MAN IS SURE WAS EASY TO POST THIS WITH MY DEXTEROUS FINGERS

December 10, 2016 5:57 PM

I'M DEFINITELY NOT A WOLF PRETENDING TO BE A MAN (single link to twitter)
posted by Grandysaur (41 comments total)

I ATE SO MUCH MASHED POTATOES THAT I FORGOT TO GO TO THE BANK TRULY THIS IS A DEEPLY RELATABLE PIECE OF HUMAN CONTENT

Until this point, I doubted. Definitely human.
posted by Sequence at 6:09 PM on December 10, 2016 [20 favorites]

I DONT SEE WHY WE DRAW ATTENTION TO THIS NORMAL MAN. LETS TALK ABOUT GAME WHERE WE KICK ROUNDBALL WITH OUR BOTTOM FEET AND DEFINITELY DONT CHASE.

I WATCH EVERY MOONTIME ON MY INSIDE LIGHT BOX WHOSE NOISES DONT SCARE ME .
posted by leotrotsky at 6:14 PM on December 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

ALSO CHOCOLATE I LOVE CHOCOLATE I WILL EAT ALL OF IT UP

LATER
posted by leotrotsky at 6:18 PM on December 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

Friend of Bird's Rights Activist?? (Also totally human, of course. At least when bagel-related diversion is needed.)
posted by Ender's Friend at 6:25 PM on December 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

I see bits of this twitter float by in my stream from time to time, but this is the first time I've ever actually scrolled through the content.

I'm giggling uncontrollably. Thanks for posting!
posted by hippybear at 6:25 PM on December 10, 2016

AT WHAT POINT IN THE BURRITO DOES MY UNENDING ANXIETY RECEDE

OR IS THAT NOT WHAT THESE ARE FOR


I love this so much.
posted by rtha at 6:35 PM on December 10, 2016 [26 favorites]

TRYING TO RELAX IN BED. IT'S HARD BECAUSE TIMES ARE TOUGH AND I HAVE A LOT OF BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO. NOT BECAUSE LYING SUPINE EXPOSES MY VULNERABLE STOMACH FLESH AND SUGGESTS SUBMISSIVENESS. DO BE QUIET I'M RELAXING HERE
posted by Collaterly Sisters at 6:41 PM on December 10, 2016 [4 favorites]

That awesome profile picture comes from Zoo Portraits.
posted by cazoo at 6:43 PM on December 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

WOLF IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE, RICK
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:09 PM on December 10, 2016 [20 favorites]

Is this an appropriate place to leave this?
posted by halogen at 7:12 PM on December 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

Is this an appropriate place to leave this?

I am more intrigued by the "frequently bought together" part.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:16 PM on December 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

So this is Wolf Blitzer's private account?
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:17 PM on December 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

Is this an appropriate place to leave this?

There is no appropriate place for that.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:17 PM on December 10, 2016 [14 favorites]

Seems like normal human stuff, why are we linking this?
posted by Artw at 7:18 PM on December 10, 2016 [11 favorites]

ONLINE DATING SITE DOESNT SUPPORT USB SCENT DIFFUSER . HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO I AM MATING WITH .
posted by not_on_display at 7:23 PM on December 10, 2016 [4 favorites]

Oh, this is just priceless! I can't even choose just one favorite. 90% of them are my favorites. He really captured me when he suggested that every meal should be accompanied by melted cheese. I swooned.
posted by Silverstone at 7:35 PM on December 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

He's not actually a wolf though. This is Sir Bearington's twitter account.
posted by Grimgrin at 7:37 PM on December 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

IT IS TIME TO BE DISCUSSING THE MUSIC. WHAT IS FAVORITE SONG? MY FAVORITE SONG IS NOT THE MOURNFUL AND TUNELESS WAIL OF A SAXOPHONE THAT MAKES ME WANT TO SING ALONG.
posted by idiopath at 7:50 PM on December 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

DO NOT TALK TO ME UNTIL I HAVE HAD MY COFFEE AND ALSO AT LEAST 14 POUNDS OF RAW MEAT

A totally-not-a-wolf after my own heart. Metaphorically speaking.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:53 PM on December 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

Wasn't there something very much like this with a bear? I seem to remember him talking about trying to date women without eating them.
posted by es_de_bah at 8:24 PM on December 10, 2016

ON THE INTERNET NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT DISTANTLY RELATED TO ANY DOGS
posted by mhoye at 8:28 PM on December 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

UGH PUBLIC TRANSIT IS THE WORST
SO CRAMPED
SO SMELLY
EVERYONE ALWAYS SCREAMING
WOLF ON THE TRAIN
OH GOD
OH MY GOD
WOLF ON THE TRAIN
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:44 PM on December 10, 2016 [26 favorites]

WHERE IS THE BEST PLACE TO DIG A LARGE HOLE

Talk to these guys.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:04 PM on December 10, 2016

THIS ELECTION HAS BEEN HARD

TIME TO RELAX

IMAGINE A QUIET STREAM

FEEL THE SUNLIGHT

THE WIND

IGNORE THE WOLVES

THERE ARE NO WOLVES
posted by redsparkler at 9:12 PM on December 10, 2016 [5 favorites]

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I HAVE EATEN
THE CHICKEN
IN THE
BIG COLD BOX

AND WHICH
CARRIED YOUR
SCENT
AND POST-IT NOTE

FORGIVE ME
I HAVE NO THUMBS
SO HARD
TO OPEN COLD BOX
posted by not_on_display at 9:18 PM on December 10, 2016 [16 favorites]

I haven't got past the shampoo tweet and I can't stop laughing.
posted by azpenguin at 9:31 PM on December 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

My favorite so far:

HELLO YES DOCTOR I HAD A QUESTION

I AM EXPERIENCING A PERSISTENT DREAD

OH JUST PART OF THE HUMAN PACKAGE HUH

OKAY COOL FUN

LOVING THIS
posted by lunasol at 9:44 PM on December 10, 2016 [10 favorites]

CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT WHILE MANY SHAMPOOS MAY SMELL LIKE DELICIOUS FOOD THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOO

I OBVIOUSLY KNEW

BUT WARN YOUR DOGS
posted by Room 641-A at 10:21 PM on December 10, 2016 [18 favorites]

This one is especially for Metafilter:

I HAVE A VERY TRADITIONAL BUTT
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:22 PM on December 10, 2016 [5 favorites]

WELL IF I DO NOT UNDERSTAND POLITICS WHY AM I ALWAYS YELLING SO MUCH

CHECKMATE
posted by fatbird at 10:27 PM on December 10, 2016 [11 favorites]

Am now following. Thanks, Grandysaur.

OTOH, I have been following a real actual bear nuh-uh he's for realz cause he says so.
posted by bryon at 11:18 PM on December 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

Nobody suspects a thing.
posted by wildblueyonder at 1:24 AM on December 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

"YOU CANNOT GO HOME AGAIN

BECAUSE HOME IS A FEELING TIED TO A BYGONE TIME AND PLACE

NOT BECAUSE THE WOODS YOU GREW UP IN ARE A MALL NOW"

It also works if you think of it like a human trapped in a wolf's body trying to get along as a wolf on wolf Twitter. They'd try to think of how a wolf would feel but never quite leaving behind what they knew as a human...
posted by bleep at 1:51 AM on December 11, 2016 [4 favorites]

I DO NOT JUST WAKE UP DUE TO MY INSTINCTUAL DESIRE TO NOT BE FEASTED UPON

This is why 95% of humans get out of bed every morning, Mr. Not a Wolf.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:17 AM on December 11, 2016 [5 favorites]

WHAT THE FUCK
posted by Room 641-A at 6:11 AM on December 11, 2016 [6 favorites]

Oh my God, the comely winter cap.
posted by The Bellman at 8:55 AM on December 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

I HATE SHARING HOLIDAYS WITH MY IN LAWS BECAUSE THEY ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS LIKE WHAT IS YOUR JOB WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE MEAT IS THAT BLOOD

Also, me IRL. TMI?
posted by The Bellman at 8:56 AM on December 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

As my fursona is a wolf, I want to ironically purchase that winter cap.
posted by hippybear at 8:57 AM on December 11, 2016 [4 favorites]

Dog in a trenchcoat
Getting promoted at work but then sheds his disguise
Canine surprise

(to the tune of Eleanor Rigby)
posted by acb at 10:45 AM on December 11, 2016 [8 favorites]

I HAVE RECEIVED MAIL

WHO IS JURY DUTY

HOW DOES HE KNOW MY WIFE
posted by bunderful at 5:25 PM on December 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

"BRUNCH IS WONDERFUL

I GET TO SHARE A MEAL WITH THREE OF MY BEST FRIENDS

AND A STRANGER ONE OF THEM SLEPT WITH

AND SOMEONE I SECRETLY HATE"

Seems human to me.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 6:57 AM on December 12, 2016 [6 favorites]