An Unusual Scooby Snack

April 10, 2002 6:19 AM

An Unusual Scooby Snack A police dog named Scooby severed a suspected criminal's penis after biting the suspect in the crotch during an arrest. What would Shaggy think?
posted by Lanternjmk (34 comments total)

Sykes!!
posted by Greener at 6:30 AM on April 10, 2002

Rouch!
posted by KnitWit at 6:31 AM on April 10, 2002

For a pack of smokes. Told you smoking was harmful ;-)
posted by adampsyche at 6:43 AM on April 10, 2002

(Voice of Shaggy) Zoinks!

Like, that's what I call taking a bite out of crime, Scoob!
posted by planetkyoto at 7:07 AM on April 10, 2002

The dog first bit the suspect on the buttocks and then bit him in the crotch, severing his penis, according to police.

This sentence is pretty troubling. Who let a K-9 on 3 suspects of stealing a pack of fags? Who let the K-9 repeatedly attack the man (2 bites reported)? Who trained the K-9 to bite a suspect's crotch?

Then again, it's Florida ...
posted by magullo at 7:12 AM on April 10, 2002

Hmm. Perhaps "Scooby" will have to be renamed "Lorena."
posted by witchstone at 7:18 AM on April 10, 2002

A pack of fags? I don't think I've ever heard that as a reference for cigarettes...where does that come from?
posted by jare2003 at 7:19 AM on April 10, 2002

Britspeak.
posted by luser at 7:30 AM on April 10, 2002

A faggot is a small bundle of twigs, bound together by string or something. It's easy to light fires with them. Not such a huge jump from that to a packet of cigarettes.

Weirdly enough, you can get small pork rissoles in England that are called faggots too.

They're quite tasty as well. mmm.
posted by oddity at 7:41 AM on April 10, 2002

So, didn't this happen on the Simpsons over the weekend? In Homer's little *flashback* sequence.
Life imitating art again...
posted by TiggleTaggleTiger at 7:41 AM on April 10, 2002

I heard that saying when I was in London ('96).
posted by adampsyche at 7:43 AM on April 10, 2002

Fags is a commonly used slang for cigarettes in India too, so maybe it's a Commonwealth thing.
posted by riffola at 7:50 AM on April 10, 2002

we called cigs 'fags' when i was in high school. of course, back then, 'donning our gay apparel' had nothing to do with chaps and assless pants.
posted by quonsar at 8:08 AM on April 10, 2002

> Who let a K-9 on 3 suspects of stealing a pack of fags?
> Who let the K-9 repeatedly attack the man (2 bites
> reported)? Who trained the K-9 to bite a suspect's crotch?

That's what I was wondering. It sounds as if it's time for an internal investigation involving Sergeant Shaggy, and maybe time to put down Scooby. Or if this is OK, why don't they just carry falcons to claw out and eat the eyes of suspected criminals? That would slow them down. Or maybe poisonous snakes to send into apartments ahead of busts?
posted by pracowity at 8:18 AM on April 10, 2002

You always found out who the ghostly knight was at the end of Scooby Doo when they removed his helmet.
posted by Spoon at 8:21 AM on April 10, 2002

This sentence is pretty troubling. Who let a K-9 on 3 suspects of stealing a pack of fags?
This story needs more detail. Did the police know that the crime was just shoplifting, or was their only information that a group of people were fleeing the scene? Did the K-9 unit just happen to be in the area? There's not enough detail here to condemn the department/dispatchers. The individual sergeant should probably be hauled in for review, though, yes.
posted by darukaru at 8:43 AM on April 10, 2002

I found some legal guidelines on the use of police dogs. Based on what I read, I'd say the suspect may have a case:

"When the properly trained police dog is used in an appropriate manner to apprehend a felony suspect, the use of a police canine does not constitute deadly force. However, when a police dog is used to apprehend an unarmed misdemeanor suspect some courts have ruled the police dog to be excessive force."

I don't believe it's normal practice to train a dog to go after the crotch. Their main job is to restrain the suspect, and not do any more damage than is necessary.

By the way, killing a police dog here in the Sunshine State will get you 5 years in the slammer.
posted by groundhog at 8:45 AM on April 10, 2002

Think you'd get that five years if the dog died from choking on your genitalia?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:28 AM on April 10, 2002

Criminal: 'I'd still have a sex life if it wasn't for those pesky kids!'
posted by crayfish at 10:05 AM on April 10, 2002

That'll be a lawsuit.

Also, fags is English slang for cigarettes, and is used a lot in New Zealand. So yeah, it probably is a Commonwealth thing.
posted by animoller at 10:07 AM on April 10, 2002

Think you'd get that five years if the dog died from choking on your genitalia?


Hey Crash...are you single?
posted by Dinzie at 10:26 AM on April 10, 2002

I believe dogs are usually trained to go for the arm. At least I've heard that in K-9 training the dogs attack the outstretched arm of the trainer. Perhaps what this article failed to note was that the man had no arms, so the dog went for the next best thing (after the buttocks of course).
posted by jaden at 10:26 AM on April 10, 2002

I'm just trying to imagine the dialogue in the operating room.
posted by y2karl at 12:51 PM on April 10, 2002

Think you'd get that five years if the dog died from choking on your genitalia?

No. That would be considered a meatigating circumstance.
posted by groundhog at 12:58 PM on April 10, 2002

If I was on the jury, I would award the victim several hundred million dollars. maybe more.

this business of cops letting dogs do work that they should be doing is ridiculous.

on an slightly unrelated note, i once met john wayne bobbit and he gave me an autograph.
posted by tsarfan at 1:18 PM on April 10, 2002

While I agree that this particular police dog action was a tad, ah, excessive, particularly for a dinky little case of shoplifting ... the truth of the matter is that if this gentleman hadn't been caught stealing, hadn't fled from the store owner, hadn't fled from the police, hadn't crashed his car while fleeing the police, then hadn't continued to flee the police on foot, he'd still have his willy properly attached.

This isn't the first case of police dog crotch-munching that I've heard. In 1989 a K-9 unit cruised by the spot where my then-brand new Honda Civic was parked, and saw a smashed window and three young gentlemen inside with a crowbar, trying to jimmy the ignition switch (and managed to pry off most of the dashboard in the process). The cops hit the sirens, and the perps fled. The cops gave chase with their dog. One of the thieves leapt a fence into someone's yard and hid ... in a doghouse. The cops suggested that he come out. He didn't. The cops insisted. He declined. They gave him one minute to come out or they'd send Rover in to get him. He again declined.

Rover went in and started chomping. The would-be car thief was bitten in the crotch and ended up with a punctured testicle, which ended up having to be removed.

I found out about all this well after the fact. I went back to my parking spot, found the car gone, wigged out, then called the cops and reported the description and license number. "Oh, the Honda!" said the police dispatcher. "Don't worry, we've got it. The guy who tried to steal it is in the hospital."

Now, there were those at the time who suggested that this was excessive. Perhaps. But I worked very hard and very honestly to get the money for that car, and then along came that little bastard who tried to steal it from me, inflicting over $1000 worth of damage to it in the process, and he ended up losing a nut and getting several other bites on his limbs for his trouble. Oh well, tough luck, pal. Those are the risks of your chosen occupation.

The guy was a criminal, and took the risk of suffering the consequences of his actions as soon as he smashed my window with the crowbar. If he hadn't committed this crime, been caught in the act and then fled the police, he'd have two family jewels instead of one. I'm sorry, but I really can't say I have a whole lot of sympathy for the guy. "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time," as Sammy sang.

(Jeez, listen to me. Am I getting conservative in my old age?)

Still, though ... all this over a pack of cigarettes. Sheesh. The cops really do need to come up with a method of immobilizing a criminal suspect other than making a big hole in him or severing his genitalia.

I remember reading a science fiction story when I was a kid -- I can't remember the title or the author (or even the plot), but for some reason I distinctly remember the nonlethal weapon used by the cops in the story. It was called a "meshgun", and fired what was vividly described as a "spume of tanglemesh", a substance consisting of tiny threads that enveloped and immobilized the target painlessly and nonlethally. The tanglemesh was designed to shrink slightly and tighten its grip if the target struggled, and the police possessed the only equipment available that could soften and remove the threads. This is a smashing idea. Someone should invent it.

(My, I'm rambling. I'll stop now.)
posted by chuq at 1:52 PM on April 10, 2002

dinky little case of shoplifting

Well, that about wraps the whole thread up right there!
posted by yhbc at 2:00 PM on April 10, 2002

Fags in Oz too (though 'smokes' is more common) - if we can get an 'aye' from Canada, that'll pretty much clinch the Commonwealth theory.

It's rarely used to refer to male homosexuals here - 'poof' or 'poofta' is more common. The 'oo' is the same vowel in 'push' - it doesn't rhyme with 'loofa', as I heard some American-bunging-on-an-Aussie-accent pronounce it recently.

I remember heading down to the corner store to buy smokes for my Dad, and a box of 'Fags' for myself - soft white candy sticks with a red tip. Nowadays they're called 'fads' - not sure if they have the red tips anymore.

Here ends this episode of 'When I Were A Lad'. We now return you to your regularly scheduled police brutality.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:52 PM on April 10, 2002

If I was on the jury, I would award the victim several hundred million dollars. maybe more.

His lawsuit should be a shoo-in. Certainly punishment beyond the crime. Don't they TRAIN these dogs? Find him at [e-mail]
posted by HTuttle at 8:01 PM on April 10, 2002

same in Canada. Definitely a Brit thing.
posted by Nyx at 11:06 PM on April 10, 2002

When I was in jr. high (late '60's) we commonly used 'fag' when referring to smokes. Maybe it was a British invasion thing - I sure don't remember anyone in my parents generation saying it.

Name that tune:

You search in your bag
Light up a fag
Think it's a drag, but you're so glad
To be alive honey
posted by groundhog at 5:59 AM on April 11, 2002

"Blue Money" (Van Morrison)
posted by pracowity at 6:32 AM on April 11, 2002

Sheesh. The cops really do need to come up with a method of immobilizing a criminal suspect other than making a big hole in him or severing his genitalia.

Perhaps law enforcement would do well to learn the art of lassoing?

But the question is begged: someone commits a crime and refuses to stop when ordered to do so by the police, even when threatened with dogs and guns, what is an acceptable consequence for that choice? Would there be such hue and cry on this criminal's behalf if the dog had knocked him to the ground and he had struck his head on a curb and died from a subdural hematoma? Equally accidental and unintended as a penis severing, but would the use of a dog which jumped as opposed to a dog that bit be pointed out as a terrible case of police overreaction/excessive force?
posted by Dreama at 7:13 AM on April 11, 2002

Smokes or cigarettes here in Canada. Fags means what it does in the US.
posted by sauril at 7:31 AM on April 11, 2002