Turned upfield, made a football move

November 18, 2016 6:11 AM

The collected works of Phil Simms, pro football’s poet laureate
posted by Frobenius Twist (7 comments total)

Narwhal, let’s see,
let me make an observation here
The night—gotta stay in there
The rain—’ell, he’s under there
The football!
Just a little off center
But the defenses, Jim,
we talked
(during commercials)
And boats warp fast, fresh

(A tear rolls down the old sea captain's cheek.)
posted by chimpsonfilm at 6:26 AM on November 18, 2016 [1 favorite]

And he's only the second best New York City sports hero turned announcer/poet named Phil. The Poetry of Phil Rizzuto (amazon).
posted by 1970s Antihero at 6:33 AM on November 18, 2016

I hand out a sheet of basic prose advice whenever I assign essays that uses Simms' strange announcing as an example of how not to write. For whatever reason his "now the table have switched!" from last season's NFL wildcard has become an enduring joke in the Vathek household. Everybody knows that Gruden is the poetaster laureate of NFL announcers, though.
posted by vathek at 6:45 AM on November 18, 2016

John Madden is just sitting in the corner, fuming at you all.

Here's a guy
who when he
runs
he moves
faster
posted by Rock Steady at 6:58 AM on November 18, 2016 [4 favorites]

Everybody knows that Gruden is the poetaster laureate of NFL announcers

This guy, I love (ode to a running back)

Ground and pound
When he gets hot
It gets magical
Two deep safeties
It’s a soft box.
That pattern excites me.

I love watching a young back
Pound the rock
His legs are fresh
If the box is soft
Hand it off
He will not quit

-Jon Gruden, 2013.
posted by lmfsilva at 7:14 AM on November 18, 2016 [7 favorites]

(I need two showers, now)
posted by lmfsilva at 7:17 AM on November 18, 2016 [5 favorites]

There is a twitter account (@philsimmsquotes) that live tweets his best lines during games, as well as tracking the number of times he says "we talked about" as a drinking game. Pure gold.
posted by boubelium at 11:05 AM on November 18, 2016 [1 favorite]