Body horror video games - for little girls
July 2, 2016 10:53 AM Subscribe
If you have a small kid they have probably spent countless hours with characters such as Barbie, Dora the Explorer and Frozen's Elsa. Now you can scar them for life and instill some valuable life lessons about personal hygiene and healthcare in general with gross and weird video games such as Dora dentist day, Dora hair care, Elsa Arm Surgery, Barbie Sore Throat, Nail Surgery And Foot Spa 2, Sole Surgery, Jimmy At The Doctor, Barbie Shave, Cinderella Pumpkin Accident, Hello Kitty Care, Justin Bieber At The Doctor, Pregnant Ariel Injured, Dentist Fear, Ladybug Skin Doctor, Elsa Brain Doctor.
I've been wondering exactly what the hell these were for the longest time. Some of them, especially the pregnancy ones, make me wonder if Giant Meteor 2016 isn't our best choice after all.
But then I realized, kids do love to play doctor. I don't know how "playing doctor" became a creepy byword for sexual exploration, either; I mean actually pretending to be a doctor fixing the weirdness of the body, invented or real. Myself, I remember graphically pretending to give birth to a baby doll, at around age five, throwing all the drama I had seen on TV shows right at my performance.
In sum: kids are weird, and that is not weird at all, but I am happy to see copyright lawyers hit these as fast as they can come.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:01 AM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
But then I realized, kids do love to play doctor. I don't know how "playing doctor" became a creepy byword for sexual exploration, either; I mean actually pretending to be a doctor fixing the weirdness of the body, invented or real. Myself, I remember graphically pretending to give birth to a baby doll, at around age five, throwing all the drama I had seen on TV shows right at my performance.
In sum: kids are weird, and that is not weird at all, but I am happy to see copyright lawyers hit these as fast as they can come.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:01 AM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
I just played Elsa Brain Doctor and it was SO relaxing. It gave me that same gross satisfaction that removing a blackhead would. I think I'm gonna play these when I get stressed out.
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 11:28 AM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 11:28 AM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
In sum: kids are weird, and that is not weird at all
Kids are natural. We are weird. We attach our fears and insecurities and traumas to things that for kids simply happen, just as much a part of this world they explore as red lights, giraffes and running noses.
posted by hat_eater at 11:30 AM on July 2, 2016 [8 favorites]
Kids are natural. We are weird. We attach our fears and insecurities and traumas to things that for kids simply happen, just as much a part of this world they explore as red lights, giraffes and running noses.
posted by hat_eater at 11:30 AM on July 2, 2016 [8 favorites]
My son is 2.5 and uses a pair of fake pliers to pretend to tear out his stuffed dog's claws. I think (hope) he is imitating me cutting his fingernails with safety clippers. Lesson: kids are very disturbing but it's mostly very innocent.
posted by gatorae at 11:30 AM on July 2, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by gatorae at 11:30 AM on July 2, 2016 [3 favorites]
Lesson: kids are very disturbing but it's mostly very innocent.
Innocent? Infants would murder everything if they were more coordinated. Toddlers belong in the thunderdome. To call them innocent insults them, for it belies their nature.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:43 AM on July 2, 2016 [29 favorites]
Innocent? Infants would murder everything if they were more coordinated. Toddlers belong in the thunderdome. To call them innocent insults them, for it belies their nature.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:43 AM on July 2, 2016 [29 favorites]
Goofy's Pap Smear manages to capture all of the excitement and magic of the original Disneyland attraction.
posted by dr_dank at 12:10 PM on July 2, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 12:10 PM on July 2, 2016 [7 favorites]
Lesson: kids are very disturbing but it's mostly very innocent.
I've told this story before, but: when I was pretty young (5? 6?), my mother got a car (maybe my grandfather's car when he died). I apparently stared at it for a long time. Then I said:
"Mom, when you die, do I get your car?"
She replied: "Yes, I suppose so."
I stared at the car for a very long time.
"Then if everyone dies, I get everything."
Thus began my life as an Evil Overlord.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:11 PM on July 2, 2016 [125 favorites]
I've told this story before, but: when I was pretty young (5? 6?), my mother got a car (maybe my grandfather's car when he died). I apparently stared at it for a long time. Then I said:
"Mom, when you die, do I get your car?"
She replied: "Yes, I suppose so."
I stared at the car for a very long time.
"Then if everyone dies, I get everything."
Thus began my life as an Evil Overlord.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:11 PM on July 2, 2016 [125 favorites]
I mean, at least kids today have games to deflect their dreams of mass slaughter and medical torture.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:14 PM on July 2, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:14 PM on July 2, 2016 [5 favorites]
Last week I turned around and our 4-year-old daughter had picked up her 7-year-old sisters iPad. She was playing a surgery app, doing a cartoonish but real enough C-section: disinfect, slice open, spread the cut, withdraw infant, staple together, hand bloody baby to sweaty smiling Mommy.
So proud.
posted by gottabefunky at 12:19 PM on July 2, 2016 [14 favorites]
So proud.
posted by gottabefunky at 12:19 PM on July 2, 2016 [14 favorites]
Gotta say my five year old is way too interested in delivering babies and neglecting them after they've arrived. She is hell bent on the psychological torture of ripping a baby it off a mother, not feeding the baby (or babies) and other random signs of Doctor or parental neglect. Sometimes she takes great joy in the pained sounds they make. Seemingly what then happens is she waits til that part of me that said "Thank God my kids are old enough that I never need to hear the tortured sound of babies unable to have their needs met. I have dodged that bullet once again."
Then my daughter shows me very clearly that she is still the queen of psychological torture in our house and that yes, she can still make a grown man crack. Christ, just thinking about this makes my hand shake a little.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:43 PM on July 2, 2016 [10 favorites]
Then my daughter shows me very clearly that she is still the queen of psychological torture in our house and that yes, she can still make a grown man crack. Christ, just thinking about this makes my hand shake a little.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:43 PM on July 2, 2016 [10 favorites]
Kids are natural. We are weird.
posted by hat_eater at 11:30 AM on July 2
Says the person who eats hats.
(Actually, I mostly agree with your point. I just saw your name and thought it was funny to picture this being said by somebody who was eating a hat.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:33 PM on July 2, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by hat_eater at 11:30 AM on July 2
Says the person who eats hats.
(Actually, I mostly agree with your point. I just saw your name and thought it was funny to picture this being said by somebody who was eating a hat.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:33 PM on July 2, 2016 [8 favorites]
I feel like these are mostly just fetish games that are just incidentally kid appropriate.
posted by anazgnos at 2:26 PM on July 2, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by anazgnos at 2:26 PM on July 2, 2016 [3 favorites]
And they say Flash is dead.
posted by aaronetc at 2:29 PM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by aaronetc at 2:29 PM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
"Then if everyone dies, I get everything."
We had a very similar conversation with my five year old daughter, who is the youngest of three siblings. For some reason, the older two, ages seven and nine, started talking about who in our family would die next.
"Memaw will probably die soon. She's very old."
"Yeah. And then Granddaddy and Grammy."
"And after that, Dad is probably next, then Mom."
"Right. And then it'll just be us kids."
At this point, the five year old sat up straight and yelled, "AND THEN THE TWO OF YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL FINALLY GET SOME TIME TO MYSELF!"
posted by Pater Aletheias at 2:37 PM on July 2, 2016 [76 favorites]
We had a very similar conversation with my five year old daughter, who is the youngest of three siblings. For some reason, the older two, ages seven and nine, started talking about who in our family would die next.
"Memaw will probably die soon. She's very old."
"Yeah. And then Granddaddy and Grammy."
"And after that, Dad is probably next, then Mom."
"Right. And then it'll just be us kids."
At this point, the five year old sat up straight and yelled, "AND THEN THE TWO OF YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL FINALLY GET SOME TIME TO MYSELF!"
posted by Pater Aletheias at 2:37 PM on July 2, 2016 [76 favorites]
haha, the struggle for 5yo is real
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:04 PM on July 2, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:04 PM on July 2, 2016 [4 favorites]
I would be curious to hear from the creators of these games the basis behind some of the decisions. Probably it's a cynical "what search terms are popular" combined with throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks, but I like to imagine the real trailblazers are asking their five-year-olds for ideas, along the lines of Axe Cop.
"Okay, so Elsa is pretty popular. What kind of game do you think I should make with Elsa?"
"I think Elsa was practicing with ice magic and hurt her brain so she has to go to the brain doctor. So the doctor listens to her heart and takes her temperature and then uses a machine to zap her brain, and then cuts off all her hair, and cuts off the top of her head. And then you have to make sure her brain is clean, so you wash it, and then you dry it, and then there's bits of ice in her brain, so you pull them all out with tweezers, and then put bandaids on the cuts, and you can choose any colour of bandaid."
posted by RobotHero at 3:11 PM on July 2, 2016 [8 favorites]
"Okay, so Elsa is pretty popular. What kind of game do you think I should make with Elsa?"
"I think Elsa was practicing with ice magic and hurt her brain so she has to go to the brain doctor. So the doctor listens to her heart and takes her temperature and then uses a machine to zap her brain, and then cuts off all her hair, and cuts off the top of her head. And then you have to make sure her brain is clean, so you wash it, and then you dry it, and then there's bits of ice in her brain, so you pull them all out with tweezers, and then put bandaids on the cuts, and you can choose any colour of bandaid."
posted by RobotHero at 3:11 PM on July 2, 2016 [8 favorites]
Barbie Shave is not what I expected at all. Thank god.
posted by spacewrench at 3:13 PM on July 2, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by spacewrench at 3:13 PM on July 2, 2016 [6 favorites]
Also it may be noteworthy this isn't even the first Elsa Brain Surgery I've seen. There's also this one.
posted by RobotHero at 3:29 PM on July 2, 2016
posted by RobotHero at 3:29 PM on July 2, 2016
Okay, I _had_ to click to see just where Cinderella had wedged that pumpkin.
"I don't know, Fairy Godmother, I must have sat on it somehow."
posted by delfin at 5:00 PM on July 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
"I don't know, Fairy Godmother, I must have sat on it somehow."
posted by delfin at 5:00 PM on July 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
I thought brain surgery was supposed to be hard. That was so easy! I think I'll apply to med school.
posted by clawsoon at 5:32 PM on July 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by clawsoon at 5:32 PM on July 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
Okay, I'm feeling kind of dumb because I couldn't figure out what to do with that pink gauze in Cinderella Pumpkin Accident.
posted by queensissy at 7:11 PM on July 2, 2016
posted by queensissy at 7:11 PM on July 2, 2016
Pater, as a fellow youngest, I know how she feels.
posted by emjaybee at 7:31 PM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by emjaybee at 7:31 PM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
Here's what my 9yo requested recently:
L would like to download Eye Cataract Surgery Simulator -- Emergency Doctor Game by Happy Baby Games for free from the App Store.
Reader, I approved it.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:02 PM on July 2, 2016 [3 favorites]
L would like to download Eye Cataract Surgery Simulator -- Emergency Doctor Game by Happy Baby Games for free from the App Store.
Reader, I approved it.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:02 PM on July 2, 2016 [3 favorites]
Oh, hey, I originally bad posted some of this stuff to the Hey Kids! post but the host site was too sketchy in terms of possible viruses. It looks like there are multiple sites that point to these games.
They're endless iterations of similar games with various characters. Similar to the primary amount of content on the Hey Kids! YouTube channel. And similar to Hey Kids! there is the occasional weird thing that seems out of place or inappropriate.
As I guessed about Hey Kids!, this is probably some attempt at gathering a little ad revenue from lots of minor content. And whomever is generating all this content gets bored sometimes and probably assumes no one will notice or care.
posted by charred husk at 10:00 PM on July 2, 2016
They're endless iterations of similar games with various characters. Similar to the primary amount of content on the Hey Kids! YouTube channel. And similar to Hey Kids! there is the occasional weird thing that seems out of place or inappropriate.
As I guessed about Hey Kids!, this is probably some attempt at gathering a little ad revenue from lots of minor content. And whomever is generating all this content gets bored sometimes and probably assumes no one will notice or care.
posted by charred husk at 10:00 PM on July 2, 2016
One of my nieces (who is about 5-6) is a HUGE fan of dentist games! Her mum doesn't get it, but she could play that game for HOURSSSSS
posted by divabat at 10:11 PM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by divabat at 10:11 PM on July 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
Knowing these exist has in no way improved my life.
posted by boilermonster at 2:44 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by boilermonster at 2:44 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
As an adult the games are kind of horrifying. But maybe it would help kids who are scared of the dentist or need brain surgery? It gives them an inaccurate idea of what's going on, but at least it's not terrifying? Especially even if Elsa or whatever Disney Princess also has to go through it.
posted by ethidda at 1:33 PM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ethidda at 1:33 PM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
I suspect that was the initial reason for the games? Maybe a dentist paid someone to make a couple Flash games with unlicensed characters, and it snowballed from there?
posted by RobotHero at 9:15 PM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by RobotHero at 9:15 PM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
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/wanders off muttering
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:57 AM on July 2, 2016 [35 favorites]