A huge man screamed about Cream for 2.5 Minutes
December 29, 2016 1:41 PM   Subscribe

Hey, people who watch pro wrestling: give me your favorite most ridiculous wrestling thing that I can immediately accuse you of lying about asks Maddi Gonzalez on Twitter.
posted by MartinWisse (24 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
 
I'm hundreds of replies in and have seen exactly one thing that was new to me.

I may have a problem.
posted by Etrigan at 2:22 PM on December 29, 2016 [11 favorites]


if the mods take this post down, so help me

here's one:

The President-Elect of the United States got his ass beat as part of a pro wrestling story.

[You're lying!!]

but Nobama and Killary went on Between Two Ferns, so, you know, #bothsidesdoit
posted by radicalawyer at 2:22 PM on December 29, 2016


it should be noted that apparently trump believed vince mcmahon was actually dead and called him up to find out what happened
posted by poffin boffin at 2:25 PM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]


Yes. He saw Vince McMahon get into his limousine on wrestling TV. And then the limousine exploded on wrestling TV. And his reaction was fear that his good friend Vince McMahon had actually died on film on wrestling TV, and called to see if Vince McMahon had survived the wrestling TV explosion.
posted by kafziel at 2:30 PM on December 29, 2016 [15 favorites]


im so glad he and his excellent powers of deductive reasoning will soon have control of all the bombs
posted by poffin boffin at 2:32 PM on December 29, 2016 [10 favorites]


it should be noted that apparently trump believed vince mcmahon was actually dead and called him up to find out what happened

Gods help me, I'm about to defend Donald Trump...

No one dies in wrestling. You never kill someone in a legitimate plot line (outside of Undertaker/Mil Muertes stuff where part of their character is being undead). This is because it's the ultimate burning of a bridge -- you can't bring back a wrestler who has died, so no matter how much you think you'll never work with someone again, you just do a Loser Leaves Town or retirement gimmick, and you can take that back later.

So when Trump (a guy who has been around wrestling for a little while) sees an actual death angle, it would not be too ridiculous for him to think, "Geez, is Vince sick or something in real life so they need to write him out forever?"

More than one professional writer about wrestling asked the same question in public for just that reason.
posted by Etrigan at 2:35 PM on December 29, 2016 [12 favorites]


Perhaps, but he did not think Vince might have been sick or something. According to Triple H, who was there for the call, he called because he genuinely believe Vince had been killed in a car explosion.
posted by kafziel at 2:45 PM on December 29, 2016


Anyway, back to the topic, I had absolutely no idea that the hand had grown up. My mind is blown. Holy shit.
posted by kafziel at 2:46 PM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]


According to Triple H, who was there for the call, he called because he genuinely believe Vince had been killed in a car explosion.
What kills me is, so many people called - I mean the office the next day... I’m not kidding you. Like, and they’ll probably get mad a me for saying it, but like Trump called and is like, “did something happen to Vince?”
That's the quote. Listen for yourself. Even if we believe that Triple H was being 100 percent accurate, it wasn't "Did Vince genuinely die in a car explosion?", it was "Did something happen to Vince?"
posted by Etrigan at 2:51 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]


you can't bring back a wrestler who has died

one would think that professional wrestling people and soap opera people had at at least one point in history been together in the same room and swapped writing tips, but apparently not
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:59 PM on December 29, 2016 [11 favorites]


I went through a lot of the responses, but not all. Has anyone mentioned the Android wrestler who was controlled by a mad scientist who had a famous match against a Mummy (whose son, a littler mummy, seconded him to the ring?) (match starts at about 4:05 mark)
posted by The Gooch at 3:30 PM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]


one would think that professional wrestling people and soap opera people had at at least one point in history been together in the same room and swapped writing tips, but apparently not

I know it's a tangent but as a guy with a casual interest in wrasslin I had the same thought but I guess maybe the issue is that - at least in the days when you absolutely couldn't admit that the actor was separable from the character - it's hard to pretend a wrestler is actually dead for very long.
posted by atoxyl at 3:56 PM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]


From one of the tweets: the Antichrist wrestled and was fairly polite when interviewed about his plans.

If you haven't had a chance to see this before, this is the Polite Antichrist.
posted by The Gooch at 4:04 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]


"Parts Unknown" is not just a vague way of saying that you don't know where a place is. "Parts Unknown" is an actual and precise geographic area. A time-traveling marching band leader / MMA fighter / mysterious and handsome masked cowboy (who has a lawyer who looks exactly like him in a turtleneck) lived there for a while.

Try explaining the Archibald Peck / Mixed Martial Archie / Mysterious and Handsome Stranger / Barrister RD Evans saga to a non-wrestling fan in a single sitting. It is impossible.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:08 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]


I know it's a tangent but as a guy with a casual interest in wrasslin I had the same thought but I guess maybe the issue is that - at least in the days when you absolutely couldn't admit that the actor was separable from the character - it's hard to pretend a wrestler is actually dead for very long.

Difficult but not unprecedented.
posted by delfin at 4:10 PM on December 29, 2016


Came here hoping to hear Randy Savage's thoughts about Tales of Brave Ulysses and Sunshine of Your Love. But was not disappointed by what I found.

Also: WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.
posted by Banknote of the year at 5:19 PM on December 29, 2016


As a kid, the first Wrestlemania, then II, III, etc., as pay per view or on VHS were big deals. And I thrilled along with (the then WWF) weekly broadcasts as Saturday morning viewing (came on after the cartoons). Piper's Pit? Fuck yeah.

You know, as an adult, I look at this entertainment as an undulating orgy of racism and homosexual panic, and see all of the broken bodies left behind - Kamala comes to mind first and foremost.

The death of Owen Hart. You know, this is probably the point at which McMahon realized that even though the antics may kill (vs. slowly kill) some of his employees/contractors/whatever the relationship was, this was the crystal-clear distillation of the business model he was working towards. Total entertainment, zero personal liability.

Like Trump. Welcome to the McMahon State.

Short version: "We will break you and leave you without health coverage. But I can afford all sorts of drugs." The steroidal screaming (don't forget that, suddenly, in middle age, McMahon became steroidally ripped, and no, you can't suddenly look like that naturally) is coming from inside the house.

So I guess this right here is the most ridiculous wrestling thing.

You can't lie about this, because it all happened. And it's happening now.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:31 PM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]


Rowdy Roddy Piper (born: 1954, died: 2015): "I'm not going to make 65. Let's just face facts, guys."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:44 PM on December 29, 2016


Came to see if the MOST ILLEGAL THING I'VE SEEN IN THE HISTORY OF WRESTLING was mentioned. It was. All is well.

"HOW IS THIS LEGAL?!"

"TEXTBOOK WORM BY RYAN SLATER"

"I DON'T SEE ANYTHING ABOUT HYPNOTOSIS IN THE RULEBOOK!!"

posted by Ghidorah at 8:50 PM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]


@maddigzlz also one of the most popular groups right now has an official ass-eating themed cereal— Nate!! (@gravillian) December 29, 2016

The accompanying photo is of the special Christmas edition of Booty-Os cereal, featuring the wrestlers dressed as elves on the front and a cut-out Rudolf mask on the back. They're for sale at Walmart and they cost forty dollars.

As awesome as that is, this is my legit favorite: “@maddigzlz there is a tag team right now whose entire gimmick is that they want to con you into buying a timeshare in Puerto Rico”— (MG)K-2SO (@mightygodking) December 29, 2016
posted by ob1quixote at 10:22 PM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]


My (current) favorite is actually as bit more subtle: A NYC social studies teacher successfully kept his job for almost a full year while part-timing for the WWE. They only caught him because he was using more than his allotted sick days.

NY Times

His wrestling character... was a teacher. That was his gimmick. Not wearing a mask, or a wig, or crazy make-up. Just a dude skipping school to fly to Japan and wrestle Kurt Angle.
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 12:21 AM on December 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


Oh the Rikishi stink face! I remember that.

Ah, attitude era. Those were the days.

(I may or may not have found my old NWO shirt at home when cleaning out my bedroom in the US.)
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 7:27 AM on December 30, 2016


back when I watched it one of my favorite things was Mankind and Socko and all the matches he won by stuffing Socko down his opponent's throat in a special "Mandible Claw".
posted by numaner at 12:52 PM on December 30, 2016


For one tag-team trio's grand entrance during a Pay Per View with over 100,000 screaming fans in attendance, they tumbled out of a 15-foot tall, giant size box of fake cereal like they were the prizes inside.

Also, they were all dressed like Super Saiyans from Dragon Ball Z.

And they were wearing fake unicorn horns.

No, REALLY.

It gets better.

That entrance was them dialing back the first idea they pitched to the production team: Each team member flying down to the stage on their own unicorn.
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:33 PM on December 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


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