"Why drink alone when you can drink with your pet?"
February 20, 2017 9:13 AM   Subscribe

Cat wines are the latest manifestation of a growing trend of pet owners treating them like people. Over the past 15 years, “the pet market has been transformed by humanization of pets,” said David Sprinkle, the research director at marketresearch.com....“The term ‘pet parent’ has increasingly replaced ‘pet owner,’” Mr. Sprinkle said. Cat products and supplies make up 30 percent of the $40 billion United States pet market, excluding services, he said.

And while you're both getting sloshed, you can coo over these adorable kittens [h/t MeFi's own Miss Cellania].
posted by Johnny Wallflower (78 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
Toxoplasmosis is a hell of a drug.
posted by mushhushshu at 9:15 AM on February 20, 2017 [77 favorites]


Pro tip: smoke up and give your cat catnip and you'll grow both closer, be happier, and not have headaches in the morning.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:18 AM on February 20, 2017 [25 favorites]


One of my favorite things about cats is how difficult they are to market to. BarkBox is such a good idea because holy shit of course your dog gets RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED every month -- dogs get excited over like...leaves -- so it's constant positive reinforcement. What kind of monster cancels their BarkBox subscription?

All the cat boxes failed because cats just DGAF.

Unless you give them something to murder.
posted by schadenfrau at 9:19 AM on February 20, 2017 [26 favorites]


(And I say this as somebody who was just bragging because one of his cats has finally grown to tolerate him just 2 minutes ago, so I know a lot about the humanization of pets.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:19 AM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


All the cat boxes failed because cats just DGAF.


Actually, since our cats love boxes, I can just order stuff for myself ; win/win.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:20 AM on February 20, 2017 [75 favorites]


There is never not a good time to post big cats in boxes.
posted by schadenfrau at 9:21 AM on February 20, 2017 [6 favorites]


Once you have a cat you are, by definition, no longer drinking alone.
posted by Hypatia at 9:24 AM on February 20, 2017 [22 favorites]


Heh: almost none of the cats liked the cat wine. They should bottle tuna water.

One of my favorite things about cats is how difficult they are to market to. BarkBox is such a good idea because holy shit of course your dog gets RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED every month -- dogs get excited over like...leaves

I dunno; cats get bored easily so novelty is useful for them. I brought in sprigs of apple blossom for our guys the other day: much meowing and excited grabbing and then thoughtful munching of petals.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 9:41 AM on February 20, 2017 [6 favorites]


David Sprinkle. Haha. (Sprinkles a common cat name etc)
posted by elke_wood at 9:44 AM on February 20, 2017 [2 favorites]


Whenever I see "mommy" or "daddy" used when talking about a pet I think of Children of Men. sniff.
posted by My Dad at 9:45 AM on February 20, 2017 [4 favorites]


My cat prefers snacks, he has happily consumed, to my knowledge, Ben & Jerry's of multiple flavours, peanuts, popcorn, yogurt (natural & strawberry flavours), crisps.
posted by biffa at 9:46 AM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


My cat prefers whiskey. Neat.
posted by briank at 9:48 AM on February 20, 2017 [2 favorites]


We bought our cat Zzyzx (shown sitting in an overnight bag) some Cat Wine, both the red and white varieties, and she was unimpressed, but she's also generally not a nipaholic. I don't consider it a waste of money because the whole process of discovering the product existed through to watching my cat predictably ignore it was hilarious.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:01 AM on February 20, 2017 [9 favorites]


Our cat digs broccoli, peas, cheese and potato chips, although the last one is tough to chew with kitty fangs.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:17 AM on February 20, 2017 [2 favorites]


Please never hotbox your cat, jesus!

There's also dog-wine, which doesn't even have an active ingredient. I think your dog is just meant to be hyped to drink the same colour liquid as you?

I have no judgement whatsoever about people who call their animals their 'furbabies' since my fiancée and I treat our soft-toy fat-cat like it was a real cat. We even tuck her in bed when we go out so she doesn't get cold.
posted by Braeburn at 10:18 AM on February 20, 2017 [4 favorites]


drink with your pet

But then who will be my designated driver?
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:18 AM on February 20, 2017 [29 favorites]


The local dog-friendly craft brewery has been a life saver for me now that my wife's working weird freelance reporter hours. I don't feel the need for faux doggie beer to make him feel included, since he's basically there to smell other dogs' butts and eat whatever pizza toppings / hot dog bits I happen to give him while I'm eating, but if it makes people happy to drink "with" their pet, then let them have their fun.
posted by tonycpsu at 10:28 AM on February 20, 2017 [2 favorites]


Actually, since our cats love boxes, I can just order stuff for myself ; win/win.

Yeah, my cat is always impatient for me to get whatever filler junk that is out of the special Amazon box I ordered for him. I mean, the old one is almost worn out!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:31 AM on February 20, 2017 [3 favorites]


Mail-order cat
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:43 AM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


My cat prefers whiskey. Neat.

Yes, that is quite nifty. You really need to explain to your cat with a few drops of water, the aroma molecules are dislodged from the alcohol and are freed into the air... and the scent, once locked in the liquor, is now discernible to [the] nose.

Seriously, just because you're a heathen doesn't mean your cat has to be deprived of a good drink.


I really like my cats. I love my personal cats. But I am NOT their damn mommy, parent, whatever. I have never given birth to any other species but my own. And while my horses, dogs, and cats are important to me, they will never trump my family.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:46 AM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


We got an Amazon delivery the same night we got the cat, 2.5 years on he still sits in it when he's feeling insecure. Boy is it beaten up. It's probably more tape than cardboard at this stage.
posted by biffa at 10:47 AM on February 20, 2017 [11 favorites]


I love alcohol and cats but have never considered combining those two loves into a single purchase. On researching this I still haven't.
posted by Blue Meanie at 10:54 AM on February 20, 2017


“The term ‘pet parent’ has increasingly replaced ‘pet owner,’”

when i had to take loafy to the emergency vet it was the middle of the night and i was 100% panicked and hysterical, and when the vet tech was like "are you sophie's mom?" i was like uh, no, i am a human lady, her mom is a dog? she lives upstate, do you need to talk to her? is this a trick question?
posted by poffin boffin at 10:55 AM on February 20, 2017 [111 favorites]


I used to have a cat that loved heavy metal. Put some thrash on the stereo and he'd curl up near the speaker. Anything else and he'd wander off.
posted by jonmc at 11:03 AM on February 20, 2017 [4 favorites]


I am a completely animal-oriented person who would probably jump in front of a car for a dog and even I don't like "pet parent." It's true that animals often seem to decide that they have a mama or a daddy, and that is just fine, but when other people use it I feel like they're trying to humor an unbalanced person.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:05 AM on February 20, 2017 [11 favorites]


My cat likes licking butter and greasy potato chip bowls.
posted by anthill at 11:09 AM on February 20, 2017


I once had a cat who would hardly ever beg when one of us was preparing human food in the kitchen - unless she heard us crack an egg. Then she'd come sit quietly right by our feet until we gave her a raw egg in a dish.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:14 AM on February 20, 2017 [4 favorites]


the term "pet parent" has always struck me as weirdly euphemistic.

no that is not the relationship that i have with my cats. i found them and imprisoned them in my house where i give them food and (mostly wanted) snuggles and while i treat them well i do not treat them anything like i would a child. i make them poop in a box and don't send them to school and don't let them go outdoors, which i hear is bad for children.

so "pet owner" is good.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 11:19 AM on February 20, 2017 [24 favorites]


i like the term "problematic roommates"
posted by poffin boffin at 11:20 AM on February 20, 2017 [60 favorites]


Meh, I like "pet parent" but only in a passive-aggressive way when it's used to troll particularly obnoxious constantly-on-Facebook new parents who can't resist making every fucking comment, no matter what the actual topic of the post/thread, about their kid(s). Also "furbabies".
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:31 AM on February 20, 2017 [4 favorites]


dogs get excited over like...leaves

Our cat likes to chase leaves on a windy day. He also really likes Progresso canned pea soup. I wouldn't give him booze.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:38 AM on February 20, 2017 [3 favorites]


I always refer to myself as my cats' aunt or auntie. Because it's kind of like that pseudo-parental relationship you have with young persons to whom you're not truly related.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:41 AM on February 20, 2017 [4 favorites]


My friend once poured beer over his dog's Gravy Train. The dog enjoyed it.
posted by jonmc at 11:43 AM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


“The term ‘pet parent’ has increasingly replaced ‘pet owner,’”

This seems to be an actual sign of social decadence, as opposed to many of the things that people on the right get het up about.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:50 AM on February 20, 2017 [10 favorites]


Jackson Galaxy uses "cat guardian" which on the one hand yeah I guess you don't own the cat it simply deigns to be looked after by you but on the other hand OH MY GOD YOU AND YOUR STUPID BEARD AND YOUR STUPID GUITAR CASE ARE INSUFFERABLE.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 11:56 AM on February 20, 2017 [7 favorites]


People have been up in arms about too much affection being shown to animals since before ancient Rome tottered. Despite the cloying term, I'm all for people deciding to "parent" animals instead of babies. It's better for the earth, since the animals were already here due to overbreeding, and the animals can't suffer the existential horrors of the early 21st century as a child will inevitably have to.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:58 AM on February 20, 2017 [20 favorites]


This seems to be an actual sign of social decadence, as opposed to many of the things that people on the right get het up about.

I feel like I'm seeing a lot of excitement about people rescuing dogs and cats from poverty, but very little interest in doing the same for humans. I guess because people believe the world is just and humans deserve their lot, but animals don't. But that presumes that cats are innocent and we all know that's bullshit.
posted by klanawa at 11:59 AM on February 20, 2017 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter: an actual sign of social decadence
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:21 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


Could we set up a rig so that the cat wine would drip out of a faucet? Because my cat would be all over that shit.
posted by bibliowench at 12:26 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


Pro tip: smoke up and give your cat catnip and you'll grow both closer, be happier, and not have headaches in the morning.

Please never hotbox your cat, jesus!


I just want to go on record because I think this might have been directed at me: the catnip is for the cat and the other stuff is for the humans and you should never ever hotbox your cat or even think about it because I presume you are not a fucking monster.

I try to not even let my cats around me when I'm smoking a cigarette because TINY LUNGS (which is what I shout at them to shoo them away)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:31 PM on February 20, 2017 [7 favorites]


One of my cats will steal peppermint tea teabags right out of the mug. It likes peppermint tea far more than catnip. Either that, or Bigelow puts catnip in the teabags and doesn't tell anyone.
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 12:32 PM on February 20, 2017 [7 favorites]


drink with your pet

But then who will be my designated driver?


Dog is my co-pilot.
posted by azpenguin at 12:34 PM on February 20, 2017 [13 favorites]


Drunk cats, sure, that's exactly what we need.
posted by theora55 at 12:36 PM on February 20, 2017 [3 favorites]


(for reference, you probably shouldn't let cats acually consume the peppermint tea or the teabag, as it's potentially toxic; but that cat will steal the teabag if you're not looking)
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 12:38 PM on February 20, 2017


WTF pet parent?

I have both a cat and a dog. I've had a lot of dogs. I have always referred to them as siblings of each other; however, I always turn to the pets and say "...and you are Gamma and you are Delta..." Occasionally, if I have to step outside, I'll turn the TV on, glue the kids in, turn to the dog, and temporarily promote him to alpha... or I'll do that to my five year old or the eight year old... (The cat is never put in charge, even though we put him at Gamma ahead of the dog - only because while he can be more painful, the dog could still treat him like a chew toy if push came to shove. The cat is never in charge because then he would put us all to work as his personal servants and would refuse to abdicate control.)

But... I'm still a dog owner and a cat owner. I'll even occasionally refer to myself as a doggy daddy... but I am NOT a pet parent - The second my cat gets grades that send him to a four year institution that I have to pay for - well, then maybe I'd be his parent. Maybe if the dog not only had his licence but his driving licence - and he expected me to put him on my automotive insurance - well, then maybe I'd be his parent... Until then... nope. no way. not gonna happen.
posted by Nanukthedog at 1:51 PM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


Most days I feel like our civilization as a whole does not deserve to collapse and that many of us do not deserve to live in wattle-and-daub huts with intestinal worms for a few generations. On other days I read about cat wine.
posted by Rust Moranis at 2:03 PM on February 20, 2017 [6 favorites]


tangentially related - kitty roo jumper (autoplaying FB video)
posted by AFABulous at 2:06 PM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


Cat Wine by Moshow (the Cat Rapper)
posted by melissasaurus at 2:13 PM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


"We got an Amazon delivery the same night we got the cat, 2.5 years on he still sits in it when he's feeling insecure. Boy is it beaten up. It's probably more tape than cardboard at this stage."

My first cat slept in the same Amazon box when he was stressed for 15 years. He teethed on it, he outgrew it and still stuffed himself in it, and he died just before Christmas but I can't bring myself to get rid of the box.

My parents had one who curled up in a napkin box as a kitten and as he got older and no longer fit, he would sit up in it, and stick his head down in it, like an ostrich with its head in the sand, his big fat adult back humped up a good foot over the napkin box.

"One of my cats will steal peppermint tea teabags right out of the mug. It likes peppermint tea far more than catnip."

I had a cat growing up who loved peppermint so much she would dive into ladies' purses and pull out their peppermint candies (she didn't want to eat it, just smell it), which was frequently awkward. She was also a coffee ADDICT and if you left your coffee unattended for even a second she'd have her head in there licking frantically. Until I was like 10 I totally thought the purpose of saucers was to keep the cat out of your mug by putting it on top of the mug, not to put UNDER the mug to catch drips!

I am glad other people dislike "pet parent," it makes me very uncomfortable when the vet asks if I'm my cat's "mom."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:29 PM on February 20, 2017 [12 favorites]


Our first cat as a couple ended up being called Fatty, because before we ended up adopting he hung out in the back garden and all the many cats who came through our back garden got called things based on appearance, blacky, little blacky, gray cat, etc and Fatty had a saggy belly. Turns out that when you go to the vets here they call for you by the cat name and your surname. So my SO had to respond to Fatty Smith.
posted by biffa at 2:35 PM on February 20, 2017 [12 favorites]


Turns out that when you go to the vets here they call for you by the cat name and your surname. So my SO had to respond to Fatty Smith.


My family has had similar hilarity. There was a tendency for the pets to have the most rediculous names, so when they went to the vets they'd need a nom de grr.
posted by mushhushshu at 3:01 PM on February 20, 2017 [7 favorites]


Cats are already winos. That's why their piss reeks of Sauvignon Blanc.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:10 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


You need to start buying better wine, dude.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:18 PM on February 20, 2017 [9 favorites]


I think of myself as more of a pet slave than a pet parent- she gets the couch and movies to keep her entertained, and where am I ? Work, that's where. If I was truly a parent those child labor laws would be moot.
posted by LuckyMonkey21 at 3:23 PM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


"Dogs have owners; cats have staff."
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:54 PM on February 20, 2017 [2 favorites]


Our dinner table has 6 chairs and our family has four humans. We always pull out chair #5 for Cat. About half the time, Cat sits in her chair and joins us for dinner, her head poking just above the table paying polite attention to whomever is speaking. Cat never tells us about * her* day however and Wife won't let me put Cat's bowl on the dinner table. I'm definitely going to give cat wine a try.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:56 PM on February 20, 2017 [8 favorites]


My family has had similar hilarity. There was a tendency for the pets to have the most rediculous names, so when they went to the vets they'd need a nom de grr.

My vet's office has a whiteboard in the hallway. Seeing 'Catname Lastname room six' written on it was when I realized that was as close as my mom was ever going to get to having grandkids.
posted by janepanic at 4:15 PM on February 20, 2017


She was also a coffee ADDICT and if you left your coffee unattended for even a second she'd have her head in there licking frantically.

My dear departed Lily loved black coffee and Diet Coke. We never fed it to her, she would just steal it like your cat did. She also taught herself to use the people toilet.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:35 PM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


Many cats like regular old human beer. Something about the malt it seems. Also, knowing cats, the knocking over of glass bottles must have a certian appeal.
posted by joeyh at 4:52 PM on February 20, 2017


Oh hell no. If I'm sober then the f-n cats are too.
posted by soakimbo at 6:21 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


The best term is one I remember from an old episode of Location, Location, Location, where the woman who was looking for a house said of her cat, "I'm not his mummy, I'm his lovely friend."
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 7:11 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


Heh: almost none of the cats liked the cat wine. They should bottle tuna water.

Yep...kitty champagne. Ours go ballistic for it. Or, if not ballistic, then a degree or two decrease in their typical passive disdain for, or active dislike of, everything we do for them, or that is within their purview, or that they simply suspect us of considering.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:26 PM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


Catnip and mint are related so the overlap of cat interest makes sense.

My cats are not my children, or my fur babies. I like the phrasing of "problematic roommates," as that feels closest. One of them is currently drooling on me, though, which seems to cross that definition. The fact that I want him to remain on my lap despite the drooling would also indicate a slightly higher level of intimacy than roommate. But not one in which I had much control, see above re: drooling.
posted by lazuli at 7:42 PM on February 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


I have no illusions about what our cats bring into our lives - practically zero, other than a lot of administration - but, well, they have as much right to be here as any of us, and they deserve to be safe and cared for as much as any other living thing, and they happen to be the ones who are with us now in that context, and so that's simply the way things are.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:50 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


tangentially related - kitty roo jumper

That's completely absurd

...

does it come in a mens' large?
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:05 PM on February 20, 2017 [2 favorites]


My cat stopped licking his rectum long enough to ask if they have a nice chianti.
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:32 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


My cat prefers whiskey. Neat.
posted by briank at 9:48 AM on February 20 [2 favorites +] [!]


You know, if you just assume that all cats are whiskey drunk all the time, their behaviour makes a lot more sense.
posted by Paul Slade at 8:41 PM on February 20, 2017 [3 favorites]


When they asked me at the vet clinic if I was Merlin's mom, I told them no, we are co-wizards.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 9:54 PM on February 20, 2017 [9 favorites]


A few years ago I had to sit my Mom down for a talk. She kept referring to my dog as her granddog. My sister has five kids, my wife and I none. My Mom thought she was being equitable by referring to my (now our) dog as another grandkid. No Mom, kids are people and dogs are dogs. They are both lovable but the dog is not a grandkid. I'm fine with it, my wife is fine with it our dog is fine with it. Even if she is a border collie and smarter than most of my sister's kids. At this point at least.
posted by MarvinTheCat at 10:32 PM on February 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


Anytime anyone starts bitching about overpopulation, I point them to pet shit. 76-90 million cats in the U.S. alone. We euthanize about 3 million a year. (I like cats. I like dogs. I like pigs. I like cows. I hate fucking goats.)
posted by mrgrimm at 11:00 PM on February 20, 2017


Well, don't do it, then.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:39 AM on February 21, 2017 [14 favorites]


My friend once poured beer over his dog's Gravy Train. The dog enjoyed it.

My friends had a dog, a few years ago, that they'd gotten from a beagle rescue. He'd been hit by a car and mangled pretty badly, and his hind legs worked, but had a lot of hardware in them and didn't bend so well anymore. He was a good dog, and sweet, but pretty skittish.

When they'd have parties at the house, he'd usually hide, but when he had to be let out into the yard, he'd inevitably find somebody's drink and drink as much of it as he could manage. Beer, whiskey, wine, it didn't matter; he loved booze. If you spilled a beer, he was somehow there before you could move, lapping it up.

He was a happy drunk, and much more social when he'd had a few. Nobody begrudged him it because they figured he'd been through enough, may as well let him have a drink.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:02 AM on February 21, 2017 [1 favorite]


Mungo likes sweet things, he will mug me for my apple if I'm eating one. I have to bite a bit off and hold it for him to aggressively lick until all the juice is gone. He also likes ice lollies.

I've been debating inventing 'cat squash', like meat flavoured concentrate for cats, because mine refuse to drink out of the water bowl until they've dropped a bit of their wet food in it for flavour.

That said, they drink out of the toilet with no compunction, so I don't like to think about it too much.
posted by litereally at 5:22 AM on February 21, 2017 [2 favorites]


“The term ‘pet parent’ has increasingly replaced ‘pet owner,’”

I refer to myself as "her human". Seems only fair as I call her "my dog".
posted by chance at 5:24 AM on February 21, 2017 [4 favorites]


We have a French bulldog that's a wino so we smoke and drink.
posted by DJZouke at 5:25 AM on February 21, 2017 [1 favorite]


I refer to myself as "her human". Seems only fair as I call her "my dog".

Ha, yes, when I'm petting a dog who doesn't belong to me and their owner/s want to move on, I'll say, "Go back to your person!" or "Go back to your people!" It gets me weird looks sometimes.
posted by lazuli at 6:44 AM on February 21, 2017


So, Danny the Cat was a Tomato Vampire.

It was a big mystery at first. Whenever we'd open a tomato and leave it out on the counter, we'd come back later and find all the pulp and seeds gone, and the shell of the tomato a drying husk. Other times we'd hear this faint, hissing, slurping noise. It took a surprisingly long time to connect the two.

I remember going to the kitchen for something in the middle of the night, turning the lights on, and seeing Danny's little orange face snap up from the tomato he'd been sucking dry, his eyes perfectly round. I swear, if he'd had a cape on, he would have pulled it around his face as he slunk away.

From then on, we kept our open tomatoes in the fridge, but we made sure Danny always got some of his own. He particularly liked cherry tomatoes, and a variegated heirloom variety called, appropriately enough, "Mister Stripey."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:45 AM on February 21, 2017 [8 favorites]


We have a French bulldog that's a wino so we smoke and drink.

That dog is a terrible influence.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:46 AM on February 21, 2017 [3 favorites]


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