A song for every tank engine occasion
July 6, 2016 8:32 AM   Subscribe

Thomas the Tank Engine has included dozens of songs over 19 seasons and counting. Express your adoration for Thomas. Have an accident. Enjoy the bustle of the docks. Learn to never, never give up. Be spooked. Be brave.
posted by clawsoon (36 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
Accidents happen/now and again

Thomas the Tank Engine Crash Compilation Seasons 1-6
posted by nubs at 8:37 AM on July 6, 2016 [2 favorites]




I saw what my friends went through and with my toddler I have a very very firm rule: no Thomas, never ever ever. It doesn't exist. It will not be mentioned. She doesn't need to know about that little authoritarian dictatorship and I never have to go a theme park to ride one of those things. Nope.
posted by lydhre at 8:41 AM on July 6, 2016 [4 favorites]


Thankfully all my boys bounced off Thomas, probably because everything about it is boring and dire. I urge everyone else to do likewise.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 8:43 AM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


High fives, lydhre. Soren Jr. has one Thomas book (purchased by a grandparent), one little Thomas and one little Percy for his train table. That's it. He somehow can identify Thomas and Percy and James, which means that probably at some point a rogue grandparent showed him the TV show, but we do not encourage it. No, we do not. And just reading the one book he has, Sodor sounds like a terrible place to live. All the trains are constantly afraid that Sir Topham Hatt is going to punish them, which kind of makes me wonder what he has done to them in the past to make them forever live in terror of his punitive judgement.
posted by soren_lorensen at 8:45 AM on July 6, 2016


If you think Thomas is bad go watch a few minutes of Jay Jay The Jet Plane and you'll be thankful that Thomas exists.

Plus, some of the videos are narrated by George Carlin so you can watch with your Toddler and quietly snicker as you pretend every other word is "cocksucker."
posted by bondcliff at 8:47 AM on July 6, 2016


So much hate. :-) You have to admit that the Tale of the Brave song is nice.
posted by clawsoon at 8:47 AM on July 6, 2016


Uh-oh, Thomas thread! We did a lot of Thomas at my house 3-4 years ago. Riding the train at Greenfield Village was also fun and nothing like a theme park experience. We still break out the train sets at Christmas time to run around the tree and living room. Nothing like creating your own crack-ups and sending Thomas on his special runs, industrialist authoritarianism and privilege be damned! That's right. They call me the fat director.
posted by Roger Dodger at 8:50 AM on July 6, 2016


Thomas has ruled our household for quite a while, and the songs are now stuck in my head for all eternity. However, our son is starting to move on, and I am hoping we are seeing the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.

I will still probably be able to name every one of those trains when I am 80.
posted by ElleElle at 8:52 AM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


I remember reading one of the original books to my son. The tone irritated both of us so much we never read it again and have thankfully avoided the toys & show.

I like the model work on the early episodes though.
posted by Ashwagandha at 8:53 AM on July 6, 2016


Make sure you always refer to the Fat Controller by his correct name, which is the Fat Controller, not Sir Topham Hatt.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 8:54 AM on July 6, 2016 [3 favorites]


All the trains are constantly afraid that Sir Topham Hatt is going to punish them, which kind of makes me wonder what he has done to them in the past to make them forever live in terror of his punitive judgement.

"Those adventures - mostly mishaps - included common derailments as well as more surprising disasters such as an engine running off the end of a jetty into a harbour or an unexpected disappearance down a disused mine. As often as not, however, these crises were brought about by the arrogance, stubbornness, jealousy or ambition of the engine involved.

"The morality of the stories was clear and Christian: misbehaviour led to suffering and retribution; however, provided the culprit showed repentance, restoration always followed. "The important thing," Awdry said, "is that the engines are punished and forgiven - but never scrapped."

"The analogies between the Christian faith and the ways of the railway are obvious: the engines are meant to follow the straight and narrow way and pay the price if they go off the rails."
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:05 AM on July 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


Thomas videos were the only thing that allowed my son to get potty trained when all else had failed. He loved Percy especially. We put him on the plastic potty in the living room, turned the videos on, and waited till something happened. And it worked. So I owe Thomas, with all of its wretched songs and vaguely horrifying morality.

The other day I heard some young childless folk opining about what shows they would never let their child watch, because they were so vapid/cheesy, and I laughed and laughed.
posted by emjaybee at 9:13 AM on July 6, 2016 [4 favorites]


GallonOfAlan: "Make sure you always refer to the Fat Controller by his correct name, which is the Fat Controller, not Sir Topham Hatt."

Bring yourself around to the shed for a talking-to.
posted by chavenet at 9:20 AM on July 6, 2016


Don't forget Alec Baldwin and Peter Fonda.
posted by lagomorphius at 9:32 AM on July 6, 2016


I have zero concerns about my daughter loving Thomas the Tank Engine. It's a fun show and she loves trains. People are reading into it way too far.
posted by Hoopo at 9:39 AM on July 6, 2016 [5 favorites]


When toddlerozzy was just starting to be interested in TV, I put on PBS Kids every so often to get the lay of the land. She came to recognize Thomas almost instantly -- maybe it's the big face, maybe it's the fact that he's a train -- but really had no interest in the show except for the theme song, which she wanted to hear over and over, and sometimes asked me to sing.

We haven't seen or thought about Thomas in at least six months, maybe more, but over the weekend, she said that she wanted to see Thomas. Which, as it turned out, meant that she wanted to hear the theme song exactly twice in a row.

And now this.

This better not be the harbinger of more Thomas leaking into my life.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:44 AM on July 6, 2016


You're trying to get me to pull onto a siding that leads down the Thomas rabbit hole. I'm trying to work here and as Sir Topham Hatt himself would say "This is causing confusion and delay" The kids and I are going to have fun checking this out tonight though. A lot of people seem to really dislike Thomas but I like it as much as my kids. Some of the iterations are crap, but overall there's some decent stuff. The toys (especially the wooden ones) are well made and encourage actual thinking and storytelling which I also appreciated when we had way too many of them around the house.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 10:18 AM on July 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


MonkeyToes: "The analogies between the Christian faith and the ways of the railway are obvious: the engines are meant to follow the straight and narrow way and pay the price if they go off the rails."

However, as the quote you included just above it makes clear, the engines never do "pay the price". The Fat Controller is briefly grumpy with them, and then it's all good. (Other than that one time when they bricked Henry into a tunnel. That was over-the-top.)

Although... maybe I've watched too many of the new episodes, and not enough of the old episodes. There have been changes in tone over the years. The Fat Controller is getting nicer, conflict with Diesels is no longer natural and inevitable, and there's a greatly increased obsession with royalty. (That last bit disturbs me.)

The engines are children who are given a lot of responsibility. They get distracted. They make mistakes. They're not always nice to each other. But they're always given another chance, and they always figure out a way to restore their relationships with their friends and overcome their challenges. Maybe those are pat lessons, but there'll be plenty of time to learn the darker lessons that friendships can't always be restored and sometimes your failures are stronger than you are.

Anyway, I'm more bothered by the improbable economics of Sodor...
posted by clawsoon at 10:21 AM on July 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


The Fat Controller is a Metafilter mod, and we're all engines on Sodor.

Or that's what the election threads are like, anyway.
posted by clawsoon at 10:26 AM on July 6, 2016


The morality of Thomas is very much like the morality in the Little Golden Book Tootle where a young carefree train learns that if he wants to achieve anything in life he'd better stop doing what he enjoys and conform to the narrow path society has set for him.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:46 AM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Tootle is horrible. I guess I've been watching Thomas all wrong if they're the same morality tale.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 11:12 AM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Not as good as Dinosaur Train.
posted by maryr at 11:42 AM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]




My son loves Thomas, and I'm OK with that (it could've been Caillou . . .) But I can't resist mentioning that Thomas the Dank Engine is also a thing.
posted by Zonker at 12:16 PM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


My son's personal favorite song, Day of the Diesels.
posted by grog at 12:55 PM on July 6, 2016


Fuck Thomas. I can't stand those whining, self-righteous, pricked-up homilies. They even managed to ruin the only good thing about it by replacing the old theme tune with a totally shit new version.

Thankfully, Biggie Smalls the Tank Engine exists to remind me of when everything wasn't quite so bleedin' awful.
posted by ZipRibbons at 1:01 PM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


My 2 year old is not so into the trains, but Terrance the tractor? Hoo boy. We visited a farm a couple weekends ago, there was a nice orange tractor there that we admired. When it was time to go...not a good scene. Much flailing and kicking and screaming "TERRANCE! TERRANCE!" ensued. I probably need to look into an FFA membership for her.

Me, I secretly love Diesel 10 and also the Troublesome Trucks.
posted by medeine at 1:03 PM on July 6, 2016


Has anyone mentioned the Skyrim mod yet?
posted by lagomorphius at 2:18 PM on July 6, 2016


Come on people! The books teach you valuable lessons, like how you should always be careful around coal and there is a direct line from my kids Thomas obesession to me spending thousands of dollars on live steam locomotives that can burn your hands and planning to rip up my yard for a garden railway so yah Thomas.
posted by gamera at 9:24 PM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Not sure if 1984 or Thomas:
We all live by Rules and Regulations
Rules and Regulations now!
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:19 PM on July 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


Bertie the bus was my favourite. Having read the comment above about the trains having to stick to the rails, I wonder if this was because Bertie could go wherever, and he was always so helpful when Thomas got stuck. Harold the Helicopter was cool too.
posted by freethefeet at 6:16 AM on July 7, 2016


...no mention of Thomas The Tank Engine : Shed 17 [NSFW]?
posted by drjon at 3:24 AM on July 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Having listened to "Accidents Will Happen" five times again this morning, I can confidently say that the lackadaisical attitude to safety in the song explains the Sodor railway's horrific accident record.

"Luckily, no-one was hurt" is a mantra repeated continuously by the Sodor PR department, no matter the truth. "Luckily, no-one was hurt, but Paxton had to be sent to the Dieselworks for repair." Paxton was hurt, you dummies! That's why he needs repairs!
posted by clawsoon at 6:26 AM on July 10, 2016 [2 favorites]


Quite so, clawsoon. That reminds me of my absolute incredulity at the song that popped up at the end of the Fireman Sam film The Great Fire of Pontypandy: "It's the safest place I know / Pontypandy by the sea / Welcome to our town / Where we all live safely."

Safe is an interesting choice of word, since the entire town is constantly on fire.
posted by ZipRibbons at 11:16 AM on July 10, 2016 [2 favorites]




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