“Let me tell you about this business. Every truck has a bat inside.”
May 31, 2016 6:53 AM   Subscribe

“You will never see a Mister Softee truck in Midtown,” he continued. “If you do, there will be problems, and you won’t see him there very long.” [SLNYT]
posted by Chrysostom (54 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
I saw one over by the Apple Store, which is Midtown, more or less. Fuckers charged me $7 for a damned milkshake.
posted by jonmc at 6:56 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


I liked this movie much better when everyone had a Scottish accent.

(Turns out that was based on a real mob turf war, too)
posted by briank at 6:59 AM on May 31, 2016 [6 favorites]


You know who's just the fucking worst? People. People are the fucking worst. We have advanced our civilization to the point that there are people who are willing and able to bring you ice cream, and there's still some asshole who's gotta bring violence into the mix.
posted by Etrigan at 7:01 AM on May 31, 2016 [53 favorites]


briank—I was just about to mention the Glasgow ice-cream wars…

As five-year-old, I felt sure that driving an ice-cream van must be the ideal job: a carefree life on the open road, and all the ice-cream one could eat.
posted by misteraitch at 7:01 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Oh, they mean baseball bats. Well, that's much less interesting.
posted by Kitteh at 7:03 AM on May 31, 2016 [91 favorites]


Fuckers charged me $7 for a damned milkshake.

Shit, I'm pretty sure I paid at least $5.50 for one from a Mister Softee about 5 years ago. I was pretty baked, though, so it was an excellent purchase. Probably up to almost $7 in suburbia, too, by now.

Softee stops next to my house almost every afternoon around 5pm once the weather gets warm; I assume the neighbor kids eat way too much ice cream. One night we will actually follow through on the plan to have ice cream for dinner.

Anyway, this is fascinating, but not surprising. And the lede is thoroughly buried: up front you get that the drivers used to work for Mister Softee, but it's not until the end of the article that you learn about the lawsuit and enormous judgment against the company. Gee, I wonder why they're so aggressive in pushing Softee out of midtown.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:08 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


I thought there was an FPP at some point about Portland, OR ice cream turf wars, too. But I didn't look super hard for it.
posted by Chrysostom at 7:11 AM on May 31, 2016




This would make a good movie. An "A Most Violent Year" part II type film. I'd watch it. Especially if Jessica Chastain was in that one, as well.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:17 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


Ah, capitalism!
posted by Obscure Reference at 7:23 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


"You know who's just the fucking worst? People. People are the fucking worst. We have advanced our civilization to the point that there are people who are willing and able to bring you ice cream, and there's still some asshole who's gotta bring violence into the mix."

Ironically I've noticed that a lot of people who act like assholes justify it by saying that people are the worst so that's why they feel justified in their asshole behaviour.
posted by I-baLL at 7:31 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


Sometimes I wonder if every single business in the world has a dark, hidden underbelly. That cute books and knick-knack store my wife loves? The owner beat a competitor to death with the lid of a Le Creuset French oven. The Japanese grocery store where I buy Pocky? Yakuza. The baby clothing store around the corner? Heroin out back.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:41 AM on May 31, 2016 [30 favorites]


I can see that, they'd roost in the big hollow cone on top and-

rtfa

Goddamn it.
posted by Slackermagee at 7:42 AM on May 31, 2016 [19 favorites]


The Card Cheat: "Sometimes I wonder if every single business in the world has a dark, hidden underbelly. That cute books and knick-knack store my wife loves? The owner beat a competitor to death with the lid of a Le Creuset French oven. The Japanese grocery store where I buy Pocky? Yakuza. The baby clothing store around the corner? Heroin out back."

I know a guy who needs baby clothing. Around which corner?
posted by Splunge at 7:43 AM on May 31, 2016 [8 favorites]


Yeah, for all the nostalgia for old New York, it's really packed with shit like this. There's a whole swath of industries that are still dominated by businesses that operate on bluster and turf.
posted by phooky at 7:50 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


Here's the story about Oregon Ice cream wars. Not gang related, just good old fashioned capitalism.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:54 AM on May 31, 2016 [5 favorites]


Honestly, it's not New York - it's capitalism. I assume that here in MPLS there aren't as many ice cream turf wars because the stakes are lower, but I am constantly surprised by the ugly underbelly of every single business with which I become at all familiar. My feeling is that only the very middle-est of the middle classes are able to live in a bubble where they don't encounter the violence that always accompanies business, because they work desk jobs where they are screened from the real of their employer's practices and they buy things in such a way that they only see the nice front. I think that's the whole point of the middle class - create a class which believes that everything is nice, and they'll act as a buffer between the elites (who understand that everything is brutal because they're backing the brutalizing) and the poor (who understand because they're up at the sharp end).
posted by Frowner at 7:54 AM on May 31, 2016 [28 favorites]


That's really the argument for maximizing the middle class, isn't it? Fewest people at either end of the stick.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:02 AM on May 31, 2016 [9 favorites]


We have advanced our civilization to the point that there are people who are willing and able to bring you ice cream, and there's still some asshole who's gotta bring violence into the mix.

I blame Edgar Wright.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:02 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


They deserved to be sued for calling themselves "Master Softee."
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:04 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


If "Mister Softee" isn't the name of a large, barrel-chested yet baby-faced criminal kingpin, I'll be very disappointed.
posted by josephtate at 8:08 AM on May 31, 2016 [13 favorites]


Avoid the ice cream trucks featuring the clown with flaming hair. You'd think they'd be decent being front and center of the franchise, but they're so unwieldy and hard to steer it's not worth it in the end.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:16 AM on May 31, 2016 [8 favorites]


But does the NYC ice cream war feature a charming soundtrack by Mark Knopfler?
posted by lagomorphius at 8:20 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


NYC ice cream trucks are great for distributing coliform bacteria.
posted by plastic_animals at 8:33 AM on May 31, 2016


A friend of mine once spent a summer pedaling a Dickie Dee cart around Kingston, a job that doubled as a way to sell weed and meet girls, both of which he did very well at.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:51 AM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]


Suggested soundtrack: Ice Cream Man by Humble the Rapper
posted by gauche at 8:59 AM on May 31, 2016


When I worked for Citigroup there were jokes about the CEO's black ops team. Very nervous ones. Because people would realize how plausible an idea it was...
posted by mephron at 9:27 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Sometimes I wonder if every single business in the world has a dark, hidden underbelly.

My sister, ex-fashion avenue worker, has a theory that glamour on the public side of a business is inversely proportional to squalor behind the scenes.

(Of course, there are exceptions....)

BTW, if you do hit NYC this summer, try to track down the Van Leeuwen ice cream trucks (or the bricks and mortar). Not cheap, but we are talking seriously good ice cream.
posted by BWA at 9:42 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


josephtate: "If "Mister Softee" isn't the name of a large, barrel-chested yet baby-faced criminal kingpin, I'll be very disappointed."

If Master Softee isn't an S/M top that is way too nice to his slave, so will I.
posted by Splunge at 9:45 AM on May 31, 2016 [6 favorites]


Get on your knees and lick my boots! You know, if that's okay with you. I don't want to make you feel like less of a person. Maybe you can just admire the boots from where you are.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:47 AM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]


Not gang related, just good old fashioned capitalism.

See if you can guess which one is illegal
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:50 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


All of the ice cream trucks around here are shady looking converted vans.

I'm less concerned about the drivers beating each other up than I am about some poor soccer mom ending up in the popsicle freezer.
posted by madajb at 9:50 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've always wondered if there's a Mrs. Softee, and if there is, who does her hair?

Van Leeuwen really is very very very good. Especially the salted caramel. OMG.
posted by holborne at 9:50 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


try to track down the Van Leeuwen ice cream trucks

their vegan stuff is so suspiciously good that i assume it contains the souls of the damned.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:03 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Blaming this on capitalism is misguided. The basic problem is that people want power and will use underhanded tactics to seize and retain it. Was communist Russia free from corruption and thuggery? No. It just wasn't ice cream vendors threatening each other with bats. Far worse shenanigans have transpired in pursuit of political goals.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:14 AM on May 31, 2016 [7 favorites]


I know one of the authors of this article, Andy Newman, and he is on a fucking roll.

NYT search

Just a few of his articles in the last months:

* The bizarre lye attack on a charity CFO investigating fraud
* Dog chastity belts
* Tortoise walker
* The three-eyed Gowanus fish hoax
* The cat mayor of Carroll Gardens
* Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblatt (the "shvitz Rabbi") expose
* Rose the Broadway rat

Some of these are series of articles. And there are more. His epic Twitter saga of waiting in line for Hamilton cancellation tickets for his daughter is awesome (spoiler: he got front-row tix after waiting in line 2 days). Go Andy!
posted by bgribble at 10:16 AM on May 31, 2016 [19 favorites]


Sometimes I wonder if every single business in the world has a dark, hidden underbelly

Ah, capitalism! posted by Obscure Reference

Quoted for I don't have time to make a cynical comment about life in our future libertarian paradise.
posted by sneebler at 10:18 AM on May 31, 2016


oh my god, the cat mayor article is fucking glorious. why isn't it MY job to follow a cat around all day and write about his activities, this is such an injustice.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:23 AM on May 31, 2016 [6 favorites]


Look up Robert Pronge.

...and then never buy ice cream from a truck again.
posted by aramaic at 10:39 AM on May 31, 2016


Those interested in Mister Softee and mob violence will love Martin Scorsese's surrealist 1985 movie, After Hours. One of the memorable scenes involves, I kid you not, the protagonist being chased through the streets of SoHo by a lynch mob led by a Mister Softee truck, with its jingle blaring.

One of the more surreal experiences of my life was seeing the last third of that movie, dubbed in Hebrew, on a random TV channel in a hotel in Israel. For years I had no idea what the hell I had seen, and wondered if it was even real, though the Mister Softee chase was vivid in my mind.
posted by purple_frogs at 11:44 AM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]


I haven't actually seen the ice cream truck around here, it's just a weird, warbley version of Christmas songs that floats around the neighborhood at random times. I'm assuming it's an ice cream truck because that's the most benign theory I can think of.
posted by bongo_x at 11:54 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


When I worked for Citigroup there were jokes about the CEO's black ops team. Very nervous ones. Because people would realize how plausible an idea it was...


Except that most banks are so damn tight with their budgets, the "black ops" team would be three interns who've each been given a cheap 9mm and told to go buy a black turtleneck.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:42 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]


Not gang related, just good old fashioned capitalism.
Ah, capitalism!
Honestly, it's not New York - it's capitalism.


Three in a row! It's a trifecta for the kneejerk Metafilter pseudo-lefist response.

Unfortunately, this particular case (as well as most of the cases like it) actually has very little to do with capitalism and everything to do with the fundamentals of a non-capitalist economic system: common pool resource management. Look at Maine lobstermen (cf especially Acheson's The Lobster Gangs of Maine) or fisheries management in Taiwan or Chile or water rights on the West Coast and you see the same behaviors emerging organically. We also see it in drug distribution, it's true.

It's a fairly common way of organizing property regimes when social or legal factors prevent privatization and legal exclusion: the technical definition requires that the resource be rivalrous but non-excludeable. Common-pool resource management requires insiders to sanction poachers, and that's what New York Ice Cream is doing here.

If anything, New York Ice Cream is like the ideal of labor organizing; they were working for Mister Softee and tired of being exploited by licensing fees--payments to capitalists by laborers for the privilege of laboring--so they expropriated the means of production and locked the bosses out of the factory, that is, out of Midtown. Then, they made life difficult for the scabs.

Ironically, the one place we don't see poachers sanctioned is in heavily-policed high-oversight free-market property regimes (aka capitalism) because that's where the rich are able to control things using rules and courts instead of social solidarity. In those situations, they often use the ideology of fair competition to force insiders to compete with poachers and scabs.

Note that Mister Softee has won a massive legal settlement from New York Ice Cream, so you can expect that this short-lived Paris Commune of frozen dessert distribution will soon come to an end.
posted by anotherpanacea at 2:21 PM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]


This makes me realize I haven't seen the formerly ubiquitous ice cream driver in my neighborhood in some time and now I'm sad about it even though I never bought ice cream. Dude used to prospect even in the dead of California winter in the central valley which isn't much of a winter but still not ice cream season.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 3:50 PM on May 31, 2016


Back in the day on one corner near where I worked there was an husky aging blind panhandler, more or less a regular. Poor fellow.

One say a pair of young women, fiddle and guitar, started busking on the other end of "his" block. Intimidating? Pushing and shoving on his part, and what are they going to do, push back against an old blind guy? They got out without losing their instruments, but I could never look at that guy the same way ever again.

Happens all the time, of course, but this was the time I saw it myself.
posted by IndigoJones at 4:00 PM on May 31, 2016


But does the NYC ice cream war feature a charming soundtrack by Mark Knopfler?
No, Richard & Linda Thompson.
posted by Nerd of the North at 4:09 PM on May 31, 2016


I have an idea!
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 7:28 PM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]


Next you'll be telling me that hot dog vendors in New Orleans aren't on the up-and-up.
posted by um at 9:11 PM on May 31, 2016


Yeah, I ain't no suit-wearin' businessman like you. You know I'm just a gangsta, I suppose. And I want my corners.
posted by zeusianfog at 12:12 PM on June 1, 2016


It's a fairly common way of organizing property regimes when social or legal factors prevent privatization and legal exclusion,

But isn't that pretty much the standard instantiation of capitalism once corporations are big enough to to do what they want, or become too big to fail? I agree I'm a pseudo-left whatchamacallit, but I don't see much subtlety in the distinction being made, especially at the national/international levels. Another way to put it might be that I don't see multi-national corporations as strawmen that have only been created to provide a counterpoint for this type of argument.
posted by sneebler at 8:05 AM on June 3, 2016


There's got to be an expression for this reversed-stopped-clock or reversed-crying-wolf thing, where something is often the case so people just start assuming it's always the case.
posted by Bugbread at 9:47 PM on June 5, 2016


It's a fairly common way of organizing property regimes when social or legal factors prevent privatization and legal exclusion,

But isn't that pretty much the standard instantiation of capitalism once corporations are big enough to to do what they want, or become too big to fail?


I'll grant that the pseudo-left tends to lump a lot of different institutional arrangements under the heading of "capitalism" (or lately, neoliberalism) but this can get out of hand. Capitalism requires private property, at least for capitalists; otherwise you're talking about feudalism or socialism.

The commons is precisely not "private." It's commonly held. This caused many early economists to argue that there was a "tragedy of the commons" whereby commonly-held goods would be used up rather than stewarded: each user would have an incentive to maximize--privatize--as much of the common-pool resource as possible, and so the commons would be ruined. These economists argued that only private property--and thus capitalism--could save the earth from overuse. Thus, for instance, we need to have "cap-and-trade" regimes so that corporations will maximize the profit to had from their privately-held shares of pollution, and this is supposed to be better than taxing pollution or simply regulating it away.

But in practice, the economists were wrong, as Elinor Ostrom and the Bloomington Group showed: commonly-held goods are protected and managed much more effectively than privately-held goods. Unless the community is heavily disrupted (for instance by imperialism or police occupation) they aren't overused because users are understood to have a "share" by communal norms rather than legal title: exceeding one's "share" is punished by the community of users.

Crucially, this requires all sorts of negative emotions and actions that liberals (who the left tends to treat as the unwitting allies of capitalism) don't like: shame, resentment, contempt, us-v-them tribalism or "gangs," and even violence (on the small-scale "get the bat" variety or large-scale "drive-by shooting" variety.)

Myself, I tend to prefer socialism to communism for just this reason--I'm a bit of a liberal in my heart of hearts, rather than a true leftist. But I just find it strange when ordinary human behavior--often the laudatory kind that is responding to a larger abuse of power with small-scale violence--is pathologized by my fellow liberals who recognize the small-scale violence but ignore the larger abuses. New York Ice Cream's drivers have bats; Mister Softee's drivers have been slashing tires, making death threats, and now the owners have the court system extracting six-figure judgments from the people doing the work and giving it to the people who hold the private right to the intellectual property.
posted by anotherpanacea at 7:52 AM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


anotherpanacea: "Capitalism requires private property, at least for capitalists; otherwise you're talking about feudalism or socialism. "

I think on MetaFilter "capitalism" just means "anything involving money".
posted by Bugbread at 3:48 PM on June 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


Thanks, anotherpanacea.
posted by sneebler at 5:45 PM on June 6, 2016


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