😒 [single-tear emoji]
August 5, 2016 2:35 PM   Subscribe

 
Well maybe if people learned to use their lock with ink pen, their fucking mail wouldn't keep getting stolen.
posted by mannequito at 2:39 PM on August 5, 2016 [22 favorites]


Replace all of 'em with more food emoji please. (I need a carrot, a cupcake, and a salad emoji, personally)
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:42 PM on August 5, 2016 [9 favorites]


Pager is the perfect ironic emoji! It symbolizes a technology that is made obsolete at the very moment that the emoji for it was created.

This is giving pagers too much credit.
posted by Going To Maine at 2:43 PM on August 5, 2016 [10 favorites]


The article excluded all the "symbol" emoji, but if you go to emojitracker (the source of the data), you'll see that the absolutely least used emoji is "no bicycles", followed by "baggage claim" and then the article's "suspension railway".
posted by Pyry at 2:49 PM on August 5, 2016 [6 favorites]


I'm shocked by all the monorail hate. What about power plug? Battery? Film? VHS tape? I demand a recount.

On the other hand, the back-and forth over the handgun emoji has been interesting. (Poor Microsoft, switching to a realistic gun the week before Apple previews a switch to a squirt gun. Daring Fireball: initial article; more detailed discussion on cross-platform changes in meaning.)
posted by RedOrGreen at 2:50 PM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


I just wish that we could delete all the race-based emojis.

Simpsons Yellow is a (good enough) default!
posted by sparklemotion at 2:51 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Waiting for lettuce, tomato, and mozzarella salad.
posted by infini at 2:55 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Look, all I want is Facebook giving me back the pacman :v smiley on chat. The poop emoji does not quite reflect the complete garbage I tell people sometimes.
posted by lmfsilva at 2:56 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


We could change all the humanoid emojis to orange, in honour of the new Emperor
posted by infini at 2:57 PM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


#1 Least-Loved Emojii: all of them (tie)
posted by blue_beetle at 3:00 PM on August 5, 2016 [5 favorites]


Blue is a nice color for nondescript race. Just look at Skeeter.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 3:04 PM on August 5, 2016 [9 favorites]


I just want a *proper* smiley face.
posted by mazola at 3:07 PM on August 5, 2016


#1 Least-Loved Emojii: all of them (tie)

I don't know what you are talking about emoji are extremely popular!
posted by atoxyl at 3:23 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Don't fall in love with an emoji. It will never love you back.
posted by mazola at 3:29 PM on August 5, 2016 [5 favorites]


πŸ’©
posted by leotrotsky at 3:37 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


🚧
posted by billiebee at 3:45 PM on August 5, 2016


I thought we all agreed to end all text conversations with Monorail.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:48 PM on August 5, 2016 [11 favorites]


I need a carrot, a cupcake, and a salad emoji

Define "need".
posted by Paul Slade at 3:52 PM on August 5, 2016


I'm really surprised there isn't a dinosaur emoji, and I know I'm not alone. Everyone likes dinosaurs, right?! I've used the dragon and crocodile emojis in a pinch but I wasn't fooling anyone. Perhaps they haven't added any dinos yet because they couldn't choose just one or two species to feature?
posted by smorgasbord at 4:03 PM on August 5, 2016 [15 favorites]


Oh shit, πŸ›‚ means "Passport Control"?
I wish I'd known that last winter. Not even kidding.
posted by ardgedee at 4:04 PM on August 5, 2016 [9 favorites]


Interesting website the article is on. And I saw someone selling baked goods from their trunk the other day, too. Hm.
posted by Stewriffic at 4:08 PM on August 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


Lock with Ink Pen
This emoji feels like it escaped from the toolbar of Adobe Acrobat circa 1996.


I love 1990s Adobe references so now I love this emoji.

Wish list: I would get a lot of use out of a set of Paul F. Tomkins emojis. Like, a lot.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:11 PM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


lol I guess somebody's never gotten a text from bae where she lets you know she wants to page your aerial tramway without bicycles
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:12 PM on August 5, 2016 [22 favorites]


BURRITO

I am mad I don't have this basically constantly
posted by likeatoaster at 4:20 PM on August 5, 2016 [7 favorites]


Damn it. Emojis seem culturally dispensable right now, but I can't help feeling that if I don't put in some time to learn the rudiments, I may be unable to communicate with future grandchildren. There should be a German word for this feeling. Or maybe an emoji.
posted by pipeski at 4:28 PM on August 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


We need an emoji that depicts the emoji that stands for emoji.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:35 PM on August 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


We need an emoji that depicts the emoji that stands for emoji.

πŸ”„
posted by phunniemee at 4:41 PM on August 5, 2016 [14 favorites]


I just wish that we could delete all the race-based emojis.

Simpsons Yellow is a (good enough) default!


Except that the Simpsons are pretty explicitly white, given that there are Simpsons characters of pretty much all other races portrayed with differently coloured skin.

Every person of colour I text with just uses the default yellow smilies, but I can totally empathize with the desire for an option that acknowledges that skin colour does matter.
posted by 256 at 4:42 PM on August 5, 2016 [15 favorites]


I need a carrot, a cupcake, and a salad emoji

Worst MacGyver episode ever.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:42 PM on August 5, 2016 [15 favorites]


Pager? I just took my pager off my belt, as I was reading this on my iPhone.
Why am I carrying a pager when I have an iPhone?
Well, I live in Vermont...
posted by MtDewd at 4:47 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


I was so happy they added brown emojis. Being brown. So.
posted by dame at 4:49 PM on August 5, 2016 [9 favorites]


(Also it would be nice if someone told Gruber you can have a readable font-size and still be cool.)
posted by dame at 4:50 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Also, at the risk of sounding super old, does anyone actually convey anything other than inflection with emoji? Like, I almost exclusively see them appended to the end of a text message (complete in itself) as an emotional marker.

"I'll be there soon. (smiley face)"

"Sorry, can't. Work party tonight. (eye roll face)"

Maybe the most I ever see them functioning as actual meaning tokens is in a message like:

"Getting some quality alone time tonight. (wine glass)"

And the only time I ever see them on their own are in the form of a single emoji text consisting of either a smiley face, a frowny face, or a kissy face.

Yet, I keep seeing these articles that seem to suggest there is a generation of kids using emoji as a complete language, like they're having text conversations back and forth consisting of nothing but strings of (cake slice) (monorail) (poop) (smiley face) (dog). This is all just breathless futurism, right?
posted by 256 at 4:50 PM on August 5, 2016 [9 favorites]


I just got a smartphone for the first time, and since everyone has had one way longer than me, I feel like an old person trying to be cool every time I use emojis. "How's it going, fellow kids?" πŸ’―πŸ’―βœ”οΈβœŒπŸ»
posted by teponaztli at 4:52 PM on August 5, 2016 [19 favorites]


I miss the shit Microsoft Communicator for Business emojis. They were so awful, and animated, too. In a bored workplace we made up new meanings for all of them, mostly related to management competence and pooping.
posted by scruss at 4:57 PM on August 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


Worst MacGyver episode ever.

If by "worst," you mean "best," yes.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:57 PM on August 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


it would be nice if someone told Gruber you can have a readable font-size

If one scrolls all the way to the bottom of the page one can find the Display Preferences link. You gotta work for it, man.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:58 PM on August 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


I both thank and curse you, Johnny Wallflower.
posted by dame at 5:00 PM on August 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


I learned a lot about Japanese culture by investigating the difference between 🍒 and 🍑. Short answer: one is candy and the other is like a stew, I think.
posted by kiltedtaco at 5:01 PM on August 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


🍒 is called oden. It's simmered…stuff. During the winter, 7-11s in Japan have a sort of divided chafing-dish thing on their counters full of various oden varieties. It smells awful. I never ate it.
posted by adamrice at 5:05 PM on August 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


I thought the article was being cute and ironic by explaining what a pager is and then I realized, oh man, no, lots of people who can read and write and use technology probably don't remember pagers.

D:
posted by town of cats at 5:15 PM on August 5, 2016 [8 favorites]


at the risk of sounding super old, does anyone actually convey anything other than inflection with emoji?

I'm old and I use emojis as complete responses: thumbs-up to acknowledge that we've reached agreement; poop to express disappointment; the dancing girls to express happiness, etc.

An example of a full sentence was in a conversation with a friend who was having an ice cream party for her kid. When I asked why I wasn't invited she pointed out that I was out of the country. My response: πŸ“§ πŸ›« πŸ›¬ 🍦 πŸŽ‰
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:16 PM on August 5, 2016 [13 favorites]


Hermione Granger: Replace all of 'em with more food emoji please. (I need a carrot, a cupcake, and a salad emoji, personally)
smorgasbord: I'm really surprised there isn't a dinosaur emoji, and I know I'm not alone.
likeatoaster: BURRITO
Make a proposal! posted by Spinda at 5:24 PM on August 5, 2016 [6 favorites]


🌯 Burrito.
posted by rlk at 5:37 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


An example of a full sentence was in a conversation with a friend who was having an ice cream party for her kid. When I asked why I wasn't invited she pointed out that I was out of the country. My response: πŸ“§ πŸ›« πŸ›¬ 🍦 πŸŽ‰

I was in a Very Serious LDR when emojis first came out (on iPhones, at least) and we had fun playing rebus with them. Deep down I knew the relationship was over on his end when at some point I realized, Oh my god, he can't bring himself to speak to me, he's only talking in emojis. True story.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:50 PM on August 5, 2016 [9 favorites]


i like trains
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 5:57 PM on August 5, 2016 [7 favorites]


I have lunch with a coworker in a different building every Tuesday, and instead of just texting her "wanna get lunch?" I have taken to sending her the food emoji that most closely represents my lunch that day when I'm ready to go. So yes, more food emoji please!! πŸŒ―πŸπŸ•πŸžπŸœπŸ™πŸšπŸ› etc...
posted by btfreek at 6:04 PM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


πŸ‘πŸ»
posted by blue_beetle at 6:10 PM on August 5, 2016


πŸ˜€
πŸ‘•
πŸ‘–
πŸ‘ πŸ‘ 
posted by bendy at 6:14 PM on August 5, 2016 [21 favorites]


I'm white and all of my friends of color use the brown/black skin tone emojis. So I think they're a good thing.
posted by a strong female character at 6:53 PM on August 5, 2016 [8 favorites]


πŸ†’
posted by a strong female character at 6:57 PM on August 5, 2016


πŸƒπŸΌ
πŸ•³
posted by dame at 7:01 PM on August 5, 2016 [10 favorites]


πŸ““πŸ“•πŸ“ŽπŸ–‡πŸ—‚πŸ“‚πŸ“πŸš©β–ͺοΈβ–«οΈπŸ”ΈπŸ”ΉπŸ”·πŸ”πŸ”ŽπŸ“‘πŸ“ƒπŸ“„πŸΊ

why
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:31 PM on August 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


I keep seeing these articles that seem to suggest there is a generation of kids using emoji as a complete language, like they're having text conversations back and forth consisting of nothing but strings of (cake slice) (monorail) (poop) (smiley face) (dog). This is all just breathless futurism, right?

Wrong. My *mother* and her sisters not only write each other entirely-emoji sentences, those emojentences are in Farsi.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 7:42 PM on August 5, 2016 [26 favorites]


I just wish that we could delete all the race-based emojis.

Simpsons Yellow is a (good enough) default!

Yes, how dare anyone have anything you personally don't want.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:08 PM on August 5, 2016 [15 favorites]


Well, I'd like to have faces in Bright Red (NOT a Native American 'redman' shade, or like the emoji 'devils' 😈, but something for the seriously sunburned and/or blushing) and a non-Alien πŸ‘½πŸ‘Ύ green, because sometimes using emojis does make me nauseous.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:21 PM on August 5, 2016


Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The: πŸ““πŸ“•πŸ“ŽπŸ–‡πŸ—‚πŸ“‚πŸ“πŸš©β–ͺοΈβ–«οΈπŸ”ΈπŸ”ΉπŸ”·πŸ”πŸ”ŽπŸ“‘πŸ“ƒπŸ“„πŸΊ

Does the Cabal know you're going on about this in public?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:35 PM on August 5, 2016 [5 favorites]


Except that the Simpsons are pretty explicitly white, given that there are Simpsons characters of pretty much all other races portrayed with differently coloured skin.


That's why it was "good enough." Honestly, blue would have been better.

"flesh coloured" emojis brought race into a space that didn't need it, and puts the burden on PoC to decide where on the spectrum they feel like falling on any particular day. In theory (and my own practice) people can keep using the yellow, but because this is the Internet in 2016, that's a whole charged thing now.

Obviously some POC like them (but Nikki Haley is a person who exists, and we let people pronounce GIF with a hard-g).
posted by sparklemotion at 9:39 PM on August 5, 2016


π“‚Ί

og emoji
posted by idiopath at 10:08 PM on August 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


-Yes, too many "options" when it comes to the skin color of the smiley. Who needs 'em?

-OK, can we make dark brown the default then?

-*Clutches pearls*
posted by oceanview at 11:11 PM on August 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


Wait, is there not a pearl-clutching emoji?

*faints*
posted by Autumn Leaf at 4:07 AM on August 6, 2016 [3 favorites]


BuddhaInABucket: "My *mother* and her sisters not only write each other entirely-emoji sentences, those emojentences are in Farsi."

I wonder if they use πŸ‘ to mean πŸ–•.
posted by exogenous at 4:19 AM on August 6, 2016 [3 favorites]


My favorite emoji is 🈁. It says "koko," which is Japanese for "here," and is a very useful single character to convey the message "I have arrived at the predetermined place."

I also use πŸš€ to mean "I'm on my way," because I think it's cute.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:11 AM on August 6, 2016 [5 favorites]


Well, the suspension railway is probably popular in Wuppertal, where they actually have such a thing, but Wuppertal is a smallish town...so, yeah
posted by Namlit at 5:13 AM on August 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


"flesh coloured" emojis brought race into a space that didn't need it, and puts the burden on PoC to decide where on the spectrum they feel like falling on any particular day.

I'll gladly take that burden! I never really used emoji until they came out with the different colored smileys. Now I use the brown ones all the time! There are billions of darker-shaded people on the planet -- entire countries where they are the majority -- who use texting as their own language as well. Why shouldn't that language be as expressive of their own identities as possible? Options are always nice.
posted by bluefly at 5:25 AM on August 6, 2016 [12 favorites]


You know you need an adjustment to your social life when you take the time to demonstrate that the counts of emojis on emojitracker.com do in fact follow the Benford distribution.

Mmm yeah, methinks I'll pry myself out of the apartment today.
posted by Conway at 5:34 AM on August 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


I half-love emojis, but they do constantly remind me a little of that scene in Idiocracy where the "doctor" is trying to find the right pictograph button for [whichever Wilson brother that is]'s symptoms
posted by aspersioncast at 6:13 AM on August 6, 2016 [4 favorites]


My partner manages to pun with emoji sometimes, while taking care of a toddler (emoji name: πŸ‘Ή Or πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘–). I wish I were so good at emoji. But being a primarily text media interacter type person from way back (IRC, chat, etc), I like emoji for tenseness and emotional ambiguity. It seems easier to express complicated emotional reactions in a way that seems to encompass reality with emoji where words might require a few sentences. Emoji, esp with people you know (so they know how you use them and have built up interpretations from many uses), can give that context with a relative handful.
posted by R343L at 7:02 AM on August 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


For the longest time I thought the woman's hat emoji:
πŸ‘’
Was actually an alien with a domed yellow head and glowing green eyes and mandibles.
I think I must have confused some people I sent it to.
posted by ejs at 8:33 AM on August 6, 2016 [12 favorites]


I wonder if they use πŸ‘ to mean πŸ–•.

Yep. I also get a talking to sometimes when I give her enthusiastic thumbs up in response to things she sends me.

In other news, apparently you can italicize emoji?
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:28 AM on August 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


I use the poop emoji all the time to convey the noontime pooping success or lack of success of an elderly dog I walk each workday, which conveys knowledge to her owner that they may or may not need to rush home after work. Because literalism.
posted by RedEmma at 10:28 AM on August 6, 2016 [4 favorites]


> π“‚Ί og emoji

WELL HELLO EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPH D053!
posted by ardgedee at 10:56 AM on August 6, 2016 [3 favorites]


For the longest time I thought the woman's hat emoji

*mind blown*
posted by aspersioncast at 7:31 PM on August 6, 2016 [1 favorite]


IME, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram regularly demonstrate that a substantial number of POC both young and old use the varied skintones to represent themselves in conversations and tweets, especially in conjunction with #BlackLivesMatter, #BlackOut, and #LoveMyMelanin. It's neat, and I hope more skin tones are added over time (along with more gender diversity in the action emoji section).
posted by Hermione Granger at 9:11 PM on August 6, 2016 [2 favorites]


can somebody explain to me some of the use examples of this emoji: http://emojipedia.org/man-with-gua-pi-mao/

because all I get from that is like 'racism' on the scale of white folks dressing up in a similar style on Halloween
posted by runt at 11:59 AM on August 7, 2016


I'm not sure whay you mean, runt. Are you taking exception to the fact that an emoji character with almond-shaped eyes and a Chinese skullcap can take multiple skin tones? Given that all the other people emoji support multiple skin tones, I feel like it would actually be a lot more problematic to single this one out as taking only stereotypically "Asian" coloring.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 2:17 PM on August 7, 2016


I think runt is questioning why there needs to be an "Asian man emoji" as it is apparently popularly called, in the first place, particularly one that features "look, I'm a Chinese man for Halloween" drag. (Oh God, did you see the Samsung variant?)
posted by Omnomnom at 4:27 PM on August 7, 2016


Samsung makes great phones, but the customized version of Android that they try to make you use is some hot garbage. I have no idea why they persist in pushing that, nobody wants it or needs it.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:29 PM on August 7, 2016


I've been wanting an earthquake emoji. When I feel a slight tremor, I feel like texting a volcano is a bit OTT.
posted by Metro Gnome at 4:43 PM on August 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


When I feel a slight tremor, I feel like texting a volcano is a bit OTT.

πŸš›
posted by Room 641-A at 5:05 PM on August 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


🐘
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:17 PM on August 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


πŸ“ˆπŸ“ˆπŸ“ˆ
posted by teponaztli at 1:29 AM on August 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


πŸŽ³πŸš‚
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:41 AM on August 8, 2016


This weekend when sharing a rental with friends, I discovered that Venmo (which requires you to add a note to each transaction specifying what it's for) will by default suggest emoji to replace what you're typing, which is how I ended up sending someone $150 for a house, pizza, and rosary.

I cannot for the life of me remember where the rosary emoji came from.
posted by psoas at 10:47 AM on August 8, 2016


wait i need to go all the way back to the beginning of the thread because

Waiting for lettuce, tomato, and mozzarella salad.

lettuce??? what about basil?? am i missing something here? have i been making caprese wrong my whole life??
posted by burgerrr at 12:23 PM on August 8, 2016


basil is nice for an appetizer snack, but in my dinner as a salad, lettuce
posted by infini at 12:49 PM on August 8, 2016


what if I told you you could make the entire salad out of basil?
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 1:29 PM on August 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


*dubious look*
posted by infini at 1:33 PM on August 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


you'll see that the absolutely least used emoji is "no bicycles"

Weirdly, it's the only one I use. Send it to my mountain biking buddies when I'm not going to be able to do a weekend ride.
posted by guy72277 at 8:37 AM on August 9, 2016


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