Liking any of these makes you a monster, objectively speaking
October 26, 2016 12:41 AM Subscribe

The 337 justifiably most despised and detested songs in the world, as determined through a Twitter thread started by Edward Mund.
posted by MartinWisse (260 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite

Let me the first to add to the list: I didn't see my most hated song--Ted Nugent's Cat Scratch Fever. I hated that song well before I came to detest the man.
posted by zardoz at 12:58 AM on October 26, 2016 [13 favorites]

I like several of those, so I'm a multiple monster, objectively speaking.

However, the list is invalid because it does not include this smash hit from 1972.
posted by flabdablet at 1:00 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

I imagine this will get a lot of complaints, but I thought it was interesting reading.

TL/DR: Songs that are overplayed on the radio in Britain and Ireland. Americans would probably make a different list.

P.S. Those Belinda Carlyle songs, the way they sounded like everything wrong with mid-'80s music minus any decent melodies, were the reason we liked "Life In A Northern Town" (Floydian prog-pop lite) as much as we did.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 1:00 AM on October 26, 2016 [10 favorites]

Dang, I'm torn over this. On the one hand, all those songs are good like every other song ever, and yet on the other hand, they all suck, just like all those other songs.
posted by gusottertrout at 1:02 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

Okay, this really dates me, but the first song I remember really hating - in fact, I feel like it traumatized pre-teen me - was Zager & Evans' "In the Year 2525". I was young and didn't want my pop music mixed with dystopian science fiction.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:02 AM on October 26, 2016 [15 favorites]

Anything with autotune.
posted by adept256 at 1:11 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

These seem like like victims of overplay, more than anything else.
posted by Jilder at 1:15 AM on October 26, 2016 [24 favorites]

Glad to see effin' Chris de Burgh on that list. Makes me wish nature had endowed us with built-in ear shutting thingies. Eff you, ferryman and lady in red. And while you're effing off, take Gowan (if he's not on the list, he should be) with ya. Blech!!
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 1:18 AM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

Yeah, less "despised and detested" and more "had the everliving shit played out of them".

"Okay, this really dates me, but the first song I remember really hating - in fact, I feel like it traumatized pre-teen me - was Zager & Evans' "In the Year 2525"."

I knew there was a reason that, deep down, I liked you ;).
posted by Pinback at 1:29 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

What?
No Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy"?
No Baha Men "Who Let the Dogs Out"?
No Captain & Tennille "Muskrat Love"?
No Starland Vocal Band "Afternoon Delight"?
No Styx "Come Sail Away"?
No Irene Cara "Flashdance (What a Feeling)" or Michael Sembello "Maniac"?
3 Elton John songs but no "I'm Still Standing" or "Island Girl"???
dang it, you've got me started now
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:30 AM on October 26, 2016 [15 favorites]

I went right to M

Mr. Big – To Be With You

Nice.
posted by mannequito at 1:37 AM on October 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

No Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods "Billy Don't Be a Hero" (or for British music loathers, the Paper Lace version) ?
No Paul Anka "You're Having My Baby"? (an unforgivable crime, although he partly redeemed himself with "Just Don't Look")
No Spinners "Rubberband Man"?
No Debbie Boone "You Light Up My Life"?
No Patrick Hernandez "Born to Be Alive"?
excuse the 1970s emphasis here... I spent the last part of that decade working on the radio and had to play some of these... every three hours...
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:48 AM on October 26, 2016 [10 favorites]

The worst part is that most of the song titles immediately trigger an earworm.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:49 AM on October 26, 2016 [24 favorites]

Babylon Zoo – Spaceman
The most disappointing song of all time?

It's certainly the only song I remember there being a "teaser" for, and then being huuuugely disappointed by. I'm not sure why, as the song that the intro hints at would only have been a mid-pack Chemical Brothers / Crystal Method track at best, anyway.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:53 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

In the Year 2525

This one seems to be a popular choice for these lists. (I like it.)
posted by atoxyl at 1:54 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

It’s odd how there are some songs that can be ruined forever when you hear them just that once too often, where others never lose their appeal. Losing My Religion (not on the list) is a sad case of the former for me; whereas, of a similar vintage, Love Shack (which is on the list) is a happy case of the latter.
posted by misteraitch at 1:55 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

Happy to see New Radicals, 4 Non Blondes, Spin Doctors and Toploader on this list. URGH
posted by gnuhavenpier at 1:55 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Given that most of the songs I recognize are objectively brilliant (eg all the Queen nominees, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah - albeit better when not sung by him), I assume this is a list of important and influential music. If you aren't on here, maybe you're doing something wrong.
posted by jb at 1:56 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Hmm no Wham - Last Christmas

But I think this is a specific German thing, where this song is played to death from October to New years.
posted by Megustalations at 1:56 AM on October 26, 2016 [11 favorites]

I've been to weddings where the entire playlist was drawn from this set of songs.
Quite often
And I've enjoyed myself.
posted by rongorongo at 2:03 AM on October 26, 2016 [23 favorites]

Anyway if "House of the Rising Sun" is on your list - fuck you.

(I enjoy lists like this but as usual it's a mix between "overplayed" and "no, really, what the hell was everybody thinking when they made that a hit?"
posted by atoxyl at 2:04 AM on October 26, 2016 [12 favorites]

But I think this is a specific German thing, where this song is played to death from October to New years.

Now that I think about it, there is no "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" in there, which invalidates this entire list. The keening synth which hangs wretchedly on nearly a single note throughout the entire track, the choir of children, the teeth-grindingly banal lyrics...wait, I just listened to it again and it is actually much better than I remember, and not only that, it seems to have become Vaporwave or something. Weird.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:07 AM on October 26, 2016 [20 favorites]

Then for a while during the '80s, I did some behind-the-scenes stuff at the infamously trendy KROQ in L.A., where I actually enjoyed The B52s' "Love Shack", Men At Work's "Down Under" and Dexys Midnight Runners' "Come On Eileen". But I developed a deep hatred for everything by Duran Duran, Adam Ant and Culture Club.

BTW, Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" IS on the list, under the P's.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:13 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

I know all the lyrics to both "Sailing" and "Ride Like the Wind" by Christopher Cross despite never intentionally listening to either song in my life, or even knowing anyone who enjoys his music. I learned them through elevator/supermarket playlist osmosis.

They are the perfect example of overplayed and utter shit and I wish I could use that brain storage for something better.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:14 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

What, no "your music sucks" tag? What has the internet become?
posted by Laotic at 2:20 AM on October 26, 2016

Bryan Ferry – Let's Stick Together
- Crap, warbled by a prick.
posted by Coda Tronca at 2:27 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

However, the list is invalid because it does not include this smash hit from 1972.

In that moment between clicking on the link and the new tab opening I knew it was going to be an Osmond.
posted by Thella at 2:29 AM on October 26, 2016

B*Witched – C'est La Vie

I will fight you. (I fight like me Da as well)
posted by billiebee at 2:30 AM on October 26, 2016 [14 favorites]

Happy to see New Radicals, 4 Non Blondes, Spin Doctors and Toploader on this list.

Dec 31, 2000. Standing in a leather/bear bar in the Warehouse district in San Francisco, enjoying drinks and conversation, which as a "fresh meat" out-of-towner were quite plentiful. The economy had begun to collapse (remember the dot-com bust?), the SCOTUS had just handed the election to GWB, the yin/yang of Ellen's coming out and Matthew Shepard's murder were still pretty recently in memory... Things felt so uncertain and out of balance...

And then 4 Non Blondes begins to play at about 5 minutes before midnight. And this gathering of men (and some women) latched onto the song and it became a litany, the lyric for the night, for the times, for the changing of the year. Hundreds of people (in San Francisco no less) united in singing/shouting "I pray every single day for a revolution" and "hey, what's going on?" and as soon as the song ended the countdown to the new year began and another mighty singalong of Auld Lang Syne, echoing in mighty unity out into the street.

I've loved that song ever since that night. I guess I'm a monster.
posted by hippybear at 2:33 AM on October 26, 2016 [45 favorites]

No Ein Heller und ein Batzen? Though just a drinking song, it was without doubt the most hated song in continental Europe for decades after WW2, for some reason.
posted by elgilito at 2:39 AM on October 26, 2016

Traditional - Jerusalem
What?
"...when it is sung by old posh ladies".
okay then .
posted by Thella at 2:45 AM on October 26, 2016

No Geggy Tah's "Whoever You Are".
No The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony".

It's like they're not even trying.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:48 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

10cc – I'm Not In Love

I used to hate this song too. However, once I read about how that song was produced, I listen in awe every time I hear it.
posted by chillmost at 2:50 AM on October 26, 2016 [11 favorites]

So I'm scrolling through this, casually humming 'Two Princes' to myself, and wondering where the dividing line falls between "overplayed songs that were annoying in the first place" and "overplayed songs that we actually quite liked at the time but now, looking back, remind us of a time in our individual or collective pasts we would rather distance ourselves from." And should we, really? I mean, there's no disputing that Britain got a bit obsessed with Is This The Way To Amarillo? at one point, but thinking back, I'd take a national obsession with lip-sync videos and comedy road signs over... whatever it is we're doing at the moment.

But maybe it's not that? Maybe it's just the songs, and not what the songs remind us of?

D:Ream – Things Can Only Get Better

oh, right, never mind.
posted by Catseye at 2:50 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

The Byrd....The worst band in history.

This really makes me feel embarrassed for the writer
posted by thelonius at 2:57 AM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

(PRINCES, PRINCES WHO ADORE YOU, JUST GO AHEAD NOW)
posted by Catseye at 2:58 AM on October 26, 2016 [19 favorites]

My two:
Crimson and Clover- Tommy James & the Shondells
(over and over is right)
and Rock Lobster- The B-52s.
(I lived for many years with a super perky housemate that enjoyed bopping around the house singing this maniacally. I used to have fantasies about tasing her.)
posted by evelvenin at 3:01 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

Tom Jones - Delilah

Sounds like a rousing beer hall singalong, until you pay attention to the lyrics, which are about a stalker murdering his victim.

She stood there laughing
I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more

*shudder*
posted by adept256 at 3:05 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

For me it'd be Biz Markie's Just a Friend or Skynrd's That Smell.

When my car loses electrical the stereo anti-theft feature kicks in and I drive around all day with the display saying 'LOC' until I remember whatever Spaceballs inspired passcode I used and unlock it. I joke that it'll only play Tone Lōc songs until thieves die of exasperation.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:22 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

>However, the list is invalid because it does not include this smash hit from 1972.

Since we're on the subject of 1972, I'll see your Little Jimmy Osmond and raise you by this little gem, an earworm known as "Playground in My Mind" that was responsible for permanent brain damage to those who listened to AM radio in the era.
posted by Gordion Knott at 3:26 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

"The theme tune from Everything's Rosie"
Good call list makers!

Most of these songs are here because they were popular and overplayed or very popular and got their scheduled backlash. But some of them, like The theme tune from Everything's Rosie, no one really chose to listen to, but had no choice in the matter.

But having a song on this list is a sign that your song makes people care.
No one hates the mediocre songs which got stripped out by the filter of history.
That said I'm amazed that Lollipop (Candyman) by Aqua is on the list but not Doctor Jones or Barbie Girl which are generally the ones normal people have heard of.

I guess there is another category, songs which are dumb-as-shit, rape apologist, piece of fucking garbage. How many guesses does anyone need to identify the song from that review.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:29 AM on October 26, 2016

Tom Jones - Delilah

Sounds like a rousing beer hall singalong, until you pay attention to the lyrics, which are about a stalker murdering his victim.

I feel similarly about Roy Orbinson's "I Drove All Night" (not on the list though "Pretty Woman" is, justifiably). Considered a love song but every time I hear "I drove all night, crept in your room, woke you from your sleep to make love to you. Is that all right?" I think "No it fucking well isn't, Roy."
posted by billiebee at 3:32 AM on October 26, 2016 [12 favorites]

What, no Cake?
posted by Bruce H. at 3:32 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Sorry. Any "Worst of" list that does not include Thin Lizzy's The Boys are Back in Town is empirically invalid.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:33 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

I think what I like about this list is that I'd bet about a good third of them are songs which would metaphorically get you onto the dancefloor whilst the rest are hated. And I'd bet that it's a different third for everyone.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:35 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

(By which I mean, I love "The Boys Are Back in Town")
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:35 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

Multiple songs by people I've excitedly paid money to see live. Well technically Shaggy was a free concert, but I had to take a bus to New York to see the show.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 3:37 AM on October 26, 2016

Bryan Ferry – Let's Stick Together
- Crap, warbled by a prick.
(I offer the jury his cover of It's My Party with a view to helping a decision to either hang or walk free, all forgiven)
posted by rongorongo at 3:38 AM on October 26, 2016

To further gnash my teeth about that damn Geggy Tah song, there's annoying through repetition, or there's plenty of other reasons to subjectively not like a song, but this thing was really objectively awful. The guy can't sing, not in that outsider art way where it's still kinda interesting, but in a "who produced this?" way. The first time I heard it, I thought it was a shitty local commercial until thirty seconds had gone by and the dude honking through his nose about changing lanes was still on, and it kept going for another two or three minutes (and of course my radio station choices were crappy enough it wasn't worth bothering to change it).

Ye gods, what a stinker! It was like the kind of song you maybe make up with your friends for a goof until you come up with real lyrics, and you let your cousin sing because he's in town for a few days and you don't get to see him very often, but you don't actually record the thing.

But it got played on the radio, so that shows what I know.

I still hate it.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 3:39 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hang on, there is no Reef "Place your Hands"! Therefore I'm sorry but this list is null and void. I got to hate that song twice. First because it is TERRIBLE and every time I hear his horrible whiny voice singing "haaaaaaands...hooooooole....fiiiiiiingers etc" I want to rip my ears off. And second because Chris Evans (who also makes me want to rip my ears off) used it on TFIFriday for "It's your letters" so it was inescapable for a while. (I've lost all non-UK readers by this point I'd imagine but the rest of you feel my pain, right?)
posted by billiebee at 3:46 AM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

I have to point this out, liking Dancing Queen does not make you a monster. There's plenty of monstrous music out there. Like the driver asks you to put a tune on, and the first thing in the playlist is neo-nazi speed punk.

I'd actually like to know what song I put on the jukebox, a stranger to you, would get you to buy me a beer. Alot of those songs are somewhere on this list. The ones that will make me dive out of a moving car really aren't.
posted by adept256 at 3:47 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

There's no way Come On Eileen deserves to be on that list. Just the opening bars will still have you scraping people off the ceiling if they're drunk enough.
posted by Coda Tronca at 3:54 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

Songs I'm surprised aren't on the list:

- The entire discographies of Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz. Those idiots could make 4'33 sound smug.
- The Colbie Caillat song where she describes the vaginal orgasm as "I get the tingles in a silly place".
- The Matt Nathanson song about rubbing one out during phone sex.
- "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson, which sounds like a reheated cover of Phoebe Snow's Stouffer's jingle with lyrics about the virtues of complacency.
- "Hey Soul Sister" by Train.
- "Friday I'm in Love".
posted by pxe2000 at 4:12 AM on October 26, 2016 [12 favorites]

I kind of wonder what music people like this guy actually like.
posted by jonmc at 4:12 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

On the flip side, if you put any of these on the jukebox, I would buy you a beer:

- "Chardonnay" by Game Theory (and I will cover your tab for the night if you put on the nine-minute version)
- "Lilith" by Belly
- "Good Time", Donnie and Joe Emerson
- "Pic Nic en el 4B", Soda Stereo
posted by pxe2000 at 4:16 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

List doesn't have "My Sharona", thus it's eminently ignorable.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:31 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

I don't know if you can blame it all on overplaying. I remember when "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys was everywhere and I couldn't avoid it -- and it did get tired, but now that that's passed it's still one of my favorites. And I have songs I've chosen to listen to over and over and over...

For me, the worst songs ever blend together. I couldn't pick out a single one off the top of my head. But there are certain trends or artists that I just really can't stand. I hate most pop-punk/pop-rock, and Ke$a drives me mad. I'm completely turned off by a lot of the affected whiny vocals of some "indie" artists. And so on.

But I've been lucky to never have to listen to someone's radio at work, I think. So I've never encountered my overplayed musical nemesis.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 4:32 AM on October 26, 2016

(starts reading list)

The Beatles - Across The Universe
The Beatles - Hey Jude
The Beatles - She's Leaving Home
The Beatles - When I'm 64
The Beatles - Yellow Submarine
The Beatles – Yesterday

(stops reading list)
posted by Sing Or Swim at 4:37 AM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

showing my age, but I change the station for Michael Martin Murphey & the Rio Grande Band - "Wildfire" and Paul Anka - Havin' my baby.

The list really needs more Bieber, and now I keep thinking of more awful songs, so today might really suck.
posted by theora55 at 4:38 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

No Closing Time? The list is a failure.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:42 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

MacArthur Park by Jimmy Webb

Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don't think that I can take it. Cause it took so long to bake it. And I'll never have that recipe again. . .

Oh no!
posted by goinWhereTheClimateSuitsMyClothes at 4:43 AM on October 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

PRINCES, PRINCES WHO ADORE YOU, JUST GO AHEAD NOW

I thought it goes "IN BIRMINGHAM THERE LIVES THE GOVERNOR"
posted by thelonius at 4:43 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

I already noted that I like Men at Work's "Down Under", and then I stumbled upon this clip from "Scrubs" featuring a solidly surreal guest appearance by MaW lead Colin Hay and his guitar (mostly featuring the song "Overkill", which describes how so many of the songs got on this dubious list).
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:44 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

I nominate Crazy Frog.

It actually got airplay, mind you. A lot of airplay. This was the era of programmable polyphonic ringtones and everywhere on the bus there was Crazy Frog and it taught me to believe in the infectious nature of communal bad decisions.
posted by E. Whitehall at 4:45 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

MacArthur Park by Jimmy Webb

Well, he was willing to take chances:
Imagine pitching this song idea in 1968: There’s this guy who works on telephone poles in the middle of Kansas. He’s really devoted to his job. Rain or shine, he’s committed to preventing system overloads. It’s really lonely work, and he misses his girlfriend. Does this sound like a hit to you?
posted by thelonius at 4:45 AM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

He dissed the Sweet. He officially has no fucking taste. Seriously, why should any of us give a frogs fat ass what this guy thinks? One great thing about middle age is that I care less about others opinions.
posted by jonmc at 4:45 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

The worst part is that most of the song titles immediately trigger an earworm.

On the other hand, I imagine almost everyone in this thread could sing at least two or three of these songs, start to finish from memory, and with enough alcohol, even have fun doing it. Except for Two Princes, because even drunk people have shame.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:46 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

For most of my Junior year of High School (1992), I was dating a girl who didn't drive and who lived about a 20-30 minute drive away. In that era before iPods and satellite radio, your best bet for entertainment in the car was a decent collection of cassette tapes. For most of that summer, the tape that lived in the stereo of my shitty shitty car was a scruffy-faced, chullo-wearing little masterpiece called Pocket Full of Kryptonite by a band called Spin Doctors. Conservatively, I listed to that tape 100 times during the summer of 1992.

The relationship ended, as they do, and the tape was replaced, as they were (by Pablo Honey, if I'm not mistaken), and ye Gods the songs were overplayed, and really not that great from the get go, but when I hear "Two Princes" - and I hear it anytime anyone mentions it - I still think back to a fun year and to Lisa with the red hair who didn't like pizza but liked getting to second base on the couch in her den while her family slept upstairs, and I smile a bit.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:48 AM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

Desperately lacking "Summer (The First Time)" by Bobby Goldsboro, and its Australian partner-in-vomit, Mondo Rock's "Come Said the Boy".

At the same time, very happy to see that Terry Jack's God-awful "Seasons in the Sun" made the list.
posted by pjm at 4:54 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's interesting how there's so little disagreement on display in this thread compared to every single "Top $N $THINGS" FPP ever. I guess hate _does_ bring us together.
posted by Dr Dracator at 4:55 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Came in to also suggest 'Afternoon Delight' but then realized that the correct answer is 'Square Biz' by Who Gives a Fuck That Song is Fucking Awful.
posted by sexyrobot at 5:13 AM on October 26, 2016

The worst part is that most of the song titles immediately trigger an earworm.

You can always cure an earworm by listening to this
posted by thelonius at 5:15 AM on October 26, 2016

Also: fun game. No matter how terrible a song is...that's somebody's jam. Also, for some couple, that is "their song". Now, imagine if you will, these people, in every detail. Laugh at them.
posted by sexyrobot at 5:15 AM on October 26, 2016 [8 favorites]

Don't Stop Believin' was actually used in the soundtrack to Monster.
posted by lagomorphius at 5:16 AM on October 26, 2016

"It's interesting how there's so little disagreement on display in this thread compared to every single "Top $N $THINGS" FPP ever. I guess hate _does_ bring us together."

So you're saying that love will tear us apart?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 5:23 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

MAKE LOVE TEAR US APART AGAIN
posted by schmod at 5:26 AM on October 26, 2016 [8 favorites]

Missing "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain

Grrrrr
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 5:31 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

That said I'm amazed that Lollipop (Candyman) by Aqua is on the list but not Doctor Jones or Barbie Girl which are generally the ones normal people have heard of.

Aquarium remains my wife's go to cleaning music in this, the Year of our Lord 2016, so I would nominate that song for a list of songs that make you long for the sound of vacuuming.

"My Oh My," I still enjoy though.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:32 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

It's missing "Bridge Over Troubled Water," my most hated Simon & Garfunkel song.

On the other hand, I like some of the songs on the list, which makes me a monster, I guess. Just in time for Halloween.
posted by eternalstranger at 5:44 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Ah, Hallelujah. What a bittersweet song.

One of the last nights I ever spent together with my parents (they're divorced now) was at Xmas a few years ago, watching a CBC holiday music special headlined by the Four Tenors.

My family was not a congenial one, the cracks in my parents' marriage had been forty years in the making, my dad usually turned off his hearing aids when he was around my mom, and my mom didn't notice, she just kept talking even though dad was non- responsive. I wanted to be nowhere near them but dutifully spent the pre-xmas week at their house because Good Son.

We couldn't agree on anything else in the world but we all booed and hissed the Tenors' dogshit version of Hallelujah. Remember the Happy Days Halloween ep where the mad scientist takes all of Fonzie's cool away, leaving him as a squeaky lurching spaz? That was what the Tenors did to that song, and in doing so, they brought me and my mom and dad together one last time.
posted by Sauce Trough at 5:49 AM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

Wamdue Project- King of my Castle is the worst song ever, there's no beating it.

But Blue Monday comes close.
posted by threetwentytwo at 5:54 AM on October 26, 2016

It's a weird list because it's so very British. Like in the US, Kate Nash's "Foundations" is a kitschy British song I heard once on XPN (a combination of college and public radio) that described a toxic relationship. But I would see it differently if it were a #2 hit.

Also, for me this list should basically just be every song by U2.
posted by graymouser at 5:56 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

At the same time, very happy to see that Terry Jack's God-awful "Seasons in the Sun" made the list.
Particularly since it was created by pouring gallons of syrup all over Jaques Brel's acid Le Moribund.
posted by rongorongo at 5:56 AM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

From the article: If you are anything like me, you probably like a significant percentage of the following songs and can tolerate a large rump of the remainder. But it's in there, isn't it? Just waiting for you.

This is the interesting point to me. These are not meant to be songs that are agreed to be awful, but to include a hateful song for everyone.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 5:59 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Space ft. Cerys Matthews – The Ballad of Tom Jones
No nomination made me laugh as much as this one. It is perfect, brilliant and entirely correct.

Besides imagining an alternate universe where Space was popular in North America past "The Female of the Species," I love this pick because it is an awful song that I can't help but like anyways because of how unapologetically goofy and ridiculous it is.
posted by chrominance at 6:06 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

"Tubthumper" is a good song. I didn't used to think this, since I'm a big fan of the old Chumbas of Pictures of Starving Children Sell Records and Nevermind the Ballots - the punk rock and musically respectable Chumbas.

The first thing that changed my relationship to "Tubthumper" was, as I've often written (in case someone remembers) hearing it on the soundsystem that someone brought to one of the marches at the anti-Republican National Convention protests here in 2008, everyone marching along shortly before getting beat down and tear gassed and just belting out "I get knocked down, but I get up again".

And that made me think about what the song's really saying, in light of the Chumbas' other stuff. (Unlike, say, "Walking in Memphis" it's definitely a song with a purpose.) Like some of their other good middle-period stuff (English folk songs, "Timebomb") what it's saying is that there's something in the proletariat, in ordinary people, that is good and valid and can never be killed - that the desire for immediate and ordinary happiness has a revolutionary core. That's what they're saying with "Timebomb" and its totally ludicrous, endearing video.

What they're saying is that there's this current in human history that you see in the medieval heretics and the IWW and all kinds of popular movements - people trying to stand up for their right to live a decent life for themselves instead of perpetually being crushed down by the state and the church and the rich. And those movements get smashed and destroyed and forgotten but something of them persists, and there's always just a little chance that ordinary people can rise up and overthrow the mighty.

I think it's actually kind of appropriate that it is played as a dumb drinking song - Chumbawamba isn't saying "if only everyone were Lenin, then we'd have the revolution for sure, ordinary people are dumb and lazy". They're saying "in the most ordinary person, there's a potential for revolution and utopia".
posted by Frowner at 6:09 AM on October 26, 2016 [37 favorites]

Needs more Thorogood and Seger.
posted by crumbly at 6:17 AM on October 26, 2016

Wamdue Project- King of my Castle is the worst song ever

Objectively wrong because of Ghost in the Shell music video.
posted by MartinWisse at 6:21 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I like many of the songs on this list; some because they've been played for decades and have just become part of the canon, some because they are genuinely good regardless of what (apparently many) insane people have to say about them.

... But I'm willing to consider that I have shit taste in music, because they do include that utterly awful Proclaimers song "500 Miles" on the list. That thing is unredeemable garbage.
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 6:24 AM on October 26, 2016

Billy Joel – My Life
Billy Joel – Piano Man
Billy Joel – Uptown Girl

Ctrl-f for "We Didn't Start the Fire"

0 of 0 results.

Weeps uncontrollably upon learning there is a magical land across the sea where no one knows this song exists.
posted by thecjm at 6:24 AM on October 26, 2016 [17 favorites]

Most of these are not bad songs. If you only hear them once.
But I can see some of these grating after 10,000,000 plays.

flabdablet, though... that wins the internets.
posted by MtDewd at 6:24 AM on October 26, 2016

Rednex – Cotton Eye Joe
Journey – Don't Stop Believin'
Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime

This list is good enough. Even if they left off Edie Brickell.
posted by delfin at 6:26 AM on October 26, 2016

People, people, these are just a compiled list of nominated songs from twitter users. Don't go hating on the guy for compiling them. You can't disrespect or criticize him for that

However, nobody nominated Free Bird, so go ahead and complain about that glaring omission if you want.
posted by yhbc at 6:33 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

In the grim dark future, there is only "Sabotage"
posted by fleacircus at 6:38 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Biggest surprises: the presence of "Big Yellow Taxi" and the absence of "The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.")

It's weird enough that there are people who hate "Hey Jude" or "Big Yellow Taxi," but it's even weirder to think that there are people who hate those songs more than they hate hearing for the millionth time in a month, "And so I'm offering this simple phrase to kids from one to ninety-two . . ."
posted by Redstart at 6:42 AM on October 26, 2016

I like most of these. But I'm also the sort of person who can listen to one song on repeat until the neighbors complain.

They're all pretty memorable songs, I guess that's because people remember them well enough to hate them? Hmm.
posted by Trifling at 6:51 AM on October 26, 2016

The guy can't sing, not in that outsider art way where it's still kinda interesting, but in a "who produced this?" way.

Dunno, but it was on David Byrne's label, which may explain the deemphasis on vocal precision. (The rest of the album was kind of cool)
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:52 AM on October 26, 2016

Cmd-F Sister Christian

Not found

Cmd-W
posted by HillbillyInBC at 6:53 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Between that list and the suggestions in this thread I'm convinced I will never understand other people.
posted by rocket88 at 6:55 AM on October 26, 2016

*Arrives in hell*
*"Hey Ya" starts playing*
Hey, maybe this won't be so bad!
*"Hey Ya" ends*
*"Hey Ya" starts playing*
Oh God...
posted by dry white toast at 6:55 AM on October 26, 2016 [17 favorites]

I found myself reading this list, and liking (or at least not hating) a good 95% of it. I can find the merit in almost any song, I guess. Not U2, though. They're a really bad band, and they deserved greater representation on the list.
posted by codacorolla at 6:56 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I like Wonderful Christmastime much more than Yesterday because 1) sprightly 2) rather less ubiquitous than the mawkish re-working of Scrambled Eggs.
posted by maudlin at 7:00 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's weird enough that there are people who hate "Hey Jude"

Starting in 2012 there was a run of events in Britain where Paul McCartney's wizened little face would show up at various events specifically for a never ending rendition of 'na na na na na na na" like it was a second national anthem.

I hate the Beatles anyway but even their fans got sick of that one.
posted by threetwentytwo at 7:00 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

>Ctrl-f for "We Didn't Start the Fire"

>0 of 0 results.

>Weeps uncontrollably upon learning there is a magical land across the sea where no one knows this song exists.

That was actually the first thing I searched for, too. That and 'We Built This City'.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 7:00 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

All he had to do was write down the tracks played by the English-language San Antonio radio stations for one hour on any given day. The output would have been largely identical.
posted by radicalawyer at 7:03 AM on October 26, 2016

*"Hey Ya" ends*
*"Hey Ya" starts playing*
Oh God...

Could be worse. Could be What's New Pussycat.
posted by flabdablet at 7:04 AM on October 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

Birdhouse in Your Soul is on the list, but Hey Soul Sister isn't? Clearly, this is some sort of joke gone terribly wrong.
posted by Zonker at 7:04 AM on October 26, 2016 [12 favorites]

Aw, Terence Trent D'arby's Wishing Well was on my very first mixtape when I was a little kid, and I just listened to it again and enjoyed it. So pbttttttt.
posted by Diablevert at 7:05 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

> Desperately lacking "Summer (The First Time)" by Bobby Goldsboro

Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey" is quite literally the worst song ever recorded and I am not exaggerating. I'm pretty sure it's banned under the Geneva Conventions.
posted by enjoymoreradio at 7:07 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

People who claim to hate the Beatles are untrustworthy sods.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:08 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

It's weird enough that there are people who hate "Hey Jude"
When I was 12 I had a watch that did this. It was a few years before I heard the Beatles comparatively benign take.
posted by rongorongo at 7:08 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Notes on "Sweet Home Alabama":

- Watch 20 Feet From Stardom about the general mood of the backup singers during that song. Yeah.
- If it gets stuck in your head, just start singing "I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand..." and Ah-ooooooooo, new earworm. You're welcome.
posted by pianoblack at 7:11 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

The Beatles' Birthday Song is worse than any of the Beatles songs mentioned on that list.
posted by Caduceus at 7:16 AM on October 26, 2016

*"Hey Ya" ends*
*"Hey Ya" starts playing*
Oh God..

The thing about many of these songs is that for all the complaining, people really loved them once upon a time. In college, playing "Hey Ya" was a guaranteed way to fill up a dance floor with people losing their minds with glee. I mean sure on some level the song is probably terrible, like the house party I'm imagining it in, with its one bottle of orange juice as the only mixer because Ramiro is awful at planning, but damn it, we had fun.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:18 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also missing: this stinker from George Harrison.
posted by flabdablet at 7:19 AM on October 26, 2016

From the article: If you are anything like me, you probably like a significant percentage of the following songs and can tolerate a large rump of the remainder. But it's in there, isn't it? Just waiting for you.

This is the interesting point to me. These are not meant to be songs that are agreed to be awful, but to include a hateful song for everyone.

This exactly! I shared some of this list with Mr. Freedom, and his overwhelming reaction was, well that's not SO bad, until I got to "Seasons of Love" from Rent, which immediately made him start shivering in disgust.

It's in there indeed.
posted by chainsofreedom at 7:20 AM on October 26, 2016

Chris DeBlergh's Lady in Red gets a pass because he was sampled in what's likely the best answering machine message ever.

Crazy Town – Butterfly: The stink of RHCP all over it. Music for the tattoo parlour where you caught hepatitis.
Oh man, I'm so starting to say RHCP is "Music for the x where you caught hepatitis"

DJ Otzi – Hey Baby
I guess this one went out of history, but lived on as a football chant. Heeeeeey Benni McCarthy ooh ahh faz um goooool lalala la laaaaaaaa

Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight
Funny, as I woke up to several blogs praising Ol' Phil returning with The Roots on Puppyface McTailwagger's show . Considering Collins is turning 66 in a couple of months, his voice is surprisingly good.

It's certainly the only song I remember there being a "teaser" for, and then being huuuugely disappointed by. I'm not sure why, as the song that the intro hints at would only have been a mid-pack Chemical Brothers / Crystal Method track at best, anyway.
I think Spaceman is one of those songs people jump to the chorus and get on with it. I remember much younger me hearing the whole song for the first time (because, of course, shows only showed the chorus) and being very underwhelmed because the rest is really shitty, like they came with something that sounded good for around 10 seconds, and then tried to tack on anything to make it long enough to sell as a single. See also: that Fun song.
posted by lmfsilva at 7:26 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Needs more Bay City Rollers and Kylie.
posted by flabdablet at 7:28 AM on October 26, 2016

The Beatles' Birthday Song is worse than any of the Beatles songs mentioned on that list.

In an interesting quirk of sequencing (or maybe it's intentionally cruel on the part of the Beatles), the track immediately following "Birthday" is "Yer Blues." And so--as I found out the time I was sixteen and no one seemed to remember my birthday--if you try to cheer yourself up by listening to that song on your birthday, immediately afterward, you will be greeted with, "I'M SO LONELY! WANNA DIE!"
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:28 AM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

This is a silly list that includes the B52s and does not include Train.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 7:29 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

I wasn't offended about the songs anyone listed until Hey Ya! and now I wanna fight someone.
posted by dismas at 7:30 AM on October 26, 2016

No Harry Chapin and Cat's in the Cradle, so this list is an obvious travesty.
posted by Quindar Beep at 7:31 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

This list is invalid. There's no Train and not nearly enough Nickleback.
posted by LizBoBiz at 7:31 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Chris DeBlergh's Lady in Red gets a pass because this exists.
posted by flabdablet at 7:34 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Thanks so much for this FPP; I've had Smoking in the Boy's Room stuck on auto-repeat in my brain for 2 days and this finally killed it off.

Now my brain has a much wider selection of utterly hateful songs playing on random shuffle. THIS IS FINE.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 7:34 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

I wasn't offended about the songs anyone listed until Hey Ya! and now I wanna fight someone.

Of all people, the Drive-By Truckers do an awesome cover of that song. (Track 22 of that one.)
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:38 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Many otherwise tired and objectionable songs can be revived by a really good bluegrass cover version.

Here's Don't Stop Believin'.
posted by Orlop at 7:46 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hold up, "Mr. Brightside" made this list. Maybe there is something to it after all, as that song is basically the sonic version of someone sticking their chin out, closing their eyes, and begging you to punch them.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:53 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

A couple of related AskMes from 2006 and 2014.
posted by Shmuel510 at 7:55 AM on October 26, 2016

I'm pleased to see Agadoo by Black Lace on this list. Like most of the songs on the list, it's got a distinctive sound to it that makes it memorable. Unlike any of the other songs on the list, I had to turn it off less than 30 seconds into my first listen because I was cringing.

I suspect each of its elements would be grating on its own - the lyrics with their strange patterns of assonance, the incredibly simple guitar track, the musical instruments used for a stereotypical "tropical" sound, the horrifying music video - and combined, they make for one of the most cringeworthy #2 hits I'm aware of.

Black Lace - Agadoo
posted by LSK at 8:00 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Missing Michael Jackson and Paul McCarthy's "The Girl is Mine." That is some soul-crushing shit.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 8:03 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Amazingly, not a single appearance of Sugar Ray.
posted by beerperson at 8:07 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

It's weird how well-established "That Thing You Like Is Actually Awful and You Should Feel Bad for Liking It" is becoming as an online writing genre.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:09 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

This list is invalid. There's no Train and not nearly enough Nickleback.

Yep, missing Drops of Jupiter.

That song was literally every 3rd track on the radio when it came out.

Worst Soy Latte that I ever had.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:11 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

That online writing game you like is awful and you should feel bad for liking it.
posted by flabdablet at 8:11 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Last December, my husband and I were sitting quietly, he reading, me probably on Metafilter, and I broke the companionable silence of about an hour to state, "Paul McCartney has a lot to answer for." Husband: "Simply HAAAVing a wonderful Christmas time!" (Really, it wouldn't be nearly as aggravating if it weren't for the damn misplaced adverb.)
posted by thebrokedown at 8:16 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

- "Hey Soul Sister" by Train.

"Hey, Shape Shifter..." And it's a I-V-vi-IV song IIRC.

Ctrl-F "Two Princes" - yup, worst song to chart in the '90s

Both Starship songs - yup

No, "Firework" is worst Katy Perry Song. ("Friday" is best one)

No late-'80s Heart, though... and the late '80s are a bit underrepresented
posted by kurumi at 8:16 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

You could fill this list with AM hits from the 70s alone. Along with the above, I'd add Sammy Davis Jr.'s Candy Man, Wayne Newton's Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast, How Do You Do by a band I recall named Mouth and McNeil, and that's just starting in 1972, the Year Music Went Bad.
posted by morspin at 8:17 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

I should mention that I was certain the lead singer of smashmouth and guy fieri were the same guy for at least a couple of years.

*googles*

apparently that's a common thing.

I think it's all the bowling shirts with flames on the bottom.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:18 AM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

I kind of wonder what music people like this guy actually like.

Nothing you or anybody else have ever heard.
posted by srboisvert at 8:19 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I guess hate _does_ bring us together.

Love. Love will keep us together. Think of this site whenever Some sweet phishing scam comes along singing its song. Don't mess around. You gotta be strong.
posted by nubs at 8:19 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

I guess hate _does_ bring us together.

Recommended (and actually good): All You Need Is Hate by The Delgados.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:22 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Is "Traditional" a band or group? It's unsurprisingly hard to Google. I have to wonder because there's

Traditional - Little Drummer Boy
Traditional – I'm Proud To Be An American

which are not 'Traditional' in the music crediting sense. They're both (reasonably) contemporary songs with well known writers/composers.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 8:22 AM on October 26, 2016

Lieutenant Pigeon - Mouldy Old Dough
posted by flabdablet at 8:23 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

I feel like both Guy Fieri and Smashmouth also get their shoes from Chester Cheetah's alcoholic jazz musician father.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:24 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

I'm pleased to see Agadoo by Black Lace on this list.
I have some other problems with this song:
1. The lyrics are about a girl - sorry "mistress" - in Hawaii but the instrumentation features a steel drum from the Caribbean.
2. As per the lyrics the woman is engaged in hula dancing, ukulele playing, coffee grinding and asking the singer on a date at the same time. This stretches credulity.
2. Hula is a dance performed to a chant, or 'oli' - they are not considered to be performed to a 'melody'.
3. Pineapples grow on bushes not trees - the pineapple sits in the middle of the bush and the whole assemblage is very spiky and unsuitable for pushing in any way.
4. "Calypso" is another song form which is Caribbean rather than Hawaiian, the "sarong" is from South East Asia and "calypso sarong" does not make sense as a thing to be "around".
5. Like the above mentioned "Seasons in the Sun" Black Lace stole the whole assemblage off this fine French original from 1975. This explains the garbled lyrics.
6. And clearly we real lyrics are these.
posted by rongorongo at 8:44 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

Traditional – I'm Proud To Be An American

That's not even what that song is called! All parts of that are wrong.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:49 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

um, quick request

could there be a mefi karaoke meetup where we russian roulette from this list?

that would be ... something else
posted by Tevin at 8:58 AM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

"Whenever anyone hears a song and asks 'what is THIS shit?', the answer is always Red Hot Chilli Peppers"

accurate.

Oh man, I'm so starting to say RHCP is "Music for the x where you caught hepatitis"

An acquantaince of mine got chlamydia from a member of RHCP.
posted by stargell at 9:00 AM on October 26, 2016 [8 favorites]

There were no versions of Somewhere Over the Rainbow on this list, so it is obviously invalid. I will help out with one of the worst ones.
posted by sparklemotion at 9:04 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's kind of absurd to have Xmas songs on this list (or any such list). Xmas songs are Xmas songs. They are designed to irritate you, make you want to scream bloody murder, and drive you insane. Leave them alone, or at least -- put them all on the list if you're going to put any of them on. And yes that includes Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song."

It's amusing that the WORST Diana Ross song y'all can come up with is "Chain Reaction"! And Madness: "Baggy Trousers" (which I've never heard) but no "Our House," the most overplayed and overused-to-past-death movie/TV-clip filler song to evoke the madcap suburban 1980s? Come on!

Every Katy Perry song ever recorded should be on this list, if there's any justice in the world. Same goes for Gwen Stefani, barf. And poor Lady Gaga and Carly Rae Jepsen: from the heights of fame and notoriety to the depths of Twitter detestation in five short years.

Pretty much most pop music inpsires detestation and dread in me at my age, or else perversely the songs I used to utterly despise are now the songs I love and wax nostalgic for, so I should probably be banned from commenting on this list.
posted by blucevalo at 9:06 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Sorry. Any "Worst of" list that does not include Thin Lizzy's The Boys are Back in Town is empirically invalid.

i know this is way back at the beginning of the thread, but flagged as wildly offensive

also, this list is like half of my go-to karaoke songs
posted by burgerrr at 9:06 AM on October 26, 2016 [8 favorites]

My freshman year college roommate bought (What's The Story) Morning Glory with the express purpose of listening to it every single day. So while there were a number of songs on this list that I very much like, thanks to that roommate I did get to say "oh that fucking song" like you're supposed to
posted by aubilenon at 9:09 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

By and large this list is mostly wrong. 80 percent of these songs are fantastic. No apologies.
posted by jnnla at 9:31 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Came to see "Hotel California" -- was not disappointed.
posted by salvia at 9:33 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Megustalations:

Hmm no Wham - Last Christmas

But I think this is a specific German thing, where this song is played to death from October to New years.

It is without question my number one hated song — also played during that period on rotation in Denmark. Every year I attempt avoiding it, but rarely do I succeed.
posted by bouvin at 9:36 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

You may not know, sparklemotion, that Somewhere Over the Rainbow is considered by many critics as one of the greatest songs of the 20th Century.
posted by tommyD at 9:39 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

There were no versions of Somewhere Over the Rainbow on this list, so it is obviously invalid. I will help out with one of the worst ones yt .
posted by sparklemotion

You are clearly a terrible person who is dead inside and I SAID GOOD DAY.
posted by cooker girl at 9:45 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

Too many good songs on the list that have suffered from being overplayed.

And I note that my most hated song in the world is not on the list. It's "Dear Mr. Jesus" by Powersource. Christian Texas band and I was in Texas at the time and I hated this song with every fiber of my being the first time I heard it. I refuse to link to it, but however bad you imagine it is, it's so much worse. If it were sung by Creed it would be better. That's how bad it is.

The Byrds – Mr. Tambourine Man
The worst band in history.

Not even close. I won't spoil the punchline, but this thoughtful analysis should give a definitive answer.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 9:51 AM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

The writer is very confused on what is overplayed and what is truly wretched Also missing The Night Chicago Died, Muskrat Love, Afternoon Delight, the crimes of Bobby Goldsboro: Honey & Watching Scottie Grow, Copacabana, Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer...
posted by Ber at 9:52 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I was thinking this would be a list glorifying statutory rape or drunk driving with songs like Ted Nugent's Jailbait or several versions of Gloria, etc. or the LeRoi Bros, D.W.I.

This is just a list of "songs that have been overplayed, many of which are actually popular." Pffh.
posted by jfwlucy at 9:55 AM on October 26, 2016

I was going to complain vociferously about any Beatles songs being on the list, but then I remembered Lady Madonna (which is not on this particular list) and my outrage died down a little.

Speaking of Agadoo, back in aught-six I had an assignment in a composition class which was titled 'A Question of Taste' which I took in the direction of 'Bad Taste'. (posted to Mefi Music later of course) So I put together a track with a couple of to-me objectively bad songs (I even cross-checked against a Channel 4 list of worst songs ever to make sure I wasn't making subjective judgments) as a pastiche of infomercials for music compilations that were on the TV all the time. This class was a pretty eclectic group of musicians and engineers, leaning heavily towards the avant-garde and away from typical pop sensibilities. Even so I still got objections to some of the songs I included (specifically Lionel Richie's 'Hello'). No matter what list of best or worst songs you can come up with, there will always be someone in the audience that objects to something on the list!
posted by TwoWordReview at 10:01 AM on October 26, 2016

You may not know, sparklemotion, that Somewhere Over the Rainbow is considered by many critics as one of the greatest songs of the 20th Century.

Many critics are not married to Mr. Motion, a man who never tires of smarmy soulless overproduced "acoustic" versions of songs that were at best kind of glurgy in their heyday to the point but have been ground down to meaningless pap over decades of twee covers with inappropriate instrumentation and a distinctively 21st century take on a nightmare version of a 'bel canto' style that just makes all songs sound the same no matter who is playing the ukulele accompaniment (and maybe also has an ipod playlist that consists of maybe 40 songs (3 of which being SOtR covers and the rest being various Lindsey Stirling/Pentatonix/TwoCellos nonsense plus Fall Out Boy for some reason).

I love my husband, and I respect people's love for Israel Kamakawiwo'ole but SOtR is the actual worst.
posted by sparklemotion at 10:07 AM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

This is just a list of "songs that have been overplayed, many of which are actually popular." Pffh.

To be fair, this one was overplayed on its first play.
posted by flabdablet at 10:09 AM on October 26, 2016

The Pogues and Kirsty McColl - The Fairytale of New York

What the shitting hell is that song doing on the list? There is no possible justification for any list of any kind to include both this song and "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke, unless that list is "50 songs that exist that we picked at random".

People be crazy.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 10:12 AM on October 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

Actually, if you want to learn to truly hate a great song, go to Spotify and listen to covers of "Hallelujah" for as long as you can stand it. There are, I believe well over a thousand, as it turns out that for a certain kind of good, but not at all noteworthy singer self-releasing a batch of trite, unremarkable music, covering Rufus Wainwright's version of Jeff Buckley's version of John Cale's version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" is some kind of ironclad fucking requirement.

I've wondered for a few years, why is this? Leonard Cohen has a huge catalogue of great songs, and yet that one is the only one that gets covered these days (and that far too often.) Haven't these kids heard "Suzanne"? Or "Anthem"? I think there should be at least a fifty-year moratorium on covers of "Hallelujah".
posted by Daily Alice at 10:21 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Those aren't covers of Leonard Cohen though, they're covers of either Jeff Buckley or the guy from the Shrek soundtrack (better known to you and me as John Cale)
posted by TwoWordReview at 10:26 AM on October 26, 2016

Spice Girls - Wannabe is my personal record for most quickly overplayed, which was literally 3 times hearing it.

*1st time hearing* This song is amazing!
*2nd time hearing* Actually this is kinda meh.
*3rd time hearing* This is shit and I hate it.
posted by ckape at 10:28 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

I hate a ton of these songs. But I hit a major speed bump when I saw "Wishing Well." I can accept that the songs here I do like are not necessarily everybody's thing -- mostly. But I can't accept that any good person would hate "Wishing Well." This is like hating "Purple Rain," "Satisfaction," "Welcome to the Terrordome," "Crosstown Traffic." I, straight up, suspect the hater of any of the above of being a lizard person. Of being a fucking V.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:44 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

People who claim to hate the Beatles are untrustworthy sods.

idk about hate so much as that i'm just immensely Tired Of Them. so tired. in the same way that i am unbelievably tired of monty python quotes. yes, we get it, we all liked these things at some point in time, usually as teenagers who thought we'd found the absolute artistic pinnacle of human civilization but my god, please. free me from these old white men.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:59 AM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

also the tavares version of more than a woman is far superior to the bee gees version, fight me
posted by poffin boffin at 11:00 AM on October 26, 2016

Two Blondie songs but neither of them is 'Tide is High'??
posted by Dysk at 11:01 AM on October 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

First - because some of the comments upthread makes me feel a few of you missed this point - this is not a list of the author's personally most hated music, and in fact he chimes in to disagree with many nominations - this is a list assembled from Twitter responses.

Second - Bob Seger was not mentioned once, which surprises me, because the correct response to "Which Bob Seger songs suck?" is "Most of them." Especially "Turn the Page" which is just a steaming turd that is on perpetual repeat in any given midwestern Classic Rock format station.

Third - am I really the first person to mention Radiohead? Because some of their whinier shit songs belong on that list. The fact that some of their songs are listenable just makes the bad ones that much worse. There are several where I wasn't sure if there were lyrics, or just Thom Yorke wheezy high-pitched yowling throat noises.

Fourth: If Conor Oberst completely and irreversibly lost his voice I'd be OK with that. The adolescent warbling tremor in his lyrics grates on my ears like nothing else I've heard in years.

Finally: There are any number of good songs on that list, and for all I know the entire lot of you love Seger and Radiohead and think Conor Oberst is a goddamned gift to humanity. You can have those opinions. It does not make you, or me, a monster. It takes all sorts, see.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:04 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

for all I know the entire lot of you love Seger and Radiohead

This would be a kind of delightfully weird person, except that their reasons for liking Seger would likely be insufferable.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:07 AM on October 26, 2016

Lulu is not nearly as popular as Absolutely Fabulous would have you believe

THAT'S THE JOKE
posted by Sys Rq at 11:10 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Closed the tab as soon as I saw 4 Non-Blondes' "What's Up" on there. GOOD DAY, SIR.

(My daughter loves it when I sing that song. The more ridiculous the vocal impressions, the better.)
posted by duffell at 11:11 AM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Liking any of these makes you a monster, objectively speaking: the title MetaFilter gives to a post about an article which reads:

However, it was all entirely positive. One hundred percent. Not one single response was even slightly antagonistic, let alone insulting or to tell me that I had done a poo on a football pitch.

posted by straight at 11:14 AM on October 26, 2016

Don't Stop Believin' is a key component of the best heist scene ever.
posted by ckape at 11:18 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Hahahaha.....this list is for the weak of mind.

Back in my day we had Fabian Forte (that's for-tay to youse guys), but all the kids just called him Fabian.....hahahahaha....

gotta go take my nap now.
posted by mule98J at 11:22 AM on October 26, 2016

OK, I reopened the tab. That lasted about 30 seconds.

Clearly the worst Beatles song is "Getting Better." CONGRATULATIONS, JOHN LENNON, YOU STOPPED BEATING WOMEN, YOU'RE A FUCKING HERO

Worse than Getting Better is Run For Your Life, about murdering your woman if she cheats on you. It very nearly ruins Rubber Soul for me.
posted by cottoncandybeard at 11:25 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I've wondered for a few years, why is this? Leonard Cohen has a huge catalogue of great songs, and yet that one is the only one that gets covered these days (and that far too often.)

We've been over this a million times. It's a slow dirge that alludes to religion and has a hook so simple any idiot can get it stuck in their head without actually giving the actual meaning of the lyrics the slightest bit of consideration. It's superficially hymn-like. So, while, like every other Leonard Cohen song, it's mostly about Leonard Cohen getting laid and/or dumped, it's totes appropes for the stars of American Idol or The Voice or whatever to sing it on a televised memorial for children gunned down in a mass shooting. THAT IS A THING THAT HAPPENED.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:26 AM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

I am a massive Beatles fan but:

- Ballad of John and Yoko (hard to know whether the rich-person-moaning lyrics or charmless nasal singing are worse than the faux-50s music written in 30 seconds and littered with bum notes)

- Glass Onion (title phrase does not even scan, indicating how much care went into that one).

... but I guess these never really crop up on the radio.

Run For Your Life, on the other hand, is one of Lennon's very best. He's a pathological lunatic in the song's lyrics, it's not a guide to how to live your life. Whether or not he was really like that, or whether you like hearing it, is as relevant as whether a gangster rap artist might really be a pimp or murderer.
posted by Coda Tronca at 11:28 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

My immediate reaction to reading through the list was that Don Henley's Boys of Summer is the worst song of all time, but some seconds of reflection led me to replace that in the number one spot with "everything and anything by Mister Mister."
posted by Squeak Attack at 11:35 AM on October 26, 2016

CONGRATULATIONS, JOHN LENNON, YOU STOPPED BEATING WOMEN, YOU'RE A FUCKING HERO

That's not how he saw it.

"I am a violent man who has learned not to be violent and regrets his violence. I will have to be a lot older before I can face in public how I treated women as a youngster."
posted by Coda Tronca at 11:46 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Run For Your Life, on the other hand, is one of Lennon's very best

I prefer "Think For Yourself" and "If I Needed Someone" for this vein of angry breakup Beatles song, although those are both Harrison's songs
posted by thelonius at 11:52 AM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

When my car loses electrical the stereo anti-theft feature kicks in and I drive around all day with the display saying 'LOC' until I remember whatever Spaceballs inspired passcode I used and unlock it. I joke that it'll only play Tone Lōc songs until thieves die of exasperation.

It's either that or tracks by Danish gangster rapper Liam O'Connor, who releases music as LOC.
posted by Dysk at 11:53 AM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

To be fair, this one yt was overplayed on its first play.

But they got screwed over by Trump (financially, not literally thank ghu) so they sort of got what they deserved?
posted by MartinWisse at 12:02 PM on October 26, 2016

When these sorts of things come up I always hang on to this card for a while to see if anyone else will play it. Boom; boom.
posted by lagomorphius at 12:04 PM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

You know how I can tell that nobody I know in real life contributed to this list? Because the song Feelings by Morris Albert is not on there.

"Oh, but that song is too old! Nobody knows that song anymore!" WRONG. I sing that song to anyone who burns me when I can't think of a better retort. Pretty sure I did it yesterday. Everyone I know knows that song.

And man, if you think the original is bad, you should hear me sing it. I barely even know the song. I had to look up who sang it just now, and I only know maybe 15 of the words from it, which I sing in practically random order.

(I also make people hate Rosey Grier's It's Alright to Cry, but I at least know the words to that.)
posted by ernielundquist at 12:11 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

My ukulele group only covers about a dozen of these. We've got a lot of catching up to do.

I've checked out a lot of these songs today for a man with a full-time job, and still, the only thing worse than the video posted by flabdablet of Jimmy Osman is the video where you actually see Jimmy singing that song, and possibly the one of him singing it live as an adult, although that one's just embarrassing.
posted by MtDewd at 12:25 PM on October 26, 2016

Cmd-F Sister Christian

Not found

Cmd-W

You have my axe.

Any time I got into a car in GTA Vice City and Sister Christian was playing in it, I got out of the car and blew it to smithereens, even if it meant failing a mission. That car was TAINTED.
posted by delfin at 12:30 PM on October 26, 2016 [8 favorites]

What, no hate for Dan Fogelberg? There just isn't enough hate for Dan Fogelberg in this world.
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 12:35 PM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

No Geggy Tah's "Whoever You Are".
No The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony".

It's like they're not even trying.

I like "Whoever You Are." I realize it's a little earworm, but whatever.

On the other hand, I came here to mention the lack of "Bittersweet Symphony," which is objectively the nadir of Western Civilization, the awfulness of which is compounded by how many people love it.
posted by dhens at 12:53 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I immediately looked for The Steve Miller Band, the people responsible for my most despised song. While they were justly nominated for their "grab them by the pussy" anthem "Abracadabra," I reserve the most bile for "The Joker." It makes me ashamed to be a midnight toker, and it does make me want to hurt someone.
posted by zeusianfog at 12:53 PM on October 26, 2016

Lagomorphius, that was bad and wrong and you should be ahamed of yourself, because you let that thing fall into the wrong hands, and I will hurt people with it.

Thanks.
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 1:11 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

someone is making a Spotify playlist, yes?

The article includes a link to one, made by its author! I'm happily listening to it now.
posted by Shmuel510 at 1:27 PM on October 26, 2016

And then 4 Non Blondes begins to play at about 5 minutes before midnight.

First time I ever heard What's Up was in Heidelberg, the university, where I was hanging out pretending to be a student so I could get some cheap food. There was an open mike and a young woman stepped up and really delivered it. I recall thinking, "Wow! She needs to get herself a record deal." Later, I realized it was in fact a mega-world-wide-HIT to the point of becoming dangerously overexposed in the culture and thus causing violent allergies in some. Which is a key point, I think, when discussing music we've come to hate.

Is it really that bad or have we just become to allergic due to overexposure?

Don't Stop Believin' is ... just really, really bad.
posted by philip-random at 1:32 PM on October 26, 2016

On the other hand, I came here to mention the lack of "Bittersweet Symphony," which is objectively the nadir of Western Civilization, the awfulness of which is compounded by how many people love it.

I just signed up for Metafilter yesterday, after years of lurking, and so favorites are new to me -- can someone help a beginner and explain how to give all the negative favorites and also possibly mail out a dead opossum?

(Though I freely admit Richard Ashcroft is King Jerk. I'm not blind.)
posted by Quindar Beep at 1:36 PM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

"Bittersweet Symphony," which is objectively the nadir of Western Civilization

somebody is wrong on the internet
posted by philip-random at 1:38 PM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

"Bittersweet Symphony," which is objectively the nadir of Western Civilization

somebody is wrong on the internet

I can put a 5-second orchestral sample on repeat and nasally croon "ICANCHANGEICANCHANGEICANCHANGE" for 3 and a half minutes. Please give me a Grammy.
posted by dhens at 1:42 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can put a 5-second orchestral sample on repeat and nasally croon "ICANCHANGEICANCHANGEICANCHANGE" for 3 and a half minutes. Please give me a Grammy.

Make literally anything as monumental as A Northern Soul and I'lll consider it.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 2:07 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

These are just songs that are overplayed, not bad songs

I mean there's no Sugar Ray or Jimmy Ray or other kinds of Rays on this list
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:12 PM on October 26, 2016

Or Ray Stevens, the literal king of garbage jamz
posted by Senor Cardgage at 2:16 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Bittersweet Symphony has that massive gap between its enormous sense of self-importance and its poverty of imagination. I refuse to listen to any song with only one barely developed musical idea in it (they had to pay out on even that I think). Even the average Ariana Grande single has more musical imagination put into it than Bittersweet Symphony.

posted by Coda Tronca at 2:17 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Dream Academy – Life In A Northern Town
"President Kennedy... and The Beatles (scream)...". A sackcloth full of watery cum.

I loved that song, I bought that album, I still listen to that song sometimes. I get the hate, but even so.

"And the children drank lemonade
And the morning lasted all day, all day"
posted by chavenet at 2:25 PM on October 26, 2016

Bittersweet Symphony has that massive gap between its enormous sense of self-importance and its poverty of imagination. I refuse to listen to any song with only one barely developed musical idea in it (they had to pay out on even that I think).

... to the estate of Johann Pachelbel. True story. [fake]
posted by kurumi at 2:28 PM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

Move to admit "Breakfast at Tiffany's" as the People's Exhibit A.

As I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:28 PM on October 26, 2016 [9 favorites]

Move to admit "Breakfast at Tiffany's" as the People's Exhibit A.

We'll stipulate to this with the addition of "Two Princes."
posted by salvia at 2:34 PM on October 26, 2016

As I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it

Objection! Speculation.
posted by TwoWordReview at 2:35 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can put a 5-second orchestral sample on repeat and nasally croon "ICANCHANGEICANCHANGEICANCHANGE" for 3 and a half minutes. Please give me a Grammy.

Make literally anything as monumental as A Northern Soul and I'lll consider it.

The rest of their catalogue could be brilliant, I don't know. All I know is the song that is played on the radio over and over, and which people fall all over themselves to praise, beyond my comprehension, and that is all that I am passing judgment on.
posted by dhens at 2:36 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

In defense of Ray Stevens, most of his awful songs for his first 20 years were intentionally ridiculous, and after that, when he got irredeemably awful, a lot less successful. He was a necessary stepping stone in the history of musical humor between the Big Band productions of Spike Jones and the masterful parodies of Weird Al Yankovic.

And "The Streak" was the least awful of the dozens of novelty songs about Streaking during that short-lived fad. We could've done worse.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:41 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

As I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it

Since I've actually now seen the film, I feel somewhat compelled to interpolate "Even the racist bit, with Mickey Rooney?" somewhere into the lyrics, otherwise I'm not exactly sure what the two characters are bonding over.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:44 PM on October 26, 2016

There were no versions of Somewhere Over the Rainbow on this list, so it is obviously invalid. I will help out with one of the worst ones yt .
posted by sparklemotion

Gene Wilder died listening to an Ella Fitzgerald cover of SOtR so clearly you are wrong. QED.
posted by Preserver at 2:48 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

pxe2000: The Colbie Caillat song where she describes the vaginal orgasm as "I get the tingles in a silly place".

It's on the list, under "Late News." It's called "Bubbly."

Procul Harem - A Whiter Shade of Pale

Pistols at dawn.
posted by bryon at 2:49 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

enjoymoreradio: Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey" is quite literally the worst song ever recorded and I am not exaggerating.

I would not argue that Bobby Goldsboro’s output has some uniquely horrible low spots, but Kenny Everret’s The World's Worst Record Show showed that there were far worse things committed to vinyl. Jess Conrad's "This Pullover” or Steve Bent’s "I'm Going To Spain” come to mind. They weren’t major releases so they’re not really the purview of the list in this post, but they were recorded and released and they were beyond Bobby Goldsboro bad.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 2:54 PM on October 26, 2016

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
Where all the veins meet yeah

Actual. Slaves.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:56 PM on October 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

Over the Rainbow is fantastic. Jazz musicians, especially acoustic guitarists , playing Over the Rainbow make me angry.

Also "I get knocked down ... With a pocketful of ... KryptonIIIITE!" You're welcome, it's a useless talent I have.
posted by freecellwizard at 2:59 PM on October 26, 2016

Another notable omission is Vengaboys. There was a year or two in there where Boom, Boom and Going to Ibiza were on very heavy rotation (and it doesn't help that they sound almost exactly the same.) I actually like Boom, Boom but not three times a day for weeks on end.

(Yes, I know Boom, Boom was mentioned earlier. The Vengaboys cover is extra annoying.)
posted by E. Whitehall at 3:02 PM on October 26, 2016

Also missing are these crimes against humanity:

You Light Up My Life
I've Never Been to Me

If there's a soundtrack in hell those two are in heavy rotation between Honey and Feelings.
posted by Ber at 3:04 PM on October 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

Ok my wife says not that similar. Wait wait ... "Hey now, you're an all star ....KRYPTONITE!" I think all sort of white funk-trying-and-failing pop songs just sound identical to me. Maybe I'm losing my touch.
posted by freecellwizard at 3:05 PM on October 26, 2016

Ctrl-F "Dave Barry" - nothing? I know he doesn't get a lot of love here, but his Bad Song Surveys (and the book he turned them into) are about as funny as lists about bad music gets.

But these are great because there has been SO MUCH bad music since then.
posted by Mchelly at 3:16 PM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

The "I'd rather see you dead...." line in Run For Your Life was taken from the Elvis song Baby Let's Play House.

Lean on Me, Ain't to Proud to Beg and Always and Forever are crackhead standards in the NY subway.

A creepy musician at a hotel restaurant in Sligo sang"I'd Like to Make It with You"(which is directed at a stranger) at me after making it clear that he thought that I was public property:'There aren't enough women to go round".

Cherish is also about a stranger....other creepy "romantic" songs from the 60s/70s?
posted by brujita at 3:48 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

You know, I really recommend just...not listening to the radio, basically ever, for 10+ years. It really takes the sting out of a lot of songs that I had previously found hateful and objectionable. Overplaying and omnipresence can make basically any song unbearable, but even the most mediocre song can loop back around to being something you can feel some fond nostalgia about. Except for "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime." Fuck that song until the heat death of the universe.

This revelation brought to you by the moment I had a few years ago when I heard the Dave Matthews Band song "Crash Into Me" after a years-long break. During its radio heyday, it was boring and saccharine and seemed to come with a drippy teenage romance montage pre-loaded. When I heard it again and paid it some attention, I realized, "oh no, this song is actually kind of...sexy? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME." Dave Matthews' divisive voice, however, remains his voice.
posted by yasaman at 3:52 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

I would have to add the travesty called England Swings by Roger Miller, though everyrthing he did pretty much sucks.
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 3:59 PM on October 26, 2016

(PRINCES, PRINCES WHO ADORE YOU, JUST GO AHEAD NOW)

The song vastly improves if you play it over a muted clip of "Agony" from Into The Woods. Trust me.
posted by ilana at 4:00 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

"Always and Forever"... I worked at one radio station where the 'Weekday Evening Guy' (7PM to Midnight) did a countdown of the Top 10 Requested Songs every night. For over two years after the 1976 release of the Heatwave version, it was at or near the top of the countdown, and after 20+ years working as a DJ, it almost broke him, especially since he took pride in his consummately professional ability to vary the intros to the songs... he ultimately fell into repeating "And at #1, 'Always and Forever'... BECAUSE IT IS".
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:06 PM on October 26, 2016

Only one Madonna song?
posted by uraniumwilly at 4:22 PM on October 26, 2016

I can confidently say that I have never in my life, until just now, heard "Always and Forever," and, having now heard it, am left scratching my head. That was a hit?

Fun fact: The skinny white guy playing the organ in this video wrote the song. He also wrote some others that I have heard: 1, 2.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:26 PM on October 26, 2016

I too am a monster; Across the Universe? No. Let's Stick together? No. The Sweet? No. Queen? no.

I concur that the list needs a lot more from 1972. I was pleased to see Belinda Carlisle on that list, but it needed more Gwen Stefani, who has the most irritating voice around. Also, no Wang Chung?

On the other hand, some of the seventies songs that are epically bad are endearing becuase of their insane levels of putridness, like Seasons in the Sun.

Either that or it's my childhood talking.
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 4:36 PM on October 26, 2016

Remember, this was all taken from a Twitter-based poll. And Twitter-based polls have Trump winning by a landslide.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:49 PM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

There just isn't enough hate for Dan Fogelberg in this world.

Oh, hell yeah! How did we miss him? Just When I Needed You Most is the whiniest song of all time.

Shameful truth: I once dated a guy and discovered DF in his record collection. *Shudder*
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 4:57 PM on October 26, 2016

My personal most-hated song, which does not appear on this list, is 1234 by the Plain White T's.
posted by davejh at 5:06 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

flabdablet, Mouldy Old Dough was at the top of the UK charts on the day I was born, and I love it unreservedly.

Because someone has to.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:49 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

I super disagree with this list. I don't see any "Tell Laura I Loooooooove Her" or "They're Coming To Take Me Away, Haha!" or "The Christmas Shoes" on it.

Dave Barry did this list better.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:00 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

→ Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey" is quite literally the worst song ever recorded

Oh no. No no no. Not even close. This (and I refuse to linkify it) — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITY_y1w0nTo — is Guy Mitchell's “Feet Up”. It is indescribably bad, and yet was a hit. It's even resistant to mnah mnah. It is the very worst.
posted by scruss at 6:50 PM on October 26, 2016

The worst song is Pearl Jam's Last Kiss.
posted by somedaycatlady at 7:08 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

This is something that was "recommended" to me on Facebook (when, no joke, I was railing against B***** S**** S*******) as another legendarily bad song. Somehow I missed it when it actually came out.

LFO, "Summer Girls"
posted by dhens at 7:19 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

B***** S**** S*******

You mean "B.S. 'Phony"?
posted by Sys Rq at 7:43 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Cher - Believe

There's an entire episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer about this.
posted by yellowcandy at 8:31 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

when, no joke, I was railing against B***** S**** S*******

Oh come on, Broken Social Scene aren't that bad!
posted by naju at 9:36 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

My votes go to:

Magic! - Rude
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
Hoobastank - The Reason
Limp Bizkit - Nookie
Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah
Train - Hey, Soul Sister
posted by naju at 9:47 PM on October 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I agree w/ naju's list way more than the Twitter compiled on in the FPP. Well, I sort of like Use Somebody and Hey There Delilah.
posted by codacorolla at 9:52 PM on October 26, 2016

MacArthur Park by Jimmy Webb

It's on the list, under the Rs (for Richard Harris's version).

How is there only one Limp Bizkit song on the list? Only one Nickelback song? COME ON.

Also missing:
"Butterfly Kisses" - Bob Carlisle
"These Boots Are Made For Walking" - Jessica Simpson
"When A Man Loves A Woman" - Michael Bolton
"Do You Feel Like We Do" - Peter Frampton
"Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird" - Will To Power

Among others...
posted by SisterHavana at 10:27 PM on October 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Procul Harem - A Whiter Shade of Pale

Pistols at dawn.

You don't know hate for this song until you've been subjected to it over and over by an aging baby boom music teacher in high school.

(I got over it.)
posted by MartinWisse at 11:16 PM on October 26, 2016

"Bitter Sweet Symphony" (three words, annoyingly) is based around a sample of
- Andrew Loog Oldham's orchestral arrangement of
- The Rolling Stones' "The Last Time," containing a hook shamelessly stolen from
- The Staple Singers' version of
- the Spiritual "This May Be the Last Time (I Don't Know)," written by
- actual slaves

For me, building a song's appeal based on theft - and then being shitty about it - is ample grounds for finally deciding to hate it (it is rather similar to the case of "Blurred Lines" with its debt to "Got to Give it Up"). To emphasize: Here is the issued version of Bitter Sweet Symphony, here is the Rolling Stones version of "The Last Time". Now here is Andrew Oldham's version of "The Last Time" - note that he retains the chord sequence only throwing out the lyrics and guitar solo from the Stones' version. Finally here is an "acoustic" version of Bittersweet Symphony with the strings removed (I challenge you to make it through the whole dirge). The sequence of events appears to have been that The Verve obtain a license to use 5 notes of Oldham's String arrangement - they then use the whole thing and The Rolling Stones bigger hitting lawyers obtain 100% of the Verve's song royalties with Oldham (who merely wrote the string melody) getting "enough to buy a watch strap". All for a song which the Stones had plagiarized themselves - from slaves ultimately. It is just ugly all the way down and the blame is just as much with the Stones and assorted music industry lawyers as it is with The Verve.
posted by rongorongo at 1:18 AM on October 27, 2016 [2 favorites]

I always preferred The Verve's Lucky Man. And even more than that, Richard Ashcroft collaborating with DJ Shadow on UNKLE's Lonely Soul.
posted by naju at 2:11 AM on October 27, 2016

I was quite enjoying the Spotify playlist, until I hit Lonely by Akon. I had not heard this song before, and my life was the better for it. Then Aqua, then B*witched.... I may not last much longer.
posted by kjs4 at 5:18 AM on October 27, 2016

then B*witched.... I may not last much longer

B*witched? That's the good part.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:30 AM on October 27, 2016

Magic! - Rude

oh you bastard
posted by Coda Tronca at 6:20 AM on October 27, 2016 [1 favorite]

This is the worst song ever (warning - it's 'Running Bear').

This song almost ruined my childhood because people kept playing it all the time and didn't seem to realise that it is in fact so bad it should be considered hazardous to the health.
posted by h00py at 6:50 AM on October 27, 2016

No Creed on the list? How about "With Arms Wide Open"? It was everywhere in 1999-2000.
posted by cass at 8:08 AM on October 27, 2016 [2 favorites]

So, "Jamie Lawson – Wasn't Expecting That" made it on the list, but not "Ed Sheeran - A Team"? It's right up there in terms of women dying for your beautifully tragic entertainment.

(Why Shakermaker? Out of all the overplayed Oasis singles? #OnlyWhenThey'reGreen)
posted by Eleven at 8:37 AM on October 27, 2016

Is it too late for another cover?
posted by lagomorphius at 2:49 PM on October 27, 2016

I can't accept this list because the author doesn't know the difference between a hyphen and an en dash.
posted by xigxag at 4:53 PM on October 27, 2016

Also, I guess, there should be a categorical difference between songs that are cloying, mawkish and/or overplayed, like Ebony & Ivory, and songs that have a cynical disrespect for their audience and use the pop form to advance an evil agenda, like Blurred Lines. How is "Baby It's Cold Outside" not on this list?
posted by xigxag at 4:58 PM on October 27, 2016

BJ Thomas' Raindrops Keep Falling On my Head and Little Green Apples are two of my worst nightmares. Closely followed by Tony Orlando's Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree. Excuse me, I need to go be sick...
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:51 PM on October 27, 2016

How is "Baby It's Cold Outside" not on this list?
It's in that special hellish category of PRE-Rock-And-Roll-Era Bad Songs, which is mostly unknown to those of us old enough for Social Security or who had the misfortune of employment at a radio station that played "Pop Standards"... "Wives and Lovers", “Hot Diggity (Dog Ziggity Boom)”, "Let It Please Be Him (But It's Not Him, And Then I Die)" and a frightening amount of Frank Sinatra's creative output (he had a skill, probably given to him in exchange for his soul, of making cringeworthy lyrics sound semi-cool... I mean: "Doobie doobie doo"???)

But the 1970s seemed particularly plagued by the Worst of the Worst, I suspect because it was just before Weird Al arrived on the scene to provide the right kind of ridicule... if he hadn't done "My Bologna", I suspect "My Sharona" would have had multiple nominations to this list. His years-later transmographication of "Piano Man" into "Spider-Man" made that song much more acceptable to me.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:33 PM on October 29, 2016

Meanwhile, the Shittyflutes have collected other worthy nominees (and turned otherwise GOOD songs into candidates) and MeFi is on it.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:43 PM on October 29, 2016

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