Skill and speed are very off-putting.

July 29, 2016 5:47 AM

9 Non-Threatening Leadership Strategies for Women — Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much? IS IT? Sorry I didn’t mean to get aggressive there. (SLCooperReview)
posted by Johnny Wallflower (53 comments total)

...I use these tactics all the time in my work. Am I man-upping wrong? Is that why I've sometimes ended up with too much work and less compensation than my peers in the past?

No real point here except these seem spot on. The best leaders I've worked with take pains to ensure people who tend toward self deferential behavior in the work place will make a point of not letting other more aggressive people crowd out the contributions and ideas of those who may not have the self-confidence to do that brash, Ugly American thing that dominates a lot of sectors of the business culture in the US. Probably not coincidentally, women in leadership positions tend to be better about noticing. Men will tend to try to inculcate you into the more aggressive behavior, generally, rather than offering the kind of leadership that makes space for everyone's contributions to be valued and credited, regardless of their personal level of assertiveness. But leaders who are just into power for its own sake and don't reflect on themselves tend to be awful regardless of gender.
posted by saulgoodman at 6:12 AM on July 29, 2016 [2 favorites]

Relevant:
Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent [The Onion]
The Onion's Tips For Succeeding As A Woman In The Workplace [The Onion] [Video]
posted by Fizz at 6:14 AM on July 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

The sad thing about this is how most of these 'strategies' were brought up towards me in all seriousness by women more senior than me within academia. And it's getting really exhausting, too. My job is not to coddle the feelings of men who get threatened by what I do. My job is to push forward knowledge.
posted by katta at 6:21 AM on July 29, 2016 [35 favorites]

Anybody who's a leader's job is to get the best out of the people around them and not waste time putting their egos ahead of getting results. Basically, wannabe Trumps screw up everything regardless of gender. Somebody like Clinton who take time to listen to other people and humble themselves enough to learn are just plain better at the job of leadership.
posted by saulgoodman at 6:29 AM on July 29, 2016 [8 favorites]

When I posted this on my Facebook feed, at least a couple of guys didn't even recognize it as satire. Oh boy.
posted by Paragon at 6:29 AM on July 29, 2016 [57 favorites]

In my current job, I was hired because, and I am only paraphrasing a little, I gave no fucks in the interview.

I said what I thought, I was forceful, I apparently did not care that they knew I had tattoos (which cracks me up). These people literally hired me because I am mouthy.

I can only hope to continue to be so lucky in my professional endeavors.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:30 AM on July 29, 2016 [19 favorites]

The mustache thing would probably work for anyone who wants to get ahead FYI that's typical Bain Consultant move #allmustachesmatter #notallmustaches
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:32 AM on July 29, 2016

"In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they’re not perceived as pushy, aggressive or competent."

The things that damn near every male leader I've worked under has had in common are being very pushy, very aggressive, and giving nobody any reason to ever suspect they might be competent. So... one out of three?
posted by Dysk at 6:37 AM on July 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

Medicine is a very hierarchical profession. There are times when that is a pain, and then I read stuff like this and thank my lucky stars that nobody ever questions my authority or competence at work.
posted by tinkletown at 6:47 AM on July 29, 2016

I personally find emojis very threatening in work email, so maybe back off on them a little. That's pretty pushy, you know.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:48 AM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Yup use these all the time. Because, sadly, they tend to work. Except the typing one. No one has a problem with women who can type. This reality, at least for me in my field, regularly makes me very angry. And sad. And tired.
posted by Cocodrillo at 6:53 AM on July 29, 2016 [6 favorites]

In case any of my fellow men are curious, I'm sure that most of you use these strategies too. I definitely do.

The difference is we can put on the moustache at almost any time and not suffer any consequences.

(I mean a proverbial moustache; I can't grow facial hair to save my life.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:59 AM on July 29, 2016 [6 favorites]

No one has a problem with women who can type.

It's not as true now, but early in my career, I found that when people found out I could type, I was asked to type a whole lot of things. Actually, at my first job, working for a lefty organization, the boss asked if I knew shorthand, which I'm pretty sure nobody asked any of my male counterparts. And a lot of women of my mother's generation believed that women shouldn't learn to type, because if they did, they'd spend all their time at work typing. I'm actually really, really glad that my mom didn't subscribe to that theory, because knowing how to type turned out to be an asset for people my age in ways that I don't think that women born in the '40s could have anticipated. But my friends' parents thought my mom was really eccentric (and sort of working-class and not-sophisticated) for insisting that I learn to touch type when I was in high school in the late '80s. She made my brothers do the same thing, so it wasn't a gender thing.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:14 AM on July 29, 2016 [16 favorites]

No real point here except these seem spot on.

Hey saulgoodman! 😊 Can you reread the FPP when you get a chance? 😊 Thanks!! 😊😊!
posted by beerperson at 7:14 AM on July 29, 2016 [58 favorites]

I enjoyed how it ramped up slowly. The first few, you kinda think, well, that's kinda wrongheaded, is this part of a larger strategy I just don't understand? Then it gets worse and worse.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:30 AM on July 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

I don't like bossy bosses, sex doesn't really enter into it. Too often the people I have worked under want to focus on the dick waving / power and control exercise rather than on effectively creating a functional team and harnessing everyone's talents.

My current (male) boss uses most of these techniques, and I appreciate it.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:45 AM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

(this was funny, but then it made me think too much--commence beanplating)

My organization is helmed by a woman, is majority women, and has multiple women in leadership roles. Our office is characterized by deferential interactions. of course, there are exceptions, rank is pulled in urgent situations. It's a great place to work.

I prefer the attitude of deference, it makes expectations clear without the barking. My supervisor (a dude) manages this way.

So I don't think that deference is the problem per se, it's the attitude that leadership with a deferential manner is not leadership. It's not recognizing that the extra work that goes into a deferential manner is work.

when I was teaching, I think there was more recognition (not enough) that deference was a central part of the work of cultivating critical thinking behavior in students--so the article mainly reminded me of my interactions with students.

but i do see that the lack of recognition of deference, combined with background misogyny, is definitely keeping women from being recognized and paid as leaders. That still happens in our workplace.

I would hope that if more women barked orders, and it was more acceptable to recognize that as legitimate, it would normalize interactions in situations where there is no room for fucking up. But people have gotten bent out of shape when my boss lays the hammer down.

What I really cannot evaluate, as a dude, is when people have called out my boss for misogyny, when I was thinking that she was being direct. Acrimony is hell.

(seconding the idea that smiley faces in emails evokes terror)
posted by eustatic at 7:48 AM on July 29, 2016 [4 favorites]

I work for a boss who is deferential, always everyone's friend, all the things these cards are satirizing. She's competent, and demands excellence by being spectacularly picky about all documents crossing her desk and demanding that all documents cross her desk before being sent on elsewhere in the organization. She uses underlings in the organization as her enforcers; any one of us working for her can become the "bad cop" to her "good cop", so that she doesn't look bad. And for her pains, she still gets walked all over by others who recognize and exploit the fact that her desire to be everyone's friend is actually her weakness.

I wish to God she'd stand up for herself.
posted by LN at 8:03 AM on July 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

When I posted this on my Facebook feed, at least a couple of guys didn't even recognize it as satire. Oh boy.

That's because a lot of the points are actually good advice on how to behave in a way that is less threatening to coworkers, a skill that people of both genders need to learn. It's something you need to know how to do even if you don't choose to do it.

The humorous points are good too. The best satire starts with reality and keeps bending it slightly until you get somewhere outrageous.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:04 AM on July 29, 2016 [5 favorites]

As another woman in academia who deals with this type of bullshit on the reg let me say that I did not find this funny and instead felt a strong urge for a cigarette and a glass of whiskey, two things that normally do not appeal to me, upon reading. If you think this is funny, it's because you're not the one saying "I'm not sure that's right" and being talked over every time your 85-year-old male colleague interrupts you to say something entirely incorrect during a meeting.
posted by sockermom at 8:19 AM on July 29, 2016 [36 favorites]

A lot of these is how I ended up avoiding leadership roles (which of course is easy to do for women anyway) not because I'm afraid to lead a team, but because I have a short temper and would snap, sooner or later, at the wrong higher-up. I see what my female boss has to put up with. She's kissing ass all the livelong day and constantly dealing with people not in her field questioning her competence. She's seldom given the power to make the changes she knows would improve performance; instead we generally make process changes for our department stealthily, to avoid people swooping in to tell us we can't. There's one particular person that I would have yelled at within my first two weeks for being an unmitigated shitbag, were I to have to talk to them with any frequency. Which she does. So I stay obscure, it's safer.

Less lucrative, too, of course.
posted by emjaybee at 8:34 AM on July 29, 2016 [4 favorites]

That's because a lot of the points are actually good advice on how to behave in a way that is less threatening to coworkers, a skill that people of both genders need to learn. It's something you need to know how to do even if you don't choose to do it.

What?

The points boil down to - do not set or enforce deadlines, do not claim ideas as your own, do not speak up against offensive comments, do not claim to understand something you do, do not speak assertively, and make sure to belittle your competence.

Why would not doing any of these things seem threatening?

I've followed this advice many times, not to ensure a smooth working relationship with my peers but because I've been conditioned to not call attention to myself, to not look too proud, to make sure that I don't accidentally escalate any conflicts. Hell, I even act like this with my students sometimes because it takes a hell of a lot of effort to escape the mentality - from family, friends, school, the media - that I don't quite belong in a professional position because of my gender.

There is no reason I should feel compelled to say "So can you look over these classes that I've listed and see if they fit with your schedule next semester. If not, let me know, and I'll see if I can come up with an alternative" instead of "Here's what sections are open. Do you want them?" I did this shit all the time because I felt so nervous about asserting something that was part of my damn job.

I'd like to think that I give less of a shit anymore, but I'm sure if I pay attention, I'll find myself falling into these same patterns more often than I'd like.
posted by bibliowench at 8:40 AM on July 29, 2016 [35 favorites]

so, um, I would like to point out to some commenters that while these strategies make for more pleasant interactions if everyone complies, the point is that women are conditioned to do it, and people are conditioned to think it's pushy or bitchy when they don't, and until that changes, insisting on these strategies harms women more than it harms men, who pay a lower price for not using said strategies, and is therefore a sexist thing

on preview: +1 bibliowench
posted by radicalawyer at 8:45 AM on July 29, 2016 [61 favorites]

Men are basically insecure. Having to always compete and win takes its toll. A room full of potential alphas fighting to be number one leaves many more behind as betas or worse. Please treat their easily bruised egos kindly.

Though I may have some tongue in my cheek, I've seen enough male (being one of those) behavior that I feel that male insecurity about being man enough is a major force in a lot of male behavior.
posted by njohnson23 at 8:47 AM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have Asperger's. I am a woman. I didn't know I was supposed to do all of this (as I think of it) extra, time-consuming word-adding to everything I did when I talked about work until I started reading Metafilter and realized I am on the spectrum. And I was always baffled and hurt when people on the job said they thought I didn't like them or was rude. And I wondered why other people got promoted when I was obviously better at the job than they were. I concluded that adult life is just a looks and popularity contest like high school and became pretty misanthropic. This article doesn't make me less misanthropic but at least I am no longer baffled because I know it's all about gender now.
posted by Beethoven's Sith at 8:57 AM on July 29, 2016 [32 favorites]

Beethoven's Sith, are you secretly me?
posted by Dysk at 9:01 AM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

My eye twitched repeatedly when I read these as they're so painfully true.
posted by batbat at 9:19 AM on July 29, 2016 [2 favorites]

This is one of those satires that's so brilliant that the fact that it IS satire only gradually grows on the reader. And like the best satire, it leaves a feeling of anger as well, because the author is angry.

I'd call it Swiftian, but is that a word? What do you all think?
posted by happyroach at 9:23 AM on July 29, 2016 [5 favorites]

It's a word. And I'm just thinking out loud here, but perhaps maybe we should consider not eating babies. What do you think?
posted by bibliowench at 9:25 AM on July 29, 2016 [18 favorites]

I don't know why all of Metafilter took a "forgot how sexism works" pill this morning, but the point is that women are perceived as bitchier and pushier when they are equally assertive as a men. I just saw a study floating around that in order to be perceived as competent, women not only need to be competent, but also "warm." Men are subject to no such standard. The world would be a better place if everyone were warm all the time, maybe, but they're not. And people think, "well, he's an ass, but he's a brilliant ass!" Not the same for women. And managing down in a "warm" way is good when done well, but managing up "warmly" is... not easy.

All your favorite warm and fuzzy male bosses definitely go full-moustache when they need to, and they don't suffer the same consequences a female boss would.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:31 AM on July 29, 2016 [37 favorites]

I'd say that learning to be diplomatic in the face of stupidity (to put it bluntly) is a skill I also lack, but could see a tremendous use for. I think the ability to keep a patient and conciliatory demeanor while dealing with conflict is a very valuable skill--one I feel it'd be useful to cultivate. Let's face it, you get more done when you get people to buy in, and people respond a lot better, and buy in a lot faster, to carrots than they do sticks. I have a strong personality, and while I do have a knack for getting people excited about an idea, or feeling more confident about a change they were leery about, it also translates into impatience and not-very-well hidden irritation with people who drag their feet. And that's not productive for getting people to see things from my point of view. I don't necessarily mean "coddle egos to get ahead" because frankly I just couldn't do that all day long, and I'm not sure it's ultimately productive anyway, but there's a middle ground where you can phrase things a certain way to get people to see the value in what you're saying, without sacrificing your authority as the speaker.

I'd say that the healthiest work cultures I've worked in are those in which people express a lot of appreciation for each other. "Thanks for doing that!" "You're awesome! :)" "That'll be great," gets said a lot among my team, and it does make a big difference. I have friends in other divisions in my company, where the tone is more political and about protecting turf and winning ideological confrontations, and those teams definitely have a more formal, more self-protective culture than mine. People on those teams work well together and accomplish a lot, but they don't necessarily seem like they like each other. My team likes each other, and you can feel the difference in the atmosphere.
posted by Autumnheart at 9:36 AM on July 29, 2016

I always think that "how does Monday sound for a deadline?" has its place, but sometimes there IS a hard deadline, and you have to say "this is due Monday, have it on my desk so I have time to look it over. Thanks." And if you're a woman, this means you're a HUUUGE BITCH. If it's due Monday, there's only so much, "I'm sooooo sorry, I know you're soooo busy, but if you could PLEASE have this done on Monday it would be SUPER, or if you can't, you know, just whenever, I'll bust my ass to make sure I fix your mistakes as fast as humanly possible and then get my ass reamed for being late. :) Thanks!!! :) :) :)"
posted by stoneandstar at 9:36 AM on July 29, 2016 [17 favorites]

And I'm just thinking out loud here, but perhaps maybe we should consider not eating babies.

Are you saying all babies or just Irish babies? Asking for a friend.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:37 AM on July 29, 2016 [5 favorites]

Fuck this shit.

Assertiveness training, emotional labor. Men subtly and not so subtly, (cluster bomb,) threaten and bully each other all the time. It is chapter and verse the world over, and often rationalized by religious chapter and verse.

The idea that women have to weasel their way through meetings by assuming a submissive posture, while still asserting their additions to meetings, they are paid to attend, paid to effect: it is not helping our species. This is still worship of the hissy-fit, worship of posturing, worship of pyramid scheming. All of this subtlety for poor pay.

Again, fuck this shit.
posted by Oyéah at 9:44 AM on July 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

I have never been so happy to work for women as I am right now. I have two bosses (my direct boss and then the big boss), both women. Our Assistant Director is a woman. The marketing/grant writer? Woman. The Admin? Woman.

It's so great.

If we need something on Monday, we say we need it on Monday. If we have suggestions, we give them. No repercussions, no backlash, nothing.

It's GLORIOUS. Made even more glorious by the fact that I used to not work with only women and man oh man, those "Leadership Strategies" sure got put into play back then.
posted by cooker girl at 9:44 AM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

A room full of potential alphas fighting to be number one leaves many more behind as betas or worse.

Don't even get me started on Omega Theta Pis
posted by beerperson at 10:08 AM on July 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

My communication style typically goes as follows:

"Hey there. I've got a project that needs some minor copy changes by 1pm today, so it can be sent back to So-and-so for review. Do you have time to take this, or shall I tap someone else on the team?"

It's fast, it's casual in tone, it spells out the expectation and deadline, and gives the recipient the opportunity to say "yes" or "no" according to their workload, without feeling like they're on the spot.

I've been gently dinged on being "abrupt" or "curt" over email in the past (years ago), but our workplace is very fast-paced and there's a lot of email flying around. Even the people who initially thought I was "curt" came to appreciate that my emails were quick to read and easy to understand. If you're trying to keep 10 email chains straight about 10 different works in progress, the last thing you want to sift through is a bunch of conversational blahblah. And of course, over time you just get to know someone better, and it's easier to read emails in their "voice" instead of trying to interpret "tone" from text.

Luckily, I don't have any coworkers that are a PITA about "tone", and have to be placated or asked in just the right way before they'll do their job. The workplace culture in this division has a decidedly low tolerance for that.
posted by Autumnheart at 10:21 AM on July 29, 2016 [2 favorites]

On setting hard deadlines...

Project must be completed by Monday

Me: Hey, does Friday work for you?
You: ehhh, not sure if I'm gonna make it.
Me: Well ok, what do you think about Monday?
You: Hmm. That seems like a reasonable compromise.

Win.
posted by Glibpaxman at 10:40 AM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Perfect timing amid all the mouthbreathers complaining about Hillary's "shrill" speechifying last night.
posted by gottabefunky at 11:00 AM on July 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

i hope more men come into this thread to talk about their management style, that is super relevant
posted by beerperson at 11:04 AM on July 29, 2016 [39 favorites]

beerperson, we might need a hamburger there. It's the season of Poe's law, after all.
posted by domo at 11:19 AM on July 29, 2016

I feel like the artist also missed the one urging women to constantly apologize.

Is that only a regional Midwest thing? ie. Here, before I ask you something, let me cede autonomy and/or authority...

Apologize: If you've wronged someone.

Don't Apologize: For existing, or asking someone to do the thing they were hired to do, having standards or expectations.
posted by dreamling at 11:33 AM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

This was a funny and painful read. Sometimes I think the smiley was invented so that women could give orders and set deadlines at their jobs without irritating their co-workers and subordinates.
posted by longdaysjourney at 12:06 PM on July 29, 2016 [5 favorites]

Curiously (and I mean that honestly), I've never had issues when managing teams. My reports are consistently happy to work together. I'm direct, but I always give a massive amount of context. More than any of our other managers do. So when I tell a lead, "the client moved their delivery date to a week later, but they won't change their onlining date, which means our tests will need to be done in two weeks instead of three," no one is surprised. They know the client, their tests, and they know they can say, "well how about we deprioritize X, Y, and Z? That would save us time," and we'll talk about it.

I do, on the other hand, consistently have issues being a manager around male managers on the same team (as opposed to clients, who also appreciate working with me) who are at or above my level. Every single freaking sexist trick in the book. The typing one is very common; I even had one manager grab my laptop out of my hands and start typing himself. I said, "excuse me? That's my laptop?" and he growled (yes!) and said I didn't know how to type. I laughed. He turned red and shoved my laptop back to me, pouting. Then there's the way I walk. Men have told me so many times that the sound of my walk is grating. When I ask why, they say, "we can TELL it's YOU!" Okay, how? Why is this annoying? "You... WALK! Like you... it's... WE ALL KNOW IT'S YOU!!!" And I'm like, right, well, yes indeedy, I am me! You know it's me, and it's me! Okay! Another colleague did some spying for me (on his own, I didn't ask him to) and told me they said it's because my walk is "too confident for a woman, she thinks she's all that". We both had a good laugh.

Then my favorite, "too direct." It happened so often on a recent project, one on which I did not have time to futz around stroking the 20-odd male egos for which I was apparently responsible, that with the worst offenders I ended up giving them hell every time they said it. Fellow women: this is wonderfully effective. Example:
Manager: "You're too direct!"
Me, positively: "I am direct!"
Manager: "No, it's... you're too direct, you need to show more respect!"
Me: "Would you prefer I respect you directly or indirectly!"
Manager: "Wha... but... hey, respect my authority!!!" (no really yes, seriously, two of them said this in French)
Me: "If I didn't respect your authority I wouldn't tell you what I think!"
Manager: "Gah, fff, aarrrgh, haaaaa"
Me: "Be sure to see it for its added value! I give you the best!"
Manager: "Hrrrrrrnnngnggg"'
posted by fraula at 1:02 PM on July 29, 2016 [35 favorites]

Medicine is a very hierarchical profession. There are times when that is a pain, and then I read stuff like this and thank my lucky stars that nobody ever questions my authority or competence at work.

Based on the stories I hear from my wife (an MD), I'm guessing you're male.
posted by nickmark at 1:17 PM on July 29, 2016 [6 favorites]

Me: "Would you prefer I respect you directly or indirectly!"

Solid gold. I would love to have you as a boss or co-worker.
posted by straight at 2:27 PM on July 29, 2016 [6 favorites]

"And let’s face it, no one might’ve ever heard it if he hadn’t repeated it."

True dat (see: Bill Cosby).

"Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about out how to avoid him in the future."

Hahahahahahah.

"Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it’s important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you’re too sure about it. People will appreciate your “hey what do I know?!” sensibilities."

I totally have to do this. I've been told that certain people "are just so busy and don't ask them questions," and "only tell the X Dept. there's an error if you're really, really sure there's an error and have checked multiple times." Unfortunately X Dept. has a lot of people making mistakes there and I am head notifier of such, so....I have to proceed like this. I also cite tons of evidence ("hey, X's webpage says this...." provides link) too to justify my saying it.

"I wish to God she'd stand up for herself."

This is not as easy as it sounds. I have straight up stopped trying to do that because there's just something about me that doesn't make that work. I'm sure my appearance (I look like a teenager) and being a short female is a disadvantage to that, along with my voice that nobody likes. But even beyond that, there seems to be something about me that makes people just ignore my screaming NO and proceed to steamroll. What's the point of trying if it doesn't work?

I have a Very Forceful coworker who is a lot better at getting what she wants, I suspect her very loud, fierce voice has something to do with it. I kind of think I should take lessons from her, except it's just not convincing coming out of me--and as she pointed out, it kinda depends on your audience as to how well that works.

"The points boil down to - do not set or enforce deadlines, do not claim ideas as your own, do not speak up against offensive comments, do not claim to understand something you do, do not speak assertively, and make sure to belittle your competence.
Why would not doing any of these things seem threatening?"

I gather anything that makes you seem equal to or better than a man is super threatening. Especially if you are acting like a boss, or someone who isn't a doormat or an idiot.

"Apologize: If you've wronged someone.
Don't Apologize: For existing, or asking someone to do the thing they were hired to do, having standards or expectations."

Oh, I apologize all the time, especially for existing, and I actually won't apologize for apologizing constantly. I think it's a vital and necessary thing to do for my own social safety (see above).
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:51 PM on July 29, 2016

I'm a woman who works in a customer support role in a healthcare-related area, so I've gotten disgustingly good at the simpering non-threatening bullshit presented here. I hate it, and I hate that it works. But about a third of my time involves working with our internal eng team about bugs and feature requests and IT IS THE BEST TIME. Not only do I not have to do this shit, they wouldn't take me seriously if I did. I can say, "This is broken, fix it" and "I need this updated by Monday" and "No" and "You're wrong" (and even "I'm wrong") and nobody bats a damn eye because it's just straightforward communication and it gets shit done. It is glorious.
posted by rhiannonstone at 6:14 PM on July 29, 2016 [7 favorites]

I feel like the artist also missed the one urging women to constantly apologize.

Oh yeah, apologizing before making a statement. Extra points if you turn the statement into a question.

"I'm sorry, does anyone else here see smoke? I'm sorry but do you think we should consider evacuating the building then continue the meeting?
posted by happyroach at 6:41 PM on July 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

These are amazing, and I can see how they are used everyday in my current rather brotastic workplace. It's like they are the only strategies that sort of work, but they are still totally counterproductive.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:46 PM on July 29, 2016 [2 favorites]

Argh. This pissed me off. Fuck satire.
posted by infini at 11:30 AM on July 31, 2016

Back when I was 48, I was asked by a 28 y o why I didn't let the 35 y o take the lead on the team. I pointed out to him that perhaps its because I'd started working when he was toddling around in diapers.
posted by infini at 11:32 AM on July 31, 2016 [1 favorite]

At a certain age, most of us can't play the demurring confused ingenue anymore, or are so sick of the role that we stop caring. I'm there. I can be professional, I can be funny, I can be compassionate, I can be polite, but I can't be "sweet." Most of the time it's ok. Every now and then some dude gets a ruffled feather. Every now and then I meet with a woman client who is equally done being sweet, and has her shit together, and we get on like gangbusters. It's a little jolt of energy to have someone realize you are sharp and respect it, instead of being alarmed or upset by it. It tends to be ex-military women.
posted by emjaybee at 7:22 PM on July 31, 2016 [2 favorites]