The Billy Possum
August 17, 2016 7:18 AM   Subscribe

SCENE: 1909. Toymaker 1: "So now that Teddy Roosevelt is out of office, we're assuming the Teddy Bear fad is gonna end. What do we do now?" Toymaker 2: "uh well Bill Taft eats a fucking shitload of possums..." Toymaker 1: "I like where you're going with this"
posted by Greg Nog (18 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's Request -- frimble



 
Now I want to see if there was ever a Jimmy Rabbit.
posted by Badgermann at 7:20 AM on August 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


BULLY!
posted by clavdivs at 7:26 AM on August 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


I do not understand why this idea did not spread like a brush fire among America's children. They seem so snuggly.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:28 AM on August 17, 2016 [7 favorites]


Hmm, the Donny Weasel? Maybe the Donny Badger?
posted by Naberius at 7:28 AM on August 17, 2016


Hoooooooooly shit.

This is great.
posted by rp at 7:29 AM on August 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


I was a bit surprised to see my city in the clipping from the Times and wondered why the president was in Augusta, Ga. Armed with a little local knowledge and Google, I was able to find out the rest of the story.
posted by TedW at 7:35 AM on August 17, 2016 [7 favorites]


This is amazing.
posted by figurant at 8:44 AM on August 17, 2016


The New York Times wrote: “It is no part of the President's duty to eat strange foods merely to satisfy neighborhood pride. We earnestly beg Mr. Taft to stop with the 'possum.”
posted by filthy light thief at 9:03 AM on August 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


From middleclasstool's link:

your babies clutch up on your back like a nest of pest-pellets and they cratchle-scrabble onto your skin with their little fist-knives which is not how babies should behave, babies oughtn’t to grasple-snatch, human babies don’t permanently breast-feed with their teeth and nails, you little vampire tots

Lewis Carrol would be proud.
posted by supercres at 9:10 AM on August 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


They ARE so snuggly!

Look, even if you think possums are gross, I dare you to be not-charmed at that one.
posted by fiercecupcake at 9:15 AM on August 17, 2016 [6 favorites]


Two possum-related anecdotes:
I had some hillbilly friends who raised orphan possums. The possums played with their dogs and cats. One possum liked to sit on Wes's shoulder like a pirate's parrot. When Wes would get into his painting fugue-state, not paying attention to anything else, the possum would nose into the pocket of his shirt and steal cigarettes. And eat them.

We have two 70-lb mutts. The dogs tolerate our (inside) cats pretty well, or maybe the other way around; we've had to yell at the dogs to stop trying to play with the cats - "Leave the kitty ALONE!!!" About six months ago, we had a possum who tried to set up home in our back yard. It was hanging out on the fence when we let the dogs out for an evening constitutional, and froze at their highly-curious approach. My wife, the more quick-thinking human in the household, blurted out "LEAVE THE KITTY ALONE" and by damn, the dogs stopped and went over to their favorite poop spots. Crisis averted.

Possums are in the "so ugly they're cute" category. God love the little grub-eaters.
posted by notsnot at 9:53 AM on August 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


I happened upon a magestic life-sized plush possum at a yard sale. Fifty cents!! How could I resist him? It was a handsome possum and did no one any harm, as it was plush, you know. But my skittish grey-stripe kitty was having NONE OF IT and spoke English for the one and only time--that I ever observed--when sighting my find in our living room. Froze solid, eyes nothing but hole, tail a bottle-brush, Kittle said clearly, and with no mistake, "Ohhhhhhhhh... Noooooooo....!!!" I thought he might faint, if cats did that sort of thing. Pretty possum lives with a neighbor now. (So, actually, does Kittle, but that's another story and another neighbor. Kittle still comes across the street for a visit from time to time.)
posted by thebrokedown at 10:20 AM on August 17, 2016 [4 favorites]


Look, even if you think possums are gross, I dare you to be not-charmed at that one.

Dare accepted
posted by middleclasstool at 10:41 AM on August 17, 2016


Some Asshole Dude from 1909: These Possum Reboots are ruining my childhood! Also we shouldn't allow women to vote, as may happen sometime in the near future.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:49 AM on August 17, 2016 [2 favorites]


For a certain candidate that all fates willing will not hold any office above and including Dog Catcher, I nominate the Naked Mole Rat as his totem animal.

I am sorry Billy the Possum never made it like the Teddy Bear. If so, we would have Build A Possum franchises at malls today.
posted by mermayd at 11:55 AM on August 17, 2016 [1 favorite]




When Taft won the presidency both attended a Gridiron affair were a skit made fun of TR being a paid-by-the-word foreighn correspondent.
The exchange was between "auditor" and "editor" were the price rose from 8$ to 44$ a word.

Ha-ha
posted by clavdivs at 3:29 PM on August 17, 2016


This is an awesome find. I think I'd preferably call them Taft Rats.
posted by JHarris at 9:38 PM on August 17, 2016


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