This has the makings of a vast conspiracy.

September 7, 2016 6:12 AM

No Exit: Why are anti-Trump conservatives constantly trapped inside elevators?
posted by griphus (52 comments total)

This made my brain hurt as I first stopped to wonder if it was an actual conspiracy theory.
posted by corb at 6:21 AM on September 7, 2016 [4 favorites]

It's really just a cry for help (from inside an elevator so it's kind of muffled).
posted by drezdn at 6:21 AM on September 7, 2016 [6 favorites]

Because you can't literally pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.
posted by srboisvert at 6:26 AM on September 7, 2016 [21 favorites]

If the Obama Administration or whoever is in charge of conspiracies these days is paying people to follow Ted Cruz around and make his life just a teeny bit more annoying, I nobly step forward and volunteer. Save taxpayer dollars. I'll do that shit for free.
posted by phunniemee at 6:28 AM on September 7, 2016 [12 favorites]

It makes even less sense, since you'd think these guys would naturally be aligned with the conspiracy of Fire Marshals.
posted by Artw at 6:29 AM on September 7, 2016 [13 favorites]

How often have y'all been trapped in elevators... Personally, it's never happened to me, but I do ride 100 year old freight elevators that break down from time to time, so it's probably in my future.
posted by drezdn at 6:30 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also mentioned on the most recent episode (at time of posting) of Chapo Trap House.
posted by sigma7 at 6:33 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

Elevator controls are heat sensitive and these folks are boiling over with rage and frustration.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 6:33 AM on September 7, 2016 [6 favorites]

It's America's decaying infrastructure trying to demand change.
posted by drezdn at 6:45 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

I was expecting more metaphorical elevators, was surprised by the number of literal elevators.
posted by Horselover Fat at 6:46 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

My theory: It's because the guys that fix the elevators are unionized, and when union-busting conservatives get in them, it's time to have a little fun.

I'm ok with this.
posted by prepmonkey at 6:46 AM on September 7, 2016 [7 favorites]

Nnnnnew pppppppppooossssttttttttt *slithers*
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:53 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

Perhaps Trump was so overtly ungrateful and ungracious to the fire department after his own elevator rescue is that he felt, It wasn't supposed to be ME who got stuck, you idiots!
posted by OurOwnMrK at 6:54 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

... Is this statistically significant?

[takes the stairs]
posted by heatherlogan at 7:01 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

I grew up around all the workers in the Elevator union; my dad and a brother are part of it still. The thing that makes this funny to me is that even though all these folks enjoy some of the strongest protections and best standards of living a union could possibly provide, they are also some of the biggest radical conservatives, in my experience. So I guess I'm laughing because I could totally see it, but less putting union-busting conservatives in their places and more protecting Trump.
posted by Tchad at 7:04 AM on September 7, 2016 [4 favorites]

I wonder, which would be better to ask, an Intuitionist or an Empiricist?
posted by chavenet at 7:05 AM on September 7, 2016 [8 favorites]

All is as it was foretold in prophecy.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:16 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

From Russia, with love. Later, during the disaster, we will find elevators are so easy to hack, that a lot of building controls are completely, hacked, and that has been latent for some time. I bet every bit of computer architecture is hacked. This is first by the US just doing its terminal overreach. Then the work is so sloppy, others just ride on our hacks. The heavy handed hacking of everything has made the US quite vulnerable. Horrifying.
posted by Oyéah at 7:17 AM on September 7, 2016

Could the sheriffs be involved?
posted by Artw at 7:17 AM on September 7, 2016

I'm not going to say this is *definitely* the work of the all-knowing basilisk... but it definitely is the basilisk.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:20 AM on September 7, 2016 [8 favorites]

Wait a second... Lost time, futuristic stainless steel environments with sliding doors, people who clearly have something wedged up their butts. Clearly this is an ultraterrestrial phebomena!
posted by Artw at 7:26 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

It gets worse...
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:26 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

What happens is said cranky-pants gets into elevator, waits for flunky to push button, when Flunky is not at hand for whatever reason nothing happens and so, before long the belief grows that "damn, stuck in the elevator again!"
posted by From Bklyn at 7:32 AM on September 7, 2016 [8 favorites]

Waiting for an email to come out with "Time for some elevator problems in..."
posted by drezdn at 7:41 AM on September 7, 2016

WHY HAVENT I HEARD OF ELEVATORGATE BEFORE LOUSY MSM
posted by farlukar at 7:57 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

Possibly related?
posted by Artw at 8:00 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

Its a shame they don't have more libertarians, as presumably those guys get themselves out.
posted by biffa at 8:20 AM on September 7, 2016 [6 favorites]

Not elevators, echo-chambers.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:20 AM on September 7, 2016

Wait, wait, wait, you don't suppose these guys are just not able to operate elevators? The moddycoddled would be, overlords of the giant situation, just aren't handy at basic life?
posted by Oyéah at 8:30 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

The Pro-Trump people are more often getting themselves trapped on stalled escalators.

*rimshot*
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:44 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

The fact Neocons hate Trump is one of the reasons he demolished his political rivals, and that's been mostly ignored by the media, that even the most loyal Rush fans have bailed on neoconservatism, so it's no surprise that the architects of Iraq, Afghanistan, and free trade are praying Trump loses.
posted by Beholder at 8:50 AM on September 7, 2016

I just figured it was because R's hire ham-handed security details who insist on trying to set the elevator on manual/firefighter mode and get the car all fubarred.
posted by klarck at 8:51 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

Why does a Republican even need to use an elevator?

If he wishes to ascend to a higher floor, he can pull himself up by his bootstraps.
If he wishes to descend, it's simply a matter of trickling down.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:15 AM on September 7, 2016 [20 favorites]

Somehow, this made me think of this syllogism, which I'm not sure stands up:

John Podhoretz : Art Carney = Londo Mollari : G'kar
posted by ursus_comiter at 9:15 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

The only time I was stuck in an elevator, it was the old kind with the internal gate you need to close before it will move.

The gate came loose and wouldn't wouldn't fully close, preventing the elevator from moving.

However, I pulled myself up by the bootstraps, took the initiative and affected self-rescue^* without calling the taxpayer funded fire department, unlike these so-called conservatives.

*I jiggled the latch until it caught.
posted by madajb at 9:16 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

Outstanding reporting on this important story, but the article's explanations confuse cause and effect. Most of the reported cases of these #NeverTrumpers being stuck in an elevator date to before Trump's candidacy.

You have to remember that these are very busy people. It's hard to catch them while they're alone. That's why the Men in Black who traveled back in time from the dystopian future where Trump is president trapped them in elevators, so they can get them alone to warn them of the danger of a Trump presidency. They wiped their explicit memories of the event (to prevent excessive damage to the timeline, of course), leaving only the implanted seed of #NeverTrump opposition. This is why so many of the #NeverTrumpers were trapped in elevators over the last few years.

It's all quite straightforward, really.
posted by biogeo at 9:20 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

When I was a kid I went through a horror story phase. One theme common to many stories is the concept of calling up some demon or monster to kill off your enemies. The problem is that after you release it, it won't go away. It wants more blood. And if you don't give it blood, it will come for you.

The Republican party basically created Donald Trump. The Tea Party was a response to the anger at the near collapse of the US economy by financial elites, and I credit Cheney with diverting it to rabble rousing of the lowest common denominator (racism, etc). They created Trump and they tried in vain to make him go away, but the monster just got bigger and hungrier.

You can't hide in the elevator! Just because you don't see him doesn't mean he isn't there!
posted by eye of newt at 9:24 AM on September 7, 2016 [4 favorites]

if I don't push the button marked FNORD it can't eat me
if I don't push the button marked FNORD it can't eat me
if I don't push the button marked FNORD it can't eat me
posted by delfin at 9:34 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

Later, during the disaster, we will find elevators are so easy to hack, that a lot of building controls are completely, hacked,

Well not going to hunt down and post a link for a number of reasons (lazy, public forum, it's actually pretty boring in detail) but it's a thing, not too common a thing because most elevators you just push a button to go where you want. And if there's a floor that's locked, well, bad idea all around. But the good news for most folks is it's rare to have an elevator connected to anything, so remote hacking would involve physically installing tricky electronics in a control box.
posted by sammyo at 9:35 AM on September 7, 2016

Oh and if trapped part way and someone gets the door open never never NEVER crawl out. Super rare but what if it suddenly moves.
posted by sammyo at 9:44 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

So, this happened: Amtrak asked Amanda Carpenter this morning if she was still stuck in the elevator:

Relevant tweet

Amtrak: @amandacarpenter We are sorry to hear that. Are you still in the elevator?

Amanda Carpenter: Oh, my thank you for this but I was trapped months ago. Like last February. Thanks for checking...? Ha.

[Points given for follow-through.]
posted by OurOwnMrK at 9:59 AM on September 7, 2016 [6 favorites]

> Oh and if trapped part way and someone gets the door open never never NEVER crawl out. Super rare but what if it suddenly moves.
An elevator installer once informed me that most accidents involve people freeing themselves from a halfway-stuck lift and falling into the shaft.
posted by farlukar at 10:00 AM on September 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

even the most loyal Rush fans have bailed on neoconservatism

I would've thought they were more in the Objectionist/Libertarian camp.

And what about R. Kelly fans?
 
posted by Herodios at 10:02 AM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

Last time I was in an earthquake-prone area, there was a sign on the elevator saying don't jump, since that can activate that the seismic lockdowns.

I assume these people read those signs and said, "hah, typical liberal over-regulation."
posted by ckape at 10:33 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

I wonder if there is subculture of small scale preppers who are all properly trained and equipped for this very hazard, and secretly hoping for their day to come.
posted by Free word order! at 10:46 AM on September 7, 2016

St. Peart left the Objectionist camp long ago. These days he votes Democrat and annoys the Randian bloggers by asking Rand Paul to stop quoting his lyrics.
posted by Ber at 10:49 AM on September 7, 2016 [7 favorites]

The problem here is that all the elevator repairmen were shipped off with the telephone sanitizers on the "B" Ark.
posted by delfin at 11:59 AM on September 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

Funny, I read the headline and the visual that popped in my head was conservatives trapped in a revolving door.
posted by Eikonaut at 1:44 PM on September 7, 2016

Monty Python's obstacle course for upper class twits.
posted by Oyéah at 2:29 PM on September 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

Don't expect to be rescued from a stuck elevator.
Americans don't deserve this entitlement.
posted by BlueHorse at 4:12 PM on September 7, 2016

I've actually been stuck in an elevator because of bad software (I don't think it was hacked). The elevator would go up and down to the different floors as people pushed the call button, but the doors wouldn't open. This was before cell phones and the telephone in the elevator was a hole in the wall instead, so I had to signal for help by using the buzzer button - I started out doing S.O.S. and then I got bored and started doing the tunes of Tragically Hip songs.
posted by joannemerriam at 11:37 AM on September 8, 2016

I can't believe this is really a thing... I'm so confused.
posted by ComicsSleepRepeat at 11:50 AM on September 11, 2016