And auld acquaintance not forgot
December 22, 2016 8:20 AM   Subscribe

"When I was 13 a new boy called Matthew Arnold arrived at my secondary school. It wasn’t the beginning of the year, just some random autumn day—not even a Monday. 15 minutes before the bell went for school Ms. Bolton brought him to me through the drizzle, told me his name, and told me to look after him and introduce him to people." From Crooked Timber, and from the heart's memory: Welcoming the new boy at school.
posted by MonkeyToes (5 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
What a wonderful and observant teacher, to see two awkward kids, one of whom she'd never even had in her own classroom, and bring them together so casually.


Most of my teachers were fine, but I do remember some who had such a blame-the-victim attitude about kids who were awkward and got picked on but I actively made the problem worse buy modeling hostility toward those kids for the rest of the class.


There were two of those weird, shy, awkward kids in my 5th grade class. I was one and my friend A. was the other. We drifted together as a mutual buffer against bullies, I found out we enjoyed each other's company, too. He had been such a nervous wreck he could barely eat at all, and of course comma as a chubby girl I couldn't even public. After a couple months of enduring the lunchroom together instead of alone, we were both eating lunch by Thanksgiving.


Around the middle of the year our teacher decided that they weren't allowed to sit together, work on school projects together, or have lunch together. The official reason she gave my mother what was that “she wanted us to learn how to make friends with the other children,” but I'm convinced but she just couldn't stand seeing weirdos get away with being weirdos and not being punished for it.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:55 AM on December 22, 2016 [11 favorites]


I always tell my kids to be nice to the new kid, because someday they will be the new kid.

I am not sure they do it, but at least I've planted the seed. *shrug*
posted by wenestvedt at 9:00 AM on December 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


I was a socially awkward kid (and that's an understatement!) who attended fifteen different schools by the time I graduated high school. Sure wish I'd had a teacher like Mrs. Bolton.
posted by easily confused at 9:40 AM on December 22, 2016 [4 favorites]


I still have horrible guilt-ridden memories of being mean (in an extremely classist way, argh) to both a perfectly nice new kid and the class target in fifth grade and I wish I could go back and undo. I can only hope that in exchange, somewhere, someone remembers me as someone who was nice to them. At least, I hope I was nice to someone.
posted by maryr at 1:14 PM on December 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


This is what resonated with me: "Is it ridiculous to be shocked and saddened by a death that occurred so long ago to someone I wouldn’t have seen anyway? Well, I was." There are many people I haven't thought about for a long time, and I have, I guess, the assumption that they have moved around, done things, aged, coped, lived; they exist, somewhere, even if as ghosts to me. To get news of their deaths, and especially of early and unexpected ends--I don't know, it makes me sad twice over, even if our paths wouldn't have crossed again. There was so much that never had the chance to happen, so much I never knew, and my hazy ideas about them were all wrong. This is especially true of the friendships that have drifted over the years. Shock and sadness yes, and a wish to check in with someone else from those days. Maybe to make sure that I am still a part of the memory of others, too.

To the spirits of all of my Matthews, I remember you: .
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:33 PM on December 22, 2016 [5 favorites]


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