"I gave my eye to the coyote in the flour sack"
November 22, 2016 3:50 PM Subscribe
‘The Door Noises Made Us Deaf’: An Oral History Of ‘Star Trek’ The Onion sister site Clickhole is back with another oral history—this time of Star Trek.
In case you missed the earlier editions:
DeForest Kelley was the only actor who stood up to him, so Bill had him fired. For the rest of the series, Dr. McCoy was played by a live coyote they’d caught in a flour sack, though our makeup and wardrobe team did an incredible job easing the transition.
posted by allthinky at 4:40 PM on November 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by allthinky at 4:40 PM on November 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
Disappointed about Zoo Commando though. The universe could've been a better place.
But I guess The A-Team is the same basic idea…
posted by Pinback at 4:44 PM on November 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
But I guess The A-Team is the same basic idea…
posted by Pinback at 4:44 PM on November 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
William Shatner: I’m not the narcissistic egomaniac some people make me out to be. But without Captain Kirk, there’s no Star Trek. If I used that leverage to make the show’s star shine a little brighter, so what?Completely plausible. As is the plot of "The Jester and the Concubine", as is every fake title, in fact.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:58 PM on November 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Star Trek wasn’t just a show; it was a whole philosophy. People don’t love Star Trek just because it’s got wacky aliens. They love it because the wacky aliens bonk each other with goofed-up widgets while a bunch of dunces in matching pajamas yammer on and on as their doors whoosh back and forth, all to make some Dr. Seuss-type point.I can totally hear that in Shatner's voice.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:07 PM on November 22, 2016 [12 favorites]
I did later find out that Gene forged that letter, but I don’t think it’s any less meaningful for it.
TheWhiteSkull was found dead in his apartment on Wednesday morning. Cause of death is unknown, but is suspected to be the result of a particularly violent convulsive seizure, or perhaps some sort of weird auto-erotic strangulation game. You know how these intellectual loner types are.
He is survived by several bartenders, and the people of the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, who consider him to be a sort of father figure. Per the stipulations laid down in his living will, he is to be cremated next Monday, and his ashes thrown into the face of Damon Lindelof on a later date yet to be determined.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:11 PM on November 22, 2016 [18 favorites]
TheWhiteSkull was found dead in his apartment on Wednesday morning. Cause of death is unknown, but is suspected to be the result of a particularly violent convulsive seizure, or perhaps some sort of weird auto-erotic strangulation game. You know how these intellectual loner types are.
He is survived by several bartenders, and the people of the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, who consider him to be a sort of father figure. Per the stipulations laid down in his living will, he is to be cremated next Monday, and his ashes thrown into the face of Damon Lindelof on a later date yet to be determined.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:11 PM on November 22, 2016 [18 favorites]
"My old, concise nipple" would make an excellent username.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:12 PM on November 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:12 PM on November 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
It's actually a bit of a letdown to hear it all conspired exactly as I had imagined. I would've liked at least some surprise.
posted by ckape at 5:15 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ckape at 5:15 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
wait a second -- isn't this fake news?
posted by philip-random at 5:53 PM on November 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by philip-random at 5:53 PM on November 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Leonard Nimoy: Spock sleeps in the ship’s hallway, so Gene made me sleep in the hallway. If someone walked down the hall to the ship’s one bathroom, every door would scream itself open. It sounded like hell’s own Pledge of Allegiance, even inside my little lean-to of discarded meal trays.
Leonard Nimoy: The screaming doors trapped me in a prison of my own brain, and I’m still stuck there.
Clickhole can produce sentences of really dark and haunting beauty.
posted by dhens at 6:30 PM on November 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
Leonard Nimoy: The screaming doors trapped me in a prison of my own brain, and I’m still stuck there.
Clickhole can produce sentences of really dark and haunting beauty.
posted by dhens at 6:30 PM on November 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
Man—they use tags inconsistently… More oral histories:
posted by koavf at 7:24 PM on November 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
- Newman's Own Salad Dressing
- Titanic
- The 1998 Major League Baseball home run chase
- Bonus: a phantom oral history on the "Fifth Beatle", George Harrison
posted by koavf at 7:24 PM on November 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
My brain won't let me process anything beyond this section.
Rod Roddenberry (son of Gene): Dad had lived many lives before Star Trek. During World War II, he’d been decorated for crashing his bomber into a Bavarian castle full of Hitler’s most fertile mistresses.
posted by aloiv2 at 7:47 PM on November 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
Rod Roddenberry (son of Gene): Dad had lived many lives before Star Trek. During World War II, he’d been decorated for crashing his bomber into a Bavarian castle full of Hitler’s most fertile mistresses.
posted by aloiv2 at 7:47 PM on November 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm still laughing about Don Draper saying YOWZA.
posted by mochapickle at 7:51 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 7:51 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
I will eat my hat if William Shatner never uttered the words "sniff me up, I'm marvelous".
posted by dr_dank at 8:07 PM on November 22, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 8:07 PM on November 22, 2016 [7 favorites]
They really need to do an oral history of Rush's 2112.
posted by Catblack at 8:10 PM on November 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Catblack at 8:10 PM on November 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm Dick Whitman, YOWZA.
posted by yellowbinder at 8:49 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by yellowbinder at 8:49 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
wait a second -- isn't this fake news?
It uses real words.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:23 PM on November 22, 2016
It uses real words.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:23 PM on November 22, 2016
George Takei (actor, “Hikaru Sulu”): Those early episodes were a blast, and they felt important. When Sulu helps Kirk build a spiral staircase for the alien race that’s spent centuries living on two unconnected floors of a big duplex in “As Above, So Below,” it wasn’t just a thrilling hour of television; it was showing what we can accomplish when we set aside our differences and do metaphors.
making fun of original star trek while watching TNG was my whole childhood so this really speaks to me.
posted by bleep at 9:52 PM on November 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
making fun of original star trek while watching TNG was my whole childhood so this really speaks to me.
posted by bleep at 9:52 PM on November 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
The. "Wife named Beyoncé" stuff from the MBDTF article is pretty similar to Chuck Tingle's style of writing. Furthering my theory that someone from the Onion is behind the Tingler persona.
posted by paulcole at 10:58 PM on November 22, 2016
posted by paulcole at 10:58 PM on November 22, 2016
Wait a minute, that page says "oral history," but the principal content is clearly written down! I, a person who has not looked up the meaning of "oral history" but assume that it means what I believe it to mean, must raise this striking and terrible issue!
I do this not for myself, but for all of you. You may merely applaud in my general direction.
Sometimes you just can't take it anymore, and then you break into your upstairs neighbor's apartment and slam their footwear against the floor. I feel much better now.
posted by KChasm at 11:47 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
I do this not for myself, but for all of you. You may merely applaud in my general direction.
Sometimes you just can't take it anymore, and then you break into your upstairs neighbor's apartment and slam their footwear against the floor. I feel much better now.
posted by KChasm at 11:47 PM on November 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
It's really disappointing that they just copied sections of the oral history in The Fifty-Year Mission for this.
But really, after hearing Gene "It's not sexual because nudity is totally normal in the 23rd century" Roddenberry's early ideas for the first Star Trek Movie none of this scans false.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:08 AM on November 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
But really, after hearing Gene "It's not sexual because nudity is totally normal in the 23rd century" Roddenberry's early ideas for the first Star Trek Movie none of this scans false.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:08 AM on November 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
It had some good bits, but I didn't think it was nearly as funny as some of the other oral histories from Clickhole. Could use more furious boat clones.
(The oral history, or Star Trek?)
(Both.)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:36 AM on November 23, 2016
(The oral history, or Star Trek?)
(Both.)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:36 AM on November 23, 2016
In outer space, there’s very little to crash into, besides planets, but you can see those coming.posted by idiopath at 5:11 AM on November 23, 2016
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Dorothy C. Fontana: We knew our captain needed to be able to command your attention. And when Bill [Shatner] walked in to audition, he got our attention.
posted by infinitewindow at 3:53 PM on November 22, 2016 [4 favorites]