You’ve been drinking SQUASH FREAKING SPICE LATTES this entire time

September 28, 2016 12:46 PM

I just found out canned pumpkin isn't actually pumpkin at all, and my whole life is basically a lie. By Emma Crist at Food & Wine.
posted by Mchelly (111 comments total)

Do pumpkin spice lattes have any pumpkin (or squash) in them? I thought it was the pumpkin spice...the spice that goes into pumpkin pie, that is the flavor most people associate with the "pumpkin spice" craze.
posted by xingcat at 12:54 PM on September 28, 2016 [23 favorites]

Here, let me snopes that for you.
posted by drlith at 12:55 PM on September 28, 2016 [77 favorites]

Your local grocer, farmers market or trader joes may sell pie pumpkins. It's worth buying a pie pumpkin, slice/seed and bake it, then scrape/scoop out the filling, and use that in place of canned pie filling. At least once. The flavor is notably different (much less sweet.. )
posted by k5.user at 12:55 PM on September 28, 2016 [6 favorites]

so when the local microbrewer puts 30 cans of pumpkin in his pumpkin ale...
posted by rebent at 12:57 PM on September 28, 2016

So let's say a person has been eating a can of pumpkin filling every day for breakfast for the last... eleven years.

what would this mean for that person, who is not me
posted by beerperson at 12:57 PM on September 28, 2016 [69 favorites]

Obligatory.
posted by Melismata at 12:58 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

Do pumpkin spice lattes have any pumpkin (or squash) in them? I thought it was the pumpkin spice...the spice that goes into pumpkin pie, that is the flavor most people associate with the "pumpkin spice" craze.

Just so, but "Pumpkin Spice Latte" sounds a bit more evocative of autumn than "Cinnamon-Nutmeg-Allspice Latte".
posted by briank at 12:59 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

Also Girl Scout cookies are not made from real Girl Scouts. No word yet on baby oil.
posted by Mchelly at 12:59 PM on September 28, 2016 [68 favorites]

Here, let me snopes that for you.

Yeah, this was "news" a couple of years ago, but is it really news? (No.)

It certainly hasn't changed mrsozzy's penchant for buying another can of pumpkin at the supermarket before she's used the previous one. It's like she has some kind of panic about running out of canned pumpkin. babyozzy did really like it when she was in the baby food stage, though. Looks pretty much the same coming back out.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:00 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

baby oils are definitely really oils, just very young
posted by beerperson at 1:00 PM on September 28, 2016 [24 favorites]

It's worth buying a pie pumpkin, slice/seed and bake it, then scrape/scoop out the filling, and use that in place of canned pie filling.

I did this once, just to see if fresh pumpkin was superior, and while I noticed it was less sweet, it also seemed less flavorful in general. I didn't find it to be worth the extra effort at all. Because it's a lot of extra effort and mess: take the pumpkin apart, deal with the seeds and innards, roast in the oven, puree for use in baked goods...compare that against opening a can, and the fresh pumpkin route had better be absolutely goddamn amazing. It's not, so I'll stick with the generic winter squash in a can route.
posted by yasaman at 1:03 PM on September 28, 2016 [25 favorites]

It's mislabeled undecorative gourd season motherfucker!
posted by srboisvert at 1:08 PM on September 28, 2016 [64 favorites]

"Pumpkin" is one of those words that looks more and more ridiculous the more it's repeated in a given article. Pumpkin! Pump-kin! Pumpkin!!!

"Pumpkin" should be the name of a 19th century Russian novelist, or an adjective for court rituals from the time of Louis XIV. "The novels of Pumpkin satirically contrast the lives of the country nobility with conventional narratives about rustic virtue"....."Lully's compositions capture the pumpkin and ceremony of life in the French court."
posted by Frowner at 1:08 PM on September 28, 2016 [20 favorites]

Also, I like Libby's canned pumpkin. I think it's better than fresh pumpkin, at least when I make it.
posted by Frowner at 1:09 PM on September 28, 2016 [3 favorites]

I ran across this head-to-head test of various winter squash pies when read the article in the FPP the other day. tl;db (too long; didn't bake): home roasted red kuri squash (a Cucurbita maxima in the Hubbard squash family) produced the winning pie.
posted by drlith at 1:09 PM on September 28, 2016 [6 favorites]

> So let's say a person has been eating a can of pumpkin filling every day for breakfast for the last... eleven years.
> what would this mean for that person, who is not me [?]

.
posted by sourcequench at 1:10 PM on September 28, 2016 [18 favorites]

"Pumpkin" should be the name of a 19th century Russian novelist

Uh, Frowner, it is. Author of The Bronze Horseman and Eugene Onegin Alexander Pumpkin
posted by beerperson at 1:10 PM on September 28, 2016 [18 favorites]

If Park Seed calls it a pumpkin then so will I. And that thing looks an awful lot like a pumpkin too.

The person who wrote the article seems a little bit credulous and I'd like to bump into them online so I could troll them about how pumpkins (Dickinson and otherwise) are fruit.
posted by ftm at 1:12 PM on September 28, 2016 [3 favorites]

I really need to get an orange tabby so I can call him "Alexander Pumpkin."
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 1:16 PM on September 28, 2016 [15 favorites]

So let's say a person has been eating a can of pumpkin filling every day for breakfast for the last... eleven years.

Potentially carotenosis or carotenemia from eating excess beta carotene perhaps.

But that's not that much of a problem surely. There's an orange-American running for president this year.
posted by bonehead at 1:16 PM on September 28, 2016 [10 favorites]

Uh, Frowner, it is. Author of The Bronze Horseman and Eugene Onegin Alexander Pumpkin

That pun is just not Godunov.
posted by Celsius1414 at 1:19 PM on September 28, 2016 [13 favorites]

Uh, Frowner, it is. Author of The Bronze Horseman and Eugene Onegin Alexander Pumpkin

Yep, you're right, good old Alexander Squashyevich Pumpkin. Died tragically in a duel with Georges-Charles de Heeckeren d'Elicata over the honor of his wife, Alexandra Pumpkina.
posted by Frowner at 1:20 PM on September 28, 2016 [18 favorites]

Alexandra Pumpkina

well now that's just absurd
posted by beerperson at 1:23 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

It is - now that I think about it her real name was Natalia.
posted by Frowner at 1:23 PM on September 28, 2016 [6 favorites]

It turns out when I have been playing squash it hasn't involved any squashes at all.
posted by maxsparber at 1:28 PM on September 28, 2016 [16 favorites]

Various Asian restaurants here have dishes with pumpkin. Or so the menus claim. I am repeatedly told that it's not really pumpkin but just some other squash like thing. Fine with me. Tastes good. I guess I shouldn't be surprised about the pie. Now I want a slice...
posted by njohnson23 at 1:30 PM on September 28, 2016

Pumpkin Pie spice is what goes in those lattes. We just do it at home. McCormick 's is your friend!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 1:30 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

I grew up drinking squash drinks instead of other things like kool-aid or tang. Barley and orange were my favourites.
posted by bonehead at 1:32 PM on September 28, 2016 [4 favorites]

It turns out when I have been playing squash it hasn't involved any squashes at all.

There was a Get Smart! novel where Max plays squash with the bad guy and it turns out the squash court is an elaborate death trap where the walls move closer and closer together until you're squashed

This novel was my first introduction to the game of squash and to be honest I've never read anything that indicates that isn't how all squash courts work
posted by beerperson at 1:33 PM on September 28, 2016 [26 favorites]

You know what made me sad? Realizing that "lemon squash" was just British for "not unlike lemonade", and that "squash" meant "you squeeze the juice from the lemon" instead of "lemons and squash in one mysterious beverage".

None the less, I have a bottle of Ribena in the fridge.
posted by Frowner at 1:34 PM on September 28, 2016 [16 favorites]

Raise your hand if you personally have been victimized by Ribena George
posted by beerperson at 1:35 PM on September 28, 2016 [11 favorites]

Also Girl Scout cookies are not made from real Girl Scouts. No word yet on baby oil.

Nor is molasses made from real moles.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 1:36 PM on September 28, 2016 [8 favorites]

It's actually made from gopher asses.
posted by beerperson at 1:38 PM on September 28, 2016 [16 favorites]

Actually, pumpkin was the name of the doctor. His pie is the monster
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:42 PM on September 28, 2016 [91 favorites]

However, carpets are made from stripped down cars and the pelts of former pets.
posted by maxsparber at 1:42 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

Note that this cuts both ways: If you have extra winter squash of any sort, you can make pie from it using your favorite pumpkin pie recipe. The choice of squash does affect the flavor -- butternut squash has a good pie flavor, acorn squash pie is mild but pleasant -- but frankly, pumpkin has never been the dominant flavor of pumpkin pie anyway.
posted by baf at 1:43 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

It's "Pump-kEEN"!
posted by Kabanos at 1:43 PM on September 28, 2016 [5 favorites]

So let's say a person has been eating a can of pumpkin filling every day for breakfast for the last... eleven years.

what would this mean for that person, who is not me

That person might be rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally high on nutmeg.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:46 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

Anyway this goes both ways, some people make jack-o-lanterns out of acorn & butternut & other non-pumpkin squash. Yes, those people, the ones who make lasagna for Thanksgiving and decorate their ficus tree for Christmas.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:48 PM on September 28, 2016 [3 favorites]

In Australia, all squashes are called pumpkins. It is very confusing and annoying. But they do include the tax in the price, so I guess it's a wash.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:48 PM on September 28, 2016 [7 favorites]

Next you're going to tell me that vegetarian lasagne isn't made from vegetarians
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 1:51 PM on September 28, 2016 [7 favorites]

The thing about Alexander Pumpkin was that only when American critic Carl Van Doren published his landmark 1917 study was it revealed to English-speaking audiences that it was Pumpkin who wrote Eugene Onegin, Boris Godunov, "Mozart and Salieri" and so on. For many years, Tsarist apologists had credited minor aristocrat and belles lettrist Alexander Pushkin with these works in an attempt to disparage Pumpkin, who was of gentleman farmer origins, and only with the successive Russian revolutions of 1905 and 1917 did this deception come to light.
posted by Frowner at 1:52 PM on September 28, 2016 [3 favorites]

Related: Ex-vice reporter Simon Ostrovsky asks why UK retailer Superdrug has no drugs.
posted by Kabanos at 1:52 PM on September 28, 2016

Pumpkin's duel with D'Elicata was as much about class as about gender - his wife was popularly considered above him in the social hierarchy (she was born into the impoverished but aristocratic Kabocha family) and D'Elicata's attempts on her virtue were widely viewed as intended to insult Pumpkin for his rural background.

D'Elicata was an interesting figure - originally from outside Russia, he was known as "the Bohemian" in Moscow circles and famous for the beauty of his complexion.
posted by Frowner at 1:55 PM on September 28, 2016 [6 favorites]

It is - now that I think about it her real name was Natalia.

Here, let me gogol that for you.
posted by Kabanos at 1:57 PM on September 28, 2016 [14 favorites]

"Squash," similar to brassica olaracea (aka kale, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, etc) is one of those mind boggling groupings where many are the same species, but look wildly different. What we Americans understand as a "pumpkin" is a vanity crop grown only for appearances and carving. Pumpkins grown for seeds are usually greener, uglier, smaller, and way more seedy. Want your mind to really be blown? Also from the Cucurbitaceae family, luffa! Your shower sponge is just a dried out cucumber, not a sea sponge. Sometimes when you buy the giant full ones (3' long!) at the ethnic markets they still have seeds rattling around inside them.

The point is, the distinctions are not as rigorous as we might believe them to be and/or the terms like "pumpkin" are not as specific as we think.

Beerperson, can you ask your friend what are the many ways to dress up a can of squash puree? I've tried to get a can down on it's own, but it's too hard.

IMHO, kabocha is #1 (amongst what's consistently available to me).
posted by abcanthur at 1:58 PM on September 28, 2016 [7 favorites]

No, sir, I do not use shampoo. I only use real poo.

< /muppetshow >
posted by Mchelly at 1:59 PM on September 28, 2016 [11 favorites]

You know what DOES have a lot of pumpkin in it? Plum sauce. Check the label.
posted by Brodiggitty at 2:01 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

Pumpkins are SQUASH! SQUASH are pumpkins!

What if I told you that that fancy aubergine you're fondling was just a silly old eggplant? Would you really put courgettes in a bag and leave them in someone's unlocked car?

There are some gardeners who are adamant that butternut squash is the superior crop to pumpkin in all ways.

Anyways, my pumpkin pie recipe is based very closely on the pumpkin pie from scratch recipe from Pick Your Own I have made it with non-pumpkin squashes, and it is good.

It's necessary for me to link to Pumpkin Season now.
posted by sparklemotion at 2:03 PM on September 28, 2016 [6 favorites]

"It's worth buying a pie pumpkin, slice/seed and bake it, then scrape/scoop out the filling, and use that in place of canned pie filling."

I did this once, just to see if fresh pumpkin was superior, and while I noticed it was less sweet, it also seemed less flavorful in general. I didn't find it to be worth the extra effort at all.

I've done this as well and found it to be indistinguishable in taste and worse in texture. Cooking and pureeing still left it a bit stringy. Given that canned pumpkin is vastly more convenient and quite possibly cheaper, I see no reason not to use it.
posted by jedicus at 2:05 PM on September 28, 2016 [4 favorites]

Well you've opened that door...

This is just to say

I have eaten
the plum sauce
that was in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
it was deceptive
so squash
and so pumpkin
posted by Kabanos at 2:06 PM on September 28, 2016 [19 favorites]

So let's say a person has been eating a can of pumpkin filling every day for breakfast for the last... eleven years.

(I say) let's get this guy in front of a crowd!

Wrong thread?
posted by rokusan at 2:07 PM on September 28, 2016 [3 favorites]

Beerperson, can you ask your friend what are the many ways to dress up a can of squash puree? I've tried to get a can down on it's own, but it's too hard.

You probably just need a wider-bore crazy straw.
posted by beerperson at 2:08 PM on September 28, 2016 [13 favorites]

I've done this as well and found it to be indistinguishable in taste and worse in texture.

I haven't found that to be true personally. I think it largely depends on your pumpkin or squash. So choose wisely but especially never use the jack-o-lantern pumpkins.

For years I never cared for pumpkin pie until a friend made some of out of her home grown pumpkins. It was a revelation (to me at least). All these years my problem wasn't the pumpkin but whatever off taste the canned stuff has that I can't get past.
posted by Ashwagandha at 2:12 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's hilarious and also a marvel of food science that Starbucks bothered to put real pumpkin in PSLs, considering it seemed to be mainly about preventing people from saying "PSLs have no real pumpkin in them" rather than anything to do with flavor.
posted by melissam at 2:18 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

I made two pumpkin pies one Thanskgiving, one from "Insanity Rose" Levy Berenbaum's recipe from fresh pumpkin, one from the label recipe on a can of "Pumpkin". Same crust, same pans, decorated one with a square and one with a round. Blind-test between the guests.

Tie. From scratch was slightly less sweet.

This doesn't surprise me too much; the cooking you do to a fresh pumpkin is pretty similar whether you're going to pie it right away or can it for a while first, and the fruit is bred to be durable all winter raw, why not unchanging when canned?

That said, when roasting winter squash to eat in the winter, I have taste preferences between them, which change over the course of the winter (the Blue Hubbard clan starts second or third but lasts best).
posted by clew at 2:20 PM on September 28, 2016 [3 favorites]

Beerperson, can you ask your friend what are the many ways to dress up a can of squash puree? I've tried to get a can down on it's own, but it's too hard.

Pumpkin pie filling is more than just pumpkin puree. They sell both in similar-looking cans located directly next to each other on store shelves. I think this is to ensure that every landfill gets a healthy layer of spice-free pumpkin pie compost every year.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:22 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

Ordinary pumpkin: Cucurbita pepo
Giant 1-ton contest "pumpkin": C. maxima
(of which most types are relatively small...)
posted by tss at 2:32 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

For pies and other dishes there's a big difference between e.g. a jack-o-lantern, which is actually just a vine-grown cardboard box, and a Queensland blue or Jarrahdale pumpkin, which if I catch you using as decoration instead of eating I will kill you.
posted by 1adam12 at 2:42 PM on September 28, 2016 [9 favorites]

Besides being stringy and tough, jack-o-lanterns are too large to be efficient in baking. In college when the cool kids were put drinking, my friends and I took apart a jack-o-lantern and then discovered that you get like 30 cups of cooked pulp but most pies and breads only call for a cup to two cups of puree, which you can cheat upwards a little... we had to stay up all night, sleep in shifts, and go out twice for supplies, since we were determined to use the whole thing. Turned into eight loaves of bread, 36 muffins, 2 large cakes, nine pies, and a pan of pumpkin fudge. And still we had enough for a couple more pies at Thanksgiving.
posted by blnkfrnk at 2:50 PM on September 28, 2016 [6 favorites]

All squashes taste alike to me. Like slimy nothingness.

I hate pretty much every traditional Thanksgiving dish, and pumpkin pie is the final insult; you struggle through dry turkey and salty canned-soup casseroles and for dessert, are offered some bland orange goo with cinnamon as your reward.

To learn that it, too, is made from nothing but another hateful pointless squash only confirms my opinion of the holiday.
posted by emjaybee at 2:54 PM on September 28, 2016 [5 favorites]

An overweight golden named Pupkin, surely.
posted by idiopath at 2:58 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

Pumpkin is for suckers; pureed carrot pie with those seasonings is superior in taste and texture. Plus carrots are much easier to store and process. So nyah.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:58 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

Pumpkinhead is similarly free of pumpkin contents.
posted by Jessica Savitch's Coke Spoon at 3:04 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

... you struggle through dry turkey and salty canned-soup casseroles and for dessert, are offered some bland orange goo with cinnamon as your reward.

I'm very sorry to hear you've been suffering from badly-done Thanksgivings.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:08 PM on September 28, 2016 [12 favorites]

a Queensland blue or Jarrahdale pumpkin, which if I catch you using as decoration instead of eating I will kill you

Hey now. The keeper squash are decoration until I eat them.
posted by clew at 3:11 PM on September 28, 2016

I have no idea what the actual species was, but growing up we had cooking pumpkins, giant pumpkins you grew for the fair, and Halloween pumpkins. Cooking pumpkins were smaller and greener, at least in our neck of the woods. I don't recall ever seeing them in the grocery store.

But as others have noted, pumpkin=squash, and I'm disheartened to see so many food sites running with the story that "canned pumpkin is made of squash!"
posted by kanewai at 3:17 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

(not all squashes are pumpkins in Australia. Yellow squash (summer squash) is still sold as squash.)

So- pumpkins in America are mostly Jack-o-lantern style, and squash is pretty much everything else? What's the distinction?
posted by freethefeet at 3:18 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

TURNS OUT
posted by entropicamericana at 3:25 PM on September 28, 2016

I don't know, Melismata. While I do agree with most of that buzzfeed article, I think I wouldn't be averse to trying Pumpkin Spice Doritos.
posted by theappleonatree at 3:39 PM on September 28, 2016

So let's say a person has been eating a can of pumpkin filling every day for breakfast for the last... eleven years.

Welcome to Metafilter Mr. Trump!
posted by benzenedream at 4:02 PM on September 28, 2016 [4 favorites]

Anyone else grow up calling them 'punkins'?
posted by hangashore at 4:16 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

This was a dizzying moment of internet babble. Had to click on the first link: What? pumpkin in a can is not pumpkin? Not that I actually care - butternut, pumpkin, whatever; I know I like the pies it makes - but had to go check if the labels say "pumpkin" while containing something else.

Labels say pumpkin. Come back here to see followup. Check Snopes link. Oh, canned-for-cooking pumpkin is a different variety, not the orange-and-round type grown for carving faces into. Um, ok. Good; no food-labeling laws are being broken or even bent; when the can says "tomatoes" I am not fretting whether those are cherry or roma or heirloom (they're not) or "the ugliest easy-to-process tomatoes we can grow, which bruise when you breathe on them because they're not bred to survive shipping," which is what I expect.

And I don't care if the pumpkin spice coffee is "pumpkin" flavored or "pumpkin spice" flavored or even "weird alternative-squash" flavored; I just know that I have a happy daughter because it's in season again.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 4:38 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

I LIKE that pumpkin is stringy. Pumpkin pie made from fresh roasted mashed pumpkin is great. My wife is not a fan of the texture so she purées it, and I'm not sure why I let her because she doesn't eat pumpkin pie to begin with.
posted by caution live frogs at 4:45 PM on September 28, 2016

I loathe pumpkin (and sweet potatoes/yams, too), so I don't feel at all cheated about the canned stuff. Pumpkin seeds, though, are very nice roasted.


How has no one in this thread yet said that some foodstuff or other was "pumpkininny!"? C'mon...!
posted by droplet at 5:00 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

Every time I consider making pumpkin pie, I remember that sweet potato pie exists and make that instead.
posted by misskaz at 5:08 PM on September 28, 2016 [8 favorites]

when the can says "tomatoes"

I think the tomatoes they use (at least the ones that are grown in California) are "square tomatoes," which aren't actually square, they're just a little less round than other tomatoes so they won't roll off conveyor belts, and they pack slightly better in boxes. They also have a firmer skin, so they aren't damaged by mechanical harvesters.

The firm skin also protects them when they fly out of the huge tomato trucks on sharp corners, so you can find some pretty decent road tomatoes if you go for a bike ride at the right time of year.
posted by sibilatorix at 5:21 PM on September 28, 2016

One good thing about living on Long Island was that lots of the farmstands were run by people (often Italian-Americans) who grew all sorts of gourds and squashes and were happy to tell you what to do with each type: steam them, use them in soups, roast them or make pies out of them. And if nothing else, you could decorate your porch with blue squashes, red squashes, warty squashes, and my favorite, turban squashes splashed with white, green and orange.
posted by acrasis at 5:24 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

Meh. Pumpkin or squash, I can't stand either. Tempest in a crockpot.
posted by Splunge at 5:38 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

pumpkins in America are mostly Jack-o-lantern style, and squash is pretty much everything else? What's the distinction?

It's foggier than that. There are a lot of people who never cook from scratch, for whom pumpkins are jack-o-lanterns or possibly lattés. Gardeners probably think of summer squash and winter squash, or summer squash and hard-shelled or keeper squash. But, since pumpkins are native here, there are a *lot* of pumpkin varieties clearly related to the jack-o-lantern ones, which one might not call squash even if cooking them in a squash way.
posted by clew at 6:16 PM on September 28, 2016

Y'all, if you really want to make sure you're working with pumpkin, forget the canned puree and here's what you do -

1. Get a box of quart-size freezer bags, and a box of "snack size" ziploc bags.
2. Get a pumpkin from your supermarket, farmers' market, farm stand, whatever.
3. Get a collander big enough to hold the pumpkin, and a soup pot big enough to hold the colander.
4. Put a couple inches of water in the soup pot, drop the collander on top of that.
5. Cut the pumpkin up into a couple pieces, scoop out the stringy guts and seeds and either save the seeds for roasting or admit that you're not going to eat that anyway and chuck them. Don't worry about peeling the pumpkin pieces, just drop them into the collander.
6. Cover the pot and bring the water to a boil. Boil that for about a half hour, adding more water if you need to as it boils away. You want the pumpkin to just steam.
7. When the pumpkin is soft, turn off the heat, take the collander out, and let the pumpkin pieces cool down enough for you to handle.
8. The peel should come right off each piece; drop all the pumpkin flesh into a big bowl and chuck the peels.
9. Mash the flesh up good.
10. Stuff the flesh into the snack-pack ziploc baggies; you should be able to get a cup of puree into each snack-pack baggie, and you should be able to get at least three or four baggies per pumpkin.
11. Zip the snack-pack baggie closed, tuck those into the quart-size baggies (you'll get three per quart-size baggie) and throw that in your freezer.
12. You now have a number of cups of pumpkin puree, which you know is 100% pumpkin and nothing else, ready for use in your freezer. Two cups will make a pie, one cup will make pumpkin bread, usually.

You're welcome.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:22 PM on September 28, 2016 [5 favorites]

Most winter squashes (including pumpkins) taste pretty similar, and what differences do exist are muffled by the spices and sugar in a pumpkin pie. This is easy to understand.

But I'm still shocked, 15 years after the fact, by my first taste of banana ketchup. It tastes like tomato ketchup, y'all. Not exactly the same, but close enough. Which means that ketchup does not taste like tomatoes. It tastes like vinegar, salt, and sugar.
posted by aws17576 at 6:24 PM on September 28, 2016 [8 favorites]

It's mislabeled undecorative gourd season motherfucker!

I unbuttoned specifically to favorite this.
posted by Room 641-A at 6:45 PM on September 28, 2016 [11 favorites]

Explains why many people who don't like tomatoes still like ketchup.
posted by drlith at 6:47 PM on September 28, 2016

Which means that ketchup does not taste like tomatoes. It tastes like vinegar, salt, and sugar.

A-ha! I need to show this to my parents, who to this day rib me about the fact that as a kid (and to a certain extent now) I loved tomato sauce and tomatoes but refused to touch ketchup. Who's unreasonable now, mom and dad?
posted by btfreek at 7:42 PM on September 28, 2016

I will put pumpkins on my porch to entice little ones to beg for candy on Halloween, but when it comes to getting me to buy something to put into my mouth, the word "pumpkin" is another word for GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN!
posted by kozad at 8:36 PM on September 28, 2016

Yo, it's time for Illinois agricultural facts!

80% of pumpkins sold in the US are grown within 90 miles of Peoria. 95% of pumpkins sold in the US are grown in Illinois. The canned pumpkins in your pie are pumpkins, they're just PIE pumpkins, which are much meatier and less pretty than jack-o-lantern pumpkins, which are dry and have nice thick skins for carving. Libby's (the king of canned pumpkin) cans Dickenson pumpkins, and most farmers grow a mix of Dickenson for commercial canning and jack-o-lantern style for direct-to-consumer sales.

One of Peoria's suburbs, Morton, calls itself the pumpkin capital of the world (true!) and hosts a punkin chuckin festival every fall, which involves firing pumpkins at beater cars for accuracy, distance, and destruction. There are separate categories for catapults, trebuchets, and cannons.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:37 PM on September 28, 2016 [14 favorites]

It's mislabeled undecorative gourd season motherfucker!

I unbuttoned specifically to favorite this.

If I hadn't buttoned and unbuttoned so many times I would be really weirded out by this statement.
posted by teponaztli at 8:40 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also Girl Scout cookies are not made from real Girl Scouts. No word yet on baby oil.

But shepherds pie is real, right?
posted by flabdablet at 9:18 PM on September 28, 2016 [2 favorites]

Explains why many people who don't like tomatoes still like ketchup.

And why I like tomatoes but not ketchup.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:13 PM on September 28, 2016 [1 favorite]

If you've got lots of friends to share with, Candy Roaster/Pink Banana squash are not stringy and very tasty for pies and soups, but they are huge.

If you've still got cucumbers after giving away all you can, paste them and make Green Ketchup! Confuse your drunk friends on St. Patrick's Day.
posted by ridgerunner at 11:23 PM on September 28, 2016

This is like that time I found out that not only are some whales (orcas) actually dolphins, but also all dolphins are actually whales
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:32 AM on September 29, 2016

all dolphins are actually whales

The bigger kinds can be a bit stringy when pureed.
posted by flabdablet at 4:55 AM on September 29, 2016 [7 favorites]

Pumpkin Pie spice is what goes in those lattes. We just do it at home. McCormick 's is your friend!

It's not that friendly though. Doing the math on something my spouse noticed last year:

McCormick's pumpkin pie spice costs $7.05/oz (Amazon price)

McCormick's cinnamon costs $0.92/oz
McCormick's ginger costs $3.84/oz
McCormick's nutmeg costs $3.40/oz
McCormick's allspice costs $2.84/oz

A recipe I see online recommends a ratio of 6:4:4:3, which would cost $2.53/oz.

Penzey's offers a pumpkin pie spice for $3.95/oz.
posted by Foosnark at 6:09 AM on September 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Penzey's pumpkin pie spice is good! We have a Penzey's a few miles away here in MPLS and I go over there once a year for a giant bottle of vanilla and a few spice blends. It's actually economical if you cook a lot.
posted by Frowner at 6:14 AM on September 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

all dolphins are actually whales

The bigger kinds can be a bit stringy when pureed.

That's because of the baleen
posted by TedW at 7:05 AM on September 29, 2016 [5 favorites]

If people get upset about the fact that canned pumpkin is a slightly different variety of gourd than the kind they make Jack-o-lanterns out of, they probably shouldn't be told the truth about yams. As for the idea that the taste associated with pumpkin pie comes from the spices rather than the pumpkins themselves, the same concept is used for making the famous Ritz mock apple pie.

See also zucchini pie and sweet potato pie (just to bring this comment full circle)
posted by TedW at 7:12 AM on September 29, 2016

I do wish we could call the mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, allspice and ginger something else. "Autumn spice" perhaps, as this is also more or less the mixture that goes into mulled cider. It would avoid the issue of arguing whether there should be pumpkin in lattes or just spice, not to mention distinguishing beer made with squash as part of the added vegetable matter or just spiced, or both.

As far the the initial link, oy! Pumpkin is a type of squash. The type seen in most American markets is made for decoration, so, yes, what went into your can of puree is probably a different subtype. Tomato sauce is also not made from beefsteak tomatoes (or at least, I hope not - that would be some watery sauce!). I've done the cooking down from scratch and starting with a can and find that, as with a lot of other produce, it comes down to sourcing. The couple of years I had a farmstand guy who really knew his stuff, the pumpkin variety he suggested tasted amazing in the pies I made, and the leftover made a fabulous quick soup (pumpkin pulp, coconut milk, red curry paste, salt and pepper to taste.) Pumpkins I've picked elsewhere have been a bit of a mixed bag, mostly indistinguishable from the canned stuff after the other ingredients went into the pie (I like to spice until the cloves and ginger bite you a little over the warmth of the other spices).

Man I miss my farmstand guy. I think he knew every local farm in 60 miles and which farm was best at which produce.
posted by Karmakaze at 7:18 AM on September 29, 2016

So does anyone have a pumpkin [squash] spice cookie recipe they like?
posted by Mchelly at 7:39 AM on September 29, 2016

Yes!
2 c flour
1 c rolled oats
1 t baking soda
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
1 c butter
1/2 c brown sugar
1/2 c granulated sugar
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 t vanilla extract
1 c pumpkin puree
1 c raisins
350 F oven. Combine flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon, salt. Cream butter and sugars. Add egg and vanilla. Alternate adding dry ingredients and pumpkin. Stir in raisins. 1/4 c dough per cookie, bake on lightly greased cookie sheet for 20-25 minutes.
posted by Princess Leopoldine Grassalkovich nee Esterhazy at 8:18 AM on September 29, 2016 [5 favorites]

Spices can be adjusted to suit. Raisins optional.
posted by Princess Leopoldine Grassalkovich nee Esterhazy at 8:23 AM on September 29, 2016

most farmers grow a mix of Dickenson for commercial canning and jack-o-lantern style for direct-to-consumer sales.

But how do we find the most sincere pumpkin patch? Surely this concern about pumpkin pie filling integrity is all about waiting for the Great Pumpkin to arrive, right?
posted by asperity at 8:25 AM on September 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Flo Bjelke-Petersen's pumpkin scones
posted by flabdablet at 8:46 AM on September 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

I always wondered why a ham is so big when hamsters themselves have such tiny legs. Then I learned that hamsters are not, in fact, made of ham.
posted by essexjan at 8:58 AM on September 29, 2016 [9 favorites]

hamsters are not, in fact, made of ham

To be fair, they're easily mistaken for guinea pigs.
posted by flabdablet at 10:34 AM on September 29, 2016

I do wish we could call the mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, allspice and ginger something else.

Quatre épices? Pudding/Mixed Spice? Speculaaskruiden? Lebkuchengewürz? All different but part of the same family.
posted by Ashwagandha at 12:24 PM on September 29, 2016

all dolphins are actually whales

This little loophole is how whale watching tours can guarantee that you will see a whale and not go out of business. The saddest part of a trip is the announcement "...and we saw some dolphins, which are technically whales". No rain check for you!
posted by Horselover Fat at 12:50 PM on September 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

So that totally means I can sell whale-watching tours in our little bay-off-a-bay off the Gulf Coast where we see dolphins on the daily, right?
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:23 PM on September 29, 2016

Let's not forget that pumpkins and all squash are berries.
posted by caphector at 4:32 PM on September 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can sell whale-watching tours in our little bay-off-a-bay off the Gulf Coast where we see dolphins on the daily, right?

What you want there is really strong binoculars.

"Those aren't small whales, they're big ones a long way away."
posted by flabdablet at 8:12 PM on September 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

I did this once, just to see if fresh pumpkin was superior, and while I noticed it was less sweet, it also seemed less flavorful in general. I didn't find it to be worth the extra effort at all. Because it's a lot of extra effort and mess: take the pumpkin apart, deal with the seeds and innards, roast in the oven, puree for use in baked goods...compare that against opening a can, and the fresh pumpkin route had better be absolutely goddamn amazing. It's not, so I'll stick with the generic winter squash in a can route.

Barefoot Contessa would agree, though I can't find a link, every recipe of hers with pumpkin calls for canned and she mentioned on a show that it's basically superior, not just easier. Perhaps has to do with the proprietary pumpkin and the pressure cooking process of canning.
posted by aydeejones at 10:15 PM on September 29, 2016