no hanky panky
August 1, 2016 8:34 AM   Subscribe

"Below are sixty wee puzzles. I’ve tried to provide a heads-up where there’s a whisper of off rhyme or a slight shift of emphasis. The one consistent exception I’ve allowed to perfect rhyme is that at the center and fulcrum point of the puzzle, there may be a possessive “s.” The answer to “White whale’s home haircutting gizmo,” then, would be “Moby[’s] Flowbee.”" posted by the man of twists and turns (117 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
 
Chicken erection?
posted by sexyrobot at 8:48 AM on August 1, 2016


Rooster booster?
posted by dilaudid at 8:56 AM on August 1, 2016 [4 favorites]


Turkey perky?
posted by explosion at 8:57 AM on August 1, 2016


Raven bailin'
posted by I-baLL at 8:59 AM on August 1, 2016


Anne Boelyn's Mandolin
posted by Lucinda at 9:01 AM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


Klimt pimped
posted by dilaudid at 9:04 AM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


Warp GORP
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:04 AM on August 1, 2016


Obama's faux llama
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:05 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


There are a few I can get the basic words for, but not how to get them to fit the syllable requirement
posted by Lucinda at 9:05 AM on August 1, 2016


Bond koi convoy
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:05 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Lex Luther: Sex truther. (groan)
posted by Death and Gravity at 9:08 AM on August 1, 2016 [4 favorites]


JABBERJAW'S CLABBER CLAUSE
posted by Lucinda at 9:09 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Sponge Bob's Grunge Job.
posted by The Bellman at 9:11 AM on August 1, 2016 [6 favorites]


Kiss's Disses
posted by dilaudid at 9:11 AM on August 1, 2016


WikiLeak's Micky Weeks
posted by Lucinda at 9:12 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Shortz's shorts court court. (ouch)
posted by The Bellman at 9:12 AM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


Hester's jester
posted by Lucinda at 9:12 AM on August 1, 2016


Bellman > "wee denims" made me thinks it's "jorts", and that "torts" might be involved somehow
posted by Lucinda at 9:13 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Darth Vader's "Garth, later"
posted by Lucinda at 9:14 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Pam Grier's Spam Fear? Really?
posted by The Bellman at 9:16 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


J. Hillis Miller, pay Phyllis Diller
posted by Lucinda at 9:16 AM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


Spoiled Euler?
posted by tapir-whorf at 9:16 AM on August 1, 2016


Lucinda, I agree. So we have "Shortz's jorts court torts." Much better.
posted by The Bellman at 9:16 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Grant's Pants.
posted by Death and Gravity at 9:17 AM on August 1, 2016


Vince Neil's prints deal?
posted by Lucinda at 9:18 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Def Jam's Ref Cam
posted by Lucinda at 9:21 AM on August 1, 2016 [4 favorites]


Jerry Seinfeld's fairy mindmeld
posted by Lucinda at 9:24 AM on August 1, 2016 [4 favorites]


Johnny Cash's Yanni bash.

Tarzan, bar flan!
posted by neckro23 at 9:27 AM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


Colonel Klink's Vernal Kink.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:27 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Johnny Cash's Yanni Bash
posted by Lucinda at 9:28 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Harry Potter, parry Kotter!
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:32 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Audubon's caught the Fonz?
posted by Lucinda at 9:32 AM on August 1, 2016


Tarzan, bar flan!

"Tarzan, ban flan!" Maybe?
posted by The Bellman at 9:35 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Gödel curdles
posted by egregious theorem at 9:35 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


No, actually, in retrospect, "bar" is better.
posted by The Bellman at 9:36 AM on August 1, 2016


Diana's skort Hyannis Port
posted by Lucinda at 9:37 AM on August 1, 2016


Wooden house of worship
posted by dr_dank at 9:37 AM on August 1, 2016


Red Scare Bed Hair
posted by Lucinda at 9:38 AM on August 1, 2016


M.C. Hammer's kimchi glamour
posted by egregious theorem at 9:40 AM on August 1, 2016 [6 favorites]


Wie-Rupp Pre-Nup
posted by Lucinda at 9:41 AM on August 1, 2016


dr_dank > Birch Church?
posted by Lucinda at 9:42 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Jeremy's Iron?
posted by bitteroldman at 9:44 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


"Shortz's jorts court torts."

Shortz courts jorts torts.
posted by explosion at 9:47 AM on August 1, 2016


Shakira's Hegira
posted by Lucinda at 9:47 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Gingah Ninja
posted by egregious theorem at 9:52 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


1. Topical cure for seasickness. (hinky pinky hinky)
2. The catastrophe that results when a cult classic NES game can't handle all the pixels it needs to display (hinky pinky hinky kerplinky)
3. A curmudgeonly woodland animal narrowly escapes a knife-wielder (hinky ponky hinky ponky)
4. Interminable music about an unbreakable smoking accessory in the shape of a video game villian (hink pink hink pink hink)
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 9:52 AM on August 1, 2016


Long Kong's strong bong song? Gong!
posted by explosion at 9:59 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Death and Gravity > I realized you can go a step further with "Grant's pants" - since they're wedding trousers, they're Cary Grant's Marry Pants!
posted by Lucinda at 9:59 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Dominique seeks Gleek freaks
posted by Lucinda at 10:01 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Bernie bro's gurney joes?
posted by pianoblack at 10:02 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


No, actually, in retrospect, "bar" is better.

I think that "Tarzan's flan ban" is best of all (and within the rules due to the possessive apostrophe exception).
posted by howfar at 10:05 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Castro's flub gastropub.
posted by pianoblack at 10:06 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Paul de Man you pay Roseanne!
posted by howfar at 10:08 AM on August 1, 2016


Snoop Dogg's soup flog.
posted by pianoblack at 10:13 AM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


Red Baron med parin'
posted by nom de poop at 10:14 AM on August 1, 2016


Garth Brooks's Barth books
posted by pianoblack at 10:18 AM on August 1, 2016 [7 favorites]


Cruella de Vil's rubella'd DeVille.
posted by Lyme Drop at 10:18 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Carrot Top, ferret cop.

(Most fun I've had on a lunch break in ages.)
posted by pianoblack at 10:20 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


TENNILLE'S CHENILLE!
posted by Lucinda at 10:21 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Mikan's Nikon lichen icons?

No.

Mikan, hikin', Nikons lichens.
posted by pianoblack at 10:25 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Mikan hiker lichen Lieca ?
posted by Death and Gravity at 10:26 AM on August 1, 2016


Mikan, hikin', lichen, Nikon?
posted by Lucinda at 10:27 AM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Zanzibar Danza jar.

Okay, I really need to get back to work now.
posted by pianoblack at 10:32 AM on August 1, 2016


Palomino sky dildo?
posted by sexyrobot at 10:36 AM on August 1, 2016


Blaster Master raster disaster
posted by umrain at 10:37 AM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Carrot Top ferret cop
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:43 AM on August 1, 2016


Tarlek Garlic
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 10:43 AM on August 1, 2016


Def Jam's Ref Cam

Before I "got" how to do these I came up with "Death Row's Slow Mo", but the above is clearly the right answer.
posted by grog at 10:44 AM on August 1, 2016


(dang it, preview function!)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:45 AM on August 1, 2016


Tarzan ban marzipan.
posted by Segundus at 11:19 AM on August 1, 2016


Tarzan bans flan?
posted by travertina at 11:44 AM on August 1, 2016


'Puzzlemaster' just seems to summon up one person, doesn't it?
posted by MtDewd at 12:10 PM on August 1, 2016


Klimt pimped

Better than axentowicz wax & tows it.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:55 PM on August 1, 2016


Darth Vader's "Garth, later"

That's a hinkly pinkly right?

A hinky pinky would more like: Says Darth, "Bye, Garth", right?
posted by sparklemotion at 1:11 PM on August 1, 2016


No joy Po'Boy.
posted by pianoblack at 1:11 PM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Hmm, looks like a couple are repeated:
“Friends in Low Places” singer’s metafiction collection (hinky pinky)
and
The Man in Black’s soiree for a Greek elevator-music star (hinkily pinkily).

These are fabulous!
posted by gold-in-green at 1:32 PM on August 1, 2016


“Why did the chicken have sex with the road?”, e.g.

Diddle riddle?
posted by archimago at 1:40 PM on August 1, 2016


I’d watch Carrot Top: Ferret Cop if it were released straight to video. (I’m kidding, of course. Only Kevin James would make that movie.)
posted by savetheclocktower at 1:45 PM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


also: lit-crit fitbit
posted by savetheclocktower at 1:50 PM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


SkyMall mag's piebald gag
posted by pianoblack at 2:03 PM on August 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


What the hell is going on here?
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 3:41 PM on August 1, 2016


I really enjoyed these.

Tarzan bars flan (so that both parts rhyme)
Wie-Rupp Prenup
Lex Luthor Sex Truther
Warp Gorp
Colonel Klink's Vernal Kink

amphibian-visited dead tree in porcine swamp (hink pink hink pink)
posted by which_chick at 3:51 PM on August 1, 2016


What the hell is going on here?

Metafilter: set off kilter (slight cheat in rhyme)
posted by sparklemotion at 3:53 PM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Vince Niel's chintz steal
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:56 PM on August 1, 2016


Nora Charles, dump that Gentile! - Spurn a goy, Myrna Loy
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:59 PM on August 1, 2016


Herb from WKRP haz buttery pizzeria treats - Tarlek's got garlic knots?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:00 PM on August 1, 2016


I really enjoyed these.
frog log's hog bog
posted by artdrectr at 4:00 PM on August 1, 2016


lit-crit fitbit

Oh, of course! The only thing I could come up with is "Jacques Derrida's walk-o-meter"
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:03 PM on August 1, 2016


Result of HMS Beagle naturalist’s high bid on a Bundren child’s flivver - Charles Darwin's Darl's car win
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:03 PM on August 1, 2016


Until or unless "Fifty Cent's fishy scents" makes it into the OED, none of these work as cryptic crossword clues, but they scratch a very similar itch.

Great find!
posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 4:08 PM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Wikileaks Mickey tweets
posted by Mental Wimp at 4:29 PM on August 1, 2016


Local joint focal point
posted by Mental Wimp at 4:37 PM on August 1, 2016


Raven cavin'
posted by Mental Wimp at 4:37 PM on August 1, 2016


the frames put a roof on their front man...

˙pɹɐsuɐɯ s,pɹɐsuɐH ʇᴉ llɐɔ ʎǝɥʇ
posted by Cold Lurkey at 5:58 PM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Tarzan bars flan...

"Tarzan bars flan," she said sweetly.

OH LOOK A HINKY PINKY TOM SWIFTIE.

*Kermit arms*
posted by mudpuppie at 6:40 PM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Red bed head dread
posted by grobstein at 7:00 PM on August 1, 2016


when one Muppet made gloves from the pelt of another:

Kermit fur mitts.

And while I'm at it, the way they got two injured Sesame Street Muppets transported within the hospital:

Bert and Ernie's hurtin' gurney.

Or when a Scientist Muppet took of his clothes and ran around

Beaker Streaker.
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:01 PM on August 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


Johnny Cash's Yanni bash
posted by Sys Rq at 9:14 PM on August 1, 2016


1. Topical cure for seasickness. (hinky pinky hinky)
ocean motion lotion
posted by carsonb at 11:07 PM on August 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


How you would convey Bo Peep's plight to London's greatest detective (hinkily pinkily)
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:58 AM on August 2, 2016 [1 favorite]


Her Flock, Sherlock!
posted by Naib at 5:40 AM on August 2, 2016 [1 favorite]


Or perhaps: Her flock roams, Sherlock Holmes!

(Good morning.)
posted by pianoblack at 6:13 AM on August 2, 2016 [4 favorites]


Imposters sing "Black Betty", bash George Michael and David Bowie. (Hinkedy Pinkedy)
posted by TheCoug at 8:24 AM on August 2, 2016


Sham Ram Jam Slams Wham Bam?
posted by sparklemotion at 8:45 AM on August 2, 2016 [2 favorites]


Proof that joker Sean Combs is a bad gambler. (hink dink)
did I do it right?
posted by carsonb at 11:00 AM on August 2, 2016


Puff Daddy Bluff Badly?
posted by V'Ger at 12:15 PM on August 2, 2016 [1 favorite]


Will Smith, bring me some Altoids. (hinky pinky)

These containers are full of Slim Shady's expectorate. (hinkily pinkily)
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:43 PM on August 2, 2016


Fresh Prince, breath mints!

Marshall Bruce's chaw juices?
Bruce Mathers juice gathers?

GOP Presidential nominee lands loudly at speech time (hinky pinky, all rhyme)
Mocked pantsuit drives Dem to shuttlecock (hinkly pinkly)
Mod note asks spiral jigsaws to take a time out. (hinkeroony pinkeroony)
posted by sparklemotion at 2:12 PM on August 2, 2016 [2 favorites]


Eminem's phlegm in them?
posted by howfar at 3:03 PM on August 2, 2016 [3 favorites]


Fresh Prince, breath mints!

I was actually thinking "Fresh Prince, fetch mints," but I'll mark yours correct.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:14 PM on August 2, 2016


Puff Daddy Bluff Badly?

I like it but what I had in mind was Witty Diddy's itty bitty kitty
posted by carsonb at 3:39 PM on August 2, 2016 [3 favorites]


Trump's jump bumps rump?
Mad Clinton's badminton
Cortex muzzles vortex puzzles.
posted by pianoblack at 6:20 AM on August 3, 2016 [3 favorites]


You're close on the Trump one (2/4) the speech part is relevant to a noun, and there's a better verb than "jump."
posted by sparklemotion at 9:48 AM on August 3, 2016


Trump stump rump bump?
posted by which_chick at 1:29 PM on August 3, 2016


Close... I was looking for Trump's rump thumps stump, but it's interesting how hard it is to come up with one of these that only has one answer that fits.
posted by sparklemotion at 1:44 PM on August 3, 2016


GOP Candidate pulls campaign speech out of his ass

Trump's Rump Dumps Stump :)
posted by Mental Wimp at 8:13 PM on August 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


Here are the answers!
posted by Lucinda at 11:08 AM on August 16, 2016


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