The least suitable species for a pet? Screaming Hairy Armadillo

July 12, 2016 10:18 AM

Which mammal species are suitable to be kept as pets?

According to Dutch researchers -- who were assessing whether 90 mammal species are suitable as pets under the country's animal welfare laws -- the top five are:

1: Sika Deer
2: Agile Wallaby
3: Tamar Wallaby
4: Llama
5: Asian Palm Civet

Cats and dogs were excluded "because of their way of housing (free roaming), of variation in breeds, the vast amount of literature and of the delicacy of the subject."

Also excluded were animals that can be kept as pets but are classed as "production animals,” including rabbits, rats, Guinea pigs, sheep and water buffalo.

posted by not_the_water (43 comments total)

I don't see capybara on the list. I'll have a deer as a pet, I don't see any way for this to be a problem.

(What do rats and Guinea pigs produce?)
posted by jeather at 10:36 AM on July 12, 2016

I'm sure wallabies are great pets if you happen to have a hundred acres of shrubland lying around for them to forage in. I also don't know that a 200 pound nocturnal deer is exactly what I'd be looking for in a pet. I did used to know a guy who kept llamas, although it was more of a farm animal relationship than a pet per se. Honestly, the only one of the top 5 (which are also the only ones that got positive scores on their final rankings) that I could imagine actually keeping as a pet is the civet, although, again, you're talking about a nocturnal mammal that's going to be a huge pain to integrate into a human's daily life.
posted by Copronymus at 10:41 AM on July 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

I thought the best scientific name was for llamas - Lama glama - until I looked at the one for the Asian palm civet: "Paradoxurus hermaphroditus." It sounds like an Ian Dury and the Blockheads song title.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 10:41 AM on July 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

Rats and Guinea pigs are used as lab animals.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:50 AM on July 12, 2016

Yes Llamas are typically kept for reasons other than fiber production (unlike the Alpaca which is mainly kept for fiber production - and scamming seniors out of the retirement) but I'm kind of confused as to why it wouldn't be considered a production animal.
posted by vuron at 10:51 AM on July 12, 2016

Screaming Hairy Armadillo is the name of my new band. Also not suitable to be kept as pets.
posted by briank at 10:53 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'd take an Asian palm civet as a pet if I can have it dispense coffee beans from its butt, then turn to the fourth wall and say resignedly, "It's a living."
posted by ejs at 10:58 AM on July 12, 2016 [18 favorites]

How could you say no to this lovable little guy?
posted by dephlogisticated at 10:59 AM on July 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

I thought the best scientific name was for llamas - Lama glama - until I looked at the one for the Asian palm civet: "Paradoxurus hermaphroditus."

Gorilla gorilla.

"It's a gorilla."
"Yes, but what kind of gorilla?"
"The... gorilla... kind?"
posted by Etrigan at 11:05 AM on July 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

(What do rats and Guinea pigs produce?)

Guinea pigs are food.
posted by crush-onastick at 11:09 AM on July 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Actually, western lowland gorillas (the ones you see in zoos) are Gorilla gorilla gorilla!
posted by ChuraChura at 11:10 AM on July 12, 2016 [8 favorites]

although Asian palm civets could also be thought of as production animals
posted by Auden at 11:15 AM on July 12, 2016

Today I learned that chihuahuas become quite agitated when hearing a Screaming Hairy Armadillo. Not at first, mind you, but after about the 6th or 7th video in a row. After the 10th video, humans also become quite agitated.

(Disclaimer: observation based on extremely small sample size, consisting of one (1) standard household chihuahua and one (1) standard spousal human.)
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 11:15 AM on July 12, 2016 [12 favorites]

Actually, western lowland gorillas (the ones you see in zoos) are Gorilla gorilla gorilla!

That is even sillier than the screaming hairy armadillo, and you as a primatologist should be ashamed.
posted by Etrigan at 11:15 AM on July 12, 2016 [4 favorites]

> (What do rats and Guinea pigs produce?)

More rats and guinea pigs.
posted by INFJ at 11:17 AM on July 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

"It's a gorilla."
"Yes, but what kind of gorilla?"
"The... gorilla... kind?"

But as pets, do they make prime mates?



_{I shall go now.}
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:21 AM on July 12, 2016 [11 favorites]

you're talking about a nocturnal mammal that's going to be a huge pain to integrate into a human's daily life.

I'm reminded of this thing that some people have... You see them on the internet a lot... A very famous one likes lasagna and hates Mondays... Somebody help me here, it's on the tip of my tongue.
posted by cmoj at 11:22 AM on July 12, 2016 [5 favorites]

brb buying a wallaby for my south american drug lord compound.

Sad that Hippopotamus amphibius didn't make the list.
posted by GuyZero at 11:29 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

(What do rats and Guinea pigs produce?)

Medicine.
posted by GuyZero at 11:30 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

I thought the best scientific name was for llamas - Lama glama - until I looked at the one for the Asian palm civet: "Paradoxurus hermaphroditus."

Gorilla gorilla.

"It's a gorilla."
"Yes, but what kind of gorilla?"
"The... gorilla... kind?"

It is worth noting that the subspecies Western Lowland Gorilla's scientific name is Gorilla gorilla gorilla.

The best scientific name is none of the above though. The best scientific name is the Hoopoe, Upupa epops.
posted by mcstayinskool at 11:31 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

But the Drama Llama is the Internet's favorite pet.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 11:33 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

My experience has been that humans can make great pets. Many of them take well to discipline and domestication.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:40 AM on July 12, 2016

The first 25 species are shown; the complete list is in Supplementary Material

I believe the Screaming Hairy Armadillo is really just the 25th most suitable mammalian pet. The bottom ten are:

81. Raccoon
82. Mexican prairie dog
83. Eurasian Elk (i.e. moose)
84. Red fox
85. Capybara
86. White-tailed prairie dog
87. Brown bear (i.e. grizzly)
88. Fennec fox 
89. Sugar glider
90. Black-tailed prairie dog
posted by little onion at 11:40 AM on July 12, 2016

The capybara is worse than the animal that gives you leprosy?

Harsh.
posted by GuyZero at 11:44 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Let us not forgot the rare Gorilla ura desperado.
posted by McCoy Pauley at 11:44 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

My grizzly bear is not going to be happy to hear this.
posted by little onion at 11:46 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

And I'm sure my fennec fox has heard it already.
posted by little onion at 11:48 AM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

And I'm sure my fennec fox has heard it already

With those ears? One would hope.
posted by thivaia at 12:19 PM on July 12, 2016 [6 favorites]

I believe the Screaming Hairy Armadillo is really just the 25th most suitable mammalian pet

I am glad to hear this because after visiting this lil fella the other day I have come to the conclusion that they are cute and I want one.
posted by capricorn at 1:09 PM on July 12, 2016

his name is walter!
posted by capricorn at 1:10 PM on July 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Actually, western lowland gorillas (the ones you see in zoos) are Gorilla gorilla gorilla!

It's like, how much more gorilla could this be? And the answer is none. None more gorilla.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:11 PM on July 12, 2016 [14 favorites]

Still lobbying to get the Plains bison reclassified as Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.
posted by little onion at 1:18 PM on July 12, 2016 [11 favorites]

Gorilla gorilla gorilla

ROU_Xenophobe points out that in a just world, the genus would be Magilla...
posted by biscotti at 1:53 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

These are the same deer that seemingly make up the majority of the population of Nara, right? I know its because people feed them so much, but those are super aggressive deer! If they think you might have food they will happily headbutt/corner you until you give them some.
posted by thefoxgod at 4:05 PM on July 12, 2016

I have a lot of questions about the methodology. Doesn't "live happily inside a normal human-sized home" matter for a pet?
posted by jeather at 5:15 PM on July 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

I can't quite imagine waking up to this standing on my chest and complaining about breakfast, no.
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:35 PM on July 12, 2016

So they somewhat arbitrarily exclude all the successful, well-validated pets so you get a list five cool sounding animals?

It worked. I clicked and then googled the top 5 to see what they looked like. (Well, not the llama. I feel I know enough about the llama at the moment.)

I have a lot of questions about the methodology. Doesn't "live happily inside a normal human-sized home" matter for a pet?

So this is the serious question. As far as I can tell without reading the actual journal article the main concern is for the well being of the animal, not how good a pet it is? So solitary animals do better, even if they don't necessarily show affection to humans, because these pets do well without their own kind being present?

There may be more in the journal article but I have a feeling if these caught on you'd be hearing conscientious types warning "Please don't get a sika deer, most households find they can't keep them with sufficient space and they end up getting stressed and dying young," or "The spread of Asian Palm Civets through the pet industry has been an ecological disaster for native wildlife" or something.
posted by mark k at 9:38 PM on July 12, 2016

So solitary animals do better, even if they don't necessarily show affection to humans, because these pets do well without their own kind being present?

Yeah, that's dumb. Cats and dogs do well with humans because they're social animals, not because they aren't. It's like the people who compiled this don't even know what a pet is.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:28 PM on July 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

Some wild creatures demonstrate behavior completely intolerable in a domestic pet.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:07 AM on July 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

"Despite the instructions, scientists may show differences in their assessments, as they may change with time (tiredness), or may unintentionally be related to size, color, cuddliness, or ugliness of the assessed species."
posted by Kabanos at 2:05 PM on July 13, 2016

The researchers assessed the animals by analyzing a collection of one-liners, "with a oneliner defined as a succinct, meaningful, and accurate statement characterizing a species, linked with a bibliographic source."

Well, maybe Capybaras just have really complex, deep, and wonderful personalities, you know, that just can't be encapsulated in one sentence. Sure, as we've recently witnessed, sometimes they just gotta be free... but #85 on list of pets? C'mon!
posted by Kabanos at 2:22 PM on July 13, 2016

Capybara society is very hierarchical. Male capybaras will challenge each other to become the dominant male. With their very sharp teeth this will result in cuts.
If your male capybara decides to challenge you for the dominant position you may well get bitten. Capybara skin is much tougher than human skin so it will be very painful

https://capybaraworld.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/pet-capybara-faqs-the-questions-people-always-ask/
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:23 PM on July 13, 2016

I would put in a vote for the olive-green isopod for best scientific name: Penidotea wosnesenski. But as pets, no go.
posted by Fibognocchi at 9:34 PM on July 13, 2016