IT'S TOO BIG
March 19, 2017 2:07 PM   Subscribe


 
THAT'S A BIG CHICKEN!
posted by chavenet at 2:10 PM on March 19 [6 favorites]


I've seen big- no wait, I haven't. Fuuuuuuck.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:12 PM on March 19 [9 favorites]


As a friend said - it's basically ED 209 with feathers.
posted by Artw at 2:15 PM on March 19 [35 favorites]


Sure it looks big, to a whelk.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 2:18 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


I blame the estrogen in the water. Or the hydrocarbons in the atmosphere. Or chemtrails. Something. SOMETHING MADE THAT CHICKEN BIG!
posted by hippybear at 2:20 PM on March 19


That's the bird that shows up when Link hits too many Cuccos with a stick.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 2:20 PM on March 19 [21 favorites]


I would assume all the gyshahl greens.
posted by codacorolla at 2:20 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


it's Yao Ming's spirit animal
posted by idiopath at 2:22 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


big compared to what?

seriously, look at the video - what kind of scale do we have to determine how big this chicken is?
posted by pyramid termite at 2:22 PM on March 19 [14 favorites]


TAAASSTES LIKE MEEEEEEE??!!
posted by Sebmojo at 2:22 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


That's a really nice chicken costume. Must have cost a fortune.
posted by uncleozzy at 2:23 PM on March 19 [4 favorites]


seriously, look at the video - what kind of scale do we have to determine how big this chicken is?

A breeze block?
posted by Artw at 2:23 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


A few dozen of these
posted by Punkey at 2:26 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


Or is it three pullets in a feather boa?
posted by uncleozzy at 2:27 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


I'm not sure I want to know.
posted by blue_beetle at 2:30 PM on March 19


big compared to what?

Big compared to the other chicken hiding under the ladder.
posted by jamaro at 2:30 PM on March 19 [3 favorites]


"Oh, yeah, yo mama so big she can't even get through the henhouse door!"

(example of the sort of yolks eggs tell)
posted by hippybear at 2:31 PM on March 19 [15 favorites]


It doesn't lay eggs, it lays entire omelets.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 2:31 PM on March 19 [6 favorites]


what kind of scale do we have to determine how big this chicken is?

It's coming out of a human house.
posted by MrBadExample at 2:32 PM on March 19 [47 favorites]


Imagine some looney tunes music under it. Possibly play a foghorn leghorn cartoon in a different tab.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 2:36 PM on March 19 [6 favorites]


after a few watches I think this is shot without any perspective or size clues. The "block" holding up the "house" could be a 6-inch-tall chip, the "liter bottle" cut in half could be a 12 oz bottle, the house it climbs out of could be a normal sized chicken house. the chicken is likely 2.5 feet tall, so an enormous Brahma chicken, but not 5 feet tall like I thought it was at first.
posted by holyrood at 2:39 PM on March 19 [2 favorites]


I think it's a normal sized rooster—its size compared to the other chickens is about what is typical between hens and roosters—but the footage was slowed down to give its movement weight. That combined with it being so fluffy adds up to it looking elephantine.

On the other hand, if that really is a really big chicken, someone get me a saddle. Yeehaw.
posted by jamaro at 2:40 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


I want this chicken to be huge. Do you know how goddamn hard I would laugh and how much I would enjoy it if I walked out in to my yard and found a chicken that was almost as tall as me? (I am only 5'2".)
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 2:55 PM on March 19 [9 favorites]


Perhaps it is large, perhaps its size is a clever trick of perspective. Regardless, IT IS MAGNIFICENT.
posted by Pliskie at 3:03 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


A chicken can be really pretty big at 2.5 foot tall without it being something you can put a saddle on and ride around like a dinosaur mount.
posted by Artw at 3:12 PM on March 19 [2 favorites]


But I'm only a foot and a half tall, so
posted by jamaro at 3:17 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


Maybe the cat can ride it.
posted by Artw at 3:18 PM on March 19 [7 favorites]


Go chicken go!
Go chicken go!
Now go, now fly
You own the sky.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 3:22 PM on March 19 [4 favorites]


(Nevah forget)
posted by jamaro at 3:25 PM on March 19 [16 favorites]


That was legitimately terrifying.
posted by Ian A.T. at 3:28 PM on March 19 [4 favorites]


I think it's actually a regular sized chicken inside a bigger chicken-shaped mecha, like those nice young men in the war hammer forty thousands game
posted by Greg Nog at 3:29 PM on March 19 [32 favorites]


it's a chocobo.
posted by casarkos at 3:30 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


I want one of these to put in the passenger seat of my smart car. We could go on drives and listen to 99 luftballons.

I am ready for chicken overlords. It can't be worse than Trump and hey, nugget surplus.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 3:32 PM on March 19 [4 favorites]


That chicken looks ready for law school.
posted by um at 3:36 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


13/10 would hug this chicken
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:40 PM on March 19 [6 favorites]


but could he defeat the Turkey Police?
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:43 PM on March 19


I also really want this chicken to be wearing tap shoes. I AM FASCINATED BY THE IDEA OF BIG TAP DANCING ANIMALS. A tap routine to 99 luftballons? So tight.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 3:48 PM on March 19 [9 favorites]


like those nice young men in the war hammer forty thousands game

FORGET THE PROMISE OF BROOD AND ROOST, FOR IN THE GRIM DARK FUTURE THERE IS ONLY WAR.
posted by idiopath at 3:53 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


I've seen big- no wait, I haven't. Fuuuuuuck

My reaction pretty much exactly.

I need to know what is going on here. I'm not content.
posted by soren_lorensen at 3:56 PM on March 19 [5 favorites]


And everyone in that twitter thread talking about Brahma chickens, I have seen Brahmas in person. They're big chickens where you're like "huh that chicken is fairly large" but they're not "holy shit bar the door everyone run!" mutant monstrous gigantic chickens. Is this a Brahma in a pen with a bantam-sized coop and the video slowed down or...? This is going to bug the shit out of me.
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:02 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


That's a big chicken.
posted by octothorpe at 4:03 PM on March 19


We thought we had a choice between fighting either a hundred duck-sized horses and one duck-sized horse.

We were wrong.
posted by Going To Maine at 4:11 PM on March 19 [12 favorites]


like those nice young men in the war hammer forty thousands game

EGGS FOR THE EGG GOD





someone had to
posted by Existential Dread at 4:12 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


Is it handing out coupons?
posted by schmod at 4:13 PM on March 19 [6 favorites]


Underneath all those feathers it probably looks like a vulture.
posted by TedW at 4:28 PM on March 19


Knock-knock, motherfucker.
posted by Daily Alice at 4:28 PM on March 19 [19 favorites]


In other big chicken news, the one in Atlanta is closed for remodeling.
posted by TedW at 4:34 PM on March 19 [2 favorites]


The chickens scratched too greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the darkness of the henhouse.
posted by um at 4:34 PM on March 19 [15 favorites]


Dr. Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.
Dr. Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:38 PM on March 19 [3 favorites]


He wears a disguise to look like human guys.
posted by explosion at 4:54 PM on March 19 [28 favorites]


Why did the chicken cross the road?

BECAUSE I FUCKING FELT LIKE IT. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, LITTLE MAN?
posted by dersins at 5:18 PM on March 19 [13 favorites]




i want to gallop off into battle with this majestic horrifying beast as my mighty steed
posted by poffin boffin at 5:21 PM on March 19 [3 favorites]


I'm kind of surprised more people aren't just assuming it's a really good costume. Digitigrade legs are a cosplay thing.

As impressed as I was, I wondered why they didn't make the head larger. Maybe they wanted to go for "normal chicken with monstrously distended body" instead of "mutant giant chicken."

I wonder if this is a puppet art thing, or a furry fetish-y thing. Either way it's amazing!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:23 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


I'm certainly no expert, but it seemed to be moving too realistically to be a costume or a puppet. Especially the way it squeezes through the coop door (which is about the size of the regular chicken that wanders into frame near the end).
posted by codacorolla at 5:32 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


What I find most infuriating about this is that someone took that video. The person who posted it to Twitter got it from somewhere. There should be some reasonable chain of investigation that could figure out where this video was recorded. (BIG AL’S BIG CHICKEN FARM or REALISTIC CHICKEN OUTFITS FOR ALL YOUR DRESS-UP-AS-A-CHICKEN NEEDS.) This just seems extremely solvable.

(No doubt the OP found that video somewhere on a random imageboard and the link has since expired and who even knows who Anonymous was, but aaaarg.)
posted by Going To Maine at 5:37 PM on March 19 [5 favorites]


A Google image search for "brahma chicken height" turns up some images of similarly enormous-looking chickens.

I really don't think this is a costume or a puppet. I think this is a 40-inch tall chicken.
posted by a mirror and an encyclopedia at 5:57 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


/CA derail

Randall Farms.

Never seen a whole chicken from RF? Wonder why not? Could it be their chickens are mutant monstrosities, and we never will?

/-CA derail
posted by pjmoy at 5:57 PM on March 19


It's just three young chickens in a feather coat.
posted by hot_monster at 5:59 PM on March 19 [6 favorites]


(Relevant historical precedent)

When you find yourself in danger,
When you're threatened by a stranger,
When it looks like you will take a lickin',

(puk, puk, puk, puk)

There is someone waiting,
Who will hurry up and rescue you,
Just call for Super Chicken!

(puk, ack!)

Fred, if you're afraid you'll have to overlook it,
Besides you knew the job was dangerous when you took it

(puk, ack!)

He will drink his super sauce
And throw the bad guys for a loss
And he will bring them in alive and kickin'

(puk, puk, puk, puk)

There is one thing you should learn
When there is no one else to turn to
Call for Super Chicken!

(puk, puk, puk, puk)

Call for Super Chicken!

(puk, ack!)
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 6:02 PM on March 19 [11 favorites]


THAT'S A BIG CHICKEN!

actually it's a giant cock
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:10 PM on March 19 [8 favorites]


My name is Choock
And inn the coop
I barely fit
I haf to stoop
But if you say
Im overfed
Ill bend over
Ill pek your head
posted by moonmilk at 6:17 PM on March 19 [40 favorites]


and Laugh-In's JoAnne Worley will tell you that's the BIGGEST chicken joke she's ever heard!!
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:20 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


I've seen rabbits the size of small dogs, so I choose to believe that there are chickens out there that are the size of toddlers.
posted by littlesq at 7:08 PM on March 19


Maxwell Smart would tell you that's the second biggest chicken he's ever seen
posted by MtDewd at 7:26 PM on March 19 [2 favorites]


My brother was chased for his cookie by two of these. They are bigger than your average toddler.
posted by geek anachronism at 7:31 PM on March 19 [4 favorites]


They are bigger than your average toddler.

Yeah, but how many 5-year olds could this chicken realistically take?
posted by Kabanos at 7:56 PM on March 19 [1 favorite]


Trip him, get him crying, peck his eyes out, and then he's all yours.

Okay, that got a bit dark.
posted by hippybear at 8:06 PM on March 19 [2 favorites]


Most of the time he wears a disguise to look like human guys, but he's not a man, he's a Chicken Boo.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 8:31 PM on March 19 [6 favorites]


I've seen big- no wait, I haven't. Fuuuuuuck.

Keep fucking that chicken.
posted by dephlogisticated at 8:42 PM on March 19 [3 favorites]


Not really big enough to be a war-chicken. More of a polo chicken.
posted by um at 8:42 PM on March 19 [2 favorites]


Great, now I have mental images of chickens with popped collars. Thanks, MetaFilter.
posted by hippybear at 8:58 PM on March 19 [3 favorites]


NON-GMO MY ASS
posted by not_on_display at 10:29 PM on March 19


*Wipes tear from eye* Domestication is... majestic
posted by Apocryphon at 10:34 PM on March 19 [2 favorites]


"Why am I so massive?"
posted by Omission at 11:18 PM on March 19


They are bigger than your average toddler.

Yeah, but how many 5-year olds could this chicken realistically take?


Could a typical young man, armed only with a knife, (say, six or eight inches long) be trained to consistently "win" fights with this chicken? Assume no element of surprise.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:05 AM on March 20 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty sure the fact that this chicken is wearing tap shoes and doing a routine to 99 luftballons will be pretty damn surprising to this kid.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 12:22 AM on March 20


Bow down before MEGALEG
posted by flabdablet at 1:07 AM on March 20




Welp, that explains the size of those leg quarters in that bag of quarters I got recently.

OTOH, very sad it is not from a chicken farm in Pripyat.
posted by Samizdata at 2:03 AM on March 20 [1 favorite]


For a second, when I saw the feet, I thought it was a sheepdog with a toy chicken face on its nose but then WINGS and I was all okay nope that's really a chicken!
posted by Mister Moofoo at 3:23 AM on March 20


My name is Choock
And inn the coop


This would work well as a sweet poetic conversation between giant Fezzik-chicken and Inigo-chicken.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 4:57 AM on March 20 [1 favorite]


He feet too big for he gotdamn boot.
posted by No-sword at 5:31 AM on March 20 [4 favorites]


It's like a regular chicken riding a giant feathered tauntaun
posted by gottabefunky at 8:55 AM on March 20 [3 favorites]


If that rooster only put on a cowboy hat or a suit, you wouldn't be able to tell him apart in a crowd.

♫ ♪
Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you?
You don't act like the other chickens do.
you wear a disguise to look like human guys,
but you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo.

posted by JHarris at 10:45 AM on March 20 [5 favorites]


Do you even lift, br...OK, apparently you do.
posted by Quindar Beep at 12:09 PM on March 20 [2 favorites]


We're halfway to solving that eternal question, "Would you rather fight a hundred chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?"

On preview: (Curses! Beaten to it!)
posted by Quindar Beep at 12:13 PM on March 20


It also seems to stand a bit higher than the usual chicken posture? I.e., the legs are less bent, so it gives it more height? Definitely a substantial chicken either way.
posted by tavella at 12:58 PM on March 20




There's a place down the road from me that breeds these. They're adorable in person, with their big poofy feet. The biggest I've seen running around their yard are probably the same size as a toddler, so...maybe 2 feet tall? They weigh about as much as a young turkey, but from what I understand, they're champion egg layers, and as such, are not so much eaten as kept as fuzzy pampered pet chickens. I wanted one, but the city recently incorporated our land into the city from being county address, and now we're forbidden from having livestock any more. But hey, our taxes tripled, so that makes up for it. Oh wait....
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 5:26 PM on March 20 [2 favorites]


Here’s the clip on Youtube, identified as a Brahma chicken. So, I guess that’s a thing.

While I think this is probably just a big chicken, that YouTube account (ThePeoplesContent) seems untrustworthy. A random mix of videos that have been reposted from other sources without any kind of outside citations. Plus, the video went up on March 19, the same day as the tweet, so it seems quite likely that the account owners are just trying to piggyback on the tweet’s popularity.
posted by Going To Maine at 6:00 PM on March 20


Venturing into the sidebar of the YouTube video Ursula Hitler posted led me to an entire playlist of Brahma chicken videos which appear to mostly be from the same farm. The chain link fence here gives a good sense of scale, and while there is definitely some enormous cock on display here, it's not like they're super powered atomic mutants or anything.
Leggy damn things, though.
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 7:29 PM on March 20 [2 favorites]


Forget about the big chicken. Get a load of the size of this dog!!!
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:01 PM on March 20 [3 favorites]


He's a chicken I tell you! A giant chicken!
posted by ckape at 8:15 PM on March 20 [4 favorites]


I think I have tracked our giant chicken back to the origins of the video; chicken enthusiast Fitim Sejfijaj, who first shared the video on a Kosovo-based Facebook group for fancy poultry aficionados. And apparently, even by big ol bird standards, this is a bigger than usual big ol bird, weighing in at 16 pounds and standing almost 3 feet tall.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 8:42 PM on March 20 [7 favorites]


I'm glad that I live in a world in which some people could rightfully be described by the term chicken enthusiast.
posted by JHarris at 1:37 AM on March 21


Gonzo is a definite chicken enthusiast.
posted by hippybear at 2:03 AM on March 21 [5 favorites]


It's a Chocobo!
posted by The Seeds of Autumn at 3:31 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]


I have a couple normal sized backyard chickens, so my Facebook feed is full of people suggesting I get this chicken or one of his brothers. (With some suggesting a 50 gallon drum of buttermilk for marinating as well.) I so want one.
posted by Cocodrillo at 5:07 AM on March 21


I so want one.

Me too.

So I can name it Beyonce....

And train it to knock on our neighbor's front door....

While wearing a "KNOCK, KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER" sign around its neck.

posted by zarq at 1:22 PM on March 21 [1 favorite]


“As senior rooster ’round here, it’s my duty, and my pleasure, to instruct junior roosters in the ancient art of roostery”
posted by bz at 1:27 PM on March 21 [2 favorites]


Who wore it best?
warning: contains He who ruins every MeFi thread in which He appears
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:38 PM on March 21


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