The Wisdom of Children
September 18, 2016 4:46 PM   Subscribe

Guy asks his daughter about how to overcome fearful things through the use of "Fear Doors".
posted by Foci for Analysis (26 comments total) 39 users marked this as a favorite
 
That guy is a great parent...and she's a smart kid..

And, I'll probably use her explanation to explain the concept of cognitive distortion to my clients..
posted by HuronBob at 5:06 PM on September 18, 2016 [7 favorites]


She's so right about that your-brain-gets-so-loud-that-you-can't-hear-your-heart business.
posted by Lyme Drop at 5:47 PM on September 18, 2016 [3 favorites]


lovely!
posted by spbmp at 6:07 PM on September 18, 2016


This gets me right in my unused procreations.
posted by rhizome at 6:33 PM on September 18, 2016 [9 favorites]


I'll advise my heart to buy my brain a few beers, slow it down a notch.
posted by vrakatar at 6:34 PM on September 18, 2016 [1 favorite]


I think I need a new heart
posted by alex_skazat at 6:48 PM on September 18, 2016


Why does this guy look so familiar to me... anyone know about other stuff he's done?
posted by gusandrews at 7:29 PM on September 18, 2016


I thought I'd seen him before too but I was thinking of Gluten Intolerance guy.
posted by bonobothegreat at 8:53 PM on September 18, 2016 [4 favorites]


Can someone sum this up for me? I have a hearing impairment, and the video was hard for me to understand.
posted by Ruki at 9:43 PM on September 18, 2016 [2 favorites]


The adorable girls speaks adorably about the "fear doors" she uses to conquer her fears. She imagines the thing she fears -- getting her ears pierced, putting her head underwater -- as a scary-looking door. But she also imagines what's on the far side of the door: the thing she wants. A happy place. When her brain starts telling her how scared she is of the door, she remembers to listen to her heart, which wants what's on the other side of the door, and it makes it easier to get through the door. Or something along those lines.
posted by Lyme Drop at 9:53 PM on September 18, 2016 [23 favorites]


I love how he listened to her so patiently with such genuine pleasure, never interrupting, just letting her express herself in her own way.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 9:57 PM on September 18, 2016 [10 favorites]


Why does this guy look so familiar to me... anyone know about other stuff he's done?

I thought I'd seen him before too but I was thinking of Gluten Intolerance guy. yt


you mean it isn't him?

(starts the video again, realizes he's supposed to take this seriously)
posted by philip-random at 10:52 PM on September 18, 2016 [2 favorites]


When her brain starts telling her how scared she is of the door, she remembers to listen to her heart, which wants what's on the other side of the door, and it makes it easier to get through the door. Or something along those lines.

I thought it was, you don't hear your heart until you actually do it.

She's such a smart cookie, my gosh.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:55 PM on September 18, 2016 [4 favorites]


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posted by chavenet at 2:43 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]


I think my heart and my brain are reversed.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:31 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]


What a great video. Not only is he a super chill dad but check out the excellent upper body strength. Dude.
posted by Coda Tronca at 6:30 AM on September 19, 2016 [4 favorites]


My favorite part of that video was watching the dad look over at her, listening, letting her finish and explain and the look of pure love and joy on his face.
posted by raccoon409 at 6:45 AM on September 19, 2016 [15 favorites]


@ruki, I don't have time to write up a transcript but if you can jump to when the dad is speaking he summarizes or explains everything she says if you can understand him any better.
posted by raccoon409 at 6:46 AM on September 19, 2016


I think what's impressive about it is about she's kind with herself (and the hypothetical advisee) about taking time to approach the door. She doesn't say "Look the other side of the door is fantastic, so just do it already. Stop being a baby." She acknowledges that she turned away from the door and it took a long time (until she was 5 and a half to put her head underwater) and how that's ok. You go through the door when you're ready.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:17 AM on September 19, 2016 [17 favorites]


It's interesting that she posits the mind and the heart as being "in a race," but doesn't say what your typical grown-up would say: "Follow your heart" or "Listen to your heart." She implicitly recognizes that the heart is aware of the benefits of opening the fear door, but her solution is really to dismiss the obviously deluded brain chatter and just open the door. Pretty solid advice, even if you're not inclined toward Buddhist approaches to life.
posted by kozad at 7:57 AM on September 19, 2016 [6 favorites]


I think what's impressive about it is about she's kind with herself

I think that is it entirely. That's a hard place to get to as an adult and it is doubly impressive this young girl has gotten there either on her own or with the help of caring parents. That look the father gives her is one I can relate to – there’s moments where my son will say or do something that surpasses my parenting instructions and utterly impresses me. That moment where they get something or overcome something – ah it is such an incredible feeling.

It is so easy to criticise children & parents and to find poor examples of both so it is great to share examples of parenting successes and children who are learning to be whole people. It is stuff like this that I point to with my childless friends as examples of why children and being a parent can be such a fulfilling and joyful experience.
posted by Ashwagandha at 7:58 AM on September 19, 2016 [9 favorites]


Loved this. Thanks.
posted by Miko at 8:18 AM on September 19, 2016


Wow, Begbie has really mellowed out.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:07 AM on September 19, 2016 [2 favorites]


Why does this guy look so familiar to me... anyone know about other stuff he's done?

He reminded me of Ben Wade who also spent a lot of time mentoring in the jungle with a pony tail.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 12:47 PM on September 19, 2016


Why does this guy look so familiar to me... anyone know about other stuff he's done?
He reminds me a bit of the guy who took his dying dog out into the water to float around and enjoy the last days of his life.
posted by etaoin at 1:32 PM on September 19, 2016


Still guessing he was at Hampshire College at the same time I was, possibly advocating for secession from the (no tests no grades) school because it was too structured
posted by gusandrews at 7:15 PM on September 20, 2016


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