Who'd have thought the invigorating face-slapper could be misused?
May 31, 2016 1:30 AM Subscribe
Inventions of Mine That Have Been Misused for Evil Purposes by veteran silly-person Jack Handey from The New Yorker's Shouts and Murmurs department
I felt like I learned my lesson, as I slowly lowered my combination eyeliner-applicator/razor sharp melon-baller into my handy refrigerator sized no-muss no-fuss insta disintegrator.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:55 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Ghidorah at 1:55 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
this reminds me how guns can be used to solve everything.
posted by sapagan at 1:58 AM on May 31, 2016
posted by sapagan at 1:58 AM on May 31, 2016
This is like that Mitchell & Webb sketch with the inventor constantly fending off military interest in his 'death' ray (built for purely peaceful purposes).
posted by um at 1:59 AM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by um at 1:59 AM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
I mean I'd link to it but I'm on mobile. Also I'm incredibly lazy.
posted by um at 2:00 AM on May 31, 2016
posted by um at 2:00 AM on May 31, 2016
What a face slapping machine may look like.
posted by adept256 at 2:04 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 2:04 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
Simone Giertz makes other dumb machines, here's the VLOG for the wake-up machine on her youtube channel. She's just started working with Adam Savage on Tested.
posted by adept256 at 2:14 AM on May 31, 2016
posted by adept256 at 2:14 AM on May 31, 2016
The tiny revolver that resembles a hearing aid.
A cause of, and treatment for, tinnitus.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:48 AM on May 31, 2016 [5 favorites]
A cause of, and treatment for, tinnitus.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:48 AM on May 31, 2016 [5 favorites]
Giertz previously.
And yeah, I came here to post that video, but I guess I can post Mitchell & Webb's Giant Death Ray and Armoured Scorpion of Death instead (second clip also includes melon violence).
posted by effbot at 3:48 AM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
And yeah, I came here to post that video, but I guess I can post Mitchell & Webb's Giant Death Ray and Armoured Scorpion of Death instead (second clip also includes melon violence).
posted by effbot at 3:48 AM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
Handey stole most of these ideas from Dr. Doofenschmirtz.
posted by briank at 5:46 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by briank at 5:46 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
Handy invented modern comedy too, which had never been used for evil until Trump hosted SNL earlier this time it's quite a time to be alive.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:03 AM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:03 AM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
The hammock that, when you lie in it, automatically tightens around you.
Wriggle delightedly to increase the tightness, and simply go limp to release.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:54 AM on May 31, 2016
Wriggle delightedly to increase the tightness, and simply go limp to release.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:54 AM on May 31, 2016
Sigh, people. If people would stop stealing other people's fruits, we wouldn't need to camouflage them.
posted by numaner at 6:55 AM on May 31, 2016
posted by numaner at 6:55 AM on May 31, 2016
I can't believe the meat industry misused my Conveyor Belt with Rotating Knives. There's one funhouse that will never see the light of day.
On preview: Holy crap, it's an actual thing, and tobacco companies use it!
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:43 AM on May 31, 2016
On preview: Holy crap, it's an actual thing, and tobacco companies use it!
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:43 AM on May 31, 2016
Ha! I'll have to pull these devices into the RPG I am running this weekend.
posted by rebent at 8:16 AM on May 31, 2016
posted by rebent at 8:16 AM on May 31, 2016
Every one sounds like a product of R&D in Paranoia.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:20 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:20 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
The flashlight so powerful that it should be pointed only down at the ground.
Kinda like this one?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:25 AM on May 31, 2016
Kinda like this one?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:25 AM on May 31, 2016
The sleeping aid that looks and tastes like wine and comes in a bottle that looks like a wine bottle.
Oh yeah, there's my problem right there.
posted by allthinky at 8:27 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
Oh yeah, there's my problem right there.
posted by allthinky at 8:27 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
I can't believe the meat industry misused my Conveyor Belt with Rotating Knives. There's one funhouse that will never see the light of day.
Or apartment block.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:41 AM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
Or apartment block.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:41 AM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
See seven threads up for a real-life example. Not to be a downer or anything.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:03 AM on May 31, 2016
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:03 AM on May 31, 2016
I miscounted at first, and wondered why rabbitrabbit hated Wendy Carlos.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:43 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:43 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
The soundproof conveyor belt with splatterproof walls.
Combines very well with rotating knives. (Not just in the meat industry.)
posted by little onion at 11:21 AM on May 31, 2016
Combines very well with rotating knives. (Not just in the meat industry.)
posted by little onion at 11:21 AM on May 31, 2016
"Did you say knives?"
"Er, rotating knives, yes."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:21 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
"Er, rotating knives, yes."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:21 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
Web browser that announces, in a loud voice, what website you are visiting
Milk container that dissolves when milk has gone bad, so you know when to buy new milk
Exploseggs. Eggs filled with impact sensitive explosives
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:49 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
Milk container that dissolves when milk has gone bad, so you know when to buy new milk
Exploseggs. Eggs filled with impact sensitive explosives
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:49 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
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posted by oneswellfoop at 1:47 AM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]