Autistic's guide to asking a girl out

April 23, 2002 3:45 PM

Autistic's guide to asking a girl out Autistics.org has written a helpful set of instructions for autistics wanting to ask a girl out for a movie. I'm not sure if this is terribly interesting, but apparently the folks at memepool did. Plus, it humbled me so much that I felt deathly ill as I read it - that's got to be worth something, am I right or am I right?
posted by Settle (48 comments total)

Man, I wish regular guys acted like that on a date. How come there aren't instructions for your average, everyday hormone-laden lonely guy?

And they need to add something in there about not trying to cop a feel as soon as you get the girl in the car. Makes a bad impression, donchaknow.
posted by Watsonne at 3:53 PM on April 23, 2002

Yea, fellas should wait until they're in the theater before copping a feel.
posted by gnz2001 at 4:00 PM on April 23, 2002

Autistics, nothing. I coulda used this handy guide when I was 15.
posted by jonmc at 4:02 PM on April 23, 2002

Some guys use a van.

Sorry. o<

It'd be nice to be able to look at the world this clearly and simply. As that poster of famous and talented autistics says, "Cure What?". I mean, you've gotta understand, it takes a *lot* of energy to be as obnoxious as I am all the time.
posted by Settle at 4:04 PM on April 23, 2002

If she says 'no', then approach her on a different day and ask her again to see a different movie, if she says 'no' to this one also, she doesn't want to go out with you.

I found that funny.

watsonne: well, there's this in case you happen to find yourself in, uh, japan.
posted by delmoi at 4:08 PM on April 23, 2002

There's no path in this flow chart for what to do if you don't want to go on a second date with the girl... It says to tell her you'll call her, no matter what, then says to call her the next day and say what a good time you had, and to ask her out again...

What if you didn't like her? Do you not tell her you'll call her? Do you say you will, then don't? Do you call her, but don't tell her you had a great time, call, say you had a great time, but don't ask her on a second movie date, or ask her on a second date, then stand her up?

Autistic minds want to know!!!
posted by kfury at 4:09 PM on April 23, 2002

I'd also like to see if they have advanced lessons. The 5th date material could get pretty interesting.
posted by kfury at 4:09 PM on April 23, 2002

I'd just pray the girl in question doesn't ask me to divide by zero ha ha ha ha ha *snort*
posted by Settle at 4:11 PM on April 23, 2002

They need one of these for tourette's people.
I already know how to be autistic.
posted by dong_resin at 4:13 PM on April 23, 2002

Fuckers.
posted by dong_resin at 4:14 PM on April 23, 2002

watsonne: well, there's this in case you happen to find yourself in, uh, japan.


Hmm... The detailed instructions in Part 1 may be specific to Japan, but it seems to me that Part 2 is pretty universal, don't you think? But thankfully there are plenty of reference guides to help men in other parts of the world.
posted by Watsonne at 4:17 PM on April 23, 2002

They also failed to discuss the magical art of reading the signs girls give while you're on the date. If you don't pay attention, they may end up complaining of your sign-reading ignorance to all of their friends but still going out with you because they don't want to be mean. A simple no will suffice thank you.
posted by jaden at 4:21 PM on April 23, 2002

I've known "normal" guys who could have benefited from this.
posted by ilsa at 4:27 PM on April 23, 2002

Anyone who has to read anything in the hope of getting lucky with girls automatically doubles his chances of failing yet again. The desire to "score" triples it. It's a cruel fact of life.

Girls decide. We get chosen. That's the way it goes. The most a guy can do is gently - and with absolutely no lying or bragging - prove them right. That's about the extent of our so-called seduction. Do not act surprised or look grateful. Look - can you say this in English - fated; destined.

That's it, I'm afraid. What afraid? It's worked fine since the beginning of time. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:34 PM on April 23, 2002

I noticed that they didn't advise a Dirty Sanchez.
posted by adampsyche at 4:40 PM on April 23, 2002

how to die.
posted by quonsar at 4:40 PM on April 23, 2002

Girls decide. We get chosen. That's the way it goes.


OK, so all joking aside (ok, most joking aside, is this really true? Maybe there are fewer girls hanging out in bars wanting to take someone home, but I don't think it's entirely a matter of the girl choosing the guy. I know that wasn't the case for me. It seems to me that there needs to be a mutual attraction/interest in order for it to work, not just one person (girl) saying "I choose... YOU!"


No?
posted by Watsonne at 4:42 PM on April 23, 2002

Guys say "Eenie meenie miney...please"
Gals say "Eenie meenie miney...you!
posted by gnz2001 at 4:49 PM on April 23, 2002

Speak for yourself Miguel. You neglect to consider that some of us may be devastatingly handsome.

LIKE MORRISSEY, *SIGH*
posted by Settle at 4:49 PM on April 23, 2002

Anyone who has to read anything in the hope of getting lucky with girls automatically doubles his chances of failing yet again.

Who said anything about getting lucky? I'm just talking about reading the signals to see if you should ask her out again.

Also, your opinion would definitely be disputed by these folks.
posted by jaden at 4:52 PM on April 23, 2002

Anyone who has to read anything in the hope of getting lucky with girls automatically doubles his chances of failing yet again. The desire to "score" triples it. It's a cruel fact of life.

And the fourth cruel irony of dating, is that once you are actually in a relationship, then and only then do the women come out of the woodwork and begin hitting on you. This is as indisputable as a law of physics, trust me.
posted by jonmc at 4:53 PM on April 23, 2002

how to die.

My god. test.
posted by j.edwards at 4:55 PM on April 23, 2002

And the fourth cruel irony of dating, is that once you are actually in a relationship, then and only then do the women come out of the woodwork and begin hitting on you. This is as indisputable as a law of physics, trust me.

No doubt about it.
posted by adampsyche at 4:56 PM on April 23, 2002

And the fourth cruel irony of dating, is that once you are actually in a relationship, then and only then do the women come out of the woodwork and begin hitting on you. This is as indisputable as a law of physics, trust me.

No doubt about it.
posted by adampsyche at 4:57 PM on April 23, 2002

No double posting about it.
posted by adampsyche at 4:57 PM on April 23, 2002

CRASH
Why do you get to choose? Why
don't I get to choose?

ANNIE
Actually none of us on this planet
ever really choose each other.
It's all Quantum Physics and
molecular attraction. There are
laws we don't understand that
bring us together and break us
apart.

EBBY
Is somebody gonna go to bed with
somebody or what?

ANNIE
You're a regular nuclear meltdown,
honey--slow down.

Crash rises to leave, and heads for the door.

posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:01 PM on April 23, 2002

And the fourth cruel irony of dating, is that once you are actually in a relationship, then and only then do the women come out of the woodwork and begin hitting on you. This is as indisputable as a law of physics, trust me.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's noticed that. My theory is the same one which explains why the gay guys I know are friends with beautiful women. They're not a risk. Girls don't have to worry about being hit on, so they let their guards down and they can just be themselves (usually very friendly and pleasant). Once they find out that you're available, it's right back the cold shoulder and one word answers.
posted by jaden at 5:02 PM on April 23, 2002

Men look for available women, right? Wonderful, gorgeous, yadda yadda, and available. They don't look at taken women - too much effort. Women, on the other hand, look for a man that's so good someone else already chose him.

See, the logic is, a man that's available must have something wrong with him if another girl doesn't want him. A man that is taken, however, is likely housetrained and has passed inspection.

*braces for the yelling*

No, I don't actually believe any of that. I just read it somewhere!
posted by Melinika at 5:19 PM on April 23, 2002

There may be something to that Melinka. But I actually think it has more to do with us guys. When we're single and on the prowl we tend to have that ravenous "I want to have sex. with anything. right now." look on our face, which dosen't exactly make a girls heart go pitter-pat.
On the other hand, when we've got someone, we're calm relaxed, confident cos we just don't care. It is a cruel irony though, as since I've been in a relationship, I've had terrific women blatantly flirting with me, which is flattering, but at the same time makes me wanna grab them by the collar and scream "Where wre you when I was single?!!"
posted by jonmc at 5:28 PM on April 23, 2002

Either that or we're considerably more pragmatic.

And by pragmatic I mean desperate.
posted by Settle at 5:34 PM on April 23, 2002

Furthermore, am I the only one who wishes Usher would stop dancing around and just give us the goddamned answers?
posted by Settle at 5:43 PM on April 23, 2002

melinika:

See, the logic is, a man that's available must have something wrong with him if another girl doesn't want him. A man that is taken, however, is likely housetrained and has passed inspection.

or a guy could just be shy.
posted by moz at 6:29 PM on April 23, 2002

My theory is the same one which explains why the gay guys I know are friends with beautiful women.

Umm yeah. Who do ya think has serious intellectual conversations with them after a long night out with a dumb horny straight guy? ;)
posted by RJ Reynolds at 6:56 PM on April 23, 2002

Hey RJ Reynolds you and I should discuss clothes over an ice-cold Zima sometime.
posted by Settle at 7:01 PM on April 23, 2002

No no wait my new answer to RJ's post is:

"Anyone but ParisParamus"
posted by Settle at 7:17 PM on April 23, 2002

If she says 'no', then approach her on a different day and ask her again to see a different movie, if she says 'no' to this one also, she doesn't want to go out with you.

But I thought 'no' really means 'yes'. This could explain a lot actually...
posted by homunculus at 7:36 PM on April 23, 2002

jonmc: yeah, there are the desperate ones, and the odor of desperation just doesn't carry that essential whiff of pheromones, ya know?

moz: read disclaimer. It wasn't intended as a serious remark. More like "Cosmo explains it all" or something. =P

Actually, Cosmo would never be that honest. Scratch that. Maybe more like a peek into a Cosmo girl's subconscious?

homunculus: "No" means "no" except when it means "You are a very nice guy, but I have no polite way of telling you that you need to use anti-perspirant". ;)
posted by Melinika at 7:56 PM on April 23, 2002

You can smell that too???
posted by Settle at 8:01 PM on April 23, 2002

Jaden beat me to it--it never ceases to amaze and amuse me to see all the months old Unintentionally Funny Websites from FadeToBlack get posted here. And people complain about Onion posts...
(Of course, truth be told I just posted that last one over at MetaTalk.) But that Autistic Dating Guide has been there since 1999. This is not hot fresh material, this is stale and old. I didn't join up here to see stuff I saw two years ago.
posted by y2karl at 9:40 PM on April 23, 2002

OK, since 2000--I exaggerated. But still...
posted by y2karl at 9:42 PM on April 23, 2002

On the other hand, the conversation has been edifying to a certain degree.
posted by y2karl at 9:48 PM on April 23, 2002

y2karl:

This is not hot fresh material, this is stale and old. I didn't join up here to see stuff I saw two years ago.

why should a metafilter post necessarily be new? i understand how you might not care to see a link you've seen in the past, but you're also the only (or one of the only) complaints in a thread of over 40 comments. the age of the link doesn't seem to be a big concern overall.
posted by moz at 10:08 PM on April 23, 2002

Well, I just now figured, "Can't beat them--join them." I've lowered my standards.

moz: Three years ago, cutting and pasting was voodoo to me. Two years ago I saw this. I am not that web savvy. It's old.
< private doberman>But Sahge...
What about the Onion comparison? < /doberman> [obligatory Bilko reference]

Let's burn them all up quick, kids, OK?

And didn't I say the conversation was edifying?
posted by y2karl at 10:25 PM on April 23, 2002

They also failed to discuss the magical art of reading the signs girls give while you're on the date.

jaden - being unable to read those signs is one of those things that being (even slightly) autistic means. Disaster, therefore, looms anyway.



Ah, well, if it doesn't kill us it makes us stronger, eh?
posted by Grangousier at 11:47 PM on April 23, 2002

Oh, and by the way this is very useful.

I see that these pages no longer exist, technically.
posted by Grangousier at 11:50 PM on April 23, 2002

Oops
posted by Grangousier at 11:50 PM on April 23, 2002

I think that this advice should go out to all guys. Most realize that a bit of manners and care goes along way. Then again, I've seen many episodes of both "The Fifth Wheel" and "Shipmates" on TV. The contestants must be programmed with 2 objectives: #1- Kiss her. #2- Wait an hour, then forcefully squeeze her breats. That get chicks hot.
posted by ttrendel at 12:13 AM on April 24, 2002

being unable to read those signs is one of those things that being (even slightly) autistic means. Disaster, therefore, looms anyway.

That's a very good point. Except that means I must be autistic, for disaster has taken up full-time residence in my social life. It's common knowledge that 68574 times 16475 is 1129756650, right?
posted by jaden at 9:03 AM on April 24, 2002