a knee on the United States of America’s trachea
December 22, 2016 11:43 AM   Subscribe

Last year’s big winner was hate. Just think about that: Hate won in 2015. In my have-only-voted-for-a-president-that-I-loved mind, 2015 was as bad as it would get, and then 2016 would be like the part at the end of San Andreas where The Rock says, “And now … we rebuild.” But no, this year was more like a scene from one of the Fast and Furious movies where you think Tyrese has maxed out the speed in his car, but then he flicks the switch to turn on the NOS, and then he starts going so fast that if he were to hit a pebble in the road, he’d probably flip his car over and die. Who Won Didn't Lose 2016? the annual, extremely scientific bracket to determine who lost the least this year, by Rembert Browne
posted by everybody had matching towels (14 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh good lord, could we be more over the top?
posted by tgrundke at 12:01 PM on December 22, 2016


which one is tyrese
posted by rhizome at 12:07 PM on December 22, 2016


They're all Tyrese. All of us are Tyrese.
posted by capricorn at 12:12 PM on December 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


I think The Rock is a republican...
posted by supermedusa at 12:17 PM on December 22, 2016


That took an exceedingly long time to come to an exceedingly obvious conclusion.
posted by briank at 12:53 PM on December 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


Do i have to read all of that, or can I just guess : old white dudes and move on?
posted by OHenryPacey at 1:01 PM on December 22, 2016


I liked this bit: "If the bracket was “What experienced the greatest mood swing of 2016?” Cleveland gets a bye to the finals. Its basketball team finally brought a title to the city, its baseball team devastatingly lost in game seven of the World Series, the city hosted the Republican National Convention, and their football team might actually go 0-16. Cleveland was many of us this year — up 3-1 in life and then you hit the pebble and next thing you know you just lost game 7, on November 9."
posted by Copronymus at 1:15 PM on December 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


I found Rembert far more engaging when he was busy explaining the 80s.
posted by /\/\/\/ at 2:13 PM on December 22, 2016


My final four: Obama, Beyonce, Stranger Things, and Cubs. Beyonce beats out Cubs in the final.
posted by scrowdid at 11:56 PM on December 22, 2016


this was really fun until trump won because, "Take a step outside of your bubble and get to know the country you live in." Spare me this bullshit. I'll take 1000 to 1 odds that the deep blue county i live in gives me plenty more encounters with people who are different from me--outside my "bubble"-- compared to places that voted for trump.
posted by wibari at 2:22 AM on December 23, 2016 [3 favorites]


"I don't live in a bubble -- they live in a bubble!" might as well be on the Official Seal Of The Bubble. It looks better in Latin, though.
posted by Etrigan at 3:39 AM on December 23, 2016 [2 favorites]


You know what? Fuck this "Liberals live in a bubble" bullshit. More people live in each of Queens and Brooklyn than in the entirety of Nebraska.

People are fine with stereotyping "New Yorkers" (never mind that New York is a state that includes places like Buffalo), but not other parts of the country? Your average New Yorker (city) has as much in common with Michael Bloomberg as your Nebraskan has in common with Warren Buffett.

California, New York, New England? We're not as uniformly liberal as assumed. We have plenty of people struggling. Plenty of people working shitty jobs, or no jobs at all.

We don't know farmers? Fuck you. I grew up in Northampton, MA. Yeah, we're stereotyped for Smith College and lesbians and hahaha, but one of my friends in high school, his parents owned a farm. He had farm chores. The next town over, Hadley, where the mall is? You get out of the car at the mall and smell manure.

We're the ones who've traveled around, seen the country, and *decided* to settle in the city where we live. They've never bothered to push outside of their comfort zones.

There are people on both ends of the political spectrum in bubbles. But the majority of us have exposure to a lot of different people and ways of living. And well, there's a reason why the majority of people in the US have chosen to live in liberal states.
posted by explosion at 8:02 AM on December 23, 2016 [6 favorites]


We're the ones who've traveled around, seen the country, and *decided* to settle in the city where we live. They've never bothered to push outside of their comfort zones.

Amen to that. Trump votes correlate very highly with never moving more than 5-10 miles from your hometown. How can you be in more of a bubble than that? Of course the people in that kind of a bubble think the rest of the world is in a bubble! Their sense of entitlement is so strong that they want the rest of the world to come to them. And if you don't come to them on their terms, you're the one being unaccommodating. Screw that! I know people from my old hometown that this describes to a T.
posted by jonp72 at 8:39 AM on December 23, 2016 [4 favorites]


Trump votes correlate very highly with never moving more than 5-10 miles from your hometown.

In the interest of Tyrese'ing my understanding of the election, is there anything about this that isn't from a poll a month before the election?
posted by rhizome at 12:05 PM on December 23, 2016


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