Do you have the votes?

June 22, 2016 5:10 AM

The Shag Map Click the states you've been to, and the states where you've been shagged. If you can get 270 electoral votes, you're a Presidential Shagger!

From storyteller Jason Headley.

posted by BaffledWaffle (112 comments total)

I was hoping for a Shaggs map.
posted by beerperson at 5:24 AM on June 22, 2016 [7 favorites]

146. I've got a lot of hard work to do between now and November.
posted by vrakatar at 5:34 AM on June 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

168.
posted by pjern at 5:36 AM on June 22, 2016

My Shagging: Visiting ratio needs some serious work.

83:217

Apparently, I'm neither presidential NOR a shagger.
posted by Halo in reverse at 5:45 AM on June 22, 2016

Well, I beat Ross Perot.
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:46 AM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

111 with a classic East Coast Liberal powerbase. I feel like I should get some credit for the four foreign countries on two different continents though.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:48 AM on June 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

Even with my crack team of high-priced lawyers arguing for the most expansive possible definition of shagging, couldn't crack the threshhold.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 5:49 AM on June 22, 2016

Feel like I need to see John King get this up on the Magic Wall for some analysis.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:50 AM on June 22, 2016

This site was purpose-built for the humble bragging about landslide elections, wasn't it?
posted by Dip Flash at 5:54 AM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

Hell, some of us are still trying to win their Congressional district.
posted by delfin at 5:57 AM on June 22, 2016 [22 favorites]

So, a state you've just been to is a blue state, but a state you've fucked over is a red state.

Seems reasonable.
posted by mcstayinskool at 5:57 AM on June 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

Clearly you need Florida to swing it.
posted by Artw at 5:59 AM on June 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

Well, I beat Ross Perot.

Wait, hand stuff counts?
posted by Etrigan at 6:00 AM on June 22, 2016 [11 favorites]

192, mostly due to my base in CA and the fact that my running mate has been campaigning with me for six election cycles so far.
posted by mosk at 6:01 AM on June 22, 2016 [14 favorites]

Paying that Electoral College penalty for being a rural Westerner for a decade or so.
posted by touchstone033 at 6:01 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Looking at my easiest path to victory: I can probably pick up a couple mid-size neighboring states pretty easily. My wife goes to conventions in Texas and California on a regular basis, so I just need to figure out how to tag along on a couple of those. Then maybe "double-click" a Mid-Atlantic nexus of Pennsylvania, Maryland and New Jersey on a couple of road trips to and from my home state and that's 270 on the nose.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:04 AM on June 22, 2016

308/43. I should have shagged in more populous states than the five I did before I got married.

Damn you, gerrymandering.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:08 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

But what about the popular vote?
posted by Artw at 6:08 AM on June 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

I may not have gotten a lot of votes, but I did pick up a couple of key swing states.
posted by briank at 6:12 AM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

I will be needing the world map, thank you very much.
posted by waving at 6:20 AM on June 22, 2016 [8 favorites]

> gerrymandering

...merry gandering?
posted by cacophony at 6:21 AM on June 22, 2016 [15 favorites]

Do foreign countries count?

Maybe I can be Secretary of State.
posted by notyou at 6:21 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

My desire to visit every other state and country in the world before going to Texas and Florida is putting me at a severe disadvantage here.
posted by thecaddy at 6:24 AM on June 22, 2016

That one time in Florida is sure helping my numbers.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 6:30 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Just so I'm clear, shagging means fucking, right?
posted by bondcliff at 6:31 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

113/276, probably because I've lived in CA most of my life. But I'll assume that winning CA, TX, and PA is proof of my broad appeal.

Damn you, gerrymandering.

Oh, wait, we have to name them? That's gonna knock a few points off.
posted by Room 641-A at 6:34 AM on June 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

Hmm. I know my husband and I have slept in Texas, Florida and Pennsylvania, but have we fucked in Texas, Florida and Pennsylvania?

Honestly neither of us is usually feeling super sexy after a long day of road trip, so probably not.
posted by deludingmyself at 6:34 AM on June 22, 2016

Only 40, but one's a swing state and the other is my "Democratic stronghold."
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:34 AM on June 22, 2016

I've been everywhere man, I've been everywhere.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:36 AM on June 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

366:282 - We went on a lot of camping road trips before we had kids so really I'm just more traveled than shaggingly prolific. I'd like to see this over time as well. Early travels were all single click, then a lot of double clicking, and now there's about an equal chance for a single or double if I travel to a new state.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 6:36 AM on June 22, 2016

We need to institute a parliamentary fucking system in the US. This gridlock is bullshit.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:37 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

But what about the popular vote?

Shaggy Glen, who had sex with 1.5 million people in Alabama this year,is an outlier adn should not have been counted.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:38 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Something something first past the post...
posted by nickmark at 6:40 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Shaggy Glen, who had sex with 1.5 million people in Alabama this year,is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

Shaggy Glen is a tool of the establishment. Vote Sexual Gary.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:41 AM on June 22, 2016

I hear lots of guys have problems with Instant Runoffs.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:44 AM on June 22, 2016

403:96. Well traveled but not well shagged.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 6:49 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

If I'd managed to score on my one trip to San Francisco, I'd have made it over the top (nudge nudge).
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:50 AM on June 22, 2016

434:138 -- I apparently have an inclination toward sex in low-population states.
posted by aught at 6:52 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Something something Erectoral College.
posted by tonycpsu at 7:05 AM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

Ooh, +3 for D.C. Also, I'm doing a mental recount of Clark County because it's hard to believe I've been to Vegas so many times over the years and didn't garner a single vote.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:06 AM on June 22, 2016

something something dixville notch
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 7:06 AM on June 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

deludingmyself: "Honestly neither of us is usually feeling super sexy after a long day of road trip, so probably not."

Yeah but big comfy hotel bed plus air-conditioning and no cats. It's hard to pass up that opportunity.
posted by octothorpe at 7:08 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

This underscores the failure of First Past the Post balloting.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:13 AM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

452:284 I am hoping to go for reelection four years from now. But, I think I am going to be a 1 term President.

Where is Puerto Rico? I can add that too.
posted by AugustWest at 7:14 AM on June 22, 2016

Clearly you need Florida to swing it.

Not even with Florida, California, Texas and Illinois could I swing it.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:19 AM on June 22, 2016

179 and 85, but I am a damn foreigner and my vote counts for nothing. I could do better in a Canadian election.

Also TIL that it is damned hard on a phone touchscreen to indicate that I have platonically visited Rhode Island without looking excessively indecisive about my experiences in MA.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:20 AM on June 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

And when I say "better in a Canadian election," while I would win nowhere near a majority of the 338 ridings, I feel I could at least make a strong third party showing.

Which I certainly did that one time in Spadina-Fort York.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:29 AM on June 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

430/212. Need to put more effort into voter outreach in California and Florida to get over the hump.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 7:36 AM on June 22, 2016

454/339. Book tours and 21 years of marriage have created a landslide.
posted by jscalzi at 7:41 AM on June 22, 2016 [7 favorites]

🎵You don't have the votes,🎵
🎵You don't have the votes,🎵
🎵You're gonna need congress-ional approval and you don't have the votes🎵
posted by Maecenas at 7:41 AM on June 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

498:235

Yay for road trips.
posted by Lutoslawski at 7:43 AM on June 22, 2016

Hanging Chad Declares Victory!
posted by Kabanos at 7:44 AM on June 22, 2016

Hey, this doesn't have Guam! I've been to, and shagged in, Guam. I demand representation!
posted by Ghidorah at 7:48 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Something something 338 ridings
posted by stevis23 at 7:49 AM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

269. Now does Congress get involved or something?
posted by majorsteel at 7:49 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Colby Keller has us all beat, in a manner of speaking. He recently finished his fifty-state challenge, and he has it all on film. I, for one, welcome our new porn star overlord.
posted by not that girl at 7:55 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

269. Now does Congress get involved or something?

Somewhere, Joe Biden is splashing on the Old Spice.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:57 AM on June 22, 2016 [10 favorites]

490:290. Makes me feel tired rather than elated somehow.

I sorta wish the interface would let you select "shagged in" and "been to" independently. That'd allow for a lot more (ahem!) edge cases.
posted by miles per flower at 7:57 AM on June 22, 2016

Yay for road trips.

Unfortunately, my road trip is what is skewing my visit-to-shag ratio. I was going solo and staying in Youth Hostels and you can't really get busy there.

Funny tangent - my high school BFFs and I came up with our own code to refer to sexual activity for our "how far are you willing to go with a guy" conversations, and it was indeed based on a map so this is giving me unexpected nostalgia.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:58 AM on June 22, 2016

I'll claim 289, but no one else was in the room when it happened.
posted by Etrigan at 7:58 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

miles per flower: "I sorta wish the interface would let you select "shagged in" and "been to" independently. That'd allow for a lot more (ahem!) edge cases."

So... you are saying you have shagged in a state you haven't been to? I'm not sure how the physics of that work, much less the politics.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:18 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Something something stuffing the ballot box.
posted by Kabanos at 8:37 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

For the record, everyone gets credit for Pennsylvania.
posted by Etrigan at 8:38 AM on June 22, 2016

I could do better in a Canadian election.

Ya I got laid. You wouldn't know them though, they're from Canada.
posted by Kabanos at 8:39 AM on June 22, 2016 [3 favorites]

They missed a golden opportunity here by not letting you ascribe your votes to different candidates, by tagging each state with the ex that wins his/her party's vote in the primaries.

Wait, did I say "golden opportunity?" Because I meant "horrible calamity reminiscent of the Hindenburg."
posted by Mayor West at 8:40 AM on June 22, 2016

337/238. I need to get out more, and stay in more.
posted by zippy at 8:41 AM on June 22, 2016

223. Now I'm (a) thankful to my current partner for accompanying me on those trips to New York, Florida, Illinois, and Ohio(!), (b) embarrassed all over again about those ill-considered hookups in Hawaii, Delaware(!!), and South Carolina(!!!), and (c) wistfully remembering The One That Got Away and our trip to Vegas lo those years ago.

THANKS AGAIN METAFILTER FOR ANOTHER AWKWARD MIX OF FEELINGS TO START MY DAY IN THE OFFICE.
posted by psoas at 8:47 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

my high school BFFs and I came up with our own code to refer to sexual activity for our "how far are you willing to go with a guy" conversations, and it was indeed based on a map

Did you go to Indiana with him?
Actually we went to Ohio.
Ohio!?
Ohio.
Well Sandra! I never.
posted by Lutoslawski at 8:48 AM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

MetaFilter: platonically visited Rhode Island
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:56 AM on June 22, 2016

In Ohio I didn't shag but I got engaged between Dayton and Marion.
posted by waving at 9:00 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

538: 271. helps to have had a wife who liked road trips (and sexy times). Full disclosure, Idaho may just have been roadhead, the panhandle is pretty narrow.
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:10 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

202:159 Obviously we needed to go somewhere other than the American West
posted by Ber at 9:18 AM on June 22, 2016

For the record, everyone gets credit for Pennsylvania.

Not necessarily.
posted by tonycpsu at 9:19 AM on June 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

I sorta wish the interface would let you select "shagged in" and "been to" independently. That'd allow for a lot more (ahem!) edge cases.

So... you are saying you have shagged in a state you haven't been to? I'm not sure how the physics of that work, much less the politics.

Mostly a weak joke I already regret making. Though figuring out how to get it on across a state border is exactly the kind of puzzle I would have set myself in my younger, jerkier, more-interested-in-liminal-spaces days, not coincidentally the time when I was doing a lot more camping in state-line campgrounds & such.
posted by miles per flower at 9:28 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Do flyover states count if you did it in an airplane?
posted by Mooski at 9:34 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

I blame my poor showing on the Republicans for suppressing turnout.
posted by straight at 9:35 AM on June 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

Did you go to Indiana with him?
Actually we went to Ohio.
Ohio!?
Ohio.

You think you're joking but we actually legit had conversations like that. We once had an extended conversation in the middle of a drama club rehearsal concerning how one of us was more comfortable staying where she was at physically but her boyfriend was pressuring her to go further, and to anyone listening in it would have sounded like we were debating vacation plans.

In fact, the day that one of us finally broke the news about losing her virginity, the fact that she used our language ("we went to Los Angeles") prompted one person overhearing to ask "did you go to Disneyland while you were there? Their EPCOT is supposed to be cool."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:39 AM on June 22, 2016 [6 favorites]

Is this the new Election Thread? If so, Trump is winning by a landslide IF you include the states where he's denied his activity in court.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:39 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

334:205

I left the South at a young age, so I have a lot of childhood trips that did not include shagging.
posted by thefoxgod at 9:46 AM on June 22, 2016

In fact, the day that one of us finally broke the news about losing her virginity, the fact that she used our language ("we went to Los Angeles") prompted one person overhearing to ask "did you go to Disneyland while you were there? Their EPCOT is supposed to be cool."

"Los Angeles was so great that I went to Disneyland twice."
posted by not that girl at 9:48 AM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

miles per flower: "Though figuring out how to get it on across a state border is exactly the kind of puzzle I would have set myself in my younger, jerkier, more-interested-in-liminal-spaces days, not coincidentally the time when I was doing a lot more camping in state-line campgrounds & such."

I hear they frown on that sort of thing at the Four Corners Monument.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:50 AM on June 22, 2016

miles per flower: "I sorta wish the interface would let you select "shagged in" and "been to" independently. That'd allow for a lot more (ahem!) edge cases."

So... you are saying you have shagged in a state you haven't been to? I'm not sure how the physics of that work, much less the politics.

Well, there was that time we visited Four Corners at 3 am . . .
 
posted by Herodios at 9:54 AM on June 22, 2016

Dayim!
 
posted by Herodios at 9:54 AM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

"Honey, we have to go have sex in Texas."
"That's crazy! Why?"
"Because otherwise, we have to have sex in Ohio, North Carolina, and Colorado."
posted by aureliobuendia at 9:57 AM on June 22, 2016 [16 favorites]

My co-driver* & I took I-40 and I-70 many, many times, and the I-90 route only many times.** Many. But I guess you still get only one vote per state. Also, any extra point for getting one's kicks one Route 66? How about Winslow Arizona?

503/244






* I use "co-driver" in its broadest meaning, in that Nancy owned the truck.
** However, we never drove through North Dakota because, as she put it, she "didn't give a (*_*) about North Dakota," so, relative to this survey, two birds with one stone.
posted by mule98J at 10:09 AM on June 22, 2016

Yay for spending my honeymoon in California!
posted by AFABulous at 10:25 AM on June 22, 2016

living in california certainly helped me but jeez if this isn't reminding me how little of the US i've traveled to outside of the west coast and new york, let alone how little i've shagged outside of california. time to do it for the votes!
posted by burgerrr at 11:20 AM on June 22, 2016

I just wish I wasn't experiencing a tinge of shame for being a President of Shagging. (Yes, I am female.) But Victory is Mine.
posted by Lil Bit of Pepper at 11:26 AM on June 22, 2016

275:116. I have the votes, but do I have a mandate? Not hardly.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:42 AM on June 22, 2016

409:155. Helps to have CA+PA+NY+IL!
posted by andrewesque at 11:58 AM on June 22, 2016

Everyone else has more electoral votes than me
Does anybody else get that feeling?
posted by J.K. Seazer at 12:19 PM on June 22, 2016

Everyone else has more electoral votes than me
Does anybody else get that feeling?

Um... I have no idea what you're talking about. I have, like, at least a million electoral votes, and that doesn't include all those times I had sex in Canada. Oh man I had so much sex in Canada but it's not worth explaining because you wouldn't know her anyway.
posted by bondcliff at 12:27 PM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

437/139. I have my "work" cut out for me.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:50 PM on June 22, 2016

I really need a running mate who can perform in key battleground states.

414/180
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 12:56 PM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Now pick out the historical candidate that most closely matches your personal map. 1832 Henry Clay is my shag spirit animal.
posted by T.D. Strange at 12:58 PM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Got over 270 in the lead-up to the 2012 election. Pennsylvania was the tipping point, and one of the reasons we chose to go there that weekend trip was because it had enough electoral votes.
posted by mountmccabe at 1:00 PM on June 22, 2016

T.D. Strange: "Now pick out the historical candidate that most closely matches your personal map."

Probably Zachary Taylor 1848?

The choice of Taylor was almost in desperation

Yup.

For what it's worth, some people consider casual use of the term "spirit animal" offensive to Native American belief systems.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:22 PM on June 22, 2016

235:174

Ah, Minnesota w a Honda lost in a snowdrift over New Years.
Tennessee. An emotional snarl, but dayum; that got freaky.

What I wanna see is a map that tracks HOW FAR one has driven for a booty-call.
And I want it to include lower Canada. Because yeah, Ann Arbor Michigan to Buffalo (before 2001) was easier to do going across Canada and fuck it, I didn't belong in graduate school for Public Health (Epidemiology) anyway.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 2:43 PM on June 22, 2016

Oh wait, 235:185.
Massachusetts.

Ah, massachusetts. Never have I gotten the "This bar is not the place for you" stare-down like I did in Lynn, MA. But yeah… 👉👌
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 2:53 PM on June 22, 2016

Tennessee. An emotional snarl, but dayum; that got freaky

Does anyone else suspect this is an anagram, and that someone is using MetaFilter as a numbers station?
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:28 PM on June 22, 2016 [4 favorites]

183 EV in the only race which counts. No carnality east of the Mississippi, with the exception of Virginia. Which makes sense. VA being for lovers and all that.

That was fun, but what the site needs is to mention which Presidential candidate you most resemble. As in, what candidate had an exact (or closest) match to your EV from the Shagging College. Also would be nice to see which candidate most closely approximated your list of states. Well, would be fun for most, but sad for that unfortunate person who has only sexed up Minnesota. They'd be a "Mondale".
posted by honestcoyote at 5:03 PM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Don't forget to include the District of Columbia if it applies to you. Fornication without Representation!
posted by gimonca at 5:05 PM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Apparently I'm more of a Governor than a President.
posted by rhizome at 5:49 PM on June 22, 2016

I need the BVI, Mexico, the UK and Germany if I'm to have any chance in this race.
posted by bendy at 7:07 PM on June 22, 2016

My other half and I are playing the game as a couple - Running Mates.
posted by clew at 9:45 PM on June 22, 2016

I also want to know if sex in planes while flying over states counts.
posted by culfinglin at 10:03 PM on June 22, 2016

What about sex in a train while crossing a state line, if you were asleep before and after?
posted by clew at 10:21 PM on June 22, 2016

(We've ridden the Coast Starlight a lot.)
posted by clew at 10:23 PM on June 22, 2016

Haven't toted up my score; prolly futile, but I do like this game. How 'bout 50-state shagging? That's my new bucket list.

I didn't belong in graduate school for Public Health (Epidemiology) anyway.

Because Biostat is where it's at.
posted by Mental Wimp at 8:41 AM on June 23, 2016 [1 favorite]

447:130
posted by kirkaracha at 11:07 AM on June 24, 2016

VA being for lovers and all that

Used to be it was. Now it's RADAR DETECTORS ILLEGAL.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:08 AM on June 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

And when I say "better in a Canadian election," while I would win nowhere near a majority of the 338 ridings, I feel I could at least make a strong third party showing.

Whoah. A second look shows a historic majority with something like 286 ridings going to the Biscuit Party. A few outliers in NWT and Nunavut, northern Quebec, and of course Labrador, but I maintain that no one has ever been to Labrador save for the Queen and a few illiterate sport fishermen.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:26 PM on June 28, 2016