“I’m not going to mess with your milk. That is such a personal thing.”
July 3, 2016 3:14 PM Subscribe
$7 for Corn Flakes? Cereal Gets Makeover at Kellogg’s Store in Times Square [The New York Times] In a brave new world of breakfast food, replete with to-go bars and microwaveable sandwiches, companies like Kellogg’s and General Mills have seen their cereal sales decline over the past decade. Now, in hopes of helping its customers to rethink cereal, Kellogg’s plans to open a branded boutique in Times Square on Monday, charging Manhattan prices — as much as $7.50 — for bowls of Frosted Flakes and Raisin Bran. The cereal will be garnished with foodie flair — like lemon zest and green tea powder — to help justify those prices. “It’s all about honoring tradition but looking differently at a bowl of cereal,” said Anthony Rudolf, who will operate the store, called Kellogg’s NYC.
I vote that Anthony Rudolf be exiled from the Kingdom of Breakfast forever.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:19 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:19 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
During the Depression era, the tel3mum asked for, and received, a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes for her birthday present.
I can't even bring myself to get up and walk into the next room and tell her about this. My legs won't move.
posted by tel3path at 3:21 PM on July 3, 2016 [53 favorites]
I can't even bring myself to get up and walk into the next room and tell her about this. My legs won't move.
posted by tel3path at 3:21 PM on July 3, 2016 [53 favorites]
If you're a tourist in Manhattan, $7.50 seems a bargain for a silly, Instagram-ready, "only in Times Square" moment. The cereal is a bonus.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:21 PM on July 3, 2016 [23 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:21 PM on July 3, 2016 [23 favorites]
What is the Manhattan price for a box of cereal at a grocery store?
I mean, I don't eat cereal. I don't even know what the prices for cereal are at my little town of 10,000 in eastern WA. But $7.50... Well, I mean... I remember going to Denny's a while back and seeing those single serve boxes of cereal (with a bowl and milk) on the menu for, um... $4.50? $5?
posted by hippybear at 3:22 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
I mean, I don't eat cereal. I don't even know what the prices for cereal are at my little town of 10,000 in eastern WA. But $7.50... Well, I mean... I remember going to Denny's a while back and seeing those single serve boxes of cereal (with a bowl and milk) on the menu for, um... $4.50? $5?
posted by hippybear at 3:22 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
Can you still cut those little cereal boxes open and pour milk right in? I know that used to be a thing.
posted by Splunge at 3:23 PM on July 3, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 3:23 PM on July 3, 2016 [13 favorites]
I haven't ever actually done that, but I believe you still can. I know it was a thing -- guys in my boy scout troop would buy them and take them along on multi-day hikes, mix up powdered milk, and eat out of the box and then burn the remains in the morning campfire so they didn't have to wash any dishes, just their spoon. That was pre-mid-80s, so maybe times have changed.
posted by hippybear at 3:26 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by hippybear at 3:26 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
I think Kellogg's is missing a chance here. If you're going to go upmarket, there's currently a gap between "compacted sugar" and "five types of fruit" (which maps onto Frosted Flakes and Raisin Bran) to actually buy normally in boxes. I'd definitely give lemon zest a go if it meant a light cereal that wouldn't make my teeth fall out.
posted by solarion at 3:28 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by solarion at 3:28 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
Those little cereal boxes were the second worst thing about camping trips with my family (Coleman stove burnt toast that "will put hair your chest" was the worst ). The problem is the little boxes of cereal came in packages of three and I have brothers. Not three cereal boxes of one kind. Three different kinds of cereal. One that was good, one that was okay and one that nobody wanted. Enjoy!
posted by srboisvert at 3:29 PM on July 3, 2016 [47 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 3:29 PM on July 3, 2016 [47 favorites]
$7 sounds about right to me. Yeah a box of cereal is slightly cheaper but so is all food you can buy outside of a restaurant. Nobody wants to walk around the city carrying around a box of cereal and a cooler full of milk and some bowls and spoons and a banana and a knife so they can eat cereal whenever they want.
posted by bleep at 3:30 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by bleep at 3:30 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
This is a Modern Seinfeld plot, isn't it?
posted by schmod at 3:31 PM on July 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by schmod at 3:31 PM on July 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
How much do they have to pay you to go to Times Square though?
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 3:32 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 3:32 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
Nobody wants to walk around the city carrying around a box of cereal and a cooler full of milk and some bowls and spoons and a banana and a knife so they can eat cereal whenever they want.
You don't know me.
posted by srboisvert at 3:33 PM on July 3, 2016 [53 favorites]
You don't know me.
posted by srboisvert at 3:33 PM on July 3, 2016 [53 favorites]
THEY'RE CHARGING SEVEN DOLLARS FOR CEREAL!
CEREAL, JERRY!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:33 PM on July 3, 2016 [74 favorites]
CEREAL, JERRY!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:33 PM on July 3, 2016 [74 favorites]
So Christina Tosi at Momofuku made this great thing where you take cereal (corn flakes mostly) toast them, steep them in milk, brown sugar and salt, strain it out and so you basically have this very cool, flavourful cereal milk. They sell it, I believe. She'll also toast corn flakes with skim milk powder, tons of butter, and sugar and use those flakes in chocolate chip cookies (and they are SO GOOD, like, best chocolate chip cookies ever).
I'm reading through the menu of this place and it is just humdrum boring. I mean, raisin brown, peanuts, and banana chips doesn't sound bad but it's like....ok?
I would love to see how these are plated/bowled. Like, I would like to see that. I would also kind of love to work there JUST to describe my job to people. "Yeah, I put green tea and peanuts on corn flakes, it's exactly how you'd imagine."
posted by Neronomius at 3:34 PM on July 3, 2016 [15 favorites]
I'm reading through the menu of this place and it is just humdrum boring. I mean, raisin brown, peanuts, and banana chips doesn't sound bad but it's like....ok?
I would love to see how these are plated/bowled. Like, I would like to see that. I would also kind of love to work there JUST to describe my job to people. "Yeah, I put green tea and peanuts on corn flakes, it's exactly how you'd imagine."
posted by Neronomius at 3:34 PM on July 3, 2016 [15 favorites]
Come on, this is not about a reasonable price for a bowl of cereal. You can get one for less at any diner around there. This is a goofy little experience deliberately priced slightly high to make it feel special. You wouldn't think it would work, but then you wouldn't think people would feel the need to eat at Applebee's or Red Lobster or Olive Garden in Manhattan, either, and yet they hang on in Times Square, monuments to tourists's endlessly depressing worldviews.
posted by praemunire at 3:34 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 3:34 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
For those prices, I'd like to see something a bit more substantial than lemon zest paired with the cereal. Like, fresh organic fruit for on top, or frozen yogurt for underneath. Hopefully they also go all-out with the milk: grass-fed, organic, no hormones or antibiotics, and a range of fat % options.
posted by mantecol at 3:35 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by mantecol at 3:35 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
Next they'll be opening some sort of Kellogg-themed health spa in the Catskills.
posted by Flashman at 3:36 PM on July 3, 2016 [71 favorites]
posted by Flashman at 3:36 PM on July 3, 2016 [71 favorites]
Isn't this just co-opting the hipster trend of ultra twee, "quirky" cereal restaurants? I seem to recall one getting destroyed in an anti-gentrification riot in London not long ago.
posted by indubitable at 3:37 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 3:37 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
So I checked out their instagram @kellogsnewyork and they've just done the endlessly, unhelpful way of showing off their recipes. But I did find out that Christina Tosi did contribute to them with that froot loop lime zest marshmallow thing. Looking through, it seems like a lot of their stuff is attributed to Tosi. So I am more impressed with it than I was before.
posted by Neronomius at 3:38 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by Neronomius at 3:38 PM on July 3, 2016
Next they'll be opening some sort of Kellogg-themed health spa in the Catskills.
Surely you meant to type Michigan.
posted by hippybear at 3:39 PM on July 3, 2016 [18 favorites]
Surely you meant to type Michigan.
posted by hippybear at 3:39 PM on July 3, 2016 [18 favorites]
Maybe not Applebee's, but sometimes, after the better part of a week trying new places that are mostly, but not always, appealing to one's palate, it's nice to grab something you know and "love" that reminds you of home. Red Lobster and Olive Garden are comfort food for many Americans.
So is cereal, for that matter.
posted by wierdo at 3:40 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
So is cereal, for that matter.
posted by wierdo at 3:40 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
THEY'RE CHARGING SEVEN DOLLARS FOR CEREAL!
CEREAL, JERRY!
Breakfast cereal has been expensive for quite a while. A standard 4L bags of milk is $4.98 and the price of a box of Kellog's Frosted Flakes is $4.99 here in Ontario, Canada. We don't buy as much cereal as we used to. We tend to stick with oatmeal instead.
posted by Fizz at 3:41 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
CEREAL, JERRY!
Breakfast cereal has been expensive for quite a while. A standard 4L bags of milk is $4.98 and the price of a box of Kellog's Frosted Flakes is $4.99 here in Ontario, Canada. We don't buy as much cereal as we used to. We tend to stick with oatmeal instead.
posted by Fizz at 3:41 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
So is cereal, for that matter.
But do you get to eat it while wearing pyjamas on the shag rug of a basement rec room while watching episodes of Hercules and Rocket Robin Hood?
posted by Flashman at 3:45 PM on July 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
But do you get to eat it while wearing pyjamas on the shag rug of a basement rec room while watching episodes of Hercules and Rocket Robin Hood?
posted by Flashman at 3:45 PM on July 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
We tend to stick with oatmeal instead.
And the oatmeal returns the favor, I'm sure.
posted by BrashTech at 3:48 PM on July 3, 2016 [17 favorites]
And the oatmeal returns the favor, I'm sure.
posted by BrashTech at 3:48 PM on July 3, 2016 [17 favorites]
Better if they called it William KK
posted by parmanparman at 3:51 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by parmanparman at 3:51 PM on July 3, 2016
Looking through, it seems like a lot of their stuff is attributed to Tosi.
It says that right there in the article: "Christina Tosi, the founder of the popular Milk Bar bakeries, who has plenty of experience working with breakfast cereals, developed the menu."
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 3:52 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
It says that right there in the article: "Christina Tosi, the founder of the popular Milk Bar bakeries, who has plenty of experience working with breakfast cereals, developed the menu."
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 3:52 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
*Cap'n Crunch, come in, Cap'n Crunch, come in please, bring reinforcements*
posted by jonmc at 3:56 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by jonmc at 3:56 PM on July 3, 2016
I recently paid $10 for a box of Cheerios because it was the middle of the goddamn night and the baby was hungry and it was at a gas station, and I still think $7 for a bowl is a hilarious joke on tourists and hipsters.
posted by Etrigan at 4:03 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 4:03 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
Why do people pay $13 for a ham sandwich in times square when you could make one at home for a couple bucks?????
posted by GuyZero at 4:08 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by GuyZero at 4:08 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
I've been eating store brand cereal. Crispy Hexagons are great!
posted by thelonius at 4:10 PM on July 3, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 4:10 PM on July 3, 2016 [13 favorites]
I rather enjoy Yellow Mouth Shredding Sugar Squares.
posted by Splunge at 4:17 PM on July 3, 2016 [17 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 4:17 PM on July 3, 2016 [17 favorites]
I've been eating store brand cereal.
Which knock-off brand have you been eating?
Crisp Crunch?
Fruit Spins?
Live it Up?
Pranks?
Apple Orbits?
Confruity Crisp?
Marshmallow Magic?
Cocoa Nuggets?
posted by Fizz at 4:20 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
Which knock-off brand have you been eating?
Crisp Crunch?
Fruit Spins?
Live it Up?
Pranks?
Apple Orbits?
Confruity Crisp?
Marshmallow Magic?
Cocoa Nuggets?
posted by Fizz at 4:20 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
srboisvert: Coleman stove burnt toast that "will put hair your chest" was the worst
Finally, someone who shares this obscure childhood trauma that's festered for years.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:21 PM on July 3, 2016 [10 favorites]
Finally, someone who shares this obscure childhood trauma that's festered for years.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:21 PM on July 3, 2016 [10 favorites]
I've never been to Milk Bar but the best thing I saw them make was a baklava milkshake, courtesy of Action Bronson. It looked totally amazing.
posted by gucci mane at 4:22 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by gucci mane at 4:22 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
I can't even bring myself to get up and walk into the next room and tell her about this. My legs won't move.
it's 2016
u can tweet her while hiding in the bathroom
posted by poffin boffin at 4:28 PM on July 3, 2016 [18 favorites]
it's 2016
u can tweet her while hiding in the bathroom
posted by poffin boffin at 4:28 PM on July 3, 2016 [18 favorites]
The menu actually looks pretty decent (I mean given what we're talking about here). The fancy cereals are $7.5 but you can get a small bowl of regular cereal (many flavors to choose from) for $3.50 and regular for $4.50 (both come with milk). And there are lots of things you can add to customize the bowl even things like almond butter, yogurt, thyme, and so on.
posted by bfootdav at 4:31 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by bfootdav at 4:31 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
So it seems sales of cereal are down because Millennials don't want to wash bowls. In other words, we probably deserve this.
On the other hand, this just screams Metafilter meetup.
posted by Mchelly at 4:38 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
On the other hand, this just screams Metafilter meetup.
posted by Mchelly at 4:38 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
Those little cereal boxes were the second worst thing about camping trips with my family
The only time I got sugar cereal as a kid was on camping trips, because the pack of reasonable little cereal boxes always had one box of corn pops or froot loops or something. I remember them being really awesome. But I don't let my kids eat them...(well, I would if we bought one of those mix packs of cereal and they were in the pack. But we haven't.)
posted by leahwrenn at 4:38 PM on July 3, 2016
The only time I got sugar cereal as a kid was on camping trips, because the pack of reasonable little cereal boxes always had one box of corn pops or froot loops or something. I remember them being really awesome. But I don't let my kids eat them...(well, I would if we bought one of those mix packs of cereal and they were in the pack. But we haven't.)
posted by leahwrenn at 4:38 PM on July 3, 2016
I thought Kellogg was all about stopping jerking off?
But, eh, Manhattan.
posted by Devonian at 4:41 PM on July 3, 2016 [8 favorites]
But, eh, Manhattan.
posted by Devonian at 4:41 PM on July 3, 2016 [8 favorites]
The jerking off in Times Square used to be a BIT more literal a few decades ago.
posted by hippybear at 4:42 PM on July 3, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 4:42 PM on July 3, 2016 [11 favorites]
This is honestly pretty smart, for a couple of reasons:
1) No one goes to Times Square for well-priced anything, so everyone is expecting to be overcharged,
2) No one goes to Times Square for a gourmet experience, but for a "classier" version of things they already know,
3) And for that, Kellogs can point to Christina Tosi's hand in this, without scaring the tourists with "deconstructed cereal,"
4) This all creates buzz and promotes "normal" cereal, for people who want to (re)create this in their own home,
5) And they can sell overpriced "Limited Edition Manhattan Experience Cereals" in limited outlets, like airports, or online, and increase their profits.
Anyway, cereal is on sale pretty frequently, to the point you don't have to pay more than $3 for a box of any cereal.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:47 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
1) No one goes to Times Square for well-priced anything, so everyone is expecting to be overcharged,
2) No one goes to Times Square for a gourmet experience, but for a "classier" version of things they already know,
3) And for that, Kellogs can point to Christina Tosi's hand in this, without scaring the tourists with "deconstructed cereal,"
4) This all creates buzz and promotes "normal" cereal, for people who want to (re)create this in their own home,
5) And they can sell overpriced "Limited Edition Manhattan Experience Cereals" in limited outlets, like airports, or online, and increase their profits.
Anyway, cereal is on sale pretty frequently, to the point you don't have to pay more than $3 for a box of any cereal.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:47 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
Despite myself, I like the cereal-y offerings at MilkBar. If I ever went to Times Square, I'd go to the Kellogg Cafe. But since I don't, I won't.
posted by tippy at 4:47 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by tippy at 4:47 PM on July 3, 2016
And cereal can be reduced to a single-serving size pretty easily for daily consumption. Milk is a hassle, though, but you can get a good air-tight container and you're good to go. Just be sure to rinse out the milk container and the cereal bowl, or better wash it a bit with soap and water, or your containers may get that funky old milk smell.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:49 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by filthy light thief at 4:49 PM on July 3, 2016
Uh, we already did this in London.
With.. mixed results?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:49 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
With.. mixed results?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:49 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
The Cereal From A Van cart that I saw last year did an amazing business.
But they also mixed and matched cereals and had unlimited refills, so I assume they made it up on volume.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 4:58 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
But they also mixed and matched cereals and had unlimited refills, so I assume they made it up on volume.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 4:58 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
Cereal is in decline. The goal is to create some level of on-trendness of it. This is a popular store by a major manufacturer. They are schlepping 8.00 for cereal. To cover the rent in Times Square the store has to shovel well over 3000 bowls of cereal a day. This is a publicity stunt. This is for visibility. This is for relevance and the message. This may also be used in some level of R&D for flavor variant testing. And, at the end of the day - someone can say that their New York experience included a $7.50 bowl of cereal.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:06 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:06 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
praemunire: " You wouldn't think it would work, but then you wouldn't think people would feel the need to eat at Applebee's or Red Lobster or Olive Garden in Manhattan, either, and yet they hang on in Times Square, monuments to tourists's endlessly depressing worldviews."
There's so much elitism in that comment, so much insularity, entitlement and just general sneering at people who don't live in as cool a place as you do, whose lives aren't as awesome and special as yours I can't even.
So I won't.
posted by signal at 5:12 PM on July 3, 2016 [21 favorites]
There's so much elitism in that comment, so much insularity, entitlement and just general sneering at people who don't live in as cool a place as you do, whose lives aren't as awesome and special as yours I can't even.
So I won't.
posted by signal at 5:12 PM on July 3, 2016 [21 favorites]
I would guess that 99% of the NYC chain-restaurant tourists have either a child or old person with them and cannot TAKE any more WHINING about the goddamn food and how it looks WEIRD and they don't LIKE IT, while you sit there calculating how much of your retirement funds you spent taking them on this life-enriching trip and how many years you will have to spend in the shitty old folks' home (instead of the nice one) because of it.
So you take them to the damn Olive Garden because for a few minutes, you get some peace while they shovel in the familiar glop they love.
That's what I assume, anyway.
posted by emjaybee at 5:29 PM on July 3, 2016 [15 favorites]
So you take them to the damn Olive Garden because for a few minutes, you get some peace while they shovel in the familiar glop they love.
That's what I assume, anyway.
posted by emjaybee at 5:29 PM on July 3, 2016 [15 favorites]
I was just in Maui, I would have been overjoyed and astonished to find any meal for under $10, including a bowl of cereal. Manhattan has nothing on Maui when it comes to scalping tourists. Just sayin.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 5:29 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 5:29 PM on July 3, 2016
Re: cereal restaurants, lactose intolerance did cereal in for me; soy and almond milks were just too bland or sweet or both, and once I stopped eating cereal for a while I realized how mushy and kind of weird it is to eat and how not-filling it tends to be anyway. Some dry cereals make a decent snack, but as a meal it's pretty meh.
posted by emjaybee at 5:33 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by emjaybee at 5:33 PM on July 3, 2016
Isn't "restaurant that serves only cereal" like, the quintessential, archetypal terrible idea that sounds amazing when you're high?
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:35 PM on July 3, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:35 PM on July 3, 2016 [6 favorites]
So you take them to the damn Olive Garden because for a few minutes, you get some peace while they shovel in the familiar glop they love.
LISA: “Let's go to an authentic Japanese noodle house.”posted by Fizz at 5:42 PM on July 3, 2016 [13 favorites]
HOMER: “The toilet recommended a place called Americatown.”
LISA: “Dad, we didn't come halfway around the world to eat at Americatown.”
MARGE: “I'd like to see theJapanese take on the club sandwich. I bet it's smaller and more efficient.”
SecretAgentSockpuppet: "I was just in Maui, I would have been overjoyed and astonished to find any meal for under $10, including a bowl of cereal. Manhattan has nothing on Maui when it comes to scalping tourists. Just sayin."
But isn't that Hawaii in general? Never been there but isn't the cost of living there the highest of any state?
posted by Splunge at 5:43 PM on July 3, 2016
But isn't that Hawaii in general? Never been there but isn't the cost of living there the highest of any state?
posted by Splunge at 5:43 PM on July 3, 2016
I mean, is there anyone who didn't have this idea in college?
posted by beerperson at 5:48 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by beerperson at 5:48 PM on July 3, 2016
Fizz: "I've been eating store brand cereal.
Which knock-off brand have you been eating?
Crisp Crunch?
Fruit Spins?
Live it Up?
Pranks?
Apple Orbits?
Confruity Crisp?
Marshmallow Magic?
Cocoa Nuggets?"
Pranks! They look like sugary cereal but they are spray painted packing styrofoam!
posted by Splunge at 5:57 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
Which knock-off brand have you been eating?
Crisp Crunch?
Fruit Spins?
Live it Up?
Pranks?
Apple Orbits?
Confruity Crisp?
Marshmallow Magic?
Cocoa Nuggets?"
Pranks! They look like sugary cereal but they are spray painted packing styrofoam!
posted by Splunge at 5:57 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
There's an entire store in Time Square dedicated to M&Ms, for Pete's sake. Overpriced cereal doesn't seem like much of a stretch. Also, honestly, if you ever want a ton of M&Ms in a particular color or colors, that store is helpful, if overpriced.
posted by old_growler at 6:14 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by old_growler at 6:14 PM on July 3, 2016 [5 favorites]
I would guess that 99% of the NYC chain-restaurant tourists have either a child or old person with them and cannot TAKE any more WHINING about the goddamn food and how it looks WEIRD and they don't LIKE IT
And the other 1% is people like me, who are adventurous and interested in new experiences of certain, not food-related kinds. I often end up eating in interesting restaurants when traveling because members of my family are into that, but traveling alone? I'm always going to go for "cheap and familar," and that's usually either a chain restaurant or a diner. I love diners.
Our 8-year-old is a gymnast, and I have chronic pain and a mobility impairment. By the time I've sat in terrible bleachers through a three-hour meet plus an awards ceremony, I'm exhausted and need a nap. This year my partner, the kid, and I have worked out this great system for out-of-town meets where we find an interesting local restaurant, usually Thai or Chinese because my kid loves that stuff. We park the car in the shade and I sleep while the two of them go in and have a delicious lunch. Then on the way to the freeway, we drive through and get me a burger, which I eat, and then I go back to sleep for the rest of the drive home.
posted by not that girl at 6:50 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
And the other 1% is people like me, who are adventurous and interested in new experiences of certain, not food-related kinds. I often end up eating in interesting restaurants when traveling because members of my family are into that, but traveling alone? I'm always going to go for "cheap and familar," and that's usually either a chain restaurant or a diner. I love diners.
Our 8-year-old is a gymnast, and I have chronic pain and a mobility impairment. By the time I've sat in terrible bleachers through a three-hour meet plus an awards ceremony, I'm exhausted and need a nap. This year my partner, the kid, and I have worked out this great system for out-of-town meets where we find an interesting local restaurant, usually Thai or Chinese because my kid loves that stuff. We park the car in the shade and I sleep while the two of them go in and have a delicious lunch. Then on the way to the freeway, we drive through and get me a burger, which I eat, and then I go back to sleep for the rest of the drive home.
posted by not that girl at 6:50 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
Also, I read this thread while eating a bowl of Cheerios. Which is a General Mills cereal, but still.
posted by not that girl at 6:53 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by not that girl at 6:53 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
Still not as bad as Guy Fieri's restaurant.
posted by scalefree at 6:55 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by scalefree at 6:55 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
As someone who is lactose intolerant I pay the highest price for a bowl of cereal. Two hours in the thunderbox no trial.
posted by adept256 at 6:59 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 6:59 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
I don't understand why people are so harshly judgmental of other people who are doing things that can't possibly make a difference to them. Like, why do people waste energy caring about what and where other people eat, or what they like to do when they travel? In a place like New York City, surely there's not enough of a head-to-head restaurant competition that people wanting Applebee's are destroying the options for people who want to try, say, Liberian food. I do get the desire for a place like Times Square to be its own unique place and not a collection of restaurants that can be found at the end of the off-ramp at any I-80 exit east of Iowa, but as a person who dwells in the land of off-ramp restaurant strips, I can tell you that big cities are definitely still very, very different, and that even a place like Times Square isn't a place any of us are going to mistake for home.
posted by not that girl at 7:00 PM on July 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by not that girl at 7:00 PM on July 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
So it seems sales of cereal are down because Millennials don't want to wash bowls. In other words, we probably deserve this.
It is true. We snake people lack the arms needed to load a dishwasher.
posted by indubitable at 7:44 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
It is true. We snake people lack the arms needed to load a dishwasher.
posted by indubitable at 7:44 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
This thread made me want cereal. Just enjoyed a bowl of raisin bran crunch while reading it. Nom nom nom.
posted by TestamentToGrace at 7:45 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by TestamentToGrace at 7:45 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
It is true. We snake people lack the arms needed to load a dishwasher.
This isn't something that someone just made up. Here's a WaPo article about this from February based on polling that says exactly that millennials don't want to wash cereal bowls.
It sounds like a sarcastic snarky comment, but it's based on research.
posted by hippybear at 7:47 PM on July 3, 2016
This isn't something that someone just made up. Here's a WaPo article about this from February based on polling that says exactly that millennials don't want to wash cereal bowls.
It sounds like a sarcastic snarky comment, but it's based on research.
posted by hippybear at 7:47 PM on July 3, 2016
I do get the desire for a place like Times Square to be its own unique place and not a collection of restaurants that can be found at the end of the off-ramp at any I-80 exit east of Iowa
...which is pretty much what it is now, plus some large flashing signs and drunk anti-Semitic Elmos. I don't have the faux nostalgia for the Times Square of hookers and porn emporiums that some do, but it's little better than a strip mall now, and that is sad. And driven specifically by the city's catering to the tourist market.
The choice in Midtown isn't between Darden extruded restaurant product and, like, a $500 prix-fixe restaurant that only serves fermented whale and doesn't admit teenagers, it's between a perfectly decent local Italian restaurant around the corner which costs essentially the same and the same supremely mediocre place you can eat at home any darned time you want. (These days, with cellphones, it's not even hard to find the former.) Or, in this case, between a local diner and a random stunt place whose pricing is clearly set to get stunt attention. I'm not from anywhere anyone would recognize as cool, but I sure don't travel with the intention of experiencing the exact same stuff I can where I came from.
posted by praemunire at 7:51 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
...which is pretty much what it is now, plus some large flashing signs and drunk anti-Semitic Elmos. I don't have the faux nostalgia for the Times Square of hookers and porn emporiums that some do, but it's little better than a strip mall now, and that is sad. And driven specifically by the city's catering to the tourist market.
The choice in Midtown isn't between Darden extruded restaurant product and, like, a $500 prix-fixe restaurant that only serves fermented whale and doesn't admit teenagers, it's between a perfectly decent local Italian restaurant around the corner which costs essentially the same and the same supremely mediocre place you can eat at home any darned time you want. (These days, with cellphones, it's not even hard to find the former.) Or, in this case, between a local diner and a random stunt place whose pricing is clearly set to get stunt attention. I'm not from anywhere anyone would recognize as cool, but I sure don't travel with the intention of experiencing the exact same stuff I can where I came from.
posted by praemunire at 7:51 PM on July 3, 2016 [7 favorites]
This isn't something that someone just made up. Here's a WaPo article about this from February based on polling that says exactly that millennials don't want to wash cereal bowls.
It sounds like a sarcastic snarky comment, but it's based on research.
No, I agree with you! We're shiftless imbeciles.
posted by indubitable at 8:09 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
It sounds like a sarcastic snarky comment, but it's based on research.
No, I agree with you! We're shiftless imbeciles.
posted by indubitable at 8:09 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
Hell, you should see my kitchen. I'm not a fan of doing dishes either, and tend to let them stack up to ridiculous levels before I finally break down.
If I had any discipline, I'd just wash what I used right after I was done using it and then use the same plate and utensils the next night, wash, etc. But I don't.
I'm not casting judgement.
posted by hippybear at 8:15 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
If I had any discipline, I'd just wash what I used right after I was done using it and then use the same plate and utensils the next night, wash, etc. But I don't.
I'm not casting judgement.
posted by hippybear at 8:15 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
I sure don't travel with the intention of experiencing the exact same stuff I can where I came from.
There are plenty of people who simply don't enjoy food to the same deep level that you do and do. Not. Fucking. Care whether it's authentic or locally owned or whatever. They just want calories and nutrients in sufficient quantities so they can experience the things they actually care about.
posted by Etrigan at 8:16 PM on July 3, 2016 [6 favorites]
There are plenty of people who simply don't enjoy food to the same deep level that you do and do. Not. Fucking. Care whether it's authentic or locally owned or whatever. They just want calories and nutrients in sufficient quantities so they can experience the things they actually care about.
posted by Etrigan at 8:16 PM on July 3, 2016 [6 favorites]
The saddest thing about Times Square is how the horrible restaurants there are the only places to eat in Manhattan!
Based on this thread I'm assuming this cereal restaurant is staffed by straw men.
posted by GuyZero at 8:20 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
Based on this thread I'm assuming this cereal restaurant is staffed by straw men.
posted by GuyZero at 8:20 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
but I sure don't travel with the intention of experiencing the exact same stuff I can where I came from.
Have you been to Manhattan lately? I've been walking (10 miles today! :) ) all over Greenwich Village and below for the last two days, and I can't tell you how many Subways and Walgreenses and Starbucks I've seen here.
posted by Melismata at 8:24 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
Have you been to Manhattan lately? I've been walking (10 miles today! :) ) all over Greenwich Village and below for the last two days, and I can't tell you how many Subways and Walgreenses and Starbucks I've seen here.
posted by Melismata at 8:24 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
When I travel I want to eat things that I know are not going to make me sick. Not because the restaurant has poor hygiene or whatever, but because my stomach is a Very Special Snowflake and I can easily spend half the trip in the bathroom if I eat the wrong thing. I didn't eat at any chains when I was in NYC but it was pretty much the same food I have here - burgers, bagels, sushi.
I avoided the heck out of Times Square so regardless of cost, I'd avoid this place too.
posted by AFABulous at 8:44 PM on July 3, 2016
I avoided the heck out of Times Square so regardless of cost, I'd avoid this place too.
posted by AFABulous at 8:44 PM on July 3, 2016
Overheard at Milk Bar re: Momofuku cereal milk
"What's the difference between your milk and like regular milk"
"Our milk is cereal milk"
"What does that mean?"
"We soak cereal in it"
"What do you do with the cereal, do you just like throw it away?"
"Basically yeah"
"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard"
posted by STFUDonnie at 9:13 PM on July 3, 2016 [12 favorites]
"What's the difference between your milk and like regular milk"
"Our milk is cereal milk"
"What does that mean?"
"We soak cereal in it"
"What do you do with the cereal, do you just like throw it away?"
"Basically yeah"
"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard"
posted by STFUDonnie at 9:13 PM on July 3, 2016 [12 favorites]
When I do eat cereal I eat it for dessert, like any sensible person. If you're eating it for breakfast, try sleeping in instead, as that will be better for you.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:13 PM on July 3, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:13 PM on July 3, 2016 [6 favorites]
Fuck it, Jake, it's Times Square.
This is as much a tourist trap as the Army recruiting station.
posted by grobstein at 9:43 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
This is as much a tourist trap as the Army recruiting station.
posted by grobstein at 9:43 PM on July 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
For my part a fancy-esque and ostensibly mediocre portion of a familiar product sold for more than you'd get it elsewhere is about as appropriate a thing to put in contemporary Times Square as you'll ever find.
It's just flames in the fire and the most value anyone will get from this news is the satisfaction of caring a lot about something that will never matter to anyone.
posted by an animate objects at 9:46 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
It's just flames in the fire and the most value anyone will get from this news is the satisfaction of caring a lot about something that will never matter to anyone.
posted by an animate objects at 9:46 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
Berry Au Lait: Frosted Mini-Wheats, Fresh Raspberries, Ground Coffee
burn it all down
posted by Krom Tatman at 10:37 PM on July 3, 2016
burn it all down
posted by Krom Tatman at 10:37 PM on July 3, 2016
I do get the desire for a place like Times Square to be its own unique place and not a collection of restaurants that can be found at the end of the off-ramp at any I-80 exit east of Iowa
...which is pretty much what it is now, plus some large flashing signs and drunk anti-Semitic Elmos.
literally the rest of the sentence you were quoting is but as a person who dwells in the land of off-ramp restaurant strips, I can tell you that big cities are definitely still very, very different, and that even a place like Times Square isn't a place any of us are going to mistake for home.
posted by Krom Tatman at 10:44 PM on July 3, 2016
...which is pretty much what it is now, plus some large flashing signs and drunk anti-Semitic Elmos.
literally the rest of the sentence you were quoting is but as a person who dwells in the land of off-ramp restaurant strips, I can tell you that big cities are definitely still very, very different, and that even a place like Times Square isn't a place any of us are going to mistake for home.
posted by Krom Tatman at 10:44 PM on July 3, 2016
idgi-- in a few colleges towns I've seen a few places like this that serve nothing but cereal, and there have been restaurants just like this idea in NYC before.
posted by ShawnStruck at 10:54 PM on July 3, 2016
posted by ShawnStruck at 10:54 PM on July 3, 2016
This isn't something that someone just made up. Here's a WaPo article about this from February based on polling that says exactly that millennials don't want to wash cereal bowls.
It sounds like a sarcastic snarky comment, but it's based on research.
No, I agree with you! We're shiftless imbeciles.
*waves*
Technically a Millennial, and I buy very, very wide cups because I fucking hate trying to clean out the bottoms of them, my hands are too big so I have to smush several dishrags and sponges together down there and just twist them around like some sort of fucked up handheld laundry machine. And don't even get me started on trying to clean forks, getting in between the tines -
Long story short, there is absolutely nothing strange, and absolutely nothing wrong, with deciding it isn't worth it to deal with the bizarre and stupid way we design the shit we eat with and on.
posted by AdamCSnider at 10:55 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
It sounds like a sarcastic snarky comment, but it's based on research.
No, I agree with you! We're shiftless imbeciles.
*waves*
Technically a Millennial, and I buy very, very wide cups because I fucking hate trying to clean out the bottoms of them, my hands are too big so I have to smush several dishrags and sponges together down there and just twist them around like some sort of fucked up handheld laundry machine. And don't even get me started on trying to clean forks, getting in between the tines -
Long story short, there is absolutely nothing strange, and absolutely nothing wrong, with deciding it isn't worth it to deal with the bizarre and stupid way we design the shit we eat with and on.
posted by AdamCSnider at 10:55 PM on July 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
Um, maybe I'm missing something, but why not just use a dishwashing brush? Or maybe a rag on a stick?
posted by FJT at 11:09 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by FJT at 11:09 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
Cereal sales on the decline? Sell it by the bowl at ridiculous prices!
Yes, it's ridiculous but it often works. We're capable of lying to ourselves in the most convoluted ways. Business depends on our poor decision making.
posted by krinklyfig at 11:13 PM on July 3, 2016
Yes, it's ridiculous but it often works. We're capable of lying to ourselves in the most convoluted ways. Business depends on our poor decision making.
posted by krinklyfig at 11:13 PM on July 3, 2016
I've seen this business fail at least twice already.
posted by atoxyl at 11:16 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by atoxyl at 11:16 PM on July 3, 2016 [3 favorites]
So it seems sales of cereal are down because Millennials don't want to wash bowls. In other words, we probably deserve this.
I'm a Millennial and I dunno about washing bowls but the only way to eat cereal is dry, anyway - and if you're going to do that you might as well go straight out of the box.
posted by atoxyl at 11:20 PM on July 3, 2016
I'm a Millennial and I dunno about washing bowls but the only way to eat cereal is dry, anyway - and if you're going to do that you might as well go straight out of the box.
posted by atoxyl at 11:20 PM on July 3, 2016
There is at least one other cereal bar in New York: Kith, in Brooklyn, mentioned up thread. It's right by the Barclay's Center. Expensive cereal, toppings, mills, the works. The best part? It's a sneaker store that opened up a cereal bar for some reason. It's still an operating sneaker store; you can just also get cereal there now. To go with your sneakers.
posted by Itaxpica at 11:36 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Itaxpica at 11:36 PM on July 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
Upon close inspection of the article, it looks like you get free toys with your cereal, too. Or maybe even Hamilton tickets, which seems to be a decent bet.
This just feels like another bit of "experiential marketing," tbh. Which–when done properly–can be cool. Even when it isn't done properly (as seems the case here), it'll still make people think about cereal [→ buy Kellogg's products].
(I, for one, am going to get a box of Honey Bunches of Oats riiiiiight now. Take that, Kellogg's!! Bye!)
posted by raihan_ at 12:10 AM on July 4, 2016
This just feels like another bit of "experiential marketing," tbh. Which–when done properly–can be cool. Even when it isn't done properly (as seems the case here), it'll still make people think about cereal [→ buy Kellogg's products].
(I, for one, am going to get a box of Honey Bunches of Oats riiiiiight now. Take that, Kellogg's!! Bye!)
posted by raihan_ at 12:10 AM on July 4, 2016
So will there be protests like there was in London last year?
Cereal Killer Cafe on Brick lane?
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/sep/27/shoreditch-cereal-cafe-targeted-by-anti-gentrification-protesters
Seems like someone at Kellogs finally bothered to read the news. This was all over the media in 2015 in the UK.
posted by mary8nne at 12:40 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Cereal Killer Cafe on Brick lane?
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/sep/27/shoreditch-cereal-cafe-targeted-by-anti-gentrification-protesters
Seems like someone at Kellogs finally bothered to read the news. This was all over the media in 2015 in the UK.
posted by mary8nne at 12:40 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Why not charge $8 more and say the cereal is artisanal, a la the Mast brothers?
posted by mochapickle at 12:43 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by mochapickle at 12:43 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Someone should open a chain of Pop-Tarts coffee shops where you can get any variety you want done any way you want. Plus a beverage. "I'll have the Maple Bacon toasted medium and a large goat's milk, thanks." The kitchen would just be some industrial-grade toasters, a million boxes of Pop-Tarts, and some sweaty kids feeding the toasters.
Or put a fancy toaster on each table and let (make) customers do the work for you. Hand them a tray that has a sealed two-pack of Pop-Tarts, a plate, a napkin, and a receipt for the X bucks they just paid to toast store-bought Pop-Tarts for themselves.
But maybe there would be health and safety issues with people sharing the same potentially booger-collecting and finger-zapping electrical appliance? Better to stick to the gourmet toasting in the back room by our master Toastaristas.
posted by pracowity at 1:23 AM on July 4, 2016 [7 favorites]
Or put a fancy toaster on each table and let (make) customers do the work for you. Hand them a tray that has a sealed two-pack of Pop-Tarts, a plate, a napkin, and a receipt for the X bucks they just paid to toast store-bought Pop-Tarts for themselves.
But maybe there would be health and safety issues with people sharing the same potentially booger-collecting and finger-zapping electrical appliance? Better to stick to the gourmet toasting in the back room by our master Toastaristas.
posted by pracowity at 1:23 AM on July 4, 2016 [7 favorites]
The London Cereal Killer cafe is not a foodie/artisan thing. Ironically it makes a big deal of all the brightly packaged US cereals which are not normally imported to the UK.
posted by Coda Tronca at 3:28 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Coda Tronca at 3:28 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
The London Cereal Killer cafe is not a foodie/artisan thing.
Those twins look so hipster, they are the very definition of hipster. I'm skeptical of the whole gentrification discussion and don't mind them at all, but I have never seen anything so ridiculously hipster in my life.
posted by mumimor at 3:40 AM on July 4, 2016
Every time we make the long trek to the Twin Cities I buy about 16 boxes of cereal from Trader Joe's. That often lasts until the next time we make that run. You'll pry it out of my cold dead fingers...
Stop eating cereal because you're too fucking lazy/inept to rinse out the bowl and put in the dishwasher? If this is the standard for millennials then we're all doomed. Doomed, I tell you.
posted by Ber at 5:32 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Stop eating cereal because you're too fucking lazy/inept to rinse out the bowl and put in the dishwasher? If this is the standard for millennials then we're all doomed. Doomed, I tell you.
posted by Ber at 5:32 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Someone should open a chain of Pop-Tarts coffee shops where you can get any variety you want done any way you want.
Pop Tart World has already come and gone in Times Square.
posted by layceepee at 6:30 AM on July 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
Pop Tart World has already come and gone in Times Square.
posted by layceepee at 6:30 AM on July 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
Milk Bar? Is there ultraviolence?
My friend does their payroll; basically yes.
posted by an animate objects at 6:33 AM on July 4, 2016 [8 favorites]
My friend does their payroll; basically yes.
posted by an animate objects at 6:33 AM on July 4, 2016 [8 favorites]
I would never go to the Kellogg's store. Not because of Times Square tourist trap, or crass commercialism, but for the simple reason that I've become hooked on Trader Joe's corn flakes and I can't ever, ever go back. Turns out cereal is like a single malt habit -- you can only go up, never back down. Who knew?
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:09 AM on July 4, 2016
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:09 AM on July 4, 2016
This isn't about making money from the store; they'll be making money from the story.
This is marketing, not sales.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:40 AM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
This is marketing, not sales.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:40 AM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
Don't forget you can get your own personalised engraved spoons with your favorite Kelloggs brand. If they were smart they'd make this an in-store buy as well.
posted by mattking17 at 8:07 AM on July 4, 2016
posted by mattking17 at 8:07 AM on July 4, 2016
Maybe cereal sales would go up if they'd stop selling the cereal in boxes that are normal size in front but only 1 cm thick... I don't mind paying more per box, I just think I should be able to get more than 1 bowl per f'n box I buy. The tall skinny boxes are just ugh.
posted by caution live frogs at 8:20 AM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by caution live frogs at 8:20 AM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
In retrospect, the decline of cereal seems predictable and inevitable – it's pretty much the opposite of every recent trend in American food culture. It's a high-carb, glutinous, highly processed food, with lots of sugar and refined grains, utterly uncapable of telegraphing any kind of social one-upmanship (matcha and lemon zest notwithstanding). They can tweak it all they like with low-carb, gluten-free, high-protein, organic, non-GMO varieties – but at the end of the day, it's still industrial grain and sucrose in a vacuum-sealed box.
Now, there certainly seems to be a trend of fancy, small-batch "artisanal" granola. Stuff that tastes like it was actually toasted in an actual oven sometime in the last month, where the coconut flakes or cranberries or whatever still have some flavor. Some of that stuff is pretty good (albeit expensive). But I suspect that most people are (like me) eating it in small portions with yogurt, fruit, etc. – not just scarfing down a bowl full of cereal and milk.
Anyway, since this has apparently become a referendum on Times Square and the legitimacy of going there as a tourist...
Look, I don't care what you do on vacation. I'm not gonna tell anyone what to do. But I might express some bafflement, and/or poke some gentle fun at you. (And by "might", I mean "am about to".)
Even if food is strictly a source of calories to you: it's about the experience of dining. The decor and atmosphere and music; the crowd; the service; the protocol for ordering, serving, and eating dishes; the building and neighborhood – these are as much reasons to pursue novel dining experiences as the actual food. If you're going to eat anyway, and you don't particularly care what you eat (since it's all just a bucket full of carbohydrates and proteins to you) – then why not choose the restaurant that'll broaden your horizons a bit in these other ways, instead of the restaurant that's going to provide the exact same experience you can get anywhere in America?
For me, it's not just chain restaurants: it's all of Times Square. It's the notion of traveling to America's largest, most multicutural, and most truly global city – and then spending your time there in the overpriced theme-park version that was manufactured for tourists.
Call me a hipster if you must, but I reflexively reject cultural and artistic experiences which are that manufactured and artificial. Debate all you like whether "authenticity" is a real thing – I just know that, the more any given experience is mediated by the Dardens and Viacoms and Clear Channels of the world, the more eager I am to nope the fuck outta there. They are (no joke) enemies of the America that I believe in, and they're not offering anything I want anyway.
It's never been easier to find and enjoy independent music (live and recorded), interesting off-the-beaten-path eateries, small independent films, funky shops and venues, and all manner of other real culture – stuff that grows up spontaneously from the grassroots, stuff that's born at least partly out of legitimate passion – rather than being designed in a focus group and dangled down for us Morlocks to graze upon, solely for cynical profit motives. And yet so many people seem baffled by the idea that you could get your culture from anywhere but Viacom & Co. If it's not being offered via mass distribution in a shrink-wrapped package, then it doesn't exist to them. It's so very strange to me.
So, like I said. Eat wherever the heck you want to; it's not like you were yearning for my input on the question anyway. But if you're entitled to be so incurious that, in a famously diverse city of nine million people, your first choice for lunch is Applebee's – then I'm entitled to be baffled by your incuriousness.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 8:22 AM on July 4, 2016 [4 favorites]
Now, there certainly seems to be a trend of fancy, small-batch "artisanal" granola. Stuff that tastes like it was actually toasted in an actual oven sometime in the last month, where the coconut flakes or cranberries or whatever still have some flavor. Some of that stuff is pretty good (albeit expensive). But I suspect that most people are (like me) eating it in small portions with yogurt, fruit, etc. – not just scarfing down a bowl full of cereal and milk.
Anyway, since this has apparently become a referendum on Times Square and the legitimacy of going there as a tourist...
Look, I don't care what you do on vacation. I'm not gonna tell anyone what to do. But I might express some bafflement, and/or poke some gentle fun at you. (And by "might", I mean "am about to".)
Even if food is strictly a source of calories to you: it's about the experience of dining. The decor and atmosphere and music; the crowd; the service; the protocol for ordering, serving, and eating dishes; the building and neighborhood – these are as much reasons to pursue novel dining experiences as the actual food. If you're going to eat anyway, and you don't particularly care what you eat (since it's all just a bucket full of carbohydrates and proteins to you) – then why not choose the restaurant that'll broaden your horizons a bit in these other ways, instead of the restaurant that's going to provide the exact same experience you can get anywhere in America?
For me, it's not just chain restaurants: it's all of Times Square. It's the notion of traveling to America's largest, most multicutural, and most truly global city – and then spending your time there in the overpriced theme-park version that was manufactured for tourists.
Call me a hipster if you must, but I reflexively reject cultural and artistic experiences which are that manufactured and artificial. Debate all you like whether "authenticity" is a real thing – I just know that, the more any given experience is mediated by the Dardens and Viacoms and Clear Channels of the world, the more eager I am to nope the fuck outta there. They are (no joke) enemies of the America that I believe in, and they're not offering anything I want anyway.
It's never been easier to find and enjoy independent music (live and recorded), interesting off-the-beaten-path eateries, small independent films, funky shops and venues, and all manner of other real culture – stuff that grows up spontaneously from the grassroots, stuff that's born at least partly out of legitimate passion – rather than being designed in a focus group and dangled down for us Morlocks to graze upon, solely for cynical profit motives. And yet so many people seem baffled by the idea that you could get your culture from anywhere but Viacom & Co. If it's not being offered via mass distribution in a shrink-wrapped package, then it doesn't exist to them. It's so very strange to me.
So, like I said. Eat wherever the heck you want to; it's not like you were yearning for my input on the question anyway. But if you're entitled to be so incurious that, in a famously diverse city of nine million people, your first choice for lunch is Applebee's – then I'm entitled to be baffled by your incuriousness.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 8:22 AM on July 4, 2016 [4 favorites]
Even if food is strictly a source of calories to you: it's about the experience of dining.
You realize that you are simultaneously accepting and rejecting the idea that other people's priorities may differ from your own, right?
posted by Etrigan at 8:44 AM on July 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
You realize that you are simultaneously accepting and rejecting the idea that other people's priorities may differ from your own, right?
posted by Etrigan at 8:44 AM on July 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm not accepting or rejecting anything. I'm just saying, I'm glad I'm not on vacation with someone who wants to go to NYC and eat at a chain restaurant in Times Square.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 9:29 AM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by escape from the potato planet at 9:29 AM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
Since when are chains liberating?
posted by oceanjesse at 9:54 AM on July 4, 2016
posted by oceanjesse at 9:54 AM on July 4, 2016
There is nothing more "stuff white people like" than the affectation that, when you go on vacation, you're not doing it like a tourist.
posted by thelonius at 10:16 AM on July 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 10:16 AM on July 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
Fizz: "I've been eating store brand cereal.
Which knock-off brand have you been eating?"
CHOCO-CRACK!
posted by chavenet at 10:47 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Which knock-off brand have you been eating?"
CHOCO-CRACK!
posted by chavenet at 10:47 AM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Also, pro-tip for the lactose intolerant who still want to enjoy cereal: orange juice.
posted by chavenet at 10:53 AM on July 4, 2016
posted by chavenet at 10:53 AM on July 4, 2016
When you sign your first lease in New Orleans you're given your first Permission To Hate Tourists certificate, but it's all in good fun because we know they're the folks that keep this city spinning. Just like New Yorkians with their Times Square we keep most of our tourists confined to the French Quarter with the difference being that we have the good fortune of being a food-centric destination and people come here specifically for our cuisine. Sure, there's a McDonald's and an IHOP and a Wendy's in the Quarter, but that's about it for chain stuff - no big American Sit-Down Family Microwave Kitchen Meals. It's actually kind of amazing - within the confines of New Orleans proper you won't find a single Applebee's, Chili's, O'Charley's, Red Lobster, or Olive Garden.
That's not a knock on tourist food, or chain restaurants, and certainly not on New York City. I'm just celebrating that I live in a city where the branding is, "Come here to eat because our cuisine is fried food and rice and beans and other stuff that's not too weird and you won't go hungry looking for a place that doesn't scare your in-laws and / or your children."
posted by komara at 10:54 AM on July 4, 2016 [8 favorites]
That's not a knock on tourist food, or chain restaurants, and certainly not on New York City. I'm just celebrating that I live in a city where the branding is, "Come here to eat because our cuisine is fried food and rice and beans and other stuff that's not too weird and you won't go hungry looking for a place that doesn't scare your in-laws and / or your children."
posted by komara at 10:54 AM on July 4, 2016 [8 favorites]
It's never been easier to find and enjoy independent music (live and recorded), interesting off-the-beaten-path eateries, small independent films, funky shops and venues, and all manner of other real culture – stuff that grows up spontaneously from the grassroots, stuff that's born at least partly out of legitimate passion
We don't have any of those in Manhattan anymore; they all got forced out by the bank branches and Duane Reades.
posted by Itaxpica at 11:26 AM on July 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
We don't have any of those in Manhattan anymore; they all got forced out by the bank branches and Duane Reades.
posted by Itaxpica at 11:26 AM on July 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
For me, it's not just chain restaurants: it's all of Times Square. It's the notion of traveling to America's largest, most multicutural, and most truly global city – and then spending your time there in the overpriced theme-park version that was manufactured for tourists.
This is exactly what has happened to Niagara Falls, Ontario. Forever ago it used to be about the majesty of the falls the beauty of a 'natural wonder'. But it has not been that for a long while. I say this as someone who works in the hospitality industry. It's a giant tourist trap. Everything here is designed to grab cash from tourists. Parking fees, hotel fees, etc. I dislike that my industry has moved in this direction but, there's also not much else keeping this town afloat with regards to employment. I'm always happy when someone asks me if I know of a restaraunt off the beaten track that local eat at.
posted by Fizz at 1:11 PM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
This is exactly what has happened to Niagara Falls, Ontario. Forever ago it used to be about the majesty of the falls the beauty of a 'natural wonder'. But it has not been that for a long while. I say this as someone who works in the hospitality industry. It's a giant tourist trap. Everything here is designed to grab cash from tourists. Parking fees, hotel fees, etc. I dislike that my industry has moved in this direction but, there's also not much else keeping this town afloat with regards to employment. I'm always happy when someone asks me if I know of a restaraunt off the beaten track that local eat at.
posted by Fizz at 1:11 PM on July 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Also, pro-tip for the lactose intolerant who still want to enjoy cereal: orange juice.
I cannot tell if this is a joke or not. Do people actually eat cereal this way? I know of people who eat their cereal with water. I've moved away from lactose and eat my cereal with almond milk. It took me a while to adjust to this shift, but cereal is such a yummy snack, it cannot be denied.
posted by Fizz at 1:12 PM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
I cannot tell if this is a joke or not. Do people actually eat cereal this way? I know of people who eat their cereal with water. I've moved away from lactose and eat my cereal with almond milk. It took me a while to adjust to this shift, but cereal is such a yummy snack, it cannot be denied.
posted by Fizz at 1:12 PM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
Silk light soymilk, regular flavor, is tasty and somewhat sweet. On the rare occasions I still eat cereal, it's my go-to.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:16 PM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:16 PM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'm trying to remember the last time I had a bowl of cereal, other than cooked oatmeal. At some point in the nineties I'm guessing. I didn't know at the time it would be my last bowl of cereal so I didn't take much notice. It was probably Weetabix or possibly Shredded Wheat (not the minis, the big roll version.) I guess I decided that cereal wasn't very filling and wasn't very nutritious-- better to have a cooked egg or fruit and yogurt. Still, I did eat a lot of that stuff growing up, mostly Cheerios or Rice Krispies because my mom would not buy the sugary kind. I like to imagine myself going to a cereal bar for the fun nostalgia factor but honestly I have no real desire to eat the stuff.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:00 PM on July 4, 2016
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:00 PM on July 4, 2016
I stopped eating corn flakes when I realised they were stopping me from touching my junk constantly.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:53 PM on July 4, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:53 PM on July 4, 2016 [9 favorites]
I spent a couple of weeks in Germany once. It was a lovely place, I loved the beer, I loved being in a hotel leaning against a church three times older than my country, the whole experience was magical.
By the end of the time, I would have killed for a Starbucks. I spent a day in the hotel room watching dubbed-German American TV shows because the culture shock became so intense. It reset me, and I was able to continue afterwards, but I needed that day. I need that day on pretty much every vacation - a day when I'm not expected to go out and experience tons of things, so I can settle, and internalize, and calm down.
But if you're entitled to be so incurious that, in a famously diverse city of nine million people, your first choice for lunch is Applebee's – then I'm entitled to be baffled by your incuriousness.
One of the mistakes a lot of people make is thinking that what someone does during one part of their time defines all of their time. If you saw me on that one day on my vacations, you would judge me one way. If you saw me on any of the other days on my vacations, you would judge me differently. However, I'm one person with a large, floating mass of needs not easily defined by judging me based on a small interval of time.
Similarly, a lot of tourists to big cities come from a place very different from there. Sometimes, people who travel have anxiety they need to manage, or digestion issues, or a wide variety of other physical and psychological realities to balance with experiencing something new. I get, on a certain level, the appeal of judging people based on an interpretation of their behavior being incurious or banal, however in practice I think that often reveals it's own incuriosity about others' different lives.
Also, at this point, Applebees is charmingly reminiscent of my youth and I'd probably go if I was in New York; you can't find one around here and I miss their fruity liquor drinks.
posted by Deoridhe at 5:12 PM on July 4, 2016 [12 favorites]
By the end of the time, I would have killed for a Starbucks. I spent a day in the hotel room watching dubbed-German American TV shows because the culture shock became so intense. It reset me, and I was able to continue afterwards, but I needed that day. I need that day on pretty much every vacation - a day when I'm not expected to go out and experience tons of things, so I can settle, and internalize, and calm down.
But if you're entitled to be so incurious that, in a famously diverse city of nine million people, your first choice for lunch is Applebee's – then I'm entitled to be baffled by your incuriousness.
One of the mistakes a lot of people make is thinking that what someone does during one part of their time defines all of their time. If you saw me on that one day on my vacations, you would judge me one way. If you saw me on any of the other days on my vacations, you would judge me differently. However, I'm one person with a large, floating mass of needs not easily defined by judging me based on a small interval of time.
Similarly, a lot of tourists to big cities come from a place very different from there. Sometimes, people who travel have anxiety they need to manage, or digestion issues, or a wide variety of other physical and psychological realities to balance with experiencing something new. I get, on a certain level, the appeal of judging people based on an interpretation of their behavior being incurious or banal, however in practice I think that often reveals it's own incuriosity about others' different lives.
Also, at this point, Applebees is charmingly reminiscent of my youth and I'd probably go if I was in New York; you can't find one around here and I miss their fruity liquor drinks.
posted by Deoridhe at 5:12 PM on July 4, 2016 [12 favorites]
What do you do with the cereal, do you just like throw it away?"
"Basically yeah"
Why would you not turn it into some sort of bread/rice pudding thing? That's just throwing away money.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:28 PM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
"Basically yeah"
Why would you not turn it into some sort of bread/rice pudding thing? That's just throwing away money.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:28 PM on July 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'd imagine it's a lot like making broths and stocks - once the flavor is removed from the base and into the liquid, it's pretty tasteless and gross.
posted by Deoridhe at 8:26 PM on July 4, 2016
posted by Deoridhe at 8:26 PM on July 4, 2016
Nobody wants your muffin stump pudding.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:43 AM on July 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 12:43 AM on July 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
Shameful admission time: when I lived in New York I once ate at the Times Square Olive Garden. The boyfriend was desperately craving it and at the time it was the only Olive Garden in the city. It's also like, twice the price of a suburban Olive Garden, which was the really galling thing. I have no problem with eating at Olive Garden in New York. I have a problem with paying double for the privilege when I'm in a city with oodles of delicious Italian restaurants. I don't sneer at people for being tourists, I sneer at Olive Garden for fleecing them. What are the odds that whiny child/old person will leave quietly just because you have sticker shock?
posted by zeusianfog at 11:01 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by zeusianfog at 11:01 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
Yes, but the drinks are cheaper than elsewhere in Times Square! So it evens out.
posted by mochapickle at 11:03 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 11:03 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
Also you can get tipsy and then go ride the glass elevators at the Marriott Marquis. Which is free. So that's kind of thrifty, even.
posted by mochapickle at 11:05 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 11:05 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]
I can't even bring myself to get up and walk into the next room and tell her about this. My legs won't move.
it's 2016
u can tweet her while hiding in the bathroom
posted by poffin boffin at 4:28 PM on July 3
[18 favorites −] [Flagged]
This was Standard Operating Procedure in my home only it was kind of before Twitter. We just IMed each other...
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 8:53 PM on July 5, 2016
it's 2016
u can tweet her while hiding in the bathroom
posted by poffin boffin at 4:28 PM on July 3
[18 favorites −] [Flagged]
This was Standard Operating Procedure in my home only it was kind of before Twitter. We just IMed each other...
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 8:53 PM on July 5, 2016
I am judgmental.
I find everything about Momofuku to be kinda gross.
Increasingly, ditto for the whole milk-sodden, Saturday Morning Cartoons variety of breakfast cereal in general. Watching an adult eat Cap'n Crunch is kinda like watching them suck on a bottle.
posted by aspersioncast at 4:47 AM on July 7, 2016 [2 favorites]
I find everything about Momofuku to be kinda gross.
Increasingly, ditto for the whole milk-sodden, Saturday Morning Cartoons variety of breakfast cereal in general. Watching an adult eat Cap'n Crunch is kinda like watching them suck on a bottle.
posted by aspersioncast at 4:47 AM on July 7, 2016 [2 favorites]
Not all cereal is choco-frosted sugar bombs, mind you. My current go-to box of cereal at home says "Ingredients: Wheat." That's all. I like them. I add milk and nothing else.
I have tried hard to teach my child important things like "You should not eat chocolate and/or frosting for breakfast" and "We don't buy hamburgers from a clown". I am proud of him when he does things like read packaging to say "This one has real blueberries. This other one only has blueberry FLAVOR. Let's get the first one." It's a start.
posted by caution live frogs at 8:37 AM on July 8, 2016
I have tried hard to teach my child important things like "You should not eat chocolate and/or frosting for breakfast" and "We don't buy hamburgers from a clown". I am proud of him when he does things like read packaging to say "This one has real blueberries. This other one only has blueberry FLAVOR. Let's get the first one." It's a start.
posted by caution live frogs at 8:37 AM on July 8, 2016
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