Dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you
August 12, 2016 10:20 AM   Subscribe

 
So now we now what this was a dry run for. The final battle for domination of the Earth has begun.
posted by Naberius at 10:30 AM on August 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


"Rather than try to clear the bees from the jet themselves, crew members realized that honey bees are at risk of extinction and contacted local beekeeper and retired US Navy veteran, Andy Westrich..."

Good on them for finding a way to protect the bees, rather than just turning on the engine and letting that do the dirty work.

Also: "They likely came from a much larger bee hive somewhere else on the base, according to Chief Master Sgt. Gregg Allen, 192nd Maintenance Group Quality Assurance chief, who also happens to be a beekeeper."

I'm assuming Sgt. Allen was not able/lacked equipment/experience/etc. to relocate the bees himself (rather than outsourcing it (not that I have an issue)). That said: there see to be a lot of beekeepers in/near Langley.
posted by MrGuilt at 10:34 AM on August 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


Also: "They likely came from a much larger bee hive somewhere else on the base, according to Chief Master Sgt. Gregg Allen, 192nd Maintenance Group Quality Assurance chief, who also happens to be a beekeeper."

I'm assuming Sgt. Allen was not able/lacked equipment/experience/etc. to relocate the bees himself (rather than outsourcing it (not that I have an issue)).


I am willing to bet $10 that a JAG officer told CMSgt Allen that it would be an illegal appropriation of public resources.
posted by Etrigan at 10:37 AM on August 12, 2016 [11 favorites]


"I was shocked like everyone else because it looked like a cloud of thousands of bees," said Tech. Sgt. Jeffrey Baskin….

Imagine how shocked he was when he found out that it was exactly what it looked like.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 10:38 AM on August 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


My guess is Sgt. Allen knows more about these bees than he's letting on. A much larger hive somewhere else on the base, you say? And the good Sgt. just happens to be a beekeeper? I bet the whole base is engaged in secret bee research - maybe training killer bee squadrons, or giving pilots bee superpowers, I don't know.
posted by Dr Dracator at 10:49 AM on August 12, 2016 [20 favorites]


Maybe they're training the bees to be part of the navigation system.

At the moment the operation is only in its infancy, and the half-trained bees were attempting to steer the plane by grabbing the back of it en masse and forcing it into a specific direction with the power of 20,000 little pairs of bee wings.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:55 AM on August 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


Is this the place to admit I laughed like an idiot in a near-empty theater at the new Star Trek movie, because they just had to have the line, "You can't defeat his bees!"
posted by mccarty.tim at 10:58 AM on August 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


We can't fly the plane because it's COVERED IN BEES!
posted by dirigibleman at 11:04 AM on August 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


Bees?
posted by nathan_teske at 11:05 AM on August 12, 2016 [1 favorite]




Sweet, another chance to post one of my favorite Eddie Izzard bits
posted by cubby at 11:15 AM on August 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


Honey bee fact: There are around 8 feral hives every square mile in Los Angeles. I would imagine it is somewhat equivalent in Langley, perhaps a little less as it is not as temperate. Therefore, not terribly surprising that a swarm found its way to a nice quiet F22 Raptor.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:21 AM on August 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Bees?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 11:45 AM on August 12, 2016


THAT WAS NO HUMAN BEE
posted by praemunire at 11:49 AM on August 12, 2016


Before transporting the bees to their new home at a local beer production facility, Westrich took them to his house a strip club.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 12:38 PM on August 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Wouldn't you take them to the strip club after taking them to the beer production facility?
posted by Etrigan at 12:49 PM on August 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Wow, things have changed since my days in the Army. Much nicer response. I'd have likely heard, "Private Abehammerb! Go smack those bees with a shovel! Report to the infirmary post Operation Queen Smack. You'll also owes us the money for the damage to the plane and shovel. Move out!"
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:55 PM on August 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


Honey Bees are pretty. Honey bees are good. Seems that all they ever wanted was an aircraft.
posted by Twain Device at 12:59 PM on August 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Wow, things have changed since my days in the Army.

Air Force response: "Find a beekeeper."
Army response: "Find a private and a shovel."
Navy response: "Find the number for HASC and tell them we need another plane."
Marine response: "Find the pilot and tell him to fly the fuckin' thing."
posted by Etrigan at 1:00 PM on August 12, 2016 [15 favorites]


if 20,000 bees > 1 F-22 Raptor, imagine how incredibly powerful 20,000 bee-sized F-22 Raptors would be. USAF, call me, I have ideas
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:06 PM on August 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


Now that they've had a plane ride, it is perhaps time for those bees to check into a hotel? Here's just the thing.
posted by madamjujujive at 1:10 PM on August 12, 2016


Any chance this was a honeypot operation?
posted by azpenguin at 1:10 PM on August 12, 2016 [9 favorites]


Maybe they're training the bees to be part of the navigation system.

At the moment the operation is only in its infancy, and the half-trained bees were attempting to steer the plane by grabbing the back of it en masse and forcing it into a specific direction with the power of 20,000 little pairs of bee wings.


No, one fighter goes out and finds the enemy, then flies back to base and does a little dance to tell all the other fighters where to go.
posted by LionIndex at 2:00 PM on August 12, 2016 [8 favorites]


That's the end goal of the program, yes...obviously they're not quite there yet.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:22 PM on August 12, 2016


That isn't that different from the Air Force's current SOP.
posted by Etrigan at 2:36 PM on August 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm assuming Sgt. Allen was not able/lacked equipment/experience/etc. to relocate the bees himself

He tried everything, but he simply could not get the bees to leave the aircraft. It was un-bee-leavable.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:06 PM on August 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


That isn't that different from the Air Force's current SOP.

Radio communication is basically just a waggle dance that's been outsourced to electrons.
posted by tobascodagama at 4:58 PM on August 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


if 20,000 bees > 1 F-22 Raptor, imagine how incredibly powerful 20,000 bee-sized F-22 Raptors would be. USAF, call me, I have ideas

But would you rather fight 20,000 bee-sized Raptors or one Raptor-sized bee?

sorry
posted by iffthen at 6:37 AM on August 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


Would 20,000 bee-sized F-22 Raptors be any good though?

For one thing, the aerodynamics are completely different - I don't think the bee-sized Raptors would be able to employ swarm tactics effectively, since they can't hover.

The other problem is weapons: Bee stings are effective against a relatively large opponent, because they do not rely on the tiny amount of mechanical damage caused, they rely on the biological effect of the sting - and since the pain remains after stinging, the swarm can deliver multiple stings for a cumulative effect. Google says an F-22 is 19m long, so maybe a thousand times larger than a bee - I don't think a missile scaled down by a factor of 1000 would be very good for anything.

An 20m bee, though? It wouldn't even need to use the stinger, it could just land on you and squash you, or grab you, fly up and drop you from height.
posted by Dr Dracator at 8:36 AM on August 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


19,000 bees would be unremarkable, but 20,000, now we've got a story. Always weird to me when a article includes the number of bees like that. Happens a lot.
posted by humboldt32 at 10:07 AM on August 13, 2016


I don't think the bee-sized Raptors would be able to employ swarm tactics effectively, since they can't hover.

What about bee-sized F-35s, then?
posted by tobascodagama at 11:50 AM on August 13, 2016


An 20m bee, though? It wouldn't even need to use the stinger, it could just land on you and squash you, or grab you, fly up and drop you from height.

A 20m bee would immediately collapse in on itself and die.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:09 PM on August 13, 2016


Oh and a pilot wouldn't fit in a bee sized Raptor then.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:23 PM on August 13, 2016


Well, obviously the pilot would stand on the bee's head and steer with the antennae.
posted by Etrigan at 12:35 PM on August 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


"Rather than try to clear the bees from the jet themselves, crew members realized that honey bees are at risk of extinction and contacted local beekeeper and retired US Navy veteran, Andy Westrich, who proclaimed the hive the largest he had ever seen after being escorted to the aircraft."
LOL, CNN.

Honeybees are not even remotely 'at risk of extinction'. Colony Collapse Disorder is a real thing troubling both commercial and hobbyist apiarists, but the wildly hyped and eagerly awaited BEEPOCALYPSE is not: Call off the bee-pocalypse: U.S. honeybee colonies hit a 20-year high.

Honeybees are still totally worth saving however, if you find a swarm please call your local non-emergency police number and they will put you in touch with your local beekeepers who will suddenly be overjoyed.
posted by Blasdelb at 3:35 PM on August 13, 2016


My god.

They've weaponised Oprah!
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 8:08 AM on August 14, 2016


« Older At least our overlords will have sick tats.   |   All Adele covers can go home now Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments