i lik the bred
January 18, 2017 4:02 PM   Subscribe

A Reddit thread about health inspection violations has led to an unlikely yet delightful new meme: in response to a redditor's story about their stepdad's recreation of an 18th century French bakery, redditor Poem_for_your_sprog, also known as Sam Garland, offered the following summation in verse: my name is Cow / and wen its nite, / or wen the moon / is shiyning brite, / and all the men / haf gon to bed - / i stay up late. / i lik the bred.

The form has caught on, and inspired additional poems and remixes. Dog got in on the action too. New poets on tumblr brought Cat in, as well as the bread itself. Baby cow Calfe has also made an appearance, with bonus reply from Cat. Cow also licks things other than bread.

The poetry listserv arspoetica has written up a quick summary, with some additional examples of the poem. Because this is the internet, there has of course also been heated discussion as to the appropriate form and scansion of "i lik the bred" style poems.
posted by yasaman (173 comments total) 189 users marked this as a favorite
 
This is not meant to be an exhaustive listing of "i lik the bred" style poems! Feel free to link any of your other favorites if you've come across them, or write your own! And my usual note when I include links to tumblr: if any linked tumblr's style is difficult for you to read, append /mobile to the url to see just the post with no tags or other layout.
posted by yasaman at 4:04 PM on January 18 [4 favorites]


i feer no stycke
posted by rewil at 4:05 PM on January 18 [68 favorites]


I am in my cubicle with my hand clapped over my mouth, shaking with barely-suppressed silent laughter.
posted by delight at 4:10 PM on January 18 [7 favorites]


OMG, "I fear no stycke" is going to be my anti-Trump poem!!!!
posted by Frowner at 4:10 PM on January 18 [14 favorites]




my name is Carlos,
on breakfast blighte,
wen ye olde icebox
is seeming lite,
and all the rest
haf not got sums -
i stay'd up late.

i lik'd the plums.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:20 PM on January 18 [223 favorites]


What gusandrews said; this is all very Walkeresque. I love it.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 4:21 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]


Lovely!
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:37 PM on January 18


Also that Reddit thread makes me want to never eat food anywhere ever again.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:46 PM on January 18 [4 favorites]


"i feer no stycke" is now my most favouritest poem of all time.
posted by tobascodagama at 4:54 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]


@It's Raining Florence Henderson

I am crying. CRYING. CANNOT STOP LAUGHING

i lik'd the plums

Oh god I'm gonna die
posted by none of these will bring disaster at 5:01 PM on January 18 [10 favorites]


my name is trump
wen moon is hi
turn tee vee on
i start to cri
wen man is mean
man's words not weet
i grab mi phone
and then i tweet
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 5:03 PM on January 18 [48 favorites]


I'm looking forward to an illustrated nursery rhyme book version I can send to my cousin's kids…
posted by polymodus at 5:06 PM on January 18 [3 favorites]


Absolutely charming. A collection of poems like this with cheerful illustrations would make for a delightful children's book :D
posted by the thought-fox at 5:07 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]


That should be "man's words not sweet"

Curse you, inadequate edit window (and, to be fair, shitty proof-reading).

As you were.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 5:13 PM on January 18


my name is joe.
wen sun is hiy
and senate voat
is not a ty,
taek off my cote,
ride amtrak home,
roll up my sleavs.
i lik the coan.
posted by Oxydude at 5:18 PM on January 18 [58 favorites]


this my new favoritist meme ever.

Mrs Contrarian helped me write:

I came from space
my name is gost
I broadcast talk
from coast to coast

when he get salty
or talks back
I get so mad
I zap the brak

And mefi favorite Ann Leckie has been retumbling these like mad...

And cross-pollinating with the "pop music in the Radch" memes as well.
posted by contrarian at 5:36 PM on January 18 [24 favorites]


Mrs Contrarian

I HAVE A NAME.
posted by Adridne at 5:45 PM on January 18 [95 favorites]


This is fantastic!

I just wanted to add a note: you maaaay not be able to handle that whole health inspection thread if you like cats
and I do
oh dear
posted by Countess Elena at 5:46 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]


my name is joe
wen day is nice
i go outside
put beer on ice
i take off shirt
put crocs on feet
i wash trans am
it fuckin' sweet
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 5:47 PM on January 18 [105 favorites]


ALSO there's another cat one. Which might have made me giggle for a solid 5 minutes last night. Prompting an occasional funny look from Mrs Adridne Contrarian.
posted by contrarian at 5:47 PM on January 18 [17 favorites]


My name is Trump
An when the Klans
Vote me I tweet
Wif tiny hands

This prez thing's tough
Don't trust the spies!
(Cause they might find out
All them lies)

Deep holes I digged
Ignore my peen
Fake news is rigged
Buy ll bean
posted by leotrotsky at 5:48 PM on January 18 [11 favorites]


Burma Shave
posted by tobascodagama at 5:58 PM on January 18 [29 favorites]


my name is spider
i like to dryve
when sun is lo
in the skiy
'neef sun vysor
is wher i hyde
posted by adept256 at 5:58 PM on January 18 [4 favorites]


i lik the clif

my name is Goat,
and wen its day,
wen all the men
are far away,
i clyme into
the hevens valt –
i crayve that rock.

i lik the salt.
posted by unliteral at 6:11 PM on January 18 [35 favorites]


i am jak's splene
my frends i drub
eche slepeless nite
at fyting club

now at this club
8 ruls yu'll finde
ye furst of wich ...
er, never minde.
posted by kyrademon at 6:12 PM on January 18 [67 favorites]


I LOVE THIS!!

(Also I wish we could get all the Meta poems in the style of This is Just to Say in one place because I really love them too!)
posted by Rufous-headed Towhee heehee at 6:13 PM on January 18 [3 favorites]




I've never had much use for reddit but this is awesome!
posted by supermedusa at 6:23 PM on January 18


Please read i lik the bred at my funeral.
posted by peripathetic at 6:25 PM on January 18 [19 favorites]


my name is Martin,
and when i tried
to count the people
on my side,
no one was there.
i had no clue.
they came for us,

they'll come for you.
posted by Johann Georg Faust at 6:36 PM on January 18 [60 favorites]


Anyone have an alternate link for the "heated discussion as to the appropriate form and scansion"? The one in the post is broken but it probably got reblogged somewhere
posted by vibratory manner of working at 6:42 PM on January 18 [3 favorites]


Next time, spoiler alert. I hoped to never learn the true identity of Poem_for_your_sprog. Sigh.
posted by grimjeer at 6:48 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]


Hm, was the original link to some version of this discussion?
posted by vibratory manner of working at 6:49 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]


I had no idea I needed this thing in my life but I so needed this thing in my life.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:53 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]


I think we're Donne here.
posted by GuyZero at 6:58 PM on January 18 [18 favorites]


LIK THE BRED 2020

Hand on my heart honest to god nothing has made me happier than i lik the bred since the moment I first saw it. Everything about it is so spontaneous and good and, as the kids say, pure. Thank you for reminding me to revisit it.
posted by amnesia and magnets at 7:09 PM on January 18 [14 favorites]


Hm, was the original link to some version of this discussion?

Yes, it was! Sorry all, tumblr posts are ephemeral. I usually try to link to my own reblogs of them when I link in comments (because I will never ever rename or delete thus rendering the links as stable as I can make them), but that seems not-cool to do in an actual FPP on the Blue.
posted by yasaman at 7:11 PM on January 18


In my head, I hear Angela Lansbury's voice reciting this, by the way.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:20 PM on January 18 [5 favorites]


my name is matt
and now it seems
i got this site
thats full a beans

My scanner's flat
An on it lies
My gud friend cat
to my surpryse

dont ask me now
because I swear
I dun kno how
He got in dere
posted by leotrotsky at 7:22 PM on January 18 [61 favorites]


Tho skul am i
And laking skyn
I haf not fayce
Nor nose nor chyn
Bleach'd whyte am I
And long years ded
I still haf tong

I lik the bred
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:25 PM on January 18 [51 favorites]


Absolutely charming. A collection of poems like this with cheerful illustrations would make for a delightful children's book :D

On second thought, it might end up on a restricted books list due to excessive use of pseudo-English spellings. Like, what's the developmental age threshold for comprehension of verbal irony?
posted by polymodus at 7:26 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]


Further memeception:

my name is georg
adn in my cave
wen i hav eaten
what i crayve,
and wen my greede
is at its ebb–
i open wide

i lik the web
posted by yasaman at 7:36 PM on January 18 [24 favorites]


my name is quokk'
i have wee paws
i live on rottnest
island, oz
when tourists brandish
selfie sticks
i pull a face

i bomb their pix
posted by pmdboi at 7:46 PM on January 18 [27 favorites]


my steamy breath / and wettest fur / please pet me now / your noble cur
posted by zippy at 8:00 PM on January 18 [4 favorites]


my name is Cats
how are you guys
you have no time
now you all dies

you scramble zig
i counter thus
now all your base
belong to us
posted by wanderingmind at 8:02 PM on January 18 [71 favorites]


my name is Trump,
nd wen i do
on Europs fate
an interview
i hope my best frend
likes my sass,
i trashe EU,

i kis his as.
posted by ostro at 8:10 PM on January 18 [8 favorites]


My name is *nix
&& while(imOn)
|| while(screen
== (on && bright))
&& while(man
== (false || off))
myState = "idle"

I like the word
posted by JoeXIII007 at 8:34 PM on January 18 [7 favorites]


my name is ham
i like to write
in cab'net meetings
i delight

when state department
blocks my way
i battle rap
with thomas j
posted by pmdboi at 8:36 PM on January 18 [11 favorites]


my namz jimi
i play gitar
i sing mai sungz
im big rok star

down th fretz
mai fingrs flai
scuz me now

i kis th skai
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:12 PM on January 18 [47 favorites]


Joey Michaels, I wonder if that is because you, like me, thought "didn't Angela Lansbury do a reading of Edward Gorey's books" (if you did, the answer is no, that was Tammy Grimes)
posted by gusandrews at 9:20 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]


contrarian: "this my new favoritist meme ever.

Mrs Contrarian helped me write:

I came from space
my name is gost
I broadcast talk
from coast to coast

when he get salty
or talks back
I get so mad
I zap the brak

And mefi favorite Ann Leckie has been retumbling these like mad...

And cross-pollinating with the "pop music in the Radch" memes as well.
"

I just read her Ancillary stuff. All 3 (?) books back to back.
posted by Samizdata at 9:58 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]


Adridne: "Mrs Contrarian

I HAVE A NAME.
"

You do now.
posted by Samizdata at 9:59 PM on January 18 [4 favorites]


my name is Cow.
long i slept.
on touching down,
how high i leapt.
the sky is strange,
the soil is red,
home is far.
still i lik the bred.
posted by adrianhon at 1:41 AM on January 19 [2 favorites]


One of my besties and I just spent part of an evening reading out these poems and working them out. The "they came for us" poem is powerful.

Please, keep them coming.
posted by divabat at 2:22 AM on January 19 [2 favorites]


Yes. More of this kind of thing, always.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 2:28 AM on January 19


i met a guy
from ancyent place
he showd me legs
and stony face

it had a plak
that sed some things
"my name is Oz
i king the kings"

in spite of sneer
of cold command
no thing remains
it liks the sand
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:53 AM on January 19 [102 favorites]


in growinng gyre
a falconne turns
it cannott heare
so wont return

thinngs fall apart
acrosse the erth
and summe ruff beste
slowches tow'rd birth
posted by kyrademon at 3:46 AM on January 19 [42 favorites]


my name is Alf
when wimmon gab
i'm etherized
upon this slab

the mermayds sing
my pants are furled
and i will nevver
lik a girl
posted by kyrademon at 3:57 AM on January 19 [26 favorites]


they fukke you uppe
yor mum and dad
and fille you with
the fawlts they had

you'll do it too
unlesse yore ded
so dont hav kids
just lik the bred
posted by kyrademon at 4:04 AM on January 19 [91 favorites]


my name is Catte
wen breakfas nigh
the moon is low
but my moon high

wayke up now pleas
I twirl and strutt
by hooman face
I lik my butt
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 5:55 AM on January 19 [57 favorites]


I saw the original poem and it immediately got stuck in my head in the best way. I would just repeat it to myself with a little grin. It's funny how a little doggerel poem can make you so thoroughly happy. I've been having fun reblogging a lot of the follow ups but the perfection of the first one still remains my favorite.
posted by PussKillian at 6:02 AM on January 19 [1 favorite]


my name is hans
im just a theef
im steeling bonds
on christmas eve

here comez bruce
he's running past
he haz no shoos
so shoot ze glass
posted by condour75 at 6:10 AM on January 19 [22 favorites]


It marinere
wif beerd of grey
who savd and spoylt
my weddinge day

wiv fantastik tales
off seas farr flung
about its neck
a cross theyre hung
posted by comealongpole at 6:12 AM on January 19 [5 favorites]


my name is Poe;
and when i rite
my mood is woe
my dark is nite

bels bels bels bels
bels bels bels bels
bels bels bels bels
bels bels bels bels

i red the death
god, montresor!
i beets his hart
i nev the more
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:20 AM on January 19 [13 favorites]


I am a Dane
And reely sad
Claudius kild
mai deer old dad

mayhaps I shood
kil him insted
and then I could
O crap I'm ded
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:35 AM on January 19 [36 favorites]


my name is Doom
and when i spy
prince namor's seashell up on high,
i call him fool,
his words i scorn-
doom take the shell.
doom toot the horn.
posted by knuckle tattoos at 6:38 AM on January 19 [13 favorites]


I am a guard
I work at nyte
I leave museum
wen its lite
I ryde the bus
I open thred
and snort like pig
wen cow lik bred
posted by louche mustachio at 6:52 AM on January 19 [69 favorites]


my name is Rain
and wen its much

and all the chikens
wite and such

or wen upon
depends much go

i get all red
i glaz barrow
posted by cortex at 7:37 AM on January 19 [23 favorites]


i am a bird
and wen its night
or wen the moon
is shiyning brite
I tap the top
of chember door
an scare the man
wit nevermore
posted by leotrotsky at 7:40 AM on January 19 [29 favorites]


my name is horse
and wen it snows
we stop in woods
my balls is froze
i shakes my bels
the man is queer
because there aint
no farmhouse near
posted by leotrotsky at 7:44 AM on January 19 [23 favorites]


i am big cat
an wen its night
in the forest
burning bright
i hear a poem
u kno its mine
but i dont kno
why it dont rhyme
posted by leotrotsky at 7:53 AM on January 19 [27 favorites]


in britest day
or blackest nite
no evil shall
escape my site

my powers fill
my foes with dred
my name is Hal

i lik the bred
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:55 AM on January 19 [17 favorites]


his cheke was rough
his chik vamoos'd
and now she wont
come home to roost

applye the lotion
wen you lave
but do not lik

the Burma Shave
posted by kyrademon at 8:02 AM on January 19 [36 favorites]


my hair is great
im very stronge
no one so fast
or so hansom
or smart or tall
or never rong
and no one els
bred lik Gaston
posted by cortex at 8:04 AM on January 19 [27 favorites]


i have some fud
i poste on green
to see if it
is sayfe for eatn
and if they say
i won't be dead
i mark as beste
i et the bred
posted by eponym at 8:10 AM on January 19 [58 favorites]


in just spring wen
we runne with glee
balloon-man wistles
far and wee

we play at games
and puddles spred
he has goat feet
and liks the bred
posted by kyrademon at 8:12 AM on January 19 [7 favorites]


my name is ted
this guy's AM
i had four frends
he tortured them

now theyr all dedd
yet still i dreme
i haf no mouth
yet i must screme.
posted by fast ein Maedchen at 8:40 AM on January 19 [12 favorites]


im on mefi
nd wut i see?
a duble posted
fpp

i overtnk
th beanz on plates -
"so this brum
it vibratez?"
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:12 AM on January 19 [4 favorites]


my namz ferret
i sip amaro
shd finish this poem
maeb tomorro
posted by ferret branca at 9:36 AM on January 19 [8 favorites]


i am pursued
in miseree
pity bestowd,
yet guilt i flee

redress given,
my case now pled
i'm Jean Valjean
i stol the bred
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 9:44 AM on January 19 [41 favorites]


blossoms fall
haiku this not
counting beats
is not my lot

sit i on cowch
tho not an oaf
all may vowch
that i do loaf

upon shoulders
good is my hed
yet cow am i
still lik I bred
posted by zippy at 10:16 AM on January 19 [4 favorites]



my name is Hans
my sis and I
from home were cast
that we myght die

lost in the woods
what lyes ahead?
a house of swetes:
lets lik the bred
posted by fast ein Maedchen at 10:19 AM on January 19 [22 favorites]


dear father who
in heavene art
thy name be Praisd
let thy reygn start
o tempt us not
with eville dread
that daily we
may lik our bread.

(why yes this is keeping me sane at work, how did you know?)
posted by fast ein Maedchen at 12:03 PM on January 19 [35 favorites]


My lovely friend
Has fallen sick.
And I, Clément,
Say: get well quick.

And then go out:
I recommend
You lick some jam,
My lovely friend.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:32 PM on January 19 [9 favorites]


goodnewsfortheinsane: YES YES YES YES
posted by fast ein Maedchen at 12:34 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Ctrl-F "amontillado"

I am dissapoint.
posted by GuyZero at 12:36 PM on January 19


i will not dash
nor should i ought
my name is ash
it on i brought

i now must say
what i not know
klaatu barada
and nikto

and fite the fite
while others fled
with my hand sawe
i likked the ded
posted by zippy at 12:37 PM on January 19 [8 favorites]


my name is paul
i bake the loaves
the people buy
my bread in droves
the secret is
(in you i trust):
i have a cow
she licks the crust
posted by pmdboi at 12:42 PM on January 19 [27 favorites]


my name is Lex
bald is my hed
i am quite rich
i dont lik bred
i take the things
a baker bakes
now watch me steel
these forty cakes
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:08 PM on January 19 [13 favorites]


in W Philly
i was raised
on cool playgronds
the b-bal i playd

a cuple of guys
wer up to no good
a fite scared my mom
i was sent frum the hood

i went to my aunt's
in a cab dat was rare
dis my new haunt -
i lik the bel-air
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:08 PM on January 19 [15 favorites]


these Cow pomes
beneeth a tree,
a jug of wine,
a purty thee.
and to compleat
this fancy spred?
almost forgot:
pleas pas the bred
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:19 PM on January 19 [16 favorites]


the authors ought
anon yclept
from mooving verse
poor jesus wept
posted by zippy at 1:32 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


do not lik gentle into that gud bred
old Cows shuld burn and rave at site of crust
rage, rage against the locking of the shed

tho wise Cows from the pasture softlie tred
they then devour a loaf with unhid lust
do not lik gentle into that gud bred

gud Cows inside the byre are well fed
but at your bakinge stille their tongues they thrust
rage, rage against the locking of the shed

wild Cows, uncaught, who from theire slavers fled
who steale baguettes and feele their deede is just
do not lik gentle into that gud bred

grave Cows, half blind, so olde they are near ded
beside a bagel will betraye your trust
rage, rage against the locking of the shed

and you, my Cow, with crumbs stucke to your hed
i know you only do that wich you must
do not lik gentle into that gud bred
rage, rage against the locking of the shed
posted by kyrademon at 1:39 PM on January 19 [39 favorites]


*claps*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:40 PM on January 19


Ctrl-F "amontillado"

I am dissapoint.


Try Montresor.
posted by cortex at 2:27 PM on January 19 [4 favorites]


my first name Yog
and then Sothoth
i liv alone
on far Yuggoth

i knows all things
i seen them too
i'm granpapa
to great Cthulhu

i'm not alive
nor am i dead
and the Great Old Ones
i says where they tread.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:50 PM on January 19 [8 favorites]


someone please do a We Are Number One version
posted by divabat at 2:53 PM on January 19


BESTIST THREAD EVAR, IT'S YUGE
posted by adamvasco at 2:58 PM on January 19


UPDATE: the debate about the appropriate form of i lik the bred poems heats up, and is very close to becoming a rap battle, basically.
posted by yasaman at 2:59 PM on January 19 [12 favorites]


dere mefi mods
we lov this thred
open pleas kepe
always lik bred
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 3:06 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


Welp, this thread made me laugh so loud and so hard that my terrifying witch cackle machine gun laugh scared away a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses who were about to knock on my door. So that was awesome. Thank you, Metafilter.
posted by palomar at 4:30 PM on January 19 [10 favorites]


muh name is mike
- muh name is rod
we her to tel
u bout god

there scari laf
sound lik a gun
grab r bibles
we hav to run
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:33 PM on January 19 [31 favorites]


that was the daye
wen mefi broke--
who would uv thaut,
from one cow joke?
an so sence then
til site goes ded,
aul comments end,

"I lik the bred."
posted by radicalawyer at 6:26 PM on January 19 [14 favorites]


Mi der old frend
Tho bred is sweet
Its not a thing
I like to eat
So what I do?
I tell u how
U lik the bred.
I lik the cow.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:37 PM on January 19 [21 favorites]


My joye arrieves
In linx on blu
Each tyme I choos
To reed anewe

Tho dawn creeps clows
And neare my bedde
I resist notte -
I clik the thred
posted by rouftop at 6:44 PM on January 19 [38 favorites]


These are magnificent. I have no words...

Except possibly to point out that most of them can be sung to the tune of "Greensleeves".
posted by Fuchsoid at 6:55 PM on January 19 [5 favorites]


the sun doth shine
on my friend bred
close are we two
like coop and shed
yet on the blue
for alle I see
cow likken bred
yet hurf durf me
posted by zippy at 6:56 PM on January 19 [1 favorite]


I lik the bred
yewe lik the cow
the cow liks shed
the shed yewe plowe
the cow plowes me
whyle I plowe cats
wee coll it The
Aristocrats!
posted by radicalawyer at 7:02 PM on January 19 [38 favorites]


The frog do hop
The rabit too
Do not forget
The kangaroo
So tape them up
And then u see
When stick'd together
They hop times three.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:10 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


like tears in rain
cow does bred lik
tannhauser gate?
that place wuz sik!
posted by zippy at 7:29 PM on January 19 [4 favorites]


Reddit has one Sprog and he's pretty good, but Metafilter has 20 different poets in one thread.
posted by Megafly at 7:47 PM on January 19 [3 favorites]


my name is Dan
i strech my hand,
to show you whence
i shun your land.

i pantomime
the oil i tayke.
i slurp my straw-

i drink the shayke.
posted by knuckle tattoos at 7:47 PM on January 19 [10 favorites]


My buddy Ralph
Drinks ovaltine
Scut farkus
Is so damn mean

Oh did I say
My name is flik
And this here pole
I dare to lik
posted by condour75 at 7:59 PM on January 19 [6 favorites]


my name is neo
and i fear
that what is real
is not too clear
i take a pill
wake up in goo
they plug me in
i know kung fu
posted by pmdboi at 8:18 PM on January 19 [34 favorites]


i am the spect
and is my job
to test the fud
for signs of fraud
it's my tale too
but little's said
of ner' a thing
but cow lik'd bred
posted by codacorolla at 8:23 PM on January 19 [7 favorites]


For GuyZero:

Montresor be
mye name, mye frend
I loves yur hat
wiv bells on end

I haves pipe of
Monty Lardo
Com to see, dear
Fur Tomato

It's just down here
Pleez be restrayned
Whyles I ensure
U are ... enchayned

rist and ankul
Nows I caught ya
Kwite by chanse heres
Briks an Morta

Entoomed so dull
When Deth not quick
I bilt a wall
U lik the brik
posted by Sparx at 8:29 PM on January 19 [13 favorites]


It's a challenging meter. Bravo!
posted by GuyZero at 8:31 PM on January 19


o limerick,
cinquain, haiku,
sestina, ode,
and sonnet too
with each poetic
form, you'll see
constraint breeds cre-
ativity
posted by pmdboi at 8:48 PM on January 19 [20 favorites]


Since someone asked:

my name is Rob
i own this town
my plans get foild
by prancing clown

i hire some guys,
we stop him dead
we're number one

we lik the bread
posted by wanderingmind at 11:29 PM on January 19 [2 favorites]


nam is mik
wyth other nayms
on metafylter
i play a gayms

who ur?
sum people say

i just the saym
by nother nam
posted by unliteral at 4:14 AM on January 20


potus adage
used to say
hope and chang,
a briter day

and now upon
this dawn of dred
"amurica:
we shit the bed"
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 6:01 AM on January 20 [25 favorites]


my name is Cow,
you say good nite.
see shiyning moon,
sum more good nites:
bears chairs, brush mush
baloon dats red -
enuf. go sleep

the fuk to bed.
posted by Kabanos at 8:28 AM on January 20 [7 favorites]


come frendly bred and fall on Cow
benethe the window, next to plough;
it warm and gud for likking now.
fall over, bred!
posted by kyrademon at 9:26 AM on January 20 [7 favorites]


hello, im the cow
when it night and the moons high
then I lik the bred
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:49 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


my name is Cow
i am not brite,
for wen the cold
in winter bites,
and wen i frieze
off haf my tail -
i go out-siyde.
i lik a rail.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:27 PM on January 20 [10 favorites]


i mak some soop
it yummy stuff
i lyke it lots
i make enuf

soop left outside
cause i am thik
i ask hive mind:
ok to lik?

(I promise this will be my last)
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:55 PM on January 20 [10 favorites]


there once was a bovine soubrette
with not a care for etiquette
the baker was shocked
when it licked all his stock
and now he sells roast beef baguettes
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:58 PM on January 20 [7 favorites]


my nam is Bob
I haf an ire
I lik the girls
I play wit fyre

I take a man
& I defile;
that gum you lyke
is back in Style
posted by a halcyon day at 6:09 PM on January 20 [5 favorites]


I see a nazi is on the street
he describes a frog
I should meet

I think he wants
to make me dread
but, undismayed,

I boop the head
posted by Going To Maine at 7:22 PM on January 20 [18 favorites]


today was badde
an full of suck
I seed th' world
an I think "fuck"

but now I laugh
insted of bawl.
for "lik the bred"

I luv yu all!
posted by ocherdraco at 8:40 PM on January 20 [33 favorites]


At dinner just now, there's a loaf of sourdough in front of us and my wife watched be eating it. She shook her head with disappointment and said "you're supposed to lick it." True love.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:19 PM on January 20 [8 favorites]


Mr. Freedom and I keep reciting this to each other, apropos of nothing.

I think the straight-forwardness of it, indicating that Cow is very pleased with him/herself, as well as the idea of a cow staying up late for the sole purpose of licking bread, is the key to its awesomeness.
posted by chainsofreedom at 7:54 AM on January 21 [7 favorites]




the cows rose up
against their queen
and sent her to
the guillotine

she learned it was
no small mistake
to tell the cows
"let them lik cake"
posted by knuckle tattoos at 12:31 AM on January 22 [19 favorites]


I likked a frog
And now I'm lit
I'm seeing lots
of crazy shit

I'm tripping balls
I'm off my head
I wish I'd stuck
to likking bred
posted by crocomancer at 7:45 AM on January 22 [20 favorites]


my name is Cow,
on sesmee street -
lik letters of
the alphabeet

but they dont know
Im not pure bred -
my moms cannuck.

i lik the zed.
posted by Kabanos at 3:08 PM on January 23 [10 favorites]




The Unofficial
/u/Poem_for_your_sprog
Collection
by /u/Almoturg


Android app now available!
Get it on Google Play
Containing 1219 poems on 1085 / 1588 pages.
From July 13th, 2012 to January 24th, 2017 [automatically updates twice a day]
posted by QuakerMel at 9:22 PM on January 24


my name is moon,
and wen its nite,
I hang up hi
to shiyn so brite

astronomers
they tri to sees
wat im made of:

i lik my cheese.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:35 PM on January 25 [4 favorites]


This just in: Mr. Freedom has given this poem as an exercise for his directing class - how to direct a dramatic reading or performance of "i lik the bred". Short, complete story, can be discussed in a 50 minute class.

Also has likking bred.
posted by chainsofreedom at 6:15 AM on January 26 [5 favorites]




my name is Mom
and wen I pee
three littul frends
com in with me

but wen at nite
my kids do snore
i pee alone

i shut the door
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 1:44 PM on January 26 [16 favorites]


"Like, what's the developmental age threshold for comprehension of verbal irony?"

I just ran it by Mini and Micro McGees, 7 and 5, who thought it was funny because cows are bad at spelling. So I think it'd work.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:42 PM on January 26 [3 favorites]


Micro McGee (5) contributes (I provided "the thron i snub" because he had trouble of thinking of a rhyme with tub but he did the rest and knew exactly what his punchline was):

My name is Boy,
i haf to pee
my mom says go
potty for me
but in that room
the thron i snub
i stand up tal

i pee in tub.

Mini McGee (7) is now motivated:

My name is Boy
i lyk the trains
i leep on them
in wynd or rane
i run and hop
but then i coff
i myss a jump

and I fal off
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:31 PM on January 26 [13 favorites]


my name is Cow / and wen its nite, / or wen the moon / is shiyning brite, / and all the men / haf gon to bed - / i stay up late. / i lik the bred.

my name is Moon
and wen its dark
and wen my face
a shinyning spark
and all the men
wuld like a bite
i sing a song
i Mac tonite
posted by cortex at 4:58 PM on January 26 [5 favorites]


My daughter asked me during dinner yesterday if she could lick my bread. It made sense in context but I almost cried laughing.
posted by potrzebie at 9:57 PM on January 26 [3 favorites]


my name is Mak
and wen its nite,
and wen no moon
is shiyning brite,

rownd corner creeep
and end yor lyf
and no-one kno
i Mak the nyf
posted by crocomancer at 4:19 AM on January 27 [12 favorites]


I love that this thread is still going.
posted by kyrademon at 8:14 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]


Gah, I just now noticed that I left the paste of the original poem in that comment. I clik the post.
posted by cortex at 8:21 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]


my name is Trump
it means 'to fart'
my bloviation
is an art

when mefites
criticize my suit
i stay up late
i tweet to Poot
posted by you must supply a verb at 7:10 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]


my good friend Poot
he's got my back
and plus, my nuts
are in his sack

the world is like
our garbage dump
you'll all remember
Poot 'n Trump
posted by you must supply a verb at 7:33 PM on January 27 [2 favorites]


My name is dog
and wen Belle smokes
I grab the bread
the fresh born lof

She com bak in
I cowr and roll
she want hot slice
it my bred now
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 7:22 PM on January 28 [6 favorites]


True story.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 7:23 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


My name is boy
i lean on tree
wen jabberwok
run strait at me

the claws that catch
just like dad sed
with vorpal sword
i chop the hed
posted by crocomancer at 9:04 AM on January 29 [17 favorites]


My name is Tree
i am so sad
they cut my frends
it is so bad

they cut me too
but wen i fal
i land on heds

i kill them all

(Another Micro McGee offering, apparently today he's the Angry Lorax)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:31 PM on January 29 [16 favorites]


My name is Sam
And in a house
Or with a foxe
Or with a mous
Or in a box
Or with a lamm

I green the egs
I lik the ham
posted by moonmilk at 6:01 PM on January 29 [11 favorites]


Phlebas am I,
Fortenight ded,
Furgot it all,
Whorlpool'd.

Luk to windword,
Gentyle or Jew,
Considere Phlebas,
Handsum lyke yoo.
posted by comealongpole at 8:52 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]


My name is Toade
Spyd by Queene
Too oxen ford
A rival seen

I drives my car
No law nor code
I shouts poop-poop
I goe off road
posted by comealongpole at 9:13 PM on January 30 [4 favorites]


My name is hurt
I haf to shout
Cos frum my tum
Its comming out

My frend is rip
She skwash it lik rat
She kill thee thinge
(Wat about cat?)
posted by comealongpole at 9:29 PM on January 30 [4 favorites]


i live to tred
posted by rewil at 4:50 PM on January 31 [6 favorites]


Cow privacy
posted by rewil at 12:45 PM on February 1 [2 favorites]


Will someone please write one that ends with "I lik the brest." (Because I'm 12.)
posted by Bruce H. at 6:02 PM on February 1


my name is Girl
i am babee
i up all nite
because hungree

my mommy's milk
i lyke the best
and when i full

i lik the brest

(true story)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:23 PM on February 1 [7 favorites]


My name is Owl
And inn the tree
I'm Tootsie Pop
Authoritie

How many liks
Befor I stop?
I count to three -

I bite the Pop.
posted by moonmilk at 8:18 PM on February 1 [20 favorites]


That's it.

You utterly insensitive bastards.

I am gluten intolerant.

(Also, I suck at poetry).

And here I THOUGHT I had a safe space...
posted by Samizdata at 11:08 PM on February 2 [2 favorites]


My name is Werm
I liv in ground
posted by moonmilk at 8:08 AM on February 5 [10 favorites]


My nam is Night
and inne a trance
I scrol the phone
thruw tumblr's danse

my eyes doth close
with ambien dosed,
I clik the hart,
I lyk the poste
posted by geeklizzard at 11:36 PM on February 5 [9 favorites]


On revisiting, I still think "I nev the more" is the winningest, most perfect pay-off line in this thread. Amazing work Mister Moofoo.
posted by comealongpole at 5:03 PM on February 6


My name's J Al
My hair is thin
And on my tie
A single pin

My trousers rolled
I walk the beach
And sometimes dare

To lik a peach.
posted by Death and Gravity at 7:22 AM on February 8 [4 favorites]


my name is cow
and wen its nite,
or wen the moon
is shiyning brite

right in the eye
like some great big
cheez pizza pie.

i luv the pig
posted by Kabanos at 7:36 AM on February 8


My naym is dog
My frend is smol
posted by moonmilk at 6:45 PM on February 9 [8 favorites]


im kabanos
and I work late
its snow outside
procrastinate

I check the blu
for some new pome
I add one more
then leev for home

fuk my work
its time to go
I step outside

I lik the sno
posted by Kabanos at 2:54 PM on February 10 [9 favorites]


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