He loves the man that Batman isn’t.
August 30, 2016 7:30 AM   Subscribe

Object Dreams is a blog that catalogs the output of varying text prediction algorithms. Here's part of a Batman: The Animated Series episode it wrote, "The Penguin makes things worse by killing Batman. He has happened to Batman and he is visibly criminal. Batman isn’t still around. Batman is in a cloud. The Penguin finds that he is astounded by killing the man who loves him most. He feels responsible for the death of Gotham’s prominent Batman. He loves the man that Batman isn’t." These programs create Yelp! reviews of the Paris Catacombs, IMDB content warnings, and scripts for Anthony Bourdain's Parts Unknown - among other things. posted by codacorolla (45 comments total) 33 users marked this as a favorite
 
Batman is in a cloud.

I misread that the first time as "The Penguin killed Batman...Batman is in The Cloud."

That could be an interesting story.
/Call my agent
posted by MrGuilt at 7:48 AM on August 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


"Megabus is definitely no taxi. Megabus is better than a sidewalk."

The first part is, beyond a doubt, true. The second depends on your plans, I imagine. Predictive text emulator is only hitting .500.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:50 AM on August 30, 2016 [2 favorites]



I misread that the first time as "The Penguin killed Batman...Batman is in The Cloud."

That could be an interesting story.


It would be a great reboot!
posted by nubs at 7:53 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


"I am famous for my great joys and I would like to eat a big thing of the pig."

I would pay money to listen to Anthony Bourdain actually recite this while "waving his hands animatedly."
posted by prepmonkey at 8:05 AM on August 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


The Bard said, “Once upon a time, in a large city, there lived a poor young boy named Fair Johnnie whose only friend in the world was a small computer. The computer, each morning, would tell the boy whether it would rain that day and answer any problems he might have. It was never wrong. But it so happened that one day, the king of that land, having heard of the little computer, decided that he would have it as his own. With this purpose in mind, he called in his Grand Vizier and said—”

Niccolo turned off the Bard with a quick motion of his hand. “Same old junk,” he said passionately, “just with a computer thrown in.”
—Isaac Asimov, "Someday"
posted by infinitewindow at 8:09 AM on August 30, 2016 [6 favorites]


I misread that the first time as "The Penguin killed Batman...Batman is in The Cloud."

You should try it with Cloud To Butt installed.
posted by JHarris at 8:10 AM on August 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


Batman learns that he has been abducted from his past and he is merely a series of stories related to justice

Well, that got Meta pretty fast.
posted by nubs at 8:11 AM on August 30, 2016 [16 favorites]


I misread that the first time as "The Penguin killed Batman...Batman is in The Cloud."

That could be an interesting story.
/Call my agent


It's been done.

Batman learns that he has been abducted from his past and he is merely a series of stories related to justice

Well, that got Meta pretty fast.


It's been done.
posted by Sangermaine at 8:14 AM on August 30, 2016 [6 favorites]


Based on Sangermaine's comment, my predictive text generator for the rest of the thread:

What has been, will be again
What has been done will be done again
There is nothing new under the sun
We've just automated the process now
posted by nubs at 8:18 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Batman learns that he has been abducted from his past and he is merely a series of stories related to justice

Well, that got Meta pretty fast.

It's been done.


It was also done in a couple episodes of Batman: Brave and the Bold.

That IMDB parental advisory is nearly identical to how I'd likely would have described a sex scene when I was 11 years old. Not sure what that says about me or the predictive text emulator...
posted by Ashwagandha at 8:18 AM on August 30, 2016


Has the canon joker ever won an award for music and combat?
posted by codacorolla at 8:20 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


This is very important to me . I am in a while, and the gasses in the morning and I have a lottery the other day and age, but it was definitely not the only way I could havea good idea.

(My phone has 3 slots on the predictive keyboard, so I can pick left, right, center, or any alternating pattern)

and I have been calling you back to me that I am not sure how I feel that the company has to be the first time I was wondering if I could not have to do this.
posted by sexyrobot at 8:22 AM on August 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


I went to a museum with my corporate friend and their parents, the dinosaurs.

Are you friends with Shell Oil?
posted by leotrotsky at 8:22 AM on August 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


'I misread that the first time as "The Penguin killed Batman...Batman is in The Cloud."

That could be an interesting story.'


Basically the premise of Ghost Rider 2099 (which I enjoyed, but what did teenage me know?).
posted by Eideteker at 8:31 AM on August 30, 2016


"The Penguin killed Batman...Batman is in The Cloud."

There was an old DuckTales episode where Scrooge McDuck loses all his money by putting it on the Internet, into the cloud, and it's been a while but if I recall correctly, he finds a way to turn into a computer program and basically enters the matrix in an attempt to find all of his money.

This is all to say that, I would be happy watching an episode of Batman the Animated series where Batman turns himself into some kind of digital bat-beast and finds a way to fight digital crime.
posted by Fizz at 8:39 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: Thank God holy pudding!

(This is from the violence and gore description on IMDB)
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:42 AM on August 30, 2016


"don't get sunburned in the catacombs where the bones are creepy and the ceilings are allowed to touch you"

Not bad.
posted by praemunire at 8:44 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Batman isn’t still around. Batman is in a cloud.

Penguin is going to be in for a surprise after Batman finishes his training.
posted by curious nu at 8:45 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


This is basically a L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poetry generator. Ahem, Batman must join The Penguin. He loves him a criminal.
posted by Bob Regular at 9:00 AM on August 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


It's written in Python! Oh boy, oh boy oh boy oh boy.
posted by JHarris at 9:01 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


The Batman one is good, but the Bourdain one is amazing.
posted by mkultra at 9:12 AM on August 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


The example of Civilization isn't as weird as you might think, since you actually do have to convert taxmen into entertainers (Elvises, rather) and back again.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:12 AM on August 30, 2016


He loves the man that Batman isn’t.

*sigh* Don't we all.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:17 AM on August 30, 2016 [13 favorites]


This is amazing! Just formatting the text in the style of the source material makes so much difference. It's trivially shareable for one thing. I can't stop laughing to be honest, but there's clearly a lot of clever work gone into generating fairly coherent sentences, plus my monkey-brain filling in the gaps. Stuff like this and the recreational uses thereof really fire one's imagination. Maybe this year is the year I actually do NaNoGenMo.
posted by comealongpole at 9:21 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


He's the rainstorm Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. But The Penguin has many umbrellas. The Penguin loves the rain.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:26 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Like tears in The Batman.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:26 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Time to eat some herring.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:27 AM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


with delicious, delicious blood salsa.
posted by infinitewindow at 9:30 AM on August 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


He has happened to Batman and he is visibly criminal.

This is a great line and I like to imagine it being spoken as part of an APB
posted by clockzero at 9:34 AM on August 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


The Bourdain one just blew my mind. Wow.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:43 AM on August 30, 2016


Everything is connected to the universe and that’s what’s happening.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 9:50 AM on August 30, 2016


First thought: this is fun.
Second thought: spammers will use it.
posted by ardgedee at 9:56 AM on August 30, 2016


I'm pretty sure you could stage that Parts Unknown and call it a Richard Foreman play, and no one would be the wiser.
posted by cottoncandybeard at 10:00 AM on August 30, 2016


The Batman synopsis is good. The combo personals-apartment Craigslist ads are incredible. There's a strangely beautiful poetry to sentences like "im willing to spend some sexy youthfulness building bike lanes and parking in the chemistry expressway" and "the kitchen is equipped with a beautiful female mother figure and a few other amazing looking respectfull clean professional services"
posted by enjoymoreradio at 10:03 AM on August 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


That algorithm is really hot and bothered for laundry.
posted by codacorolla at 10:50 AM on August 30, 2016


Those Craigslist examples sound strangely like a T-shirt I once saw in Japan: "Right now we are busy engaged in sexy rock 'n' roll and motorcycle".

It was produced (I assume) by someone who knew all the English language words associated with youth, coolness and adventure, but none of the syntax needed to spin them into a credible sentence.
posted by Paul Slade at 10:51 AM on August 30, 2016


PREDICTIVE TEXT IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER THANK YOU SO MUCH. Seriously, it's like, the one thing that will assuredly bring me to tears in laughter, even when it's inappropriate, like if I'm sitting by myself at my desk and people are coming over to see what is so funny. can't stop/won't stop.


you can buy it all for you and you can ask for doctor jack daniels old jack daniels jack jack jack daniels tennessee sour gypsy brandy has the creamy peanutty flavor of thunderbird wine truly an important breakfast

yes, that is a breakfast, and very important.

And, from the Bourdain thing,
...."The food is a private part of my heart and I think it is the document of my god."...

Food is totally the document of my god.
posted by Fig at 10:53 AM on August 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


It's very funny, but I thought these were too coherent for Markov-generated text. Turns out they're largely created by Jamie Brew's own decisions:
It’s … a Markov chain. Except, instead of choosing the next word probabilistically, it gives the user a list of the top N most probable words, and the user chooses a word, and this is repeated.

The default value of N in the code is 20, which is quite high, although I don’t know whether this was the value Brew typically used. (If not, why is it the default?)

[...]

The computer is barely constraining the human at all here: “choosing from among the top 20 most probable next words” seems not much different from “choosing from among any word that appears in the source text.” One could say that the latter is a sort of constrained writing technique, and that the computer is helping us write this way, but that is very different from “computer-generated text.”
Real predictive text is more... weird. Often requiring the reader to look past grammatical errors and make sense of the dream-like prose. Here the narrative is mostly given to you.
posted by Rangi at 12:24 PM on August 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


Turns out they're largely created by Jamie Brew's own decisions

I had an inkling of this from some of the coherence in the reviews. A Markov chain wouldn't stay on topic for quite as long.

Creating poetry using the autocorrect on your phone is a good DIY way to try this.
posted by solarion at 2:34 PM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


I am furious that I have been tricked into reading some funny stuff that some guy just wrote.
posted by anazgnos at 3:06 PM on August 30, 2016


Seriously, it's like, the one thing that will assuredly bring me to tears in laughter, even when it's inappropriate

I had to stop reading this in the doctor's waiting room.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:32 PM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


He is visibly criminal.
posted by GrammarMoses at 6:53 PM on August 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


All of Bourdain's shows are awesome. Predictive Bourdain is awesome raised to the power of awesome slathered in awesome sauce. In tube form. I would watch that show to the exclusion of all other activity. It is my TASP.
posted by scalefree at 3:34 AM on August 31, 2016


So I really fear what I'm about to suggest but it's so obvious I must say it before someone else does. Predictive MetaFilter. As Philadelphia Mayor W Wilson Goode once infamously said, "That boggles my entire mind!"
posted by scalefree at 3:38 AM on August 31, 2016


I want to feed it Steely Dan lyrics (everything up to and including Gaucho), how do I play?
posted by STFUDonnie at 8:28 PM on August 31, 2016


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