Rule 2: You are a GODDAMN BEAR

March 14, 2017 1:32 PM

Honey Heist is a free tabletop roleplaying game that can be played with a single six-sided die in which your band of hardened criminals must organize the heist of the century during HONEYCON 2017, hampered only slightly by the fact that they are literal bears. (SLimgur)
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish (41 comments total)

IIRC the trick is to put most of Sir Bearington's points into disguise and bluff.
posted by roystgnr at 1:38 PM on March 14, 2017 [10 favorites]

Should've been wolves instead. Then the heist team could be led by Lupine the 3rd.
posted by delfin at 1:38 PM on March 14, 2017 [10 favorites]

What, and miss the opportunity to name your gang Ursine's 11?
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:50 PM on March 14, 2017 [35 favorites]

Crediting the author, the very excellent Grant Howitt. He's got a whole page of neat games here, including the fantastic Havoc Brigade (working title ORK HIJINKS YES).
posted by Sebmojo at 1:55 PM on March 14, 2017 [8 favorites]

oOH OOH OOH and of course the wonderful, terrible, DOKTOR MAGNETHANDS a game in which being slightly drunk is one of the requirements for play.
posted by Sebmojo at 1:56 PM on March 14, 2017 [5 favorites]

This is a good game.
posted by Aznable at 1:57 PM on March 14, 2017

Thanks, Sebmojo -- I only had his Patreon URL, and IIRC including the fund-raising link in an FPP is frowned upon.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:57 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Last night, I was urging ursus_comiter to post this very thing after he texted it to me. It is beautiful.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:03 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've no one to play them with, but I've been reading about free mini/micro rpgs recently. Some interesting ones include Roll for Shoes, Lady Blackbird, and Always/Never/Now (which is a Cyberpunk thing that cribs its system from Lady Blackbird).
posted by juv3nal at 2:26 PM on March 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

What, and miss the opportunity to name your gang Ursine's 11?

The Fast and the Furrious?
posted by nickmark at 2:32 PM on March 14, 2017 [6 favorites]

your band of hardened criminals must organize the heist of the century during HONEYCON 2017, hampered only slightly by the fact that they are literal bears

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SENTENCE
posted by magstheaxe at 2:43 PM on March 14, 2017 [12 favorites]

Dude, honey badgers aren't bears
posted by Cash4Lead at 2:46 PM on March 14, 2017

try telling a honey badger that, just see how that goes
posted by idiopath at 2:47 PM on March 14, 2017 [15 favorites]

I was about to obligatory-link Drunken Bear Fighter when I realised that this is actually Drunken Bear Fighter Guy. Two furry thumbs up!
posted by comealongpole at 2:50 PM on March 14, 2017

Pandas aren't bears, either. Next you will be complaint that bears don't wear hats and monocles.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:51 PM on March 14, 2017 [3 favorites]

Autocorrect tried to change "bear" to "beat." Now I want a heist game where a bear, a Beat, a beet, a brat, and a bee have to work together.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:53 PM on March 14, 2017 [7 favorites]

GenjiandProust, would that be a disobedient child or a bratwurst? Subquestion: with or without kraut?
posted by epj at 2:58 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Clearly, the former and the former. Bratwurst goes best without obedient kraut.
posted by axiom at 3:07 PM on March 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

This is the genius of my concept: variant editions!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:07 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Dude, honey badgers aren't bears

You're obviously not a gopher.
posted by JohnFromGR at 3:12 PM on March 14, 2017 [6 favorites]

> Subquestion: with or without kraut?

I think "German-American" is the preferred nomenclature, dude.
posted by tkfu at 3:26 PM on March 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

This is good.
posted by Artw at 3:30 PM on March 14, 2017

Bear-gaming enthusiasts: don't forget to try the Enviro Bear 2000 app!
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:36 PM on March 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

I read the Dr. Magnethands link and got to the point about making up supervillain names, and immediately something in my fool head came up with: Calamity Bannon.
posted by JHarris at 3:41 PM on March 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

See also: Big Mutherfuckin' Crab Truckers
posted by Gymnopedist at 3:58 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

You can listen to the Shut Up and Sit Down crew playing one of Howitt's earlier games, Sean Bean Quest.
posted by penguinliz at 4:10 PM on March 14, 2017 [3 favorites]

Pandas aren't bears, either. Next you will be complaint that bears don't wear hats and monocles.

Although this was debated for a while, giant pandas are now classified as bears:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_panda#Classification
posted by justkevin at 4:10 PM on March 14, 2017 [7 favorites]

Dr Magnethands has giant horseshoe magnets for hands. This means he has great trouble getting through doors as his hands stick to the doorknobs.

the simplicity and beauty of this as a comic device is sublime.
posted by Sebmojo at 4:30 PM on March 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

I eagerly await the forum posts of people arguing over carefully constructed min/max builds. “I don’t understand why you’d ever pick anything but a polar bear when half the locations are near water.” “Uh some of us still pay lip service to the flavor matching the character background!” “I ran the numbers, and as long as your GM lets you use the officially-licensed Pathfinder splatbooks, this magic helm is by far the most effective hat.” “This edition sucks. All I want is a decent gish build IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK.”
posted by nicepersonality at 7:20 PM on March 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

I am just constitutionally incapable of engaging in any form of roleplay without succumbing to extreme sheepish mortification, but I feel like this Grant guy gets me on a deep spiritual level because I could totally play these awesome games!
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:16 PM on March 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm still kinda losing it over Doctor Magnethands.
Doctor. Magnethands. Not Mister. Not Lord or Buddy. Doctor.
Which implies some stuff.
The only way that could be improved is if he followed it with, say, "Celebrity Proctologist".
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:10 PM on March 14, 2017 [5 favorites]

This sort of reminds me of Dog Bear, a small and fairly simple tabletop RPG that is designed as a sort of affectionate parody of the absurdity of the Metal Gear games.

I have a habit of collecting rule booklet PDFs for TRPGs that I will never play, I have recently noticed.
posted by DoctorFedora at 9:22 PM on March 14, 2017 [3 favorites]

This seems like great fodder for https://www.reddit.com/r/gametales/
posted by gryftir at 10:21 PM on March 14, 2017

Oh my god:
WARRIOR POET: ...Uses haiku-writing as a core conflict resoution mechanic...
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:28 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

I am proposing playing this to my D&D group, I await to hear their response!
posted by yueliang at 2:00 AM on March 15, 2017

If your BEAR stat ever reaches 6, you flip out bear-style and lose it

You can actually WATCH that happen to a bear!
posted by hippybear at 2:17 AM on March 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

Although this was debated for a while, giant pandas are now classified as bears:

Where do you stand on the hat-and-monocle issue?
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:52 AM on March 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh my god:
WARRIOR POET: ...Uses haiku-writing as a core conflict resoution mechanic...
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:28 PM on March 14
[+] [!]

Ninja Burger used haiku to revive a dead character during a game. My legendary players would get killed abd start furiously writing haiku to get back in.
posted by gc at 6:47 AM on March 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

This is a level or nerdy I support.
posted by chunking express at 8:18 AM on March 15, 2017

High CRIMINAL, low BEAR
posted by figurant at 11:05 AM on March 15, 2017 [11 favorites]

I was reading through his back catalogue when i realised this is a set of rules both for roleplaying and life
posted by Sebmojo at 4:59 AM on March 16, 2017 [2 favorites]