 AM on May 30, 2016

great post! I guess humans will never cease to figure out new ways of getting down a mountain quickly. I would love to try Wok racing!

When my friends and I go snowboarding at this one mountain, we like to stop at the last hill, take our boards off and toboggan down it very similar to the shovel racing. And just like shovel racing, stopping gracefully is somewhat of a luck-based process.
posted by numaner at 1:55 PM on May 30, 2016

Skis, pshaw, try something a little more hardcore: a 350 pound toboggan made of concrete. They look safe, right?
posted by GuyZero at 2:26 PM on May 30, 2016

If you don't have grass skiis or a block of ice, cheese rolling appears to be another method of going downhill.
posted by sfenders at 5:10 PM on May 30, 2016

If you want to play in the snow right now in the US, I spent this morning sledding during a sunny 60°F day at the Mt. Baker ski area (about 3 hours north of Seattle). The ski area is closed for the season, but plenty of snow for sledding or skiing if you're willing to climb the hills without a lift. And yesterday, the first two legs of the annual Ski to Sea relay race were cross-county skiing and downhill skiing. It helps that Mt. Baker holds the world record for snow fall (95 feet in 1998-1999) and averages more than 50 feet a season. I've been sledding there as late as Labor Day weekend with snow drifts still 20 feet high (nothing like sledding in shorts in 80° weather). Although last year was a bust, with practically no snow at all.
posted by ShooBoo at 10:40 PM on May 30, 2016

I haven't seen a monoski for years, not since Tahoe was still outlawing snowboards in most places. Those BareFoot skiboards always looked like a deathtrap, glad to see that's been largely confirmed.

Only downhill toy I've wanted to try and occasionally available for rent is the ski bike which I've only ever seen people lounging about with looking cool but not skiing which makes me think that maybe its only fun looking. Kite skiing always seemed like fun except the tugged by the wind part of it.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 4:11 PM on May 31, 2016