I can't keep all these cervids straight
September 18, 2016 11:49 PM Subscribe
I feel like people need to know the Great Moose Truths. [non-tumblr-logged in readers can view here]
There's a couple of versions of this with corrections from people who point out that a lot of these facts are sadly dodgy. I know I'd rather live in a reality with Swedish Moose Warriors, but alas. This is not that reality. (Moose are huge and strong and mean. Unlike reindeer they are not pack animals, so have no reason to hang out with anyone, much less put up with noisy grabby monkeys.)
I did learn from one of these corrections that the only way to get access to a moose is to get in at calving and take advantage of the happy hormones! Apparently if you snatch the calf at birth, mom will redirect all that bonding instinct on whatever human sticks with her. Same with the calf. They'll each see the human as something like family, even after reuniting. Unfortunately this bond is with a specific person and not all humans, but it has helped the Russians do a bit of moose-keeping.
Disclaimer: IANAME (moose expert). Don't try this at home. Moose are vicious.
posted by harujion at 1:40 AM on September 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
I did learn from one of these corrections that the only way to get access to a moose is to get in at calving and take advantage of the happy hormones! Apparently if you snatch the calf at birth, mom will redirect all that bonding instinct on whatever human sticks with her. Same with the calf. They'll each see the human as something like family, even after reuniting. Unfortunately this bond is with a specific person and not all humans, but it has helped the Russians do a bit of moose-keeping.
Disclaimer: IANAME (moose expert). Don't try this at home. Moose are vicious.
posted by harujion at 1:40 AM on September 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
Oh, deer.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:52 AM on September 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:52 AM on September 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
FUCKING PALEO MAMMALS AMIRITE?!?!?
Another true sentence from the Internet.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:53 AM on September 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
Another true sentence from the Internet.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:53 AM on September 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
Where is the paleo size chart from, in hopes that I can find a version I can read? I enjoyed this when I saw it cross my dash earlier.
posted by maxwelton at 2:41 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by maxwelton at 2:41 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
I am always looking for a chance to show off/test Google Now on my smartwatch, so I asked it, "What's 'moose' in French?" and it came back with "wapiti."
So to this day, my French friend believes that Google is a liar and a fraud because wapiti is just clearly not a word that could exist in French. (And to be honest, it does sound completely made up.)
But isn't élan the French word for moose ?
I know in Dutch moose is eland and elk is edelhert.
posted by Pendragon at 2:54 AM on September 19, 2016
So to this day, my French friend believes that Google is a liar and a fraud because wapiti is just clearly not a word that could exist in French. (And to be honest, it does sound completely made up.)
But isn't élan the French word for moose ?
I know in Dutch moose is eland and elk is edelhert.
posted by Pendragon at 2:54 AM on September 19, 2016
In WY, wapiti is known as the Native American word for elk. I know this because I recently drove by Wapiti Middle School in the town of Wapiti during their Wapiti Festival.
posted by pjsky at 3:46 AM on September 19, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by pjsky at 3:46 AM on September 19, 2016 [13 favorites]
Wait so that is or isn't a picture of a guy riding a moose? You can ride a reindeer? That's a huge reindeer? harujion, you have created more questions than you have answered.
posted by Literaryhero at 4:37 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Literaryhero at 4:37 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
I mean that in the best possible way.
posted by Literaryhero at 4:37 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Literaryhero at 4:37 AM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
In Québec wapiti = elk and aurignal = moose.
posted by Jode at 4:52 AM on September 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Jode at 4:52 AM on September 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
Oh, you can absolutely ride reindeer. Most cultures involved with them don't because they're better suited for pulling sleds, but reindeer can definitely learn to be totally cool with carrying people on their backs. (Or rather, high up on their shoulders as their backs are kind of fragile.)
Unfortunately, the same isn't true for moose - not that there aren't plenty of stories about Swedish kings entertaining the idea of Moose Warriors!
posted by harujion at 5:36 AM on September 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
Unfortunately, the same isn't true for moose - not that there aren't plenty of stories about Swedish kings entertaining the idea of Moose Warriors!
posted by harujion at 5:36 AM on September 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
You know, a moose once bit my sister...
posted by Pendragon at 5:54 AM on September 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Pendragon at 5:54 AM on September 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
The part in Sweden where I grew up there was stories told about how the cavalry wanted to train älg to use in scouting missions in the 1700s. Because älgar could cover trecherous terrain where horses would falter.
Anyhow, the story goes that they didn't have great success. The moose would just run into the woods and scrape their rider of on the closest fir, and then go back to roaming free in the forest.
The most successful rider was (according to the story) a convicted felon, who escaped his jailers, snuck into the moose enclosure and rode of on a moose. Horses couldn't keep up, and nobody was particularly interested in joining pursue on another moose. The moral of the story was made to be: To ride a moose. you have to be desperate and not care where you end up...
posted by Rabarberofficer at 6:13 AM on September 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
Anyhow, the story goes that they didn't have great success. The moose would just run into the woods and scrape their rider of on the closest fir, and then go back to roaming free in the forest.
The most successful rider was (according to the story) a convicted felon, who escaped his jailers, snuck into the moose enclosure and rode of on a moose. Horses couldn't keep up, and nobody was particularly interested in joining pursue on another moose. The moral of the story was made to be: To ride a moose. you have to be desperate and not care where you end up...
posted by Rabarberofficer at 6:13 AM on September 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
But isn't élan the French word for moose ?
My friend claimed that élan was a general word for large deer that encompassed both of what we were calling elk and moose. She was wondering whether French had a more specific word for either, which is how we got to wapiti.
On preview, there might be some Canadian French / European French complications going on too. And also, my friend is from Paris, which is not known for its moose or elk, so maybe she just didn't know the semantics of élan very well.
posted by lollusc at 6:21 AM on September 19, 2016
My friend claimed that élan was a general word for large deer that encompassed both of what we were calling elk and moose. She was wondering whether French had a more specific word for either, which is how we got to wapiti.
On preview, there might be some Canadian French / European French complications going on too. And also, my friend is from Paris, which is not known for its moose or elk, so maybe she just didn't know the semantics of élan very well.
posted by lollusc at 6:21 AM on September 19, 2016
Elan. A moose with style.
posted by chapps at 7:09 AM on September 19, 2016 [10 favorites]
posted by chapps at 7:09 AM on September 19, 2016 [10 favorites]
There goes the Wapiti
Hippity Hoppity
posted by Segundus at 7:42 AM on September 19, 2016 [3 favorites]
Hippity Hoppity
posted by Segundus at 7:42 AM on September 19, 2016 [3 favorites]
You know, a moose once bit my sister...
Nø, realli!
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:57 AM on September 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Nø, realli!
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:57 AM on September 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
So to this day, my French friend believes that Google is a liar and a fraud because wapiti is just clearly not a word that could exist in French. (And to be honest, it does sound completely made up.)
I have a similar reaction to the word when I encounter it. In related translation news, I am always find myself distracted by the word caribou in French (same meaning as in English); it sounds the same as the words car hibou, which means "because owl." Silly, I know, but a brief flash of a cartoon owl patiently explaining things always flashes through my mind.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:59 AM on September 19, 2016 [8 favorites]
I have a similar reaction to the word when I encounter it. In related translation news, I am always find myself distracted by the word caribou in French (same meaning as in English); it sounds the same as the words car hibou, which means "because owl." Silly, I know, but a brief flash of a cartoon owl patiently explaining things always flashes through my mind.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:59 AM on September 19, 2016 [8 favorites]
Pendragon: "You know, a moose once bit my sister..."
Sorry.
posted by Splunge at 8:18 AM on September 19, 2016
Sorry.
posted by Splunge at 8:18 AM on September 19, 2016
MetaFilter: you have to be desperate and not care where you end up...
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:25 AM on September 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:25 AM on September 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Moose is orignal in French in Canada.
posted by little onion at 8:37 AM on September 19, 2016
posted by little onion at 8:37 AM on September 19, 2016
And now think about all the amazing Moose News you have access to now! You can now enjoy stories of moose destruction, mayhem and general fuckery SO MUCH MORE when you realize they aren’t about deer
True fact: Canadians can keep driving even after hitting a moose:
"I said, 'My Lord skipper, what happened to you?' … he said, 'I don't know.'"
A collision with a moose is no laughing matter, though. I have an aunt and uncle who walked away from one.
Also, friends of ours hit a moose on the Trans Canada a few years back. Thankfully, they walked away too, but their car was totalled. The moose, fortunately, didn't suffer. When the cops showed up and determined they were fine, he then asked them if they'd like to keep it. It. The moose. They did not. So the cop placed a phone call to the next person on the list.
The list?
So, not everyone who wants to hunt for moose in Ontario gets their moose validation tag in a given year (they're distributed on a lottery basis).
Consequently, the local constabulary in small towns in moose country tends to maintain a sort of call list of - if someone hits a moose (or a deer in a lot of places) out on the highway, and the people involved in the accident are in any shape to make a call on it and don't want it, the next person on the list gets the call to come to collect it.
Ontario: Keep a Dead Wild Animal
So, back to our friends out on the side of the Trans Canada. Not too long after the cop placed this call, and while they were waiting for another police car to come to drive them into town to sort out insurance and a rental, a pickup truck arrived.
It contained some gentlemen in possession of a chainsaw that had been lubricated with vegetable oil. For you see, your lubricant must be food grade for such a task as this. True moose fact.
They proceeded to, uh, break down the deceased beast for transport.
So, not only did our friends get a near-death experience, they got to watch the hapless other party in the accident get butchered by the side of the road.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:25 PM on September 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
True fact: Canadians can keep driving even after hitting a moose:
"I said, 'My Lord skipper, what happened to you?' … he said, 'I don't know.'"
A collision with a moose is no laughing matter, though. I have an aunt and uncle who walked away from one.
Also, friends of ours hit a moose on the Trans Canada a few years back. Thankfully, they walked away too, but their car was totalled. The moose, fortunately, didn't suffer. When the cops showed up and determined they were fine, he then asked them if they'd like to keep it. It. The moose. They did not. So the cop placed a phone call to the next person on the list.
The list?
So, not everyone who wants to hunt for moose in Ontario gets their moose validation tag in a given year (they're distributed on a lottery basis).
Consequently, the local constabulary in small towns in moose country tends to maintain a sort of call list of - if someone hits a moose (or a deer in a lot of places) out on the highway, and the people involved in the accident are in any shape to make a call on it and don't want it, the next person on the list gets the call to come to collect it.
Ontario: Keep a Dead Wild Animal
So, back to our friends out on the side of the Trans Canada. Not too long after the cop placed this call, and while they were waiting for another police car to come to drive them into town to sort out insurance and a rental, a pickup truck arrived.
It contained some gentlemen in possession of a chainsaw that had been lubricated with vegetable oil. For you see, your lubricant must be food grade for such a task as this. True moose fact.
They proceeded to, uh, break down the deceased beast for transport.
So, not only did our friends get a near-death experience, they got to watch the hapless other party in the accident get butchered by the side of the road.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:25 PM on September 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
All this nomenclature confusion has given me a headache. I'm off to find some paracetamol.
posted by TedW at 2:48 PM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by TedW at 2:48 PM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
Nthing orignal as the Canadian French word I've used. I have never heard anyone here refer to a moose as élan and frankly that'd sound pretty strange I think.
My uncle loves to tell this story about his close encounter with a moose. He was out hunting with a friend and they were staking out a small swampy lake. His friend was on the one side and my uncle was on a bit of a hill in a small indentation on the other. While laying on his belly watching the lake, he heard a snuffling sound behind him. He kept perfectly still, rightly thinking a moose was nearby heading to the lake. What he didn't expect was that the moose would meander right on top of him! Doing his best to avoid the feet of the juvenile moose, my uncle rolled over and patted the moose on the nose as it snuffled him. Startled the moose ran like a frightened rabbit into the bush.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:32 PM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
My uncle loves to tell this story about his close encounter with a moose. He was out hunting with a friend and they were staking out a small swampy lake. His friend was on the one side and my uncle was on a bit of a hill in a small indentation on the other. While laying on his belly watching the lake, he heard a snuffling sound behind him. He kept perfectly still, rightly thinking a moose was nearby heading to the lake. What he didn't expect was that the moose would meander right on top of him! Doing his best to avoid the feet of the juvenile moose, my uncle rolled over and patted the moose on the nose as it snuffled him. Startled the moose ran like a frightened rabbit into the bush.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:32 PM on September 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
Speaking of cars and wildlife... because Canada my friend nearly hit a deer on the way up to work on the highway today, and then nearly hit a bear on the way back.
No moose around here, but we do have a wolf that swims between two of the smaller islands just off shore. So good thing he doesn't also have a ferry commute today!!
posted by chapps at 11:03 PM on September 19, 2016
No moose around here, but we do have a wolf that swims between two of the smaller islands just off shore. So good thing he doesn't also have a ferry commute today!!
posted by chapps at 11:03 PM on September 19, 2016
Also this is reminding me of that kid's. Movie where the moose were basically Bob and Doug McKenzie...
posted by chapps at 11:06 PM on September 19, 2016
posted by chapps at 11:06 PM on September 19, 2016
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I am always looking for a chance to show off/test Google Now on my smartwatch, so I asked it, "What's 'moose' in French?" and it came back with "wapiti."
So to this day, my French friend believes that Google is a liar and a fraud because wapiti is just clearly not a word that could exist in French. (And to be honest, it does sound completely made up.)
posted by lollusc at 1:01 AM on September 19, 2016 [3 favorites]