I accidentally bought a giant pig

February 25, 2017 12:44 PM

The vet that said if Esther really was six months old, she was possibly a sick runt and would grow to about 200lb, the size of a very large dog. But by her first birthday she had blown past 250lb; she was on track to be at least 500lb.
posted by Chrysostom (68 comments total)

Some pig.
posted by brevator at 12:45 PM on February 25, 2017 [41 favorites]

I'm not a vegetarian, but I worry about eating pigs. They're like cousins.
posted by Segundus at 12:50 PM on February 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

she was on track to be at least 500lb.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
big bbs are still bbs, and I love her.
posted by FirstMateKate at 12:51 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Sweet story, thanks!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:56 PM on February 25, 2017

A pig like that...
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:57 PM on February 25, 2017 [8 favorites]

"The two of us had met at a smoke and rib house where I worked as a waiter."

Do you think they remind Esther of this when she's bad?
posted by howfar at 12:58 PM on February 25, 2017 [19 favorites]

We’d started a Facebook community for Esther, which grew rapidly, and we ran a crowdfunding campaign that allowed us to open our own farm sanctuary, where we now live.

I've been paying rent all this time and all I had to do was buy a pig. FML.
posted by klanawa at 1:01 PM on February 25, 2017 [25 favorites]

I'm not a vegetarian, but I worry about eating pigs. They're like cousins.

As a vegetarian and non online-gamer, I feel a little weird at the thought of eating a creature that can enjoy playing video games. (From what I've read, I think my perspective would change rapidly if I spent more time doing online gaming.)
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:03 PM on February 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

"The two of us had met at a smoke and rib house where I worked as a waiter."
Do you think they remind Esther of this when she's bad?

"One word, Esther: luau."
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:06 PM on February 25, 2017 [7 favorites]

Do you think they remind Esther of this when she's bad?

I'm going to giggle about this on and off all day.
posted by hippybear at 1:07 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

PEEGY
posted by poffin boffin at 1:08 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I thought for sure it'd be about this runt piglet that grew into a healthy 750 lb pig. Who knew this was a common story?
posted by carrioncomfort at 1:09 PM on February 25, 2017

Who knew it was common for tiny piglets to grow up into gigantic animals? It's totally unprecedented!
posted by hippybear at 1:10 PM on February 25, 2017 [14 favorites]

wait if i buy a pig, owning a pig will become my job?

be right back
posted by murphy slaw at 1:13 PM on February 25, 2017 [25 favorites]

Aww! I remember listening to an interview with Esther's caretakers on CBC Radio. (There's also a cute video of Esther and her companions on that page.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:21 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

wait if i buy a pig, owning a pig will become my job?

No, it will be coming your all-consuming hobby. You will still need a job to pay to feed the pig.
posted by hippybear at 1:23 PM on February 25, 2017 [9 favorites]

she was possibly a sick runt and would grow to about 200lb ... But by her first birthday she had blown past 250lb; she was on track to be at least 500lb.

Sort of the inverse of the pig in a poke adage.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:24 PM on February 25, 2017

We won't get into what undoubtedly* is a large number of videos available on the dark web that involve taking the phrase "pig in a poke" and swapping the words around.

*I mean, c'mon, this is the internet
posted by hippybear at 1:26 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Love this. Thank you for the link
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 1:30 PM on February 25, 2017

OMG that picture of Steve using Esther as a pillow. I thought I'd die giggling. They're both so nonchalant.

"Why, yes, I am using a giant pig for a pillow, as people do."

"Hello, giant pig moonlighting as pillow for human in baseball cap, how may I direct your call?"
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:31 PM on February 25, 2017 [9 favorites]

Whyyyyyyy does bacon have to taste so good
posted by masquesoporfavor at 1:34 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

That'll do, Pig.

That'll do.
posted by Salient at 1:34 PM on February 25, 2017 [8 favorites]

"Why, yes, I am using a giant pig for a pillow, as people do."

They make good drums, too!
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:39 PM on February 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

I was picturing a pig being hit by drumsticks and also a bass drum kick stick pounding against its belly and I am highly disappoint.
posted by hippybear at 1:43 PM on February 25, 2017

Whyyyyyyy does bacon have to taste so good
posted by masquesoporfavor at 4:34 PM on February 25 [+] [!]


Call me crazy, but I'm of the mind that you can respect an animal and also still want to butcher and eat it. Don't wanna derail too much or upset others that can't think of those things while looking at cute animals, but I find it much, much more honorable not to have to "dehumanize" an animal, or detach from it's reality as a being, in order to butcher it.
posted by FirstMateKate at 1:44 PM on February 25, 2017 [13 favorites]

How is the phrase mini pig not deceptive advertising?
posted by Beholder at 1:46 PM on February 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

yum, he might need to buy a bigger freezer.
posted by mary8nne at 1:52 PM on February 25, 2017

Uh, I had no idea pigs were so big. My mental image of pig size was apparently an image of mini-pigs. Jesus Christ.
posted by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on February 25, 2017

I find it much, much more honorable not to have to "dehumanize" an animal

Don't anthropomorphize the animals, they hate that. ;)

But don't humanize them to the point where you have to dehumanize them, either. All of life on this planet (and probably all the other planets where life exists) competes to survive, and a lot of life has to kill to survive, and most of that life seems to have to learn the habits of its prey, or have genetic knowledge of the weakness of its prey (if you're a bacteria or a virus), or somehow or another have studied the living, breathing creature that it's seeking to eat enough to know what that creature (or category of like creatures) does and is capable of before it is able to be successful in catching one.

Humans have domesticated animals, to the point where they don't have to hunt for animal protein. We just keep the animals inside fences until they're big enough to kill and then we kill them. Not very sporting, really.

I'm not trying to make a commentary here about the ethics of eating meat. I am a definite omnivore, but I don't make any pretense about what is happening for me to have that burger or chop or taco.

On some level, it sort of boils down to the old farmer wisdom of "never name your animals".
posted by hippybear at 1:54 PM on February 25, 2017 [9 favorites]

How is the phrase mini pig not deceptive advertising?

It's extremely deceptive advertising.
posted by atoxyl at 2:00 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

It's mini when it's being sold!
posted by hippybear at 2:14 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

"I once accidentally bought a horse"
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 2:25 PM on February 25, 2017 [10 favorites]

This is a thing that's been happening for awhile. I'm having trouble getting the quote on my phone from this website, but it says, if celebrities with massive funds available can't acquire legitimate "teacup" pigs, that should tell you something.. "Celebrity Pigs, where are they now?"
posted by HMSSM at 2:26 PM on February 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

It's extremely deceptive advertising.

Then it should be illegal.
posted by Beholder at 2:27 PM on February 25, 2017

I'm not a vegetarian, but I worry about eating pigs. They're like cousins.

If it helps, pigs don't really mind eating their cousins.
posted by effbot at 2:34 PM on February 25, 2017 [13 favorites]

I've been paying rent all this time and all I had to do was buy a pig. FML.

Ever smell pig manure? As a graduate from an agricultural college trust me, you are probably in the better life.
posted by srboisvert at 2:38 PM on February 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

I guess it's because people have no connection with farm animals these days, but looking at those photos, I can't say she looks like a "giant" pig to me. In fact, she looks pretty "pig sized" (that is assuming she's a mature pig). Do we know what her final weight ended up being, because even that 500lb number isn't extraordinary when it comes to mature sows.

Just to double-check my own impressions, here's what's recommended for breeders:

Gilts today are leaner, mature earlier and start their breeding lives with less body reserves. The aim should be to have gilts ready to mate, weighing 120–130 kg liveweight at around 28 weeks of age, with a backfat reading of at least 18–20 mm. They should be in good condition but not overfat.

In that scenario, at seven months they should be in that 250lb range. The article says it took the pig a year to reach that milestone. On average it looks like mature sows should be coming in between 300 and 500 pounds.
posted by sardonyx at 2:52 PM on February 25, 2017

Never mind, I missed her final weight in the article. Okay, she's a bit on the heavy side (maybe she's just big boned) but looking at her in relation to the owner, she still doesn't look all that big to me. Of course, it could be that I've seen very large pigs before up. (RIP Peanut.)
posted by sardonyx at 2:56 PM on February 25, 2017

I was picturing a pig being hit by drumsticks and also a bass drum kick stick pounding against its belly and I am highly disappoint.

But how can you be disappointed by that adorable *squeeze* "Groink"??
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:00 PM on February 25, 2017

Just to be clear, this is the scenario that Fern Arable has as an expectation for Wilbur in Charlotte's Web. Runt of litter, wouldn't grow too big as a result, and then..."SOME PIG!," "TERRIFIC," "RADIANT" and "HUMBLE."
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:39 PM on February 25, 2017 [6 favorites]

If you want to learn a little about different breeds of hogs, Oklahoma State A good overview of about 70 breeds. When I was a kid our neighbor had a Red Wattle sow that would point and retrieve Prairie Chickens as good as his dogs.
posted by ridgerunner at 5:01 PM on February 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

The local seamstress here did the same thing. She thought it was a little potbelly pig.
posted by The Horse You Rode In On at 5:15 PM on February 25, 2017

There's no such thing as mini/teacup/potbelly pigs or whatever.
posted by xyzzy at 5:29 PM on February 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

There's no such thing as mini/teacup/potbelly pigs or whatever.

There are, but they are critically endangered.
posted by smoke at 5:38 PM on February 25, 2017

vietnamese potbellied pigs are smaller than european farm pigs but they can still grow to over 200 pounds
posted by murphy slaw at 5:40 PM on February 25, 2017

Vietnamese potbelly is a genuine breed, and a great deal smaller than the commercial type Esther is. It's just that 'a great deal smaller' still means 100-200 pounds when fully grown, which is rarely what the buyers expect. Plus, what is sold as potbelly probably isn't unless you are dealing with a known breeder.
posted by tavella at 5:41 PM on February 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

Piggeh!

I love pigs. My neighbor had a pig for a couple years until somebody reported the pig to the city. Eldon (the pig) was a fantastic neighbor...a far better neighbor than a lot of the humans here. Probably weighed 400lbs at a couple years old - housebroken and trained to stay in his unfenced yard. Loved snout and belly rubs.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 5:43 PM on February 25, 2017

I have friends who had a Vietnamese potbellied pig, he eventually retired to a pig sanctuary after he was evicted from his neighborhood for violating the homeowner association rules.

One thing that I remember about this pig, Travis, was that he was as smart as a dog but without the desire to please or behave for reward or praise like a dog does. He was housetrained, but when he was mad about something, like not getting fed from the table or if his owners came home late, he'd headbutt your leg to get your attention, then turn and make eye contact while he pissed on the floor, or on your shoes, just to show you who was boss. Jerk pig.
posted by peeedro at 5:52 PM on February 25, 2017 [15 favorites]

What finally got me to stop watching buzzfeed videos on youtube was the one where they "surprised pig lovers with miniature pigs".

As mentioned above and what the linked article frustratingly doesn't really go into is that there is no such thing as miniature or "teacup" pigs. George Clooney had a pot bellied pig, yes, but those can get up to 300 lbs. They are only small when compared to regular domesticated pigs because those can get to be 750 lbs.

And those are the only two species of pigs you're ever going to encounter.

The only way to keep pigs small is by malnourishing them. The instructions that come with so called miniature pigs essentially encourage you to starve them. That buzzfeed video was hugely irresponsible in like 5 different ways. Bleh.
posted by danny the boy at 6:21 PM on February 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

I ❤ pigpillow and must have one ASAP. I also love this darling's mattress bed and the way she makes her people look puny.
posted by hilaryjade at 6:27 PM on February 25, 2017

Since no one else seems to have posted it, here's Esther's facebook page. I've been following her for a few years, and the word that always comes to mind is "charming". Her videos always make me smile.
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:16 PM on February 25, 2017

Perhaps it's a side effect of Babe, but people underestimate the size of pigs. Case in point: I have a huge (YUUUUGE) boar skeleton next to my desk at work (just like this one). We rescued it when it was headed to a dumpster a couple of decades ago. It's not in good shape (it suffers from hip dysplasia and has some toes missing) but it's still a great conversation starters whenever we have visitors. Some think it's a small cow, or a very big dog (those fangs...), and we've tricked kids into believing it's a dinosaur, but very few people can correctly identify it as a pig.
posted by elgilito at 11:36 PM on February 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

So much pig love here. It's safe bet none of you all ever lived downwind of a pig farm.
posted by she's not there at 11:59 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've told you the story of Uncle Pete and the giant hog.

WARNING: Does not contain adorable ending with cute boys lying around farm sanctuary using pigs for pillows.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:58 AM on February 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

It's just that 'a great deal smaller' still means 100-200 pounds when fully grown, which is rarely what the buyers expect.

Yes, that is exactly what I meant. All of these so-called minipig varieties are at least the size of a large or very large dog when fully grown. I've seen so many former pet pigs running wild in my area and it's so distressing to me that they were raised as pets and then just let loose when they started to tip the scales at 200+ lbs. Stories like this may be cute or funny individually but don't reveal the somewhat dark underbelly of the pet pig industry. Many pig breeders deliberately lie to potential buyers, underfeeding their animals to keep them small prior to sale and exaggerating their age to make them seem closer to adulthood. This pig is lucky and I am glad it has a nice home, of course.
posted by xyzzy at 2:07 AM on February 26, 2017

> "So much pig love here. It's safe bet none of you all ever lived downwind of a pig farm."

I have, still love piggies, and am happily vegan.

It ain't like our shit don't stink.
posted by kyrademon at 4:06 AM on February 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

As mentioned above and what the linked article frustratingly doesn't really go into is that there is no such thing as miniature or "teacup" pigs.

Where's DNA manipulation when we need it to increase the worlds "cute quotient"?
posted by sammyo at 7:56 AM on February 26, 2017

Esther=cute. Baby raccoon=cute. Esther + baby racoon=Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
posted by pangolin party at 8:01 AM on February 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Where's DNA manipulation when we need it to increase the worlds "cute quotient"?

We did it already like hundreds of years ago. They're just not really available in North America. My two favorites:
The Mangalica (or "sheep pig")
The Kunekune ("fat and round")
posted by danny the boy at 11:08 AM on February 26, 2017

brb goin' to new zealand with a large poke
posted by murphy slaw at 11:10 AM on February 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

"I once accidentally bought a horse"
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 2:25 PM on February 25 [7 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]

That was ridiculously funny
posted by mumimor at 12:09 PM on February 26, 2017

My brother used to work in Trading Standards, specialising in farm work (very busy in our area of SE England). More than once he was passed calls from people who'd seen ads for 'micropigs' and bought one and were now wondering when it would stop growing.

He would go and visit them, look at the now-adolescent Gloucester Old Spot or Kune Kune, and explain that (a) what they had been sold was not a 'micropig' but rather what was technically known as a piglet, and (b) it would stop growing in another 200 kg or so.

I asked him how this sort of thing happened and he said that more often than not it was well-meaning but clueless people who bought a house in the country with a bit of land and thought it would be nice to have a couple of pigs, only to be surprised when nature took its course and they ended up with lots of piglets. It apparently occurs to such people to offload said piglets on people even more clueless than themselves by posting ads for 'micropigs'.
posted by Major Clanger at 2:58 PM on February 26, 2017 [7 favorites]

In regard to the smell of pig shit...

I grew up on a pig farm and yes, it definitely smells bad if you are not used to it. If you are constantly around it, you know it smells and you know it objectively smells bad but it just doesn't bother you. However, other kinds of manure will be highly offensive still.
posted by nolnacs at 3:11 PM on February 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Any shit smells bad, and a large number of animals grouped together will make a lot of stink regardless of species. I doubt one (housebroken) pig would smell markedly worse than, say, a dog.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:32 PM on February 26, 2017

I grew up on a pig farm and yes, it definitely smells bad if you are not used to it. If you are constantly around it, you know it smells and you know it objectively smells bad but it just doesn't bother you.

It's not just pig shit. The ammonia in pig urine is literally breathtaking.
posted by srboisvert at 7:39 PM on February 26, 2017

I want to cuddle a piggy omg.
posted by Theta States at 10:05 AM on February 27, 2017

*I mean, c'mon, this is the internet

I had a moment this weekend where I described an unexpected, unusual but definitely not infeasible physical situation, and then realized that if the human mind could conceive of it, the internet would definitely have videos of that same act playing out. It turns out that no matter how I framed the search query, all I got were pages talking about how to deal with hand-foot-and-mouth disease. Which is somewhat informative in a roundabout preventative fashion, but not a proper satisfaction of my curiosity.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:59 PM on February 27, 2017

Today is National Pig Day! MeFi's own Miss Cellania has compiled a list of fabulous and famous Internet pigs, including Esther.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:12 PM on March 1, 2017