its hour come round at last
August 9, 2016 6:20 PM Subscribe
If you've been feeling like 2016 might be some harbinger of a coming Apocalypse with all the bad things happening this year, here's another symbol for you to add to your growing list: America's pungent corpse flowers are all mysteriously blooming at once
This is super weird, because there have only been 157 recorded blooms ever between 1889 and 2008. But this year in the US alone, at least seven flowers have bloomed.
This is super weird, because there have only been 157 recorded blooms ever between 1889 and 2008. But this year in the US alone, at least seven flowers have bloomed.
and yet I still haven't caught a goddamn vileplume
posted by prize bull octorok at 6:27 PM on August 9, 2016 [33 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 6:27 PM on August 9, 2016 [33 favorites]
10 more blooms and theyll have one for each GOP candidate this year.
posted by Karaage at 6:28 PM on August 9, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by Karaage at 6:28 PM on August 9, 2016 [9 favorites]
Hark, the stinking heralds of the Night King!
posted by GameDesignerBen at 6:46 PM on August 9, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by GameDesignerBen at 6:46 PM on August 9, 2016 [6 favorites]
With apologies to the Carter family:
Yes she taught me to love her and call me her flower
That was blooming to cheer her through life's dreary hour
Oh I long to see her and regret the dark hour
She's gone and neglected her pale stank-ass flower
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:52 PM on August 9, 2016 [9 favorites]
Yes she taught me to love her and call me her flower
That was blooming to cheer her through life's dreary hour
Oh I long to see her and regret the dark hour
She's gone and neglected her pale stank-ass flower
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:52 PM on August 9, 2016 [9 favorites]
So that's what that smell is!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:53 PM on August 9, 2016
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:53 PM on August 9, 2016
So...corpse flowers living in the same dormnation will eventually synchronize their blooming?
posted by Thorzdad at 7:01 PM on August 9, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 7:01 PM on August 9, 2016 [6 favorites]
Yeah, well, ours at UCONN aren't, so I guess, once again, Storrs is the safest place to live in the US.
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 7:02 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 7:02 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
I stood next to the one in DC today and it didn't smell anything like my uncle's crawl space. I call shenanigans on this article.
posted by sacrifix at 7:03 PM on August 9, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by sacrifix at 7:03 PM on August 9, 2016 [11 favorites]
Pittsburgh's corpse flower (named "Romero" lolz) already bloomed this year, but it's becoming an increasingly less rare event as we learn how to treat them better. I was all set to make a FPP about it when it happened but after googling I realized that actually it's really not that rare.
posted by soren_lorensen at 7:07 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by soren_lorensen at 7:07 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
Yeah, well, ours at UCONN aren't....
....But a guy with UConn's Puppet program made up for that absence, I'll have you know.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:21 PM on August 9, 2016 [3 favorites]
....But a guy with UConn's Puppet program made up for that absence, I'll have you know.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:21 PM on August 9, 2016 [3 favorites]
Let me get this straight, you plant a flower that will likely never blossom, but if it does will smell like a dead guy. That's got to test your sense of hopefullness.
Is there a goth band named after this?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:29 PM on August 9, 2016 [8 favorites]
Is there a goth band named after this?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:29 PM on August 9, 2016 [8 favorites]
Amorphis is a great folksy metal band but no giant amorphous penis band that I know of yet
posted by aydeejones at 7:42 PM on August 9, 2016
posted by aydeejones at 7:42 PM on August 9, 2016
We went to see the blossoming at our town's conservatory last weekend, about 18 hours after it bloomed. We were told the smell was unbearable—even out on the street outside the building—when it first bloomed, but it wasn't too bad by the time we got there.
The best part for me was that hundreds of people of all types turned up on very short notice to witness a freaky plant that stinks really bad, stood in line for over an hour, learned something, and enjoyed ourselves in the process. No hype, no pretense—just a really cool plant, no more, no less. Considering what's been in my news feeds for the past year, I know I was ready for something like that.
posted by Rykey at 7:55 PM on August 9, 2016 [13 favorites]
The best part for me was that hundreds of people of all types turned up on very short notice to witness a freaky plant that stinks really bad, stood in line for over an hour, learned something, and enjoyed ourselves in the process. No hype, no pretense—just a really cool plant, no more, no less. Considering what's been in my news feeds for the past year, I know I was ready for something like that.
posted by Rykey at 7:55 PM on August 9, 2016 [13 favorites]
DON'T FEED THE PLANTS!
posted by SansPoint at 7:56 PM on August 9, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by SansPoint at 7:56 PM on August 9, 2016 [4 favorites]
I saw OSU's a couple years ago. It was underwhelming. Glad to hear I'm not alone in that assessment.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:04 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 8:04 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
Mr. Wilson, the men robbed your house.
posted by unliteral at 8:10 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by unliteral at 8:10 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
Didn't the one at the UC Berkeley botanic garden bloom last year? I saw it recently but it was all closed up.
When I was growing up, my friend's mom had an amorphophallus in the living room. It wasn't nearly as big as the ones in botanic gardens, but it did bloom once or twice. My friend was not exactly happy about its presence, but we did think it was funny that the name was Latin for (as her mom put it) "looks like a giant penis."
posted by teponaztli at 8:22 PM on August 9, 2016
When I was growing up, my friend's mom had an amorphophallus in the living room. It wasn't nearly as big as the ones in botanic gardens, but it did bloom once or twice. My friend was not exactly happy about its presence, but we did think it was funny that the name was Latin for (as her mom put it) "looks like a giant penis."
posted by teponaztli at 8:22 PM on August 9, 2016
The one at UC Berkeley Botanic Garden did bloom last year! I saw it. (And waited in line for probably an hour.)
The thing about the famous smell is that it's short-lived, a few hours, and mostly happens at night. It's an impressive sight without the smell, but lack of smell means many visitors are underwhelmed.
I'm not hugely surprised at the bloom boon this year. I wrote about a blooming Amorphophallus titanum at the Conservatory of Flowers in San Francisco for the Oakland Tribune in probably 2005, which was basically the first moment gardens realized they could get 10x their normal attendance by showcasing one. The internet really helped their popularity too: It's just close enough to the News of the Weird that it gets picked up on news feeds.
posted by purpleclover at 8:32 PM on August 9, 2016 [4 favorites]
The thing about the famous smell is that it's short-lived, a few hours, and mostly happens at night. It's an impressive sight without the smell, but lack of smell means many visitors are underwhelmed.
I'm not hugely surprised at the bloom boon this year. I wrote about a blooming Amorphophallus titanum at the Conservatory of Flowers in San Francisco for the Oakland Tribune in probably 2005, which was basically the first moment gardens realized they could get 10x their normal attendance by showcasing one. The internet really helped their popularity too: It's just close enough to the News of the Weird that it gets picked up on news feeds.
posted by purpleclover at 8:32 PM on August 9, 2016 [4 favorites]
i saw the one in the bronx, no corpse smell, but it was genuinely beautiful, in one of those lovecraftian horror kind of ways. the sculptures are fantastic at the bronx too.
posted by PinkMoose at 8:48 PM on August 9, 2016
posted by PinkMoose at 8:48 PM on August 9, 2016
Yay! Now I have a place to dispose of all these...um...leftovers.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:01 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by sexyrobot at 9:01 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
This is some straight-up Alan-Moore-writing-Swamp-Thing shit, I tell you what.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:23 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:23 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
One of the first succulent plants I ever grew was a Senecio articulatus. It is a weird little jointed plant that grows a couple of segments every year and flowers in the winter. So it got moved into my bedroom bay window and the thing flowers. This long bract with some tiny fuzzy flowers on the end. Nothing terribly special.
Then for the next week I kept randomly smelling shit for just a second or two as entered or left the bedroom. I simply couldn't sort out the location of the smell and was considering calling our landlord to have him get the plumbing checked.
Turns out Senecio articulatus is pollinated by flies. So it tries to attract flies. By smelling like shit.
I moved it out into the shared hallway to share it with everyone in our house.
I routinely give segments, which root really easily, to people who express an interest in succulents. And like the person who gave it to me I give them no warning. I'm pretty sure this is a largely unspoken but common Cactus and Succulent collector tradition.
There are also some really cool carrion flower succulents out there like Huernia or Stapelia but I as an apartment dweller I have never dared to grow them.
posted by srboisvert at 9:40 PM on August 9, 2016 [20 favorites]
.jpg){kind=link}
Then for the next week I kept randomly smelling shit for just a second or two as entered or left the bedroom. I simply couldn't sort out the location of the smell and was considering calling our landlord to have him get the plumbing checked.
Turns out Senecio articulatus is pollinated by flies. So it tries to attract flies. By smelling like shit.
I moved it out into the shared hallway to share it with everyone in our house.
I routinely give segments, which root really easily, to people who express an interest in succulents. And like the person who gave it to me I give them no warning. I'm pretty sure this is a largely unspoken but common Cactus and Succulent collector tradition.
There are also some really cool carrion flower succulents out there like Huernia or Stapelia but I as an apartment dweller I have never dared to grow them.
posted by srboisvert at 9:40 PM on August 9, 2016 [20 favorites]
I don't know anything about flowers. But let me tell you, this is not the best year to re-read The Year of the Jackpot.
posted by Sequence at 9:51 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Sequence at 9:51 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
I've never been as happy to live in a cowtown. I caught our humble ville's awesome blossom towards the end of its show and there were like three people in there. They had it streaming(?) and I don't think there was ever more than ten or so people looking at it at a time. They were shutting down by the time I got there; the flower had already done its thing but the glass display they had it in kept the stink in pretty well. There among the mounted skeletons and skulls the scent of dozens of dead mice seemed fitting.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 9:54 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Ogre Lawless at 9:54 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]
If all this is only about cross-pollination, the way this plant is doing things seems to leave a lot to be desired.
The article says this is a rare plant which also blooms rarely, and the Atlas Obscura article it links to claims that the carrion and dung-loving insects that are drawn to it don't have much of a range, so since it's pretty clear that there's no Cicada-like internal clock synchronizing things from plant to plant, for any given flowering, cross-pollination doesn't seem guaranteed, or even all that likely, in its original Sumatran habitat.
However, lots of insects that like shit and carrion want to lay their eggs in it, and I think this flower must get quantities of eggs laid on it in its original habitat -- and I bet if you looked deep into this flower, down at the base of the giant misshapen phallus, you'd find a little pool of liquid loaded with egg-digesting enzymes, and that the bonanza of scarce nitrogen those eggs would represent is the main driver that produced this incredible flower.
posted by jamjam at 11:20 PM on August 9, 2016
The article says this is a rare plant which also blooms rarely, and the Atlas Obscura article it links to claims that the carrion and dung-loving insects that are drawn to it don't have much of a range, so since it's pretty clear that there's no Cicada-like internal clock synchronizing things from plant to plant, for any given flowering, cross-pollination doesn't seem guaranteed, or even all that likely, in its original Sumatran habitat.
However, lots of insects that like shit and carrion want to lay their eggs in it, and I think this flower must get quantities of eggs laid on it in its original habitat -- and I bet if you looked deep into this flower, down at the base of the giant misshapen phallus, you'd find a little pool of liquid loaded with egg-digesting enzymes, and that the bonanza of scarce nitrogen those eggs would represent is the main driver that produced this incredible flower.
posted by jamjam at 11:20 PM on August 9, 2016
Has anyone checked to see if the glass candles are burning?
posted by SandCounty at 11:29 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by SandCounty at 11:29 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]
The flower is fully credible. It's been documented well by science for over a century.
Oh, wait, you meant amazing.
posted by hippybear at 11:30 PM on August 9, 2016
Oh, wait, you meant amazing.
posted by hippybear at 11:30 PM on August 9, 2016
The second one set to bloom this year at the Missouri Botanical Garden has got its own live web feed right now. Plant pundits are guessing it will pop in the next day or so.
posted by balberth at 11:55 PM on August 9, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by balberth at 11:55 PM on August 9, 2016 [3 favorites]
If they start making pods, get the f--k out of there.
posted by quazichimp at 2:18 AM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by quazichimp at 2:18 AM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
One of the Amorphophallus species is the constituent of a reducing diet supplement. It fills you up, but has no nutritive value. I think the Japanese turn the plant matter into a rather tasteless food product -- still without nutritive value, I think.
posted by CCBC at 2:24 AM on August 10, 2016
posted by CCBC at 2:24 AM on August 10, 2016
Plant pundits are guessing it will pop in the next day or so.
Surely you meant to say plant pundits are positing it will pop in approximately one day.
posted by fraula at 5:33 AM on August 10, 2016
Surely you meant to say plant pundits are positing it will pop in approximately one day.
posted by fraula at 5:33 AM on August 10, 2016
Oh no, srboisvert! I got one of those succulents a few months ago, and love its weird Seussian growth. Good to know that I can skip giving my dogs the stink eye and searching for hidden poop when it flowers this winter.
Denver's corpse flower bloomed in the past year, too; some of my lab mates stood in line for 3+ hours to see it. I'd have waited maaaaybe half that, but three blocks of lines just sounded too long for the excitement of (if I got lucky) gagging and retching over a giant stinky plant.
posted by deludingmyself at 5:58 AM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
Denver's corpse flower bloomed in the past year, too; some of my lab mates stood in line for 3+ hours to see it. I'd have waited maaaaybe half that, but three blocks of lines just sounded too long for the excitement of (if I got lucky) gagging and retching over a giant stinky plant.
posted by deludingmyself at 5:58 AM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
If The Pitch starts dripping I'm out of here. See you later Earthlings!
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 6:16 AM on August 10, 2016
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 6:16 AM on August 10, 2016
First, be smart from the very beginning...
posted by AFABulous at 7:13 AM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by AFABulous at 7:13 AM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
Surely you meant to say plant pundits are positing it will pop in approximately one day.
Indeed - unfortunately, that intention manifested itself some few seconds after the Post button was hit, and the edit window Shall Not Be Used for such nefarious purposes...
Meanwhile, the comment I made previously in 2008 still stands regarding the source of almost all these recent flowerings going back to the late Jim Symon's collection trips ... though at this point it is potentially the seedlings made from the initial flowerings back in the last nineties which are now to blame.
posted by balberth at 8:52 AM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
Indeed - unfortunately, that intention manifested itself some few seconds after the Post button was hit, and the edit window Shall Not Be Used for such nefarious purposes...
Meanwhile, the comment I made previously in 2008 still stands regarding the source of almost all these recent flowerings going back to the late Jim Symon's collection trips ... though at this point it is potentially the seedlings made from the initial flowerings back in the last nineties which are now to blame.
posted by balberth at 8:52 AM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
Fascinating, balberth! I missed your previous comment, so thanks for linking it.
posted by purpleclover at 11:05 AM on August 10, 2016
posted by purpleclover at 11:05 AM on August 10, 2016
There are also some really cool carrion flower succulents out there like Huernia or Stapelia
FUCK YEAH STAPELIADS (why is there no fuckyeahstapeliads.tumblr.com? I just typed that into my browser and nothing came up. seems like a pretty big oversight on the part of the internet generally and the tumblr community specifically there, what's up with that)
when I was a young octorok I visited the home of an elderly gentleman who lived out in the middle of nowhere with a massive greenhouse crammed full of stapeliads and euphorbias and that remains high up on the list of my #retirementgoals, dude was doin it right
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:15 AM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
FUCK YEAH STAPELIADS (why is there no fuckyeahstapeliads.tumblr.com? I just typed that into my browser and nothing came up. seems like a pretty big oversight on the part of the internet generally and the tumblr community specifically there, what's up with that)
when I was a young octorok I visited the home of an elderly gentleman who lived out in the middle of nowhere with a massive greenhouse crammed full of stapeliads and euphorbias and that remains high up on the list of my #retirementgoals, dude was doin it right
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:15 AM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
The smell is pretty interesting, but all the news stories have built up everyone's expectations. I love investigating strange smells and have been surprised more than once by flowers that smell like death, vomit, burnt garbage and shit.
One can easily make Cadaverine and putrescine at home using stuff one can buy at the hardware store and common nutritional supplements.
Then at night one can apply some of the sticky oils to the closest flowering succulent and impress classmates with the corpse flower you just found on school grounds.
When they complain about the underwhelming smell, one can apply some of the oil to the lens of the flashlight used to illuminate the flower, hoping the heat from the bulb will help the oil smell stronger.
One should not forget to thoroughly clean the flashlight with the right solvent before putting it back in the toolbox. Otherwise one will have to act very surprised when one's parents ask about the dog trying to break into the shed and all the flies and maggots.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 10:01 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
One can easily make Cadaverine and putrescine at home using stuff one can buy at the hardware store and common nutritional supplements.
Then at night one can apply some of the sticky oils to the closest flowering succulent and impress classmates with the corpse flower you just found on school grounds.
When they complain about the underwhelming smell, one can apply some of the oil to the lens of the flashlight used to illuminate the flower, hoping the heat from the bulb will help the oil smell stronger.
One should not forget to thoroughly clean the flashlight with the right solvent before putting it back in the toolbox. Otherwise one will have to act very surprised when one's parents ask about the dog trying to break into the shed and all the flies and maggots.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 10:01 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
« Older The Flying University of Poland | how many have you read? Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 6:24 PM on August 9, 2016 [15 favorites]