YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME and i mean that from the bottom of my butts

January 12, 2017 5:49 AM

To celebrate the release of his newest magnum opus Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On, Hugo-nominated Dr. Chuck Tingle has once again descended on a little-known corner of the Internet known as "Reddit" to share tingly nuggets of wisdom with all his BUCKAROOS. As usual, we must be strong in our fight against DEVILMEN and Void Crabs, so be on the lookout. Just know that he BELIEVES IN YOU and your dreams can come true.

Dr. Tingle and his tingly tales previously, previouslier, previousliest.

posted by zombieflanders (56 comments total)

If it's from Tingle, it IS ALL TRUE!!!
posted by sammyo at 5:51 AM on January 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

I am sure this has been said before, but Chuck Tingle is a goddamned national treasure.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:56 AM on January 12, 2017 [32 favorites]

Chuck Tingle isn't the hero we deserve, but he's the hero we need to pound us in our butt.
posted by Etrigan at 5:57 AM on January 12, 2017 [62 favorites]

The one joke is growing kind of old, though. Why doesn't he do something different? Calendars, coffee mugs, T-shirts.
posted by thelonius at 5:58 AM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

At least three times previously, it seems.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:58 AM on January 12, 2017

Why doesn't he do something different? Calendars, coffee mugs, T-shirts.

Never fear, BUCKAROO, the official Chuck Tingle's Shirts For Buds is just a click away. It should be right up your alley!
posted by zombieflanders at 6:04 AM on January 12, 2017 [5 favorites]

Hugo-nominated Dr. Chuck Tingle

This is beautiful.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:22 AM on January 12, 2017 [15 favorites]

It should be right up your alley!

/me squints
posted by Literaryhero at 6:24 AM on January 12, 2017 [16 favorites]

During my last visit to the urgent care clinic, I put down "Dr Chuck Tingle" as my primary care physician. When asked if I wanted my doctor to get a copy of the report on that visit, I declined, unless butt pounding was a recognized treatment for a sinus infection.

I am no longer welcome at that clinic.
posted by dr_dank at 6:24 AM on January 12, 2017 [41 favorites]

The AMA might have my favorite exchange in the history of Reddit:

Q: "Am I have a stroke?"
A (not from Chuck Tingle): "no you're having a tingle m8"
posted by Itaxpica at 6:42 AM on January 12, 2017 [18 favorites]

Didn't take Chuck Tingle long.

Hey, here's a quick Donald Trump joke. What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
posted by yhbc at 7:01 AM on January 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh, God, thank you. I needed to share and talk about this with SOMEone, but figuring out who and then explaining it without scaring that buckaroo was proving to be impossible on only half a cup of chocolate milk.
posted by thebrokedown at 7:02 AM on January 12, 2017 [10 favorites]

Q: Hi Dr. Tingle, I have a question-I used to have great, 8-hour sleeps, now unfortunately I sit awake, filled with anxiety about my future and general malaise. What do you do to help yourself fall asleep?

A: well sometimes it is hard to sleep because sweet barbara is at the foot of my bed talking marbles. so the best way to sleep then is to go to another timeline where you can tucker yourself out then when you come back it is easy to drift off like a HOT GOAT ON THE GRASS

-- I don't understand 90% of what is written in this AMA, and sure enough I've not read enough Tingle to get all the references, but this is still incredibly funny to me.
posted by bigendian at 7:19 AM on January 12, 2017 [19 favorites]

yhbc: "What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?"

Trump won't pay to have a garbanzo bean on him.
posted by caution live frogs at 7:28 AM on January 12, 2017 [39 favorites]

Q: Dr. Tingle, How do you come up with such original and innovative book titles?

A: titles are easy you just think about best way to say what the book is about like instead of saying 'THE MAN WITH THE GRASS HAT' you say 'POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY MY HAT THAT IS MADE OF HANDSOME GRASS' it is easy now youve got a bestseller on your hands buster

Between this post and goofy TSA dogs a few doors down, my day is made. Thanks, zombieflanders!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 7:38 AM on January 12, 2017 [9 favorites]

If his books are anywhere near as funny as the rest of his writing, I may need to set up an alternate Amazon account so I can buy a few. Because ain't no way I want those titles showing up in my buying history.
posted by KGMoney at 7:43 AM on January 12, 2017

Also, for an alternative new source, you might want to try Buttbart.
posted by snwod at 7:48 AM on January 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

yes we can also be online buds this is normal

He wasn't saying this directly to me at the time but my heart knows it applies to me too.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:15 AM on January 12, 2017 [7 favorites]

Q: In these dark times, when we are very much in need of hope, what can we do to remind ourselves that love is real?

A: well it is easy to see that love is real when you think about the way the sun shines or the way CHANNING TATUM looks handsome with his new haircut. so you can think on these things and consider that there are other timelines where channing tatum does not exhist or even one where he is a large frog. but it is also important to remember that IT IS OKAY TO BE SAD and IT IS OKAY TO BE WORRIED this is a normal part of being a buckaroo, then we consider this am move forward togeather as courageous bucks

posted by Rainbo Vagrant at 8:16 AM on January 12, 2017 [44 favorites]

" in a world where all buckaroos are trying their best to prove love the devils dont stand a chance"

Awesome.
posted by rewil at 8:17 AM on January 12, 2017 [12 favorites]

Why doesn't he do something different? Calendars, coffee mugs, T-shirts.

I would think a brief perusal of the medical record (SLBF) would indicate why that's not a great idea, buckaroo.
posted by bonehead at 8:44 AM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

It should be right up your alley!

I sincerely hope not.
posted by bonehead at 8:45 AM on January 12, 2017 [5 favorites]

Q: Dr. Tingle you seem like such a positive, happy, and creative person, what would your advice for being more like you be ?"

A: best advise is not to try to be more like me but try to be more like yourself. you are SO MUCH BETTER than anyone else in the world at being you

It goes from absurdist butt surrealism to that! I am so filled with emotions oh my god

SO MANY EMOTIONS.
posted by sciatrix at 8:47 AM on January 12, 2017 [34 favorites]

in a world where all buckaroos are trying their best to prove love the devils dont stand a chance
posted by bonehead at 8:52 AM on January 12, 2017 [7 favorites]

There's no way that "Chuck Tingle" isn't an AI experiment run wildly, sexily amok.
posted by ryanshepard at 8:55 AM on January 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

President-elect yam getting into a twitter war with Dr. Tingle for the next four years would be incredible.
posted by maxwelton at 9:30 AM on January 12, 2017 [11 favorites]

"I have no idea what is happening, but these responses are just making me feel good about myself."

"welcome to the tingleverse, buckaroo"

I did not know I needed this or even what this is but this is exactly what I needed.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:38 AM on January 12, 2017 [14 favorites]

The one joke is growing kind of old, though. Why doesn't he do something different? Calendars, coffee mugs, T-shirts.

How about an FMV adventure game produced in collaboration with Zoë Quinn?
posted by NMcCoy at 9:42 AM on January 12, 2017 [17 favorites]

There's no way that "Chuck Tingle" isn't an AI experiment run wildly, sexily amok.

Nonono. Dr. Chuck Tingle is just the pen name of a much greater-known celebrity, Fafnir of Fafblog.

The giveaway was the Void Crabs, though that might just have been leakage from The Medium Lobster
posted by Mayor West at 10:14 AM on January 12, 2017 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: well it is easy to see that love is real when you think about the way the sun shines or the way CHANNING TATUM looks handsome with his new haircut. so you can think on these things and consider that there are other timelines where channing tatum does not exhist or even one where he is a large frog.
posted by clockzero at 10:16 AM on January 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

I can't get enough of this AMA.
posted by Fig at 10:19 AM on January 12, 2017

when i sit down to write a tingler I think about the basic way of the story (this is through meditation on the deck) and then I think WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO MAKE THIS PROVE LOVE. sometimes a story is good and fun or maybe spooky but it does not prove love and this is the most important part. so i think the key as a true buckaroo is to think HOW CAN THIS MAKE ME PROVE LOVE?

This is surprisingly relevant to a debate that I have been having with myself about the scope of possibility in literary fiction, about what I wish to write versus what I think is honest and true. Should we write of the darkness, or should we prove love? Is it a question that each of us must answer for ourselves? I salute the good doctor yet again.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:19 AM on January 12, 2017 [12 favorites]

Wait, is Dr. C. Tingle really Fafnir of Fafblog!!?!? Be still my heart!
posted by wenestvedt at 10:26 AM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

Wait, is Dr. C. Tingle really Fafnir of Fafblog!!?!? Be still my heart!

I had resumed reading the thread at the bottom and I saw this and entered a euphoric fugue and then I scrolled up and saw Mayor West's post and was sad and now I'm trying to figure out if this little vignette PROVES LOVE or not.
posted by PMdixon at 10:50 AM on January 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

I kind of want to call his subgenre 'cracksploitation'.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:11 AM on January 12, 2017

me: the best thing in the world is finding someone who has never heard of chuck tingle and introducing them to his bountiful oeuvre
frond: he's the gift that keeps on giving
me: the butt that keeps on pounding
posted by poffin boffin at 11:14 AM on January 12, 2017 [16 favorites]

It goes full circle... I found out about Chuck Tingle here on MetaFilter. I was the first to respond to his AMA and now I have more reddit karma for that comment than for any other comment I've made on reddit.
posted by Schmucko at 11:20 AM on January 12, 2017 [12 favorites]

I wish more of my friends were willing to look past the surface shock and titillation of Chuck Tingle, because whenever I post about him on Facebook I get at least one person looking askance at me and I'm like, listen, motherfucker, that doesn't prove love. You need to open your butt's heart and your heart's butt and just let yourself be a hard bud, okay? Goddamn.
posted by palomar at 11:35 AM on January 12, 2017 [35 favorites]

T-Rex lover has to hold you really close, sucks at reacharounds tho.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:42 AM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm sitting at my desk kind of tearing up a bit reading the AMA and I'm not sure if it's because it's hilarious or because this magnificent weirdo's emotional warmth is powerfully contagious.

Is this what it is to be tingled? Because I like it.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 11:43 AM on January 12, 2017 [18 favorites]

Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On

Apart from the butt-pounding, it appears Tingle has somehow plagiarised the bedtime stories I tell every night to lil' ubu.

All he has done is substitute butt-pounding instead of being dunked in a pool of raw sewage.

And he missed the bit where everybody took photos and uploaded them to Instagram.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:46 AM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

Taking photos and posting them to Instagram doesn't prove love.
posted by wotsac at 11:57 AM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

Vox: The secret behind internet erotica icon Chuck Tingle: his own life may be the best story he's ever written

"In December 2015, Tingle’s son Jon did an Ask Me Anything session to accompany his father’s, and the result was a very matter-of-fact look at a man who, Jon claims, is neurodivergent and exactly who he says he is:

To answer the first question that I always get, Yes, my father is very real. He is an autistic savant, but also suffers from schizophrenia. To make it very clear, my father is one of the gentlest, sweetest people you could ever meet and is not at all dangerous, although he does have a history of SELF harm.

To answer the next question, yes, he is aware of the humor in many of his titles, although he would never just come right out and say it. Dad has a hard time understanding many things, but I would not let him be the butt of some worldwide joke if I didn't have faith that he was in on it in some way. [Regardless], writing and self publishing brings him a lot of joy."

I'd frequently heard (and assumed) that Tingle was essentially a fictitious persona. I hadn't before heard the "neurodivergent" story, in which he could be essentially real and exactly as he appears.
posted by dnash at 11:58 AM on January 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

I hadn't before heard the "neurodivergent" story

I don't know if you can really rely on any of the background information about Tingle being true or accurate or as real as love. Regardless, Mr. Tingle is a treasure.
posted by Ashwagandha at 12:28 PM on January 12, 2017 [5 favorites]

Mind you he does say this in the most recent AMA:

"as a buckaroo growing up it was very hard for me to UNDERSTAND FEELINGS OF OTHERS and accept SOCIAL CUES so eventually i found out that i could pretend to accept social cues even if i didnt and then i learned that with a CHARACTER OF CHUCK i could become myself. so then i wore an imaginary mask of myself to say 'hello remember when i could not talk to you? now i can talk to you in this UNIQUE WAY and i can express myself' and it is so nice because now i can prove love in the world and I think that is very important. so that is my way."

So what do I know.
posted by Ashwagandha at 1:37 PM on January 12, 2017 [5 favorites]

Tingle is probably not autistic or schizophrenic, because "Jon" doesn't seem to exist outside the Tingleverse, so I have complicated feelings about that aspect.

On the other hand, Tingle is charming and unrelentingly positive.
posted by byanyothername at 1:44 PM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

How about an FMV adventure game produced in collaboration with Zoë Quinn?

Zoidberg, when he learned the buffet was free.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:50 PM on January 12, 2017 [33 favorites]

Zoidberg, when he learned the buffet was free.

This is such a beautiful pop culture joke
posted by clockzero at 1:54 PM on January 12, 2017 [10 favorites]

My absolute favorite exchange from that AMA:

Q. What the hell did I stumble into?

A. corner of desk, this is my guess please respond if i am correct
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:35 PM on January 12, 2017 [18 favorites]

Current odds are that Chuck is actually Zoe Quinn. Though the Dr. claims he'll pick up his prize ( if he wins ) in person this year.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 5:21 PM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

I declined, unless butt pounding was a recognized treatment for a sinus infection.

It's still in clinical trials.
posted by um at 5:46 PM on January 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

President-elect yam getting into a twitter war with Dr. Tingle for the next four years would be incredible.

Philip K. Dick and Richard Nixon are fighting on the Moon and we're actually living in Michael Bishop's The Secret Ascension.

Dr. Chuck Tingle is just the pen name of a much greater-known celebrity, Fafnir of Fafblog.

The legends say that he will return in his country's darkest hour.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:09 PM on January 12, 2017

For complicated reasons, I am in possession of a number of ribbons, about the size of bookmarks with a sticky bit along one long edge, suitable for putting on an SF convention badge, which read either "Secretly Chuck Tingle" or "Secretly Not Chuck Tingle". They are rainbow-colored, and they are, of course, in Comic Sans.

I'd been planning to take them to Arisia this weekend, but it looks as though I'm not going to get there. So if any of you buckaroos require a ribbon of this nature, MeMail me and I can get you set up.
posted by Rush-That-Speaks at 8:58 PM on January 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

I am in awe of his writing speed. The pee thing came out what, two days ago?
posted by gold-in-green at 11:14 PM on January 12, 2017

Some of the tinglers are quite short, like short-story-length short.
posted by quaking fajita at 1:36 PM on January 13, 2017

I'd frequently heard (and assumed) that Tingle was essentially a fictitious persona. I hadn't before heard the "neurodivergent" story, in which he could be essentially real and exactly as he appears.

As someone else said upthread, I'd advise against taking any of Dr. Tingle's backstory seriously. In his AMA he said he grew up in Home of Truth, Utah, which... I mean, it's possible, but about as plausible as me sprouting a unicorn horn in the next twenty minutes.
posted by palomar at 2:23 PM on January 13, 2017