WANTED: sick ass guitar solo for while I do karate in the woods
June 4, 2016 1:12 PM   Subscribe

COMMUNITY WANT ADS — Jeff Wysaski (of Obvious Plant) and some friends wrote a bunch of fake want ads and turned it into a newspaper. Previously.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (17 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
 
All the things you want to be real are fake. All the things you want to be fake are real.
posted by Bovine Love at 2:15 PM on June 4, 2016 [2 favorites]


This is lots of funny. Thanks, Johnny Wallflower.
posted by straight at 2:25 PM on June 4, 2016


"WANTED: to be the first word of this ad."

Aww. This is all pretty delightful.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 5:01 PM on June 4, 2016 [2 favorites]


Wanted: full time caregiver to tell me what images are hidden in magic eye books
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:27 PM on June 4, 2016


That was way better than it had any right to be.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:34 PM on June 4, 2016


Wanted: a dolphin and a kangaroo for ambitious breeding project. Cash paid on delivery. Would trade for 2 pigeons stapled to a rat.

WANTED: map of [city -- LA?]. please bring to corner of ummmm... a big highway and... a smaller highway. there are two trees and a small stream nearby too. am lost.

Wanted: a wizard. A real one. Not just some homeless guy with a robe. Please don't respond to this ad, Carl.

Wanted: A detailed analysis of the Sandra Brown novel Friction. I have joined a book club to impress my crush and the last book I read was Captain Underpants. The biggest word I know is peninsula. Please help.


This FPP could not be more up my alley if it actually resided on my literal alley. Well, given I lived on an alley to begin with, which admittedly I do not. Listen, just forget this analogy, I was just trying to say I enjoyed this post, ok?

And I'm pretty sure every single time I've been to my local comedy club Greg Pretzel was the M.C. Which may explain why I haven't been back in many years.

Thank you for the post, JW! A++++ would laugh at again
posted by bologna on wry at 6:51 PM on June 4, 2016 [5 favorites]


NICE TRY MURDER BIRD has become a part of my lexicon thanks to this.
posted by paisley sheep at 7:13 PM on June 4, 2016 [5 favorites]


This reminds me a bunch of Dog Classifieds, which is a high compliment.
posted by rorgy at 7:21 PM on June 4, 2016 [2 favorites]


Can someone explain this Greg Pretzel? Is he fictional? Is he involved in this? Is he just a really bad comic they're poking fun at?
posted by mulligan at 9:09 PM on June 4, 2016


Greg Pretzel is only real in our hearts and in every other new stand-up comic
posted by brecc at 9:43 PM on June 4, 2016 [5 favorites]


Awesome seeing a whole circular full of these.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 10:11 PM on June 4, 2016


Long before the internet, there was a publication here in the UK called Loot, which built its business model round giving people free classified ads. One bright spark took advantage of this to launch his own print soap opera, which progressed via a single 30-50 word instalment in each new edition of the paper. Once you'd discovered it, it was kind of addictive.
posted by Paul Slade at 2:09 AM on June 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


I liked this. Good post, and you should feel good.
posted by Too-Ticky at 8:07 AM on June 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


"...the open mic is three hours long and you will not be allowed to leave early..."

I was all hahahaha and then this vision of unspeakable horror.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:13 AM on June 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


In case anyone is wanting more laughs: the same guy added fake pet descriptions at the pet store
posted by bologna on wry at 1:07 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


I think that if I had done this, I would have made all the Greg Pretzel ads be entirely unfunny. Not just not funny, but also not funny in that they're not funny. Every one of the other want ads are funny but don't realize they are, while Greg Pretzel is an aspiring comedian trying to be funny and he's not. He shouldn't even be funny at failing to be funny. He should be utterly banal. But this is why I'm not a comic writer and am instead a tedious bore who tends to be cleverly self-indulgent instead of genuinely funny. Like just now, that should have been a punch line, but it wasn't. This whole comment, what is it? A fucking intellectual exercise, that's what. I bet this is still more enjoyable than a Greg Pretzel show. Or maybe not because they do serve alcohol.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:56 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


"The biggest word I know is peninsula. Please Help."
posted by aspersioncast at 10:35 PM on June 6, 2016


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