"Well that's a nice coating..."

June 15, 2016 6:22 PM

LaserWash 360 - The Best Car Wash, Lake St Louis, MO [SLYT]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome (63 comments total)

I knew all about elevator enthusiasts, but never before realized there might be car wash enthusiasts. I should not be surprised by this.
posted by zachlipton at 6:32 PM on June 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

Holy cow, this made my night.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 6:40 PM on June 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hmm... We've got a car wash near here that includes a major league LED light show as the car passes through an otherwise pitch-dark tunnel; the colorful foams sprayed over the vehicle have a black-light glow as various indicators blink in shades of pink, purple and green. Afterward, real humans wipe the car down for a spot-free finish. It is truly an experience, an is far more immersive and interesting than the wash shown in this video.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:41 PM on June 15, 2016 [4 favorites]

Autumn, 2072:

"You know, when Grandpa died, he left behind terabyte upon terabyte of video diaries."
"Wow! I wonder what life was like back in the early 2000s?"
... ... ... ...
"It's... tens of thousands of hours of car wash footage."
posted by duffell at 6:44 PM on June 15, 2016 [32 favorites]

far more immersive and interesting than the wash shown in this video

It's not really my uh wheelhouse but I suspect you're assessing carwashes along different axes than the linked YouTuber is.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 6:44 PM on June 15, 2016 [5 favorites]

Everybody's got a thing.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 6:45 PM on June 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

Here's the same model of car wash as seen from outside in Turkey.
posted by zachlipton at 6:46 PM on June 15, 2016

I was always more fond of the carwashes where you got out and walked alongside the car and watched the wash through the glass.

My favorite one had a soap cannon that you could use at appropriate times to shoot your own car with foam as it went by. I wish I could remember where that was.
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:46 PM on June 15, 2016 [12 favorites]

It's a shame Foamer is already taken as an enthusiast label.

I used to love going to the carwash with my dad when I was a kid, so I can see where the enthusiasm comes from, though my childhood carwash was the "big canvas slappy things" and "rollers also with big canvas slappy things" type, so we would pretend that we were in a submarine being attacked by a giant squid.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 6:47 PM on June 15, 2016 [7 favorites]

I've also learned that apparently the car wash cheeped out and didn't go for the LaserGlow illumination system, which is, well, apparently the same thing, but with flashing colored lights. The truly dedicated car wash manager can customize the colors for holidays or local sports teams.

Now you've got me reading about car wash accessories. Great.
posted by zachlipton at 6:51 PM on June 15, 2016 [13 favorites]

I used to love going to the carwash with my dad when I was a kid, so I can see where the enthusiasm comes from, though my childhood carwash was the "big canvas slappy things" and "rollers also with big canvas slappy things" type, so we would pretend that we were in a submarine being attacked by a giant squid.

I miss the uncomplicated car washes of my childhood.
posted by duffell at 6:53 PM on June 15, 2016 [9 favorites]

Now you've got me reading about car wash accessories. Great.

Wait until you visit the trade show... (Go to 8:05).
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:55 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

I think I finally understand ASMR!
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:59 PM on June 15, 2016 [8 favorites]

To be fair, that was a heckuva nice coating.
posted by rock swoon has no past at 7:05 PM on June 15, 2016 [6 favorites]

I haven't been through a car wash in about twenty five years. That was remarkably soothing.

When I was a kid, I always assumed that showers would be superseded by automated car washing booths for people. Just a ring of high pressure jets that would go up and down with soapy and then clean water. I... I still kind of want that? Is that a thing?
posted by phooky at 7:12 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

You have to assume this guy and David Letterman grew up very near each other.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 7:19 PM on June 15, 2016 [6 favorites]

Oh, man, this was delightful!

I love car washes. It's just so soothing with all the water and the sound of the spray. The car wash I go to here in town does a full pass of pink, green, and blue foam that smells like cherry candy and it's wonderful.
posted by mochapickle at 7:21 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

So apparently Zipcar will reimburse you if you wash their cars. I'm picturing someone who just keeps renting cars to get to go through car washes for free.
posted by zachlipton at 7:29 PM on June 15, 2016 [5 favorites]

I miss the brightly colored thuppa-thuppa-thuppa-thuppers from the carwashes of my youth.
posted by aubilenon at 7:33 PM on June 15, 2016

I built car washes for a few years. In St. Louis. (but not this one.) There are a lot of weirdos out there that will argue with the installer on the feature the wash will have.
posted by notsnot at 7:42 PM on June 15, 2016 [7 favorites]

The only indispensable feature of a car wash is an audio setup that plays Rose Royce's "Car Wash" on loop 24/7.
posted by duffell at 7:44 PM on June 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

I can't believe he wussed out on the Extreme™ Laserwash. Pussy.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:51 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

I built car washes for a few years. In St. Louis. (but not this one.) There are a lot of weirdos out there that will argue with the installer on the feature the wash will have.
posted by notsnot at 7:42 PM on June 15

I totally hoped/knew you were going to say something
posted by asockpuppet at 7:55 PM on June 15, 2016

I'm kinda glad that Jim Croce didn't live to see this.
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:58 PM on June 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

The Scrubadubs in the Boston area tend to liven things up with plastic cartoon characters sitting atop all the moving parts. Plus free car wash on your birthday. They also used to have a free peanut dispenser next to the free mini-towel dispenser, which was kind of a clever way to get you to use their vacuum cleaners.
posted by adamg at 8:10 PM on June 15, 2016

Kept waiting for the lasers.

Oh well.
posted by spilon at 8:32 PM on June 15, 2016 [12 favorites]

I remember this movie as being much more interesting, back in the 70's when it came out. I'd swear Richard Pryor was in it.

I must've been stoned or something.
posted by panglos at 8:34 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

Yeah, and wasn't Professor Irwin Corey in it too?
posted by mikelieman at 8:55 PM on June 15, 2016

I was disappointed that I have used this type of car wash, but I love the colorful ones and haven't found the one to take my car too.

But it is still so much fun.
posted by AlexiaSky at 9:01 PM on June 15, 2016

When the internet is everywhere people will learn Greek and Latin from their homes
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:36 PM on June 15, 2016 [15 favorites]

Something that hadn't occurred to me before is the prevalence of those roll-through dryers and the implications for non-auto cars. They weren't that common at car washes when I was back in England and driving a manual car all the time - the dryer moved over the car, for most of them. But borrowing a friend/clients Audi S4 (manual)for the last few months here in the US has allowed me to experience just how annoying and more suited to an auto those roll-throughs are. The wash is fine, but I always have to just pull away and then free-roll through the dryer at 1mph and get the slightest hint of drying for maybe 5 seconds, because dragging the clutch repeatedly through to get anything like decent airflow makes me cringe and see dollar signs at the cost of a clutch replacement.

That video makes me want a dash cam again, though. That one is really nice and subtle. Does anyone know if they do ones that are permanently powered without a massive hassle to install them?
posted by Brockles at 9:44 PM on June 15, 2016

Seems like throughput on that thing is pretty miserable. Four minutes from roll-in to roll-out, and only two cars (it looks like, one washing, one drying) at once? Gonna have to pick up the pace around here.
posted by ctmf at 9:51 PM on June 15, 2016

I miss the brightly colored thuppa-thuppa-thuppa-thuppers from the carwashes of my youth.

The problem with those is that they quickly turn into flap sanding drums. Totally the worst for your paint. I love that there's a car wash industry that is coming up with new stuff like this, and the amount of "touch" in a car wash is a big reason detailer nerds start DIYing. Good to know this exists! Plus car wash nerds, which is great. The company should hire this guy.
posted by rhizome at 10:12 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

As somebody who used to go through car washes on my lunch break at a really stressful job to chill out, I loved this! Yeah, yeah, I tried walking in the park and feeding the ducks, too. Car wash was way cooler.
posted by destructive cactus at 10:25 PM on June 15, 2016 [4 favorites]

Welcome to The Elevator Channel - A travel-based channel with a unique emphasis on topics like elevators and car washes. Be sure to check out the playlists on my channel!

Whatever is going on here, it's genuine high-test whatever is going on here.
posted by brennen at 10:29 PM on June 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

My girlfriend would like to know why I watched this and why I made her watch it too. I have no good answer.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:06 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

Not to say we weren’t amused, I mean. It’s a man very excited by a car wash! But I think we expected lasers.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:18 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

from the movie of the sequel to J G Ballard's 'Crash' entitled 'Wash'. If you keep on watching it gets weirder...
posted by ennui.bz at 11:29 PM on June 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

My favorite part of the whole thing is the end, where he completely and utterly doesn't get out and see if his car is clean. I mean, you'd think that'd be important to a car wash enthusiast.
posted by darksasami at 11:42 PM on June 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

As someone with plenty of cars and hence someone who has washed cars plenty of times, I cannot believe that a system which does not actually touch the car would get the car anything other than "clean". I think Walt would agree.
posted by maxwelton at 11:51 PM on June 15, 2016

Do railfans check to see whether the train arrived at its destination? Perhaps the journey is its own reward for car wash enthusiasts.
posted by zachlipton at 11:56 PM on June 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

The wash is fine, but I always have to just pull away and then free-roll through the dryer at 1mph and get the slightest hint of drying for maybe 5 seconds, because dragging the clutch repeatedly through to get anything like decent airflow makes me cringe and see dollar signs at the cost of a clutch replacement.

Aren't you on a track?
All the ones around here, you pull forward onto the conveyor, stick in neutral and ride through until the green light tells you to pull forward.
posted by madajb at 12:50 AM on June 16, 2016

Wait until you visit the trade show...

Man, if we had that around here, that would be the car wash we went through every time because the kids would demand it be so.
Especially at night.
posted by madajb at 12:52 AM on June 16, 2016

It would have been nice if he'd got out of his car and showed us the result of the wash.
posted by james33 at 2:42 AM on June 16, 2016

I mean, you'd think that'd be important to a car wash enthusiast.

Try using "car wash enthusiast" as a mantra. Say it under your breath until it becomes your breath. Then ask yourself what is "important" to a car wash enthusiast.
posted by ennui.bz at 2:51 AM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

Only then will you achieve clean tires.
posted by rhizome at 2:57 AM on June 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

It's a shame Foamer is already taken as an enthusiast label.

Guessing I do not want to Google that.
posted by running order squabble fest at 3:03 AM on June 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Aren't you on a track?

No, the new ones don't have tracks, they just move the whole apparatus around your car while you sit still.
posted by octothorpe at 4:14 AM on June 16, 2016

Hey! Isn't this the Elevator Channel? Where are the elevators? Here, come join them on a tour of the parking garage elevators in downtown fabulous Roanoke, VA!
posted by NoMich at 4:54 AM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

i feel like i've been rickrolled
posted by indubitable at 5:14 AM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

These things are everywhere in the DC area now. I'm not sure if they're the same model, but the few that I've used are completely incapable of cleaning a dirty car.
posted by schmod at 5:22 AM on June 16, 2016

Aren't you on a track?

A pit stop, maybe.
posted by indubitable at 5:26 AM on June 16, 2016

One car wash to rule them all.
posted by y2karl at 6:03 AM on June 16, 2016

The wash is fine, but I always have to just pull away and then free-roll through the dryer at 1mph and get the slightest hint of drying for maybe 5 seconds, because dragging the clutch repeatedly through to get anything like decent airflow makes me cringe and see dollar signs at the cost of a clutch replacement.

You don't have to continually roll through those dryers, you know. I usually roll the car 1/3 of the way up, pause for 15 seconds, then repeat. There's plenty of space where the car behind you won't catch up for a while.
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:08 AM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

On drive-through (in-bay) washes, if there's a timer, you can pull most of the way through, then roll back and forth.

On the "stick it in neutral and the track pulls you through" tunnels, I usually set the e-brake one notch.
posted by notsnot at 6:36 AM on June 16, 2016

The problem with those is that they quickly turn into flap sanding drums.

Ugh, yeah. It's the worst because they aren't always like that, plenty of car wash places regularly maintain their equipment so that you don't have that problem but you never really know if they do until after the wash is done.

I used to be in the car business and none of the dealerships that I worked for ever did any kind of maintenance or cleaning of their car wash so any time I have to bring a vehicle to a dealer for something, I won't let them run my car through the wash.

Unless I'm washing it myself, it's touch-less only for me.
posted by VTX at 7:36 AM on June 16, 2016

Oh, and I should add that waxing your car with a good, hard, wax twice a year or so will greatly reduce your need for washing and will make it much easier to get clean and dry spot-free when you do wash it.

I don't follow my own advice as consistently as I wish but that doesn't mean it's a bad idea.
posted by VTX at 7:38 AM on June 16, 2016

I believe I have gone through a car wash once in the 21st century, and that was after a power line transformer exploded near my car.
But I have to admit that was soothing. Much more so than elevators.
posted by MtDewd at 10:55 AM on June 16, 2016

Guessing I do not want to Google that.

Foamers are pretty harmless, they're just train enthusiasts. Wiki entry for Railfans
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 12:11 PM on June 16, 2016

Unless I'm washing it myself, it's touch-less only for me.

I used to run my personal vehicles through multiple times for testing. Both of those vehicles died/are dying rusty underside deaths, although neither vehicle is known for rust problems.
posted by notsnot at 2:13 PM on June 16, 2016

There's basically no free lunch in car washing. So-called "touchless" automated washes have to use much more caustic cleaners and high pressure jets to make up the lack of physical agitation. The jets end up forcing water or cleaner into places where it shouldn't be, and the cleaner in general is not so great if it ends up drying onto your car's finish or other exposed components.

Doing it right generally involves lots of clean, soft cloths and physical labor and is frankly a pain in the ass.
posted by indubitable at 2:24 PM on June 16, 2016

Dissent in the ranks! I agree it'll be hard without at least wiping with known-soft cloths, but I found that a gas station by my Mom's has one, so I'm gonna check it out this weekend. I'll have my towels and stuff with me just in case.
posted by rhizome at 8:16 PM on June 16, 2016

I think I finally understand ASMR!
Yeah, that was weirdly soothing.
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 10:08 PM on June 16, 2016