Actually just a monkey with a Slap Chop
February 8, 2017 6:33 AM Subscribe
Whole Foods' latest Manhattan location, near Bryant Park, will feature a produce butcher.
Notably, Whole Foods has missed being NYC's first produce-butchery by more than half a decade.
Notably, Whole Foods has missed being NYC's first produce-butchery by more than half a decade.
God forbid you soil those hand-forged, artisinal-honed knives you have displayed in your pro-am kitchen.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:40 AM on February 8, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 6:40 AM on February 8, 2017 [9 favorites]
Love the title. And I wondered about the baby carrots thing myself.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:41 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:41 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
The Wegman's near us has a similar service, although it's not to order. There's a veggie counter, and a fruit counter, and the staff at each chops up pre-packaged items all day long. So you can get a vacuum sealed platter of stir-fry vegetables, or pineapple chunks, or whatever. I've used it once or twice, but it's obviously cheaper to cut your own veggies if you know how to effectively buy in bulk.
posted by codacorolla at 6:44 AM on February 8, 2017
posted by codacorolla at 6:44 AM on February 8, 2017
Yeah, the to-order part of this is really what puts this over the edge. Most supermarkets have pre-chopped veggies these days, in some capacity, but selecting the perfect butternut squash and bringing it to a counter where it will be custom-cut is a bit much.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:50 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by uncleozzy at 6:50 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's like... Uber for chopped veggies!
posted by shenkerism at 6:56 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by shenkerism at 6:56 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
On the other hand, if, for whatever reason, you have fine motor control difficulties, this seems like it would be quite handy.
posted by praemunire at 6:57 AM on February 8, 2017 [63 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 6:57 AM on February 8, 2017 [63 favorites]
Do they peel grapes?
posted by Catblack at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Catblack at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
Yeah, there are a lot of people with various not-visible disabilities to whom this would be a god send. (It being Eataly it's gonna be ridiculous but so is nearly everything else about Eataly, especially it's name which I have now had to type two times and am very angry about.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [24 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [24 favorites]
I was also reminded of Homer, in this clip
Juice loosener
posted by Gorgik at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Juice loosener
posted by Gorgik at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I was going to say: for people with disabilities, this will be a godsend.
Also for people living in converted laundry chutes with five other roommates. I know all the framing around this will inevitably be "OH THESE CODDLED ELITISTS", but when your only kitchen space is a 5" by 7" lopsided cracked formica counter, a lot of the "but cooking for yourself is so EASY" narratives ring a bit hollow.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [53 favorites]
Also for people living in converted laundry chutes with five other roommates. I know all the framing around this will inevitably be "OH THESE CODDLED ELITISTS", but when your only kitchen space is a 5" by 7" lopsided cracked formica counter, a lot of the "but cooking for yourself is so EASY" narratives ring a bit hollow.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 7:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [53 favorites]
posted by uncleozzy
I read about this yesterday, but I just realized that your user name is "uncle ozzy" and not "un-cleozzy" so great post!
posted by Room 641-A at 7:01 AM on February 8, 2017 [21 favorites]
I read about this yesterday, but I just realized that your user name is "uncle ozzy" and not "un-cleozzy" so great post!
posted by Room 641-A at 7:01 AM on February 8, 2017 [21 favorites]
I'm 100% in favour of snarking about this for some of the reasons described above.
But. For folks with limited manual dexterity precut produce isn't such a ridiculous proposition.
When Accessibility gets Labeled Wasteful:
As a person with limited hand dexterity, I look at this and see an easier way to eat healthy food. I actively avoid eating oranges, not because I dislike them (they are definitely tasty) but because I have so much difficulty peeling them. Any attempt to peel an orange is likely to result in an unappetizing mess because I’ve squeezed the orange to hard while trying to maneuver it for peel removal.
I don't think that's the thrust of this particular marketing gimmick, however.
but selecting the perfect butternut squash and bringing it to a counter where it will be custom-cut is a bit much.
I tend to agree, although I think it would be kind of funny to walk up to the counter cradling the squash in my arms and say "I need to you brunoise the shit out of this motherfucker."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:02 AM on February 8, 2017 [14 favorites]
But. For folks with limited manual dexterity precut produce isn't such a ridiculous proposition.
When Accessibility gets Labeled Wasteful:
As a person with limited hand dexterity, I look at this and see an easier way to eat healthy food. I actively avoid eating oranges, not because I dislike them (they are definitely tasty) but because I have so much difficulty peeling them. Any attempt to peel an orange is likely to result in an unappetizing mess because I’ve squeezed the orange to hard while trying to maneuver it for peel removal.
I don't think that's the thrust of this particular marketing gimmick, however.
but selecting the perfect butternut squash and bringing it to a counter where it will be custom-cut is a bit much.
I tend to agree, although I think it would be kind of funny to walk up to the counter cradling the squash in my arms and say "I need to you brunoise the shit out of this motherfucker."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:02 AM on February 8, 2017 [14 favorites]
the first-ever “produce butcher,” a person who’d like nothing more than to delicately clean and de-stem your lacinato
There's a "vegi-metzg" (vegetarian butcher) in Zürich (run by the Hiltl folks), but they have a different approach; they have an actual meat counter with various meat alternatives (and also lots of vegetarian and vegan takeaway food). Recommended.
posted by effbot at 7:09 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
There's a "vegi-metzg" (vegetarian butcher) in Zürich (run by the Hiltl folks), but they have a different approach; they have an actual meat counter with various meat alternatives (and also lots of vegetarian and vegan takeaway food). Recommended.
posted by effbot at 7:09 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Ha - I work a few blocks away and while I haven't been yet - I spied my co-worker with a Whole Foods bag at lunch. When I asked her how the new place was - she gleefully told me about the produce butcher and I spread that around my department pretty quick. Because when you first hear about it - that's hilarious.
To their credit though - this location is smack dab in the middle of midtown and is surrounded by office buildings where people work long, long hours into the night subsisting on unhealthy delivery for dinner. Say you manage to leave work at 8 pm one night instead of midnight and maybe you want to cook something, anything, for yourself that evening, but chopping those veggies, as we all know, will add x-teen minutes to your meal prep. I might spend the buck to have someone pro do it for me. I've bought the pre-packaged chopped stuff and who knows how long that's been sitting in the case - it doesn't always look too appetizing.
I think it's something plenty of people in this location will take advantage of - provided they do want to go home and cook something for themselves rather than do another night of Seamless or Flik.
posted by rdnnyc at 7:13 AM on February 8, 2017 [16 favorites]
To their credit though - this location is smack dab in the middle of midtown and is surrounded by office buildings where people work long, long hours into the night subsisting on unhealthy delivery for dinner. Say you manage to leave work at 8 pm one night instead of midnight and maybe you want to cook something, anything, for yourself that evening, but chopping those veggies, as we all know, will add x-teen minutes to your meal prep. I might spend the buck to have someone pro do it for me. I've bought the pre-packaged chopped stuff and who knows how long that's been sitting in the case - it doesn't always look too appetizing.
I think it's something plenty of people in this location will take advantage of - provided they do want to go home and cook something for themselves rather than do another night of Seamless or Flik.
posted by rdnnyc at 7:13 AM on February 8, 2017 [16 favorites]
There's no such thing as baby carrots - they are just normal carrots cut down to small size.
posted by thelonius at 7:17 AM on February 8, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 7:17 AM on February 8, 2017 [8 favorites]
Precut produce makes total sense, but after my experiences with Whole Foods' actual butcher department I am very skeptical of the competence of their employees and their ability to actually pull off the requests people bring. Last Christmas, my partner decided that by god we were doing a traditional Canadian Christmas pudding like their family always used to do, soaked in brandy and everything, and then we were making a whole bunch more and soaking them in brandy for a year so next year we we would have properly aged versions.
This, as it turned out, required us to lay hands on a significant quantity of beef suet, which is like the cow equivalent of leaf lard--the best beef fat for baking with, which comes from around the kidneys on the cow. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find beef suet in Austin, Texas?! They literally called every bloody English-speaking butcher in the city from expensively artisanal to the alarmingly inexpensive. As I recall, they tried to contact some of the carnicerias too, except that it turns out that beef suet is mostly a white-person/Anglo cooking thing and their one bilingual coworker stared at them in alarmed and horrified confusion when asked what the word for the fat of the cow from around the kidneys was. So he was not particularly helpful when it came to translating.
Anyway, in a fit of desperation I thought "Whole Foods has weird shit sometimes! Maybe they will know!" So I call up the Whole Foods butchery department and I ask if they have any beef suet. The gentleman from the butchery department has no idea what beef suet is, but gamely listens when I explain that it's the fat from around the kidneys of the cow. "Oh, sure," he says, "I can get you however much of that you need! How much you want?" I blink and go "Uh. How much do you have?", having learned from bitter experience that beef suet is not a common commodity in Texan shops, and that most places appear to special order that shit from parts unknown. "Oh, lots--as much as you need, I bet!" I sense that something is up, and pass the phone to my spouse, who starts out very cheerfully and enthusiastically talking to the man and slowly descends into profanity.
Turns out that he was planning to just slice off as many fat trimmings as he could find from the primals that get shipped to the butcher and hand them a pile of those, instead of actually giving us what we asked for. And not only was he not going to admit that he had no idea what we wanted, he wasn't actually intending to tell us that he didn't have access to any of it until we showed up and got a pile of lesser bits of beef fat that would not render properly when shaved into the damn pudding mix. Wonderful.
We finally found that the goddamn HEB butcher--Texan equivalent of Kroger or Publix--at one of the nicer HEBs when I thought to ask there knew exactly what this shit was. He was like "oh yeah, uh, hang around for a couple of hours at such-and-such time tomorrow and we'll set some aside from you when we carve up a cow. Uh, yes, I know it's the kidney fat specifically, I have like two pounds of that in the trimmings bin as we speak but you do not want me fishing in there for it, the stuff in there isn't safe to eat. We get whole halves of cows to process in here all the time, which is why we're always running into it. The Whole Foods guy told you what now?! Oh man, I am so sorry! Anyway, I'll lay some aside for you if you come back for it; can I take your phone number?"
don't even get me started on the hunt for the damn Christmas goose.
posted by sciatrix at 7:23 AM on February 8, 2017 [57 favorites]
This, as it turned out, required us to lay hands on a significant quantity of beef suet, which is like the cow equivalent of leaf lard--the best beef fat for baking with, which comes from around the kidneys on the cow. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find beef suet in Austin, Texas?! They literally called every bloody English-speaking butcher in the city from expensively artisanal to the alarmingly inexpensive. As I recall, they tried to contact some of the carnicerias too, except that it turns out that beef suet is mostly a white-person/Anglo cooking thing and their one bilingual coworker stared at them in alarmed and horrified confusion when asked what the word for the fat of the cow from around the kidneys was. So he was not particularly helpful when it came to translating.
Anyway, in a fit of desperation I thought "Whole Foods has weird shit sometimes! Maybe they will know!" So I call up the Whole Foods butchery department and I ask if they have any beef suet. The gentleman from the butchery department has no idea what beef suet is, but gamely listens when I explain that it's the fat from around the kidneys of the cow. "Oh, sure," he says, "I can get you however much of that you need! How much you want?" I blink and go "Uh. How much do you have?", having learned from bitter experience that beef suet is not a common commodity in Texan shops, and that most places appear to special order that shit from parts unknown. "Oh, lots--as much as you need, I bet!" I sense that something is up, and pass the phone to my spouse, who starts out very cheerfully and enthusiastically talking to the man and slowly descends into profanity.
Turns out that he was planning to just slice off as many fat trimmings as he could find from the primals that get shipped to the butcher and hand them a pile of those, instead of actually giving us what we asked for. And not only was he not going to admit that he had no idea what we wanted, he wasn't actually intending to tell us that he didn't have access to any of it until we showed up and got a pile of lesser bits of beef fat that would not render properly when shaved into the damn pudding mix. Wonderful.
We finally found that the goddamn HEB butcher--Texan equivalent of Kroger or Publix--at one of the nicer HEBs when I thought to ask there knew exactly what this shit was. He was like "oh yeah, uh, hang around for a couple of hours at such-and-such time tomorrow and we'll set some aside from you when we carve up a cow. Uh, yes, I know it's the kidney fat specifically, I have like two pounds of that in the trimmings bin as we speak but you do not want me fishing in there for it, the stuff in there isn't safe to eat. We get whole halves of cows to process in here all the time, which is why we're always running into it. The Whole Foods guy told you what now?! Oh man, I am so sorry! Anyway, I'll lay some aside for you if you come back for it; can I take your phone number?"
don't even get me started on the hunt for the damn Christmas goose.
posted by sciatrix at 7:23 AM on February 8, 2017 [57 favorites]
Yes, baby carrots are ugly regular carrots polished with something like a rock tumbler.
posted by blnkfrnk at 7:26 AM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by blnkfrnk at 7:26 AM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
I am very glad to see both the "This is great for people with disabilities" and the "Oh wow this would save me time when I don't have much time at all" AND the "My kitchen is the size of a postage stamp" people all already chiming in because I'm going to jump on all three of those bandwagons.
I want this. I want this SO BAD.
I have a bum shoulder, and bum wrists. My husband has bad knees. We both have not-great backs. We like to cook, but standing and chopping veg for any amount of veg more than 1 onion is then met with heating pads and OTC painkillers.
We also have a toddler. We also have a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. We also both work.
I would gladly and happily pay the extra money to be able to take all my pre-cut veg and make soup, stir-fry, side veg, salad, whatever for my family 5-6 nights a week. I'd gladly pay to have pre-cut salads with veg I LIKE TO EAT to take to work. It would still be cheaper than pre-processed and I'd probably actually eat it instead of picking up the bag of frozen broccoli or salad, turning it over a few times and the putting it back because it's not appealing.
posted by FritoKAL at 7:37 AM on February 8, 2017 [28 favorites]
I want this. I want this SO BAD.
I have a bum shoulder, and bum wrists. My husband has bad knees. We both have not-great backs. We like to cook, but standing and chopping veg for any amount of veg more than 1 onion is then met with heating pads and OTC painkillers.
We also have a toddler. We also have a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. We also both work.
I would gladly and happily pay the extra money to be able to take all my pre-cut veg and make soup, stir-fry, side veg, salad, whatever for my family 5-6 nights a week. I'd gladly pay to have pre-cut salads with veg I LIKE TO EAT to take to work. It would still be cheaper than pre-processed and I'd probably actually eat it instead of picking up the bag of frozen broccoli or salad, turning it over a few times and the putting it back because it's not appealing.
posted by FritoKAL at 7:37 AM on February 8, 2017 [28 favorites]
"I saw the baby in the carrot and tumbled until I set it free."
posted by uncleozzy at 7:37 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by uncleozzy at 7:37 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
It's kinda funny that people keep mentioning butternut squash, because of all the vegetables in the world that's the one that I'd be most likely to pay cash money to have someone peel and chop so I don't have to. Every time I have to break down a raw squash I feel like I'm a second away from cutting off one of my hands.
posted by Itaxpica at 7:38 AM on February 8, 2017 [44 favorites]
posted by Itaxpica at 7:38 AM on February 8, 2017 [44 favorites]
I think it would be kind of funny to walk up to the counter cradling the squash in my arms and say "I need to you brunoise the shit out of this motherfucker."
posted by mandolin conspiracy
mandoline hilarity!
posted by miles per flower at 7:39 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy
mandoline hilarity!
posted by miles per flower at 7:39 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
EATALY IS NOT RIDICULOUS THEY HAVE GELATO YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
posted by sexyrobot at 7:40 AM on February 8, 2017
posted by sexyrobot at 7:40 AM on February 8, 2017
Guys, I think when Whole Foods is talking about "baby carrots" they mean actually tiny, whole carrots, probably with greens hanging from them. Like this.
I was going to post what Itaxpica said about butternut squash. Those mofos are hard.
posted by quaking fajita at 7:44 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
I was going to post what Itaxpica said about butternut squash. Those mofos are hard.
posted by quaking fajita at 7:44 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
I would 100% use this for butternut squash. One day I will chop off my own hand cubing that shit.
posted by latkes at 7:46 AM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by latkes at 7:46 AM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
(Ha ha didn't read everyone else on board with squash plan already)
posted by latkes at 7:47 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by latkes at 7:47 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Every time I have to break down a raw squash I feel like I'm a second away from cutting off one of my hands.
I have definitely taken advantage of the pre-chopped fresh butternut squash at Costco a few times. Some produce is easier to chop than others, and squash is large, round, and slippery once you break the seal.
Also I should probably take a knife skills class or something but meh.
posted by asperity at 7:48 AM on February 8, 2017
I have definitely taken advantage of the pre-chopped fresh butternut squash at Costco a few times. Some produce is easier to chop than others, and squash is large, round, and slippery once you break the seal.
Also I should probably take a knife skills class or something but meh.
posted by asperity at 7:48 AM on February 8, 2017
Huh, even the lower-end supermarket by me has cubed butternut squash sitting around. Is this not normal? I usually just slice the bastard in half and roast it before cutting it up, though.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:49 AM on February 8, 2017
posted by uncleozzy at 7:49 AM on February 8, 2017
Tip for peeling butternut squash - poke it a few times with a fork, slice off the very top and bottom, and then throw it in the microwave for 3 minutes or so. It'll peel much easier.
....I give you this knowledge as penance for the fact that my very first instinct after reading this was to point and mock, but then I saw all the comments about people with motor difficulties saying "I'd use the shit out of this" and I felt bad.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:49 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
....I give you this knowledge as penance for the fact that my very first instinct after reading this was to point and mock, but then I saw all the comments about people with motor difficulties saying "I'd use the shit out of this" and I felt bad.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:49 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
The thing about the produce butcher butternut is it will be freshly cut. I never know when the pre-cubed butternut at the grocery store was cubed.
posted by latkes at 7:56 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by latkes at 7:56 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
While I think produce butchery is a great idea for people with disabilities and/or zero prep space, let's be honest; that isn't who will be using the service at this store.
"I distinctly asked for 1/2" cubes. These are clearly 5/8"."
posted by Big Al 8000 at 7:57 AM on February 8, 2017 [18 favorites]
"I distinctly asked for 1/2" cubes. These are clearly 5/8"."
posted by Big Al 8000 at 7:57 AM on February 8, 2017 [18 favorites]
I know a lot of the produce guys at our regular local Kroger chain, and I don't think it's explicitly advertised, but they will do a lot of this for you for free. This area has an unusually large population of older people overall, and the store is adjacent to a senior housing complex, so it might be more of a local thing, but if you just walk up to someone and ask them to make you a watermelon steak or to cut something up or shuck some corn or whatever, they'll do it. And if you don't want a whole squash or cabbage or whatever, they'll cut it up and sell you a half or a quarter or whatever.
I don't know that they regularly peel potatoes or do the fussier knife work usually, but they usually have a selection of pre-cut produce in clamshells that's not marked up too much.
You probably don't want to take too much advantage of it or they'll stop doing it for free, but if you've got a disability or an occasional need for something and it doesn't look too crazy busy, you can ask.
posted by ernielundquist at 8:07 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
I don't know that they regularly peel potatoes or do the fussier knife work usually, but they usually have a selection of pre-cut produce in clamshells that's not marked up too much.
You probably don't want to take too much advantage of it or they'll stop doing it for free, but if you've got a disability or an occasional need for something and it doesn't look too crazy busy, you can ask.
posted by ernielundquist at 8:07 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
I would 100% use this for butternut squash. One day I will chop off my own hand cubing that shit.
*Professor Farnsworth Hwhhhhaaa?*
A (apparently) little-known trick: slice the (unpeeled) squash unto 1.5-inch rounds with the biggest knife you have. Scoop out guts. Place each round with the wider edge down. Using said bigass knife, now slice downwards and outwards on the peel. 10-ish cuts per round will cut it off completely with minimal squash loss. Now cube it and be on your way. No opportunity for finger-chopping, since your hand is never anywhere near the blade.
(Does this mean I can be a Produce Butcher too?)
posted by Mayor West at 8:12 AM on February 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
*Professor Farnsworth Hwhhhhaaa?*
A (apparently) little-known trick: slice the (unpeeled) squash unto 1.5-inch rounds with the biggest knife you have. Scoop out guts. Place each round with the wider edge down. Using said bigass knife, now slice downwards and outwards on the peel. 10-ish cuts per round will cut it off completely with minimal squash loss. Now cube it and be on your way. No opportunity for finger-chopping, since your hand is never anywhere near the blade.
(Does this mean I can be a Produce Butcher too?)
posted by Mayor West at 8:12 AM on February 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'd go, if I could stomach going into a WF. I love spaghetti squash, but have a heck of a time just cutting it in half. I thought about taking it into the basement and using the bandsaw, but the clean up... ugh.
posted by Marky at 8:16 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Marky at 8:16 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Maybe for the baby carrots they could do them like I saw one time when I was teaching an on-site class at an industrial food plant. I don't know if this is commonly done but this particular place (which I will leave nameless) used a special breed of monster carrot about three times the size of your normal ones. They were woody as all get out on the outside, but they slap 'em on an I-swear-to-god carrot lathe and peeled them down like a furniture leg until voilà baby carrot.
I was unbecomingly filled with technojoy at watching it work and actually considered using "Carrot Lathe" as my mefi user name.
posted by Quindar Beep at 8:17 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
I was unbecomingly filled with technojoy at watching it work and actually considered using "Carrot Lathe" as my mefi user name.
posted by Quindar Beep at 8:17 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
This idea is absolutely a godsend for people with motor difficulties, tiny ass kitchens, or very little time.
This is one of the rare times I am pleased by a MeFi food thread that isn't packed full of those usual know-it-alls who chastise then lecture people for not taking the time to do something in the kitchen.
posted by Kitteh at 8:18 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
This is one of the rare times I am pleased by a MeFi food thread that isn't packed full of those usual know-it-alls who chastise then lecture people for not taking the time to do something in the kitchen.
posted by Kitteh at 8:18 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
Then there's hubbard squash, which very nearly requires an axe to to get open.
I wonder if whole foods sells hubbards...
posted by quaking fajita at 8:21 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I wonder if whole foods sells hubbards...
posted by quaking fajita at 8:21 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Some produce is easier to chop than others, and squash is large, round, and slippery once you break the seal.
Two years ago I bought an impractically large butternut squash at the market because the vendor was selling them by the piece rather than by the pound (it was the end of the day) so I figured "Hey! Discount squash! Wee!"
My arms were getting tired carrying this thing home, so I balanced it on one shoulder as one would a large chunk of firewood. When I got to our building and was fishing my keys out of my pocket with one hand while balancing the squash on my shoulder with the other, a guy walking by gave me a nod, pointed finger-guns at the very large squash and said "Niiiiice."
So that's my squash validation story.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:24 AM on February 8, 2017 [31 favorites]
Two years ago I bought an impractically large butternut squash at the market because the vendor was selling them by the piece rather than by the pound (it was the end of the day) so I figured "Hey! Discount squash! Wee!"
My arms were getting tired carrying this thing home, so I balanced it on one shoulder as one would a large chunk of firewood. When I got to our building and was fishing my keys out of my pocket with one hand while balancing the squash on my shoulder with the other, a guy walking by gave me a nod, pointed finger-guns at the very large squash and said "Niiiiice."
So that's my squash validation story.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:24 AM on February 8, 2017 [31 favorites]
It's certainly a better idea than livestock gardening.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:26 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:26 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
I would 100% use this for butternut squash.
This. I actually got a blister from breaking down a whole squash, which all the safety tips in the world wouldn't solve. Admittedly, it wasn't the sharpest knife, but still.
I do avail myself of precut squash, but it'd be nice to have a custom cut for when I want, like, smaller diced pieces or flat coins or something.
posted by R a c h e l at 8:27 AM on February 8, 2017
This. I actually got a blister from breaking down a whole squash, which all the safety tips in the world wouldn't solve. Admittedly, it wasn't the sharpest knife, but still.
I do avail myself of precut squash, but it'd be nice to have a custom cut for when I want, like, smaller diced pieces or flat coins or something.
posted by R a c h e l at 8:27 AM on February 8, 2017
While I think produce butchery is a great idea for people with disabilities and/or zero prep space, let's be honest; that isn't who will be using the service at this store.
I like making fun of whole foods as much as the next guy, but you should know that 1. whole foods is a cheap-to-average priced grocery store in this area (and not all customers are wealthy neighborhood residents, many may just work nearby) and 2. there are plenty of nice, normal, honest-to-god busy/disabled/space-crunched New Yorkers. I'm sure you don't mean it this way but this kind of thing plays right into the latte-drinking-city-people-bashing.
posted by R a c h e l at 8:30 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
I like making fun of whole foods as much as the next guy, but you should know that 1. whole foods is a cheap-to-average priced grocery store in this area (and not all customers are wealthy neighborhood residents, many may just work nearby) and 2. there are plenty of nice, normal, honest-to-god busy/disabled/space-crunched New Yorkers. I'm sure you don't mean it this way but this kind of thing plays right into the latte-drinking-city-people-bashing.
posted by R a c h e l at 8:30 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
Can confirm: WF was cheaper and better (for meat and produce) than Associated when I lived in Gowanus. I would imagine that pre-chopped & bagged vegetables would be easier and cheaper and quicker to obtain than cut-to-order stuff, but to each their own. It does seem a bit bougie on the face, but that is totally part of WF's image, even if it has a more mixed customer base.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:53 AM on February 8, 2017
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:53 AM on February 8, 2017
I think this feels a bit silly, yes. But as long as the person's actually making a living wage? If people with money want to pay other people to cut their vegetables for them, I think that's generally a much better proposition for the state of the United States culture and economy than if they keep buying gadgets produced overseas. It's not like Uber because Whole Foods has employees and Uber doesn't. I am 100% in favor of the well-off buying more services from people in their own communities, as long as they're not treating people like shit while they do it.
Being realistic, the alternative to this sort of thing is not that people give more money to charity, you know? I'd rather we got into the habit of thinking of splurging on things that divert resources to people in our communities, on the whole, as least until we get to the point where basic income gets plausible. Yes, by all means, pay someone to do stuff for you, especially if it's someone local with a skill that didn't require $100k in student loans to acquire, being employed through a company where they're eligible for things like workers' comp and unemployment benefits and health insurance.
The problem with Uber was never that people didn't want to drive, it's that Uber is trying to pay people less and avoid important regulations.
posted by Sequence at 8:55 AM on February 8, 2017 [11 favorites]
Being realistic, the alternative to this sort of thing is not that people give more money to charity, you know? I'd rather we got into the habit of thinking of splurging on things that divert resources to people in our communities, on the whole, as least until we get to the point where basic income gets plausible. Yes, by all means, pay someone to do stuff for you, especially if it's someone local with a skill that didn't require $100k in student loans to acquire, being employed through a company where they're eligible for things like workers' comp and unemployment benefits and health insurance.
The problem with Uber was never that people didn't want to drive, it's that Uber is trying to pay people less and avoid important regulations.
posted by Sequence at 8:55 AM on February 8, 2017 [11 favorites]
I love spaghetti squash, but have a heck of a time just cutting it in half.
I always ask the produce guy to cut them in half for me and no one has ever balked at doing it. The exception is Trader Joes because their spaghetti squash tends to be on the smaller, manageable side but they might do it, too.
posted by Room 641-A at 8:56 AM on February 8, 2017
I always ask the produce guy to cut them in half for me and no one has ever balked at doing it. The exception is Trader Joes because their spaghetti squash tends to be on the smaller, manageable side but they might do it, too.
posted by Room 641-A at 8:56 AM on February 8, 2017
Use a paring knife to cut spaghetti squash in half. It much easier and more safe.
posted by palegirl at 9:08 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by palegirl at 9:08 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't have a disability and my kitchen is large and I have plenty of time but I just freaking hate cutting broccoli and would love to use this.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:14 AM on February 8, 2017
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:14 AM on February 8, 2017
The idea of a Whole Foods being the "cheap" store is mind-boggling to me.
posted by Small Dollar at 9:16 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Small Dollar at 9:16 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
EATALY IS NOT RIDICULOUS THEY HAVE GELATO YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
And that prime rib sandwich. Stupid Expensive and with wrong bread but jesus that meat was incredible.
posted by srboisvert at 9:18 AM on February 8, 2017
And that prime rib sandwich. Stupid Expensive and with wrong bread but jesus that meat was incredible.
posted by srboisvert at 9:18 AM on February 8, 2017
As a reminder to those of you who cut your own food, the professionals use a cut glove, and you should, too. They're like $5 on Amazon. Wear on on the hand that doesn't have the knife. No more fear of pain and disfigurement.
posted by greermahoney at 9:19 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by greermahoney at 9:19 AM on February 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
Why is the produce butcher surrounded by durians?
He likes the stink?
I would never ever try to cut up one of those smelly spiky medieval weapons.
posted by njohnson23 at 9:23 AM on February 8, 2017
He likes the stink?
I would never ever try to cut up one of those smelly spiky medieval weapons.
posted by njohnson23 at 9:23 AM on February 8, 2017
the professionals use a cut glove, and you should, too
This is a lesson I really need to learn, as somebody who does a lot of cooking and is also incredibly clumsy. Right now I have a pretty good slice in my thumbnail and a great deal of gratitude.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:24 AM on February 8, 2017
This is a lesson I really need to learn, as somebody who does a lot of cooking and is also incredibly clumsy. Right now I have a pretty good slice in my thumbnail and a great deal of gratitude.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:24 AM on February 8, 2017
But as long as the person's actually making a living wage? If people with money want to pay other people to cut their vegetables for them, I think that's generally a much better proposition for the state of the United States culture and economy than if they keep buying gadgets produced overseas.
Seriously, who wouldn't want to be a produce butcher at a living wage with decent benefits? My favorite job of all time was emptying a dish machine - I would empty a dish machine for a living if I could make north of $30,000 and benefits. Someone wants you to chop fancy vegetables all day? I will totally chop fancy vegetables all day, again for north of $30,000 (here in MPLS) and good benefits.
If it's not a decent wage, not secure or the benefits suck, then a fig to that, of course.
posted by Frowner at 9:24 AM on February 8, 2017 [8 favorites]
Seriously, who wouldn't want to be a produce butcher at a living wage with decent benefits? My favorite job of all time was emptying a dish machine - I would empty a dish machine for a living if I could make north of $30,000 and benefits. Someone wants you to chop fancy vegetables all day? I will totally chop fancy vegetables all day, again for north of $30,000 (here in MPLS) and good benefits.
If it's not a decent wage, not secure or the benefits suck, then a fig to that, of course.
posted by Frowner at 9:24 AM on February 8, 2017 [8 favorites]
Also, for you people who don't live by this particular Whole Foods, the company has long had a practice of cutting produce for you, free of charge. Say you only want half that head of cauliflower? Just ask, they'll cut it for you and sell you the half. And they'll probably cut anything for you if you tell them why. They're generally up for helping people, so I can't imagine if you said "Hey, my shoulder is killing me. Could someone cut this squash for me?" they wouldn't do it, unless they had good reason - short staffed or something. They normally have to take it out back to where the knives are, so you'll have to wait a few minutes.
-former Whole Foods Market team member
posted by greermahoney at 9:25 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
-former Whole Foods Market team member
posted by greermahoney at 9:25 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Say you manage to leave work at 8 pm one night instead of midnight and maybe you want to cook something, anything, for yourself that evening, but chopping those veggies, as we all know, will add x-teen minutes to your meal prep. I might spend the buck to have someone pro do it for me.
Yeah, this definitely used to be me. In all honesty, the reason I didn't/don't use ordinary pre-cut veggies is sheer taste snobbery. I don't trust their freshness or tastiness. But sliced up that evening? Sure.
posted by praemunire at 9:27 AM on February 8, 2017
Yeah, this definitely used to be me. In all honesty, the reason I didn't/don't use ordinary pre-cut veggies is sheer taste snobbery. I don't trust their freshness or tastiness. But sliced up that evening? Sure.
posted by praemunire at 9:27 AM on February 8, 2017
And that prime rib sandwich. Stupid Expensive and with wrong bread but jesus that meat was incredible.
That prime rib sandwich...
The name "Eataly" does fill me with inexpressible rage but the name is unworthy of the execution.
posted by praemunire at 9:28 AM on February 8, 2017
That prime rib sandwich...
The name "Eataly" does fill me with inexpressible rage but the name is unworthy of the execution.
posted by praemunire at 9:28 AM on February 8, 2017
Late to the party, but if you are planning to make your butternut squash into soup, it does not really need to be peeled and chopped. I do it this way.
posted by which_chick at 9:30 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by which_chick at 9:30 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I like making fun of whole foods as much as the next guy, but you should know that 1. whole foods is a cheap-to-average priced grocery store in this area (and not all customers are wealthy neighborhood residents, many may just work nearby)
The whole Whole Paycheck thing has really gotten out of hand. Whole Foods is considered expensive because they sell higher end stuff... But not that they ONLY sell higher end stuff. Go price check things like milk and eggs and olive oil and frozen veggies, etc. The staples. At least where I lived, they were consistently as cheap, if not cheaper than the other stores near me, especially the organic versions. You can shop very cheaply there, especially when you shop the bulk aisle and only buy what you need. Just avoid the high end cheese and chocolate, etc. It's never going to be discount prices. But for high quality groceries with the knowledge that they're paying the vendors a living wage and actively trying to not destroy the environment, it's pretty inexpensive.
posted by greermahoney at 9:36 AM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
sciatrix, are you actually some kind of oddball "Dickens Character" novelty account?
Not that there's anything wrong with that. For a while the BBC was doing this thing where Brian Blessed was on twitter playing Henry VIII as a rather befuddled, overly bombastic, present day suburban house husband, and that was very funny. So more power to you if you are.
posted by Naberius at 9:37 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not that there's anything wrong with that. For a while the BBC was doing this thing where Brian Blessed was on twitter playing Henry VIII as a rather befuddled, overly bombastic, present day suburban house husband, and that was very funny. So more power to you if you are.
posted by Naberius at 9:37 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
It warms my heart to see a cooking related thread not get all fighty, bless all y'all who immediately went THIS IS GOOD FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES AND SMALL KITCHENS.
posted by angeline at 9:38 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by angeline at 9:38 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]
I would use this for jackfruit.
Wrong thread.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:45 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Wrong thread.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:45 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
My arms were getting tired carrying this thing home, so I balanced it on one shoulder as one would a large chunk of firewood. When I got to our building and was fishing my keys out of my pocket with one hand while balancing the squash on my shoulder with the other, a guy walking by gave me a nod, pointed finger-guns at the very large squash and said "Niiiiice."
My CSA has a bi-weekly winter distribution, and each time this year, one of the things in the box is a butternut squash. Each time, I have somehow ended up grabbing the box that has THE BIGGEST SQUASH THEY GREW THAT WEEK, and because the fridge is full and the squashes have been whole, I have been placing them in a sort-of display on a side table in the dining room. They're all still good, but they are all still there, because a) they're HUGE, b) I'm still trying to eat through the soup I made with the first one, and c) one can only eat so much squash.
My roommate has taken to calling the display "the squash forest". I think that during the upcoming long weekend I may just do a mass session of cutting them all down and cubing and/or pureeing them all for freezing (a little of both).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:49 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
My CSA has a bi-weekly winter distribution, and each time this year, one of the things in the box is a butternut squash. Each time, I have somehow ended up grabbing the box that has THE BIGGEST SQUASH THEY GREW THAT WEEK, and because the fridge is full and the squashes have been whole, I have been placing them in a sort-of display on a side table in the dining room. They're all still good, but they are all still there, because a) they're HUGE, b) I'm still trying to eat through the soup I made with the first one, and c) one can only eat so much squash.
My roommate has taken to calling the display "the squash forest". I think that during the upcoming long weekend I may just do a mass session of cutting them all down and cubing and/or pureeing them all for freezing (a little of both).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:49 AM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
the reason I didn't/don't use ordinary pre-cut veggies is sheer taste snobbery. I don't trust their freshness or tastiness.
Plus, sulfites are almost a given for pre-cut (though perhaps not at Whole Foods).
posted by jamjam at 9:50 AM on February 8, 2017
Plus, sulfites are almost a given for pre-cut (though perhaps not at Whole Foods).
posted by jamjam at 9:50 AM on February 8, 2017
Very happy to see a WFM thread that doesn't devolve into "Whole Paycheck amirite" or inarticulate rage about WFM's existence or stories of inferiority about going into WFM or about superiority for not going into WFM.
WFM is not perfect—in particular, its labor policies re: unionizing, plus recent allegations of cheating workers on wages—but it's far and away the best supermarket chain in D.C. Much as I'd like to get on the TJ bandwagon, all I can say about it is it's cheaper than WFM. That, to date, hasn't been enough to steal my business. Plus, a fully outfitted WFM—I was in one in Austin recently—offers a pretty awesome selection of goods and services. This veggie butcher shows how well it can read the market and anticipate/create consumer needs.
posted by the sobsister at 9:58 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
WFM is not perfect—in particular, its labor policies re: unionizing, plus recent allegations of cheating workers on wages—but it's far and away the best supermarket chain in D.C. Much as I'd like to get on the TJ bandwagon, all I can say about it is it's cheaper than WFM. That, to date, hasn't been enough to steal my business. Plus, a fully outfitted WFM—I was in one in Austin recently—offers a pretty awesome selection of goods and services. This veggie butcher shows how well it can read the market and anticipate/create consumer needs.
posted by the sobsister at 9:58 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
My CSA has a bi-weekly winter distribution, and each time this year, one of the things in the box is a butternut squash.
The one year I tried a CSA recently I ended up renaming it "Countless Squash Acquired."
posted by praemunire at 10:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [13 favorites]
The one year I tried a CSA recently I ended up renaming it "Countless Squash Acquired."
posted by praemunire at 10:00 AM on February 8, 2017 [13 favorites]
A (apparently) little-known trick: slice the (unpeeled) squash unto 1.5-inch rounds with the biggest knife you have. Scoop out guts. Place each round with the wider edge down. Using said bigass knife, now slice downwards and outwards on the peel. 10-ish cuts per round will cut it off completely with minimal squash loss. Now cube it and be on your way. No opportunity for finger-chopping, since your hand is never anywhere near the blade.
chopping off my own hand sounds less painful than the tedium of cutting a single squash this many times just to get some butternut cubes
posted by Emily's Fist at 10:11 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
chopping off my own hand sounds less painful than the tedium of cutting a single squash this many times just to get some butternut cubes
posted by Emily's Fist at 10:11 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
So I work in the area and popped in at lunchtime to check it out. I assume that the butcher herself or someone in the produce department is reading this thread: the one item sitting enticingly on the counter... was a butternut squash.
No one was in line at the counter. Presumably the only other people in the room were also MeFi operatives doing field reports & only feigning interest in the rainbow carrot medley. Next time hoot twice like a barn owl and we'll go get lunch, they've got Frankies cavatelli upstairs
posted by miles per flower at 10:30 AM on February 8, 2017 [14 favorites]
No one was in line at the counter. Presumably the only other people in the room were also MeFi operatives doing field reports & only feigning interest in the rainbow carrot medley. Next time hoot twice like a barn owl and we'll go get lunch, they've got Frankies cavatelli upstairs
posted by miles per flower at 10:30 AM on February 8, 2017 [14 favorites]
I'd loss-leader the shit out of some pomegranates and lychee. Tears. Nothing but tears.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 10:42 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Ogre Lawless at 10:42 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I routinely use Trader Joe's prefab mirepoix because I can't consistently cube anything but onions and also because if I'm cooking on a weekday I have a lot less time and patience for fiddly prep shit. On a weekend, fine.
But the last few times I've done prep on a weeknight I've gone too fast and either cut the shit out of myself or halfassed the prep, both of which suck.
posted by scrump at 10:46 AM on February 8, 2017
But the last few times I've done prep on a weeknight I've gone too fast and either cut the shit out of myself or halfassed the prep, both of which suck.
posted by scrump at 10:46 AM on February 8, 2017
traditional Canadian Christmas pudding
I'll ask, since I'm Canadian, what is "traditional Canadian Christmas pudding"?
posted by Ashwagandha at 10:53 AM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
I'll ask, since I'm Canadian, what is "traditional Canadian Christmas pudding"?
posted by Ashwagandha at 10:53 AM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
Obligatory. Anything that helps people eat more vegetables is all good by me.
I will admit to being perplexed about all this butternut angst. Do you all not just lop the ends off of your squarshes and peel the halves with a nice big vegetable peeler? Is this a vegan secret? Or am I just taking my Wüsthof nakiri for granted? I opt for the frozen bagged stuff most of the time because I'm usually just making pureed soup with it, but when I need cubes or wedges for roasting or curry purposes, it's lop-and-peel all the way.
I just freaking hate cutting broccoli and would love to use this.
You and me both. Ugh, the dreadful little nibbletty things emitted by broccoli florets as they are chopped squick me right the hell out. Just feeling them against the side of my hand or even seeing them gather on the side of my knife as I scrape them into the compost bowl makes me ten kinds of twitchy.
posted by amnesia and magnets at 11:04 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I will admit to being perplexed about all this butternut angst. Do you all not just lop the ends off of your squarshes and peel the halves with a nice big vegetable peeler? Is this a vegan secret? Or am I just taking my Wüsthof nakiri for granted? I opt for the frozen bagged stuff most of the time because I'm usually just making pureed soup with it, but when I need cubes or wedges for roasting or curry purposes, it's lop-and-peel all the way.
I just freaking hate cutting broccoli and would love to use this.
You and me both. Ugh, the dreadful little nibbletty things emitted by broccoli florets as they are chopped squick me right the hell out. Just feeling them against the side of my hand or even seeing them gather on the side of my knife as I scrape them into the compost bowl makes me ten kinds of twitchy.
posted by amnesia and magnets at 11:04 AM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I just freaking hate cutting broccoli and would love to use this.
At the farmer's market, my partner has been buying this dark, dark green broccoli which is so rank it smells like two day old broccoli-steaming pot water before we cook it -- and if it gets left in the fridge for five days, about a third of the florets will bloom into tiny yellow flowers.
posted by jamjam at 11:50 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
At the farmer's market, my partner has been buying this dark, dark green broccoli which is so rank it smells like two day old broccoli-steaming pot water before we cook it -- and if it gets left in the fridge for five days, about a third of the florets will bloom into tiny yellow flowers.
posted by jamjam at 11:50 AM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Precut produce makes total sense, but after my experiences with Whole Foods' actual butcher department I am very skeptical of the competence of their employees and their ability to actually pull off the requests people bring.
If you're in Austin forget Whole Foods. Central Market is the apotheosis of food. These days I think of HEB as "the place that sells leftovers from Central Market." Which it really is now that they have common ownership.
posted by scalefree at 12:00 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
If you're in Austin forget Whole Foods. Central Market is the apotheosis of food. These days I think of HEB as "the place that sells leftovers from Central Market." Which it really is now that they have common ownership.
posted by scalefree at 12:00 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Soup is easy, then you just cut it in half and pre-roast. Unfortunately a member of my family dislikes soup (yes, I know) so I often really just want cubes and stuff. amnesia and magnets, maybe you have a superhuman peeler? I have a nice OXO one but it only really shaves off thin little strips, and often doesn't cut deep enough so I need to do two rounds. Plus the sap makes things sticky and slippery and the sap is gross on your hands. I will have to try EmpressCallipygo's microwave trick.
Broccoli: cutting broccoli is so much fun! You get to make tiny little trees. The trick is to avoid cutting straight across (which produces all the annoying nibbly bits) and separate the "branches" instead. It's fussy and takes too long and I love it.
Ugh you guys my CSA doesn't start again until June. :(
posted by quaking fajita at 12:07 PM on February 8, 2017
Broccoli: cutting broccoli is so much fun! You get to make tiny little trees. The trick is to avoid cutting straight across (which produces all the annoying nibbly bits) and separate the "branches" instead. It's fussy and takes too long and I love it.
Ugh you guys my CSA doesn't start again until June. :(
posted by quaking fajita at 12:07 PM on February 8, 2017
Huh, it seems that it's standard practice to cut broccoli, with a knife. Somehow it never occurred to me to do anything other than to break off pieces by hand.
posted by sfenders at 12:09 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sfenders at 12:09 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I would use the shit out of this service and cannot wait until it comes to a Whole Foods near me. I live with roommates, and our kitchen is cramped and kind of gross. Gingerly chopping produce while hoping beyond hope that a leaf of bok choy doesn't flop against the nasty countertop underneath the dubiously clean cutting board is a cooking deterrent for me.
I also don't like grocery shopping, but the prospect of watching someone expertly chop my produce like it's Top Chef is appealing. So I think this is a great idea and support it 100%.
posted by delight at 12:11 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I also don't like grocery shopping, but the prospect of watching someone expertly chop my produce like it's Top Chef is appealing. So I think this is a great idea and support it 100%.
posted by delight at 12:11 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
My usual strategy with broccoli is to tear off a few crowns for a stir-fry or ramen, and then forget about the remainder of the stalk in the fridge for a week.
posted by codacorolla at 12:13 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by codacorolla at 12:13 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I love me some florets, but I'm a recent stalk convert. It's so sweet and toothsome.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:15 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by uncleozzy at 12:15 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yes! Peel the broccoli stalk like you would asparagus ends. The core is delicious.
posted by domo at 12:29 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by domo at 12:29 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Chopping up vegetables is actually my favorite part of cooking! Chopping is relatively quiet and stationary and can be seamlessly combined with binge-watching so I can occupy my hands and my fickle twitchy brain. Also I can snack on peels and stalks which my husband insists are Not Food and tosses straight into the compost. I have good dexterity and slicing small slippery things into smaller slipperier (totally a word) things is very satisfying and successful.
The application of heat to vegetables is another matter: louder, requires turning away from my show, and can result in smoke, flames in the wrong places, and dashed potential.
Basically, if anyone wants to hang out and cook I'll do all the chopping if you do the rest!
Except butternut squash...delicious but the sap under the peel does not agree with my skin. The last time I peeled a butternut squash without wearing gloves, my hands turned bright red and tight and tingly, and the skin sloughed off my palms for days. Wearing gloves to chop up squash is not pleasing at all.
posted by esoterrica at 12:35 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
The application of heat to vegetables is another matter: louder, requires turning away from my show, and can result in smoke, flames in the wrong places, and dashed potential.
Basically, if anyone wants to hang out and cook I'll do all the chopping if you do the rest!
Except butternut squash...delicious but the sap under the peel does not agree with my skin. The last time I peeled a butternut squash without wearing gloves, my hands turned bright red and tight and tingly, and the skin sloughed off my palms for days. Wearing gloves to chop up squash is not pleasing at all.
posted by esoterrica at 12:35 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
"Being realistic, the alternative to this sort of thing is not that people give more money to charity, you know? I'd rather we got into the habit of thinking of splurging on things that divert resources to people in our communities, on the whole, as least until we get to the point where basic income gets plausible. Yes, by all means, pay someone to do stuff for you, especially if it's someone local with a skill that didn't require $100k in student loans to acquire, being employed through a company where they're eligible for things like workers' comp and unemployment benefits and health insurance."
To the extent it's diverting resources, it's also sending them to a union-busting CEO who is against factory farming (good) but against regulations to curb it (bad), and supported Gary Johnson for president (dumb).
"The whole Whole Paycheck thing has really gotten out of hand. Whole Foods is considered expensive because they sell higher end stuff... But not that they ONLY sell higher end stuff. Go price check things like milk and eggs and olive oil and frozen veggies, etc. The staples. At least where I lived, they were consistently as cheap, if not cheaper than the other stores near me, especially the organic versions. You can shop very cheaply there, especially when you shop the bulk aisle and only buy what you need. Just avoid the high end cheese and chocolate, etc. It's never going to be discount prices. But for high quality groceries with the knowledge that they're paying the vendors a living wage and actively trying to not destroy the environment, it's pretty inexpensive."
This really, really depends on where you are. Back in Ann Arbor, where I grew up, Whole Foods was on the higher end, but had pretty decent prices for pretty much all staples (canned beans, produce, dairy, etc.) and really good bulk bins. Better prices than Kroger or Busch's on a lot of stuff like bread, and anything organic or from local farms.
Here in LA, last time I looked, an $8 loaf was the cheapest bread they had, and their staples are a good ¢50 more expensive each. They have some good deals on wine and high-end cheese, and their prepared foods (e.g. hot bar) are often a pretty good bargain, but it's a place you go if you want to spend $15 on a single cookie. The only place it really stands out is for local, organic produce — unlike TJs in most other cities I've been to, the LA TJs seem to only get remaindered produce, so while it's cheaper, it's much more of a crapshoot over whether your bag of potatoes will have an already rotten one in there.
As part of an LGBT rights education campaign, I went to basically every grocery store in the Southland, and Whole Foods really are the #1 store for bougie fucks. Vons/Ralph's/Albertsons all have decent staples, but are pretty clearly aimed at the upper-middle-class white people norms, and their organic produce is pretty mediocre despite often charging more than Whole Foods on the regular. Gelsons is upper-class without Whole Foods' semi-smarmy insistence that you're saving the world by buying $30 pints of olive oil — its pretensions are on straight-up class-based taste, with all the European import frippery that implies. Sprouts tend to have pretty good bulk bins, but they have a bigger overlap with Vons/Ralph's at worse prices, and worse selections of produce than Whole Foods. Fresh and Easy used to be the best for vegetarian semi-prepared foods (frozen/reheat/cold bar), but they had terrible locations and went under. Lassens has generally good bulk selections now, and is the place to go to get your hippy health shit for $2 cheaper than Whole Foods (e.g. Burt's Bees lip balm), but they donated to Prop. 8, and I still hold a grudge over that.
We also have Jon's, which is an Armenian grocery chain that took over a bunch of Von's locations and only changed one letter on the sign. They're the place to go if you want fresh Mexican or Central Asian veggies, like epazote or strawberry leaves. Super King is similar, except mostly Mexican and Chinese, but they often have insane deals ($14 for a fifth of Bulleit rye? Sure!) that rotate through.
So, with that rambling discursion over, the Whole Paycheck thing is real, but the market niche of Whole Foods is very different from city to city.
posted by klangklangston at 1:06 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
To the extent it's diverting resources, it's also sending them to a union-busting CEO who is against factory farming (good) but against regulations to curb it (bad), and supported Gary Johnson for president (dumb).
"The whole Whole Paycheck thing has really gotten out of hand. Whole Foods is considered expensive because they sell higher end stuff... But not that they ONLY sell higher end stuff. Go price check things like milk and eggs and olive oil and frozen veggies, etc. The staples. At least where I lived, they were consistently as cheap, if not cheaper than the other stores near me, especially the organic versions. You can shop very cheaply there, especially when you shop the bulk aisle and only buy what you need. Just avoid the high end cheese and chocolate, etc. It's never going to be discount prices. But for high quality groceries with the knowledge that they're paying the vendors a living wage and actively trying to not destroy the environment, it's pretty inexpensive."
This really, really depends on where you are. Back in Ann Arbor, where I grew up, Whole Foods was on the higher end, but had pretty decent prices for pretty much all staples (canned beans, produce, dairy, etc.) and really good bulk bins. Better prices than Kroger or Busch's on a lot of stuff like bread, and anything organic or from local farms.
Here in LA, last time I looked, an $8 loaf was the cheapest bread they had, and their staples are a good ¢50 more expensive each. They have some good deals on wine and high-end cheese, and their prepared foods (e.g. hot bar) are often a pretty good bargain, but it's a place you go if you want to spend $15 on a single cookie. The only place it really stands out is for local, organic produce — unlike TJs in most other cities I've been to, the LA TJs seem to only get remaindered produce, so while it's cheaper, it's much more of a crapshoot over whether your bag of potatoes will have an already rotten one in there.
As part of an LGBT rights education campaign, I went to basically every grocery store in the Southland, and Whole Foods really are the #1 store for bougie fucks. Vons/Ralph's/Albertsons all have decent staples, but are pretty clearly aimed at the upper-middle-class white people norms, and their organic produce is pretty mediocre despite often charging more than Whole Foods on the regular. Gelsons is upper-class without Whole Foods' semi-smarmy insistence that you're saving the world by buying $30 pints of olive oil — its pretensions are on straight-up class-based taste, with all the European import frippery that implies. Sprouts tend to have pretty good bulk bins, but they have a bigger overlap with Vons/Ralph's at worse prices, and worse selections of produce than Whole Foods. Fresh and Easy used to be the best for vegetarian semi-prepared foods (frozen/reheat/cold bar), but they had terrible locations and went under. Lassens has generally good bulk selections now, and is the place to go to get your hippy health shit for $2 cheaper than Whole Foods (e.g. Burt's Bees lip balm), but they donated to Prop. 8, and I still hold a grudge over that.
We also have Jon's, which is an Armenian grocery chain that took over a bunch of Von's locations and only changed one letter on the sign. They're the place to go if you want fresh Mexican or Central Asian veggies, like epazote or strawberry leaves. Super King is similar, except mostly Mexican and Chinese, but they often have insane deals ($14 for a fifth of Bulleit rye? Sure!) that rotate through.
So, with that rambling discursion over, the Whole Paycheck thing is real, but the market niche of Whole Foods is very different from city to city.
posted by klangklangston at 1:06 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
You can certainly chop up your own vegetables. But you could also break down your own chickens, and it wouldn't take that much longer, and many, many people buy chicken parts instead. See also: buying boneless/skinless.
I sort of feel like anything that helps people cook at home is thumbs-up, and given that a lot of people truly hate chopping vegetables just as much as they hate filleting a fish, other than the silly use of "butcher," if you called this a person to prep ingredients for you, it seems quite normal to me. Yeah, you can just buy pre-cut instead of taking the thing to the counter like Princess Fancy, I get it. But pre-cut stuff gets dried out and/or slimy pretty fast. It's basically never as nice as what you've just chopped up, particularly after a day or so. I'd rather you buy butchered butternut squash and make soup than just buy the soup, which people do all the time and which grocery stores sell in their deli/prepared sections, many of which I sense have grown enormously in recent years.
If it's not dopey to get salad from a salad bar instead of making a salad at home, then this seems perfectly logical to me as an extension of "sometimes you don't wish to do everything yourself," even though you could. They shouldn't have said "butcher," because it sounds like a made-up thing, but this is a service I'd probably use sometimes if they had it at my local store.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 1:34 PM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
I sort of feel like anything that helps people cook at home is thumbs-up, and given that a lot of people truly hate chopping vegetables just as much as they hate filleting a fish, other than the silly use of "butcher," if you called this a person to prep ingredients for you, it seems quite normal to me. Yeah, you can just buy pre-cut instead of taking the thing to the counter like Princess Fancy, I get it. But pre-cut stuff gets dried out and/or slimy pretty fast. It's basically never as nice as what you've just chopped up, particularly after a day or so. I'd rather you buy butchered butternut squash and make soup than just buy the soup, which people do all the time and which grocery stores sell in their deli/prepared sections, many of which I sense have grown enormously in recent years.
If it's not dopey to get salad from a salad bar instead of making a salad at home, then this seems perfectly logical to me as an extension of "sometimes you don't wish to do everything yourself," even though you could. They shouldn't have said "butcher," because it sounds like a made-up thing, but this is a service I'd probably use sometimes if they had it at my local store.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 1:34 PM on February 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
Speaking as my household's designated squashcutter, I would be so happy to have my own personal sous-chef. This seems like a reasonable way to achieve that. More reasonable than my other idea, which involved the bandsaw in my basement workshop.
posted by jenkinsEar at 2:21 PM on February 8, 2017
posted by jenkinsEar at 2:21 PM on February 8, 2017
and the skin sloughed off my palms for days.
New hand exfoliator product! That's my new small business!
posted by honey badger at 2:24 PM on February 8, 2017
New hand exfoliator product! That's my new small business!
posted by honey badger at 2:24 PM on February 8, 2017
and the skin sloughed off my palms for days.
New hand exfoliator product! That's my new small business!
I recommend either waiting until squash is a trendy fragrance or figuring out how to combine the exfoliant squash juice with some other masking fragrance. Or maybe provide nicely-scented gloves to cover both the skin flakes and persistent faint squash aroma. I'm glad squash is friendlier to my insides than my outside.
posted by esoterrica at 2:30 PM on February 8, 2017
New hand exfoliator product! That's my new small business!
I recommend either waiting until squash is a trendy fragrance or figuring out how to combine the exfoliant squash juice with some other masking fragrance. Or maybe provide nicely-scented gloves to cover both the skin flakes and persistent faint squash aroma. I'm glad squash is friendlier to my insides than my outside.
posted by esoterrica at 2:30 PM on February 8, 2017
and their prepared foods (e.g. hot bar) are often a pretty good bargain,
Wow. The hot bar is the one place I would *never* say is a good bargain. At least, not after the night my partner and I picked up a small container of mashed potatoes as a side to go with our home cooked meal and realized we'd just paid $11 for them. :-/
But yeah, sure, prices vary, service varies, selection varies. They're very decentralized, so in all regards, YMMV. I should have stated that up front.
posted by greermahoney at 3:52 PM on February 8, 2017
Wow. The hot bar is the one place I would *never* say is a good bargain. At least, not after the night my partner and I picked up a small container of mashed potatoes as a side to go with our home cooked meal and realized we'd just paid $11 for them. :-/
But yeah, sure, prices vary, service varies, selection varies. They're very decentralized, so in all regards, YMMV. I should have stated that up front.
posted by greermahoney at 3:52 PM on February 8, 2017
This is so awesome! I would absolutely love it if there were one of these near me that I could use. I have problems with my hands and there are times when I end up eating one-package-frozen-microwaveable stuff because that's all I can make. Hopefully more stores will start offering this service.
posted by Verba Volant at 3:56 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Verba Volant at 3:56 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I meant to add: part of why I would love this is because I like to choose my own produce so that I know that it's fresh and in good shape. No joke I have seen people where I live pick up moldy stuff, put it in their cart, look at it, and buy it so I don't even know.
posted by Verba Volant at 4:09 PM on February 8, 2017
posted by Verba Volant at 4:09 PM on February 8, 2017
I don't cut broccoli, I wrench it apart with my hands. It's very satisfying and makes any dish appear more rustic and paleo.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:19 PM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:19 PM on February 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
I love spaghetti squash, but have a heck of a time just cutting it in half.
I jab it with a fork a couple times so it won't explode, then microwave it in 5 minute increments until it is soft enough to cut in half.
posted by belladonna at 4:23 PM on February 8, 2017
I jab it with a fork a couple times so it won't explode, then microwave it in 5 minute increments until it is soft enough to cut in half.
posted by belladonna at 4:23 PM on February 8, 2017
My Wegmans has custom cut veggie mixes for me before. I've gone in with a recipie and they packaged all the fresh ingredients together, in the right quantity - thrilling for someone cooking for one.
Also, they split my acorn squash.
posted by ezust at 5:15 PM on February 8, 2017
Also, they split my acorn squash.
posted by ezust at 5:15 PM on February 8, 2017
I wish they had like a big food processor that you could pour your vegetables into and chop like you do with coffee beans at Trader Joe's. I suppose it would be an issue with things that have rinds and stems, though. I still think it would be a boon to people trying to get kids to eat more vegetables ("If you pick out a vegetable, we'll make the robot chew it up at the store!")
I find that processing produce is relaxing, but I also have no hand use problems, so there you go.
posted by blnkfrnk at 5:22 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I find that processing produce is relaxing, but I also have no hand use problems, so there you go.
posted by blnkfrnk at 5:22 PM on February 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
...would they clean chanterelles for me? Because as far as I'm concerned chanterelles are manna from heaven but cleaning them of all their pine needles and flecks of dirt sends me into convulsive fits of fiery rage that outweigh the joy of eating orzo cooked in chicken stock and combined with sauteed chanterelles/onions/garlic.
Also I was just in this Whole Foods last week while on a four-day business trip to NYC (my first time there) and I was SO CONFUSED by the layout that it just made me angry and I made poor choices at their hot bar and wound up eating some really mediocre ravioli in my hotel while watching terrible tv and I have regrets.
posted by skycrashesdown at 9:46 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also I was just in this Whole Foods last week while on a four-day business trip to NYC (my first time there) and I was SO CONFUSED by the layout that it just made me angry and I made poor choices at their hot bar and wound up eating some really mediocre ravioli in my hotel while watching terrible tv and I have regrets.
posted by skycrashesdown at 9:46 PM on February 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
"I distinctly asked for 1/2" cubes. These are clearly 5/8"."
I would say the way you can tell a cook from someone who butchers produce is indeed knowing the difference between a parmentier and a carré
posted by danny the boy at 11:14 PM on February 8, 2017
I would say the way you can tell a cook from someone who butchers produce is indeed knowing the difference between a parmentier and a carré
posted by danny the boy at 11:14 PM on February 8, 2017
Hold up a sec. I don't care about this produce butcher thing, but there's a new Whole Foods near Bryant Park? Because I usually stay a couple blocks away when I'm in town and I'm incredible sick of the Midtown food desert choices that consist of "go all the way to 10th," stupid pre-theater places, Chipotle, The Red Flame, and Grand Central food court. This changes everything.
posted by zachlipton at 2:08 AM on February 9, 2017
posted by zachlipton at 2:08 AM on February 9, 2017
There's a display case behind the butcher that's entirely filled with mushrooms--I would guess if they're chopping chanterelles up they're cleaning them too.
Couldn't agree more about the terrible confusing layout! It's a hot bar hot mess & seems like it was designed in some sort of warm-up improv exercise before designing a functional space.
posted by miles per flower at 2:19 AM on February 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
Couldn't agree more about the terrible confusing layout! It's a hot bar hot mess & seems like it was designed in some sort of warm-up improv exercise before designing a functional space.
posted by miles per flower at 2:19 AM on February 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
"Wow. The hot bar is the one place I would *never* say is a good bargain. At least, not after the night my partner and I picked up a small container of mashed potatoes as a side to go with our home cooked meal and realized we'd just paid $11 for them. :-/"
Here, at most of the WF, the hot bar "happy hour" is $5 per pound (or at least was two years ago, since I haven't looked since) from 4pm to 7pm, which is pretty fantastic for a quick dinner.
posted by klangklangston at 11:47 AM on February 9, 2017
Here, at most of the WF, the hot bar "happy hour" is $5 per pound (or at least was two years ago, since I haven't looked since) from 4pm to 7pm, which is pretty fantastic for a quick dinner.
posted by klangklangston at 11:47 AM on February 9, 2017
sciatrix, are you actually some kind of oddball "Dickens Character" novelty account?
I thought that was the Whelk's job! or possibly Wordshore's. no, seriously, this is just what I did this past holiday season. life is weird.
also, for the curious, here's something like the pudding they had in mind. 'traditional Canadian pudding' is probably an overstatement but it's a thing their family did every year growing up, and it's definitely not an American thing I'd ever heard of, so ymmv.
posted by sciatrix at 3:42 PM on February 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
I thought that was the Whelk's job! or possibly Wordshore's. no, seriously, this is just what I did this past holiday season. life is weird.
also, for the curious, here's something like the pudding they had in mind. 'traditional Canadian pudding' is probably an overstatement but it's a thing their family did every year growing up, and it's definitely not an American thing I'd ever heard of, so ymmv.
posted by sciatrix at 3:42 PM on February 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
But as long as the person's actually making a living wage?
As someone who used to work at Whole Foods: hahahahahahahahaha
posted by EarBucket at 11:17 PM on February 9, 2017 [3 favorites]
As someone who used to work at Whole Foods: hahahahahahahahaha
posted by EarBucket at 11:17 PM on February 9, 2017 [3 favorites]
My starting wage there was a smidge under the federal poverty line. On my first day of work, they gave me an apron to wear with a slogan on the front bragging about the company's work to eliminate global poverty.
posted by EarBucket at 11:23 PM on February 9, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by EarBucket at 11:23 PM on February 9, 2017 [7 favorites]
'traditional Canadian pudding' is probably an overstatement
Ah. British Christmas pudding. Yeah... #NOTALLCANADIANS. My Christmas pudding as an example.
posted by Ashwagandha at 7:46 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
Ah. British Christmas pudding. Yeah... #NOTALLCANADIANS. My Christmas pudding as an example.
posted by Ashwagandha at 7:46 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
Pouding chomeur is such a weakness for me that I often ask for it to be made for my birthday. Who needs a fucking cake when you can have pouding chomeur.
posted by Kitteh at 9:27 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Kitteh at 9:27 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Does Whole Foods have health care options that employees can tolerate? I ask because of the owner's opposition to Obamacare.
posted by ZeusHumms at 11:04 AM on February 10, 2017
posted by ZeusHumms at 11:04 AM on February 10, 2017
The health coverage is actually pretty decent, and after you've been there 20,000 hours it's free.
posted by EarBucket at 12:13 PM on February 10, 2017
posted by EarBucket at 12:13 PM on February 10, 2017
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I might be a vegetable Luddite, but aren't baby carrots pre-peeled? Why didn't he just say regular carrots?
posted by Gorgik at 6:38 AM on February 8, 2017 [7 favorites]