Completely Meat Chocolate Pie
March 28, 2017 4:04 PM   Subscribe

Research scientist Janelle Shane has been training a neural network to generate cooking recipes, based on 30 MB-worth of recipes. The results thus far have been interesting, to say the least. Would you perhaps like to try Beef Soup With Swamp Peef And Cheese? Or maybe Salmon Beef Style Chicken Bottom? Or maybe some delicious Star * ?

The neural network is also having some real trouble with learning how to spell teaspoon, but it's trying very hard! Here are some of its attempts: ceaspoong, chappoon, conspean, deespoon, seaspooned, ceaspoon, tearpoon, teasoon, tertlespoon, teatpoon, teasposaslestoy, ndospoon...

Understanding pepper is also proving difficult, though it has come up with some real interesting pepper possibilities: ½ teaspoon rusting pepper, ½ teaspoon dried caramel pepper, ½ cup cooked beef pepper, 1 tablespoon crompwed pepper....

Really, ingredients in general are tough for the neural network: 1 1 ½ cup crushed water, 1 cup shelled whipping cream, ½ cup sifted milk...

Some of its ingredient ideas are just Bad: 1 ½ teaspoon chicken brown water, 1 teaspoon dry chopped leaves, ¼ cup bread liquid, 1 tablespoon mold water....

You can keep up with the culinary adventures of this neural network here.
posted by yasaman (73 comments total) 87 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh god I'm laughing so hard my dog is very concerned
posted by Wolfdog at 4:08 PM on March 28 [5 favorites]


Deep fry it and put it on a stick, and the post title will be a top seller at the State Fair this august.
posted by Wordshore at 4:09 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Cover Meats

That's seitan. Totally seitan. This machine knows its stuff!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:11 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Oh my god. It's so funny. Thank you for sharing this.

1 Rosemary, peeled

This is basically me in the kitchen and I love it
posted by potrzebie at 4:15 PM on March 28 [5 favorites]


Recipes for the cook who shops at Apple Cabin Foods. Harmless tidepoolers, braised in brink custard with chunks. Heyyyy lovely
posted by The otter lady at 4:17 PM on March 28 [20 favorites]


Engadget had a series of posts where they would test out recipes designed by Watson (the computer that went on Jeopardy!) and see how they fared in real life. It seems like things went a bit differently here.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 4:17 PM on March 28



¼ cup white seeds
1 cup mixture
1 teaspoon juice
1 chunks
¼ lb fresh surface
¼ teaspoon brown leaves
½ cup with no noodles
1 round meat in bowl


I'm struggling to not pee myself.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:18 PM on March 28 [32 favorites]


oh, the new Culinary Mode for Dwarf Fortress is out!
posted by curious nu at 4:25 PM on March 28 [24 favorites]


We previously had a random recipe generator (astonishingly, still out there) based on entirely different principles and that is honestly the last time I can remember laughing so painfully hard. I don't know why broken recipes set me off like that, but they do.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:25 PM on March 28 [5 favorites]


½ cup baconfroots

Everything tastes better with baconfroots!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:29 PM on March 28 [19 favorites]


Yeah, some enterprising cereal product developer is making baconfroots breakfast cereal as we speak. Maybe it's the cold medicine talking, but it doesn't sound like the worst idea ever. Also it's just fun to say and/or type: baconfroots! You're onto something, neural network.
posted by yasaman at 4:32 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


I am in the subway and people are looking at me laughing so hard I wheeze help
posted by 1adam12 at 4:34 PM on March 28 [5 favorites]


...Are we quite sure this isn't GLaDOS?
posted by thomas j wise at 4:34 PM on March 28 [2 favorites]


Cream Cheese Soup
Cream Of Sour Cream Cheese Soup


I would make and eat these. Individually and combined as Cream Cheese Cream of Sour Cream Cheese Soup.
posted by Splunge at 4:37 PM on March 28 [5 favorites]


This computer could overthink a plate of Export Bean Spoons In Pie-Shell.
posted by isthmus at 4:39 PM on March 28 [3 favorites]


...Are we quite sure this isn't GLaDOS?

I don't see any neurotoxin in the recipes, do you?
posted by GLaDOS at 4:39 PM on March 28 [9 favorites]


¼ cup 12". oz mice
posted by atoxyl at 4:39 PM on March 28 [3 favorites]


Or maybe some delicious Star * ?

I ain't eatin' the * of no damn animal!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:45 PM on March 28 [4 favorites]


We previously had a random recipe generator (astonishingly, still out there) based on entirely different principles and that is honestly the last time I can remember laughing so painfully hard. I don't know why broken recipes set me off like that, but they do.

This one too which Shane credits as an inspiration for the one she's messing with.
posted by atoxyl at 4:45 PM on March 28


well which is it....mouse length or weight?

that's important
posted by kokaku at 4:47 PM on March 28


I don't see any neurotoxin in the recipes, do you?
posted by GLaDOS


The Completely Meat Chocolate Pie is a lie?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:47 PM on March 28 [4 favorites]


¼ cup 12". oz mice

well which is it....mouse length or weight?


I'm pretty sure that means foot-long mice from Australia.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:49 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


I've seen 12 oz. Mouse, and heard tell of foot-long rats, but indeed it seems to be calling for something in between.
posted by atoxyl at 4:52 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Well yeah. You don't use all 12". Just grind up 1/4 cup. Duh.
posted by Splunge at 5:08 PM on March 28


Started laughing at "Completely Meat Circle" and "Beasy Mist," became completely unable to stop laughing at "½ cup with no noodles," which rather pleasantly evokes this old joke about existentialism.
posted by eponym at 5:09 PM on March 28 [7 favorites]


The rest goes in a ziplock bag. In the freezer. For later.
posted by Splunge at 5:09 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Bread liquid is called a padana. It is used for thickening.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:19 PM on March 28


evokes this old joke about existentialism.

Which came first, the joke or the cookbook?
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 5:22 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Chocolate Cake (Chocolate Cake)
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
Chocolate Chicken Chicken Cake
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
Chocolate Chips
Chocolate Chips With Chocolate Chips
Chocolate Chops & Chocolate Chips


These all sound great to me, tbh. I like how it clearly understands chocolate = good, therefore more chocolate = more good. Also you could definitely actually make Chocolate Chips with Chocolate Chips: either potato chip-shaped chocolate with chocolate chips, or chocolate potato chips with chocolate chips. idk what chocolate chops & chocolate chips are, but they sound tasty, sign me up.
posted by yasaman at 5:27 PM on March 28 [9 favorites]


Nothing is as funny to me as robots trying very hard and not quite succeeding. I've heard that the essence of humor is establishing then subverting mundane expectations, which means that neural networks are very good at generating comedy through their near-misses.
posted by NMcCoy at 6:27 PM on March 28 [19 favorites]


So of course the first thought was, AH! Por-Eef is here at last!

Followed almost immediately by Well, hey, at least Crockpot Cold Water is something you could teach a kid to make, easy peasy!
posted by droplet at 6:34 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


I'm fucking dying at "swamp peef"

But I'm pretty sure they made Artichoke Gelatin Dogs in the '70s
posted by Countess Elena at 6:34 PM on March 28 [2 favorites]


Chocolate Chops
posted by knuckle tattoos at 6:47 PM on March 28


at some point my roommate is going to hear me wheezing in here and he's going to come in and ask me what is so funny and I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS WHEN HE DOES
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:50 PM on March 28 [4 favorites]


Just wait til the neural network teams up with the salad tossing robot and they open a restaurant!
posted by DingoMutt at 6:50 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


I believe Crimm Grunk is also a currently-ascendant subgenre of EDM.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:57 PM on March 28 [9 favorites]


Metafilter: Discard head and turn into a nonstick spice.
posted by amarynth at 7:04 PM on March 28 [3 favorites]


It's funny... I can look at them and mentally chuckle, but when I start saying them aloud to biscotti I'm reduced to a quivering, crying wreck. It starts with the swamp peef and by the time I get to the crimm grunk I'm no longer producing understandable speech but yet I'm compelled to just continue my incoherent tear-filled howling until I reach the end of the list.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:15 PM on March 28 [11 favorites]


Engadget had a series of posts where they would test out recipes designed by Watson (the computer that went on Jeopardy!) and see how they fared in real life. It seems like things went a bit differently here.

The early days of ChefWatson were baaaaaad. One of my first recipe recommendations involved roasting peaches then blending them with raw chicken and serving it as soup. Another one had me put together a mix of things and rub it on the shoulder. Since the recipe didn't call for a shoulder cut, I can only assume it meant my shoulder.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:28 PM on March 28 [9 favorites]


Maybe it thought you were a Stardew Valley NPC?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:41 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Another one had me put together a mix of things and rub it on the shoulder.

If the ingredients were on par with peaches and raw chicken, I think I'd probably opt for the "side of the road" interpretation.
posted by NMcCoy at 8:14 PM on March 28 [2 favorites]


If the ingredients were on par with peaches and raw chicken, I think I'd probably opt for the "side of the road" interpretation.

*nods sagely* Road curing. Tried-and-true practice for peaches and raw chicken, that classic Georgia travelers dish. Fun fact: this dish was originally "rawd chicken" which to say "road chicken" with an accent, but drifting over time lead to "raw-ed chicken" and someone saying, "How do you make it more-raw? Probably they meant raw." There are some subgroups on outlaw culinary boards that still believe in the "more-raw" interpretation and go to great lengths to find a way to get the chicken more-raw-ed, different ingredients and spices and such, but no matter what they try, they can't find the secret ingredient to cross with the chicken to get the rawd.
posted by curious nu at 8:39 PM on March 28 [5 favorites]


oh my god I haven't laughed like this in I don't know how long.

To be fair, though, I'm pretty sure I've made Completely Meat Circle more than once in my life.
posted by egregious theorem at 8:41 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Not to be missed from her work: Cooking with Cthulhu. In between guffaws reading gems like "NOTE: As this is a tart rather than a cheesecake, you should be disturbed", I'm dimly reminded an old favorite of mine, the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook.
posted by zizania at 8:43 PM on March 28 [2 favorites]


Loving this so much.

For more surrealist cooking check out You Suck At Cooking on YouTube. Baked Yams with Dill is a good intro.
posted by jzed at 9:13 PM on March 28


Splunge, my wife makes a (tomato based) Cheese Soup that goes something like:

24 oz Goya Tomato Sauce (Salsa de Tomate)
48 oz of water
Heaping tablespoon Goya Sofrito
Heaping tablespoon Goya Recaito

Cover that, and let it simmer for a while

Then salt to taste, little bit pepper or preferably 4-5 shakes of Mrs Dash

Add 4-6 cloves of garlic

Add 8oz of pasta, let boil.

Slice up 16 oz package of Queso Blanco into small cubes.

Once the pasta is done, turn off the heat, throw in the queso blanco cheese cubes, and then add 3-4 oz of Cream Cheese, and stir in until the cream cheese is dissolved.

(Now I'm craving her cheese soup.)
posted by fings at 9:14 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


Also not to be missed from her work... superhero names generated by a neural net trained on the list at superherodb.com

Now I want her to run this on the list of all Metafilter user names and see what it comes up with.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:24 PM on March 28 [3 favorites]


Romance Hero names would also be interesting.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:36 PM on March 28


peaches and raw chicken

I saw them back in the day, before she dumped the chicken and hooked up with Herb.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:47 PM on March 28 [1 favorite]


These all sound great to me, tbhM

Well I dunno about the chocolate chicken chicken cake. Depends on which adjectives are describing what.
posted by atoxyl at 10:11 PM on March 28


There are other delightful lists at http://lewisandquark.tumblr.com/tagged/neural-network that include Pokémon created by the neural network and recipes created by a neural network trained on the works of Lovecraft
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:15 PM on March 28


This recipe, generated from a single 1938 cookbook, is the first one of these that I'd seen, and it still cracks me up every time: https://twitter.com/jamieabrew/status/695060640931549184
posted by valrus at 10:56 PM on March 28 [3 favorites]


I'm on HRT, it's causing weird food cravings, and I would seriously eat this no joke: Chocolate Pickle Sauce.

Now I want pickles. And chocolate.
posted by spinifex23 at 1:11 AM on March 29


Inverting the experiment DoctorFedora mentions Janelle Shane has now created "Cthulhu in the Kitchen", using the neural net trained on recipes to finish Lovecraftian phrases .
posted by sarble at 2:59 AM on March 29


It's kind of weird reading recipes online without "Substituted Mountain Dew for the lime juice and a garlic bundt for the nonstick spice! Hubby loved it!" at the bottom.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:07 AM on March 29 [7 favorites]


I can't help but hear the recipe titles in the voice of Brian Butterfield.
posted by edd at 4:11 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]


Crying with laughter reading these. I've taken the liberty of joining a few together:

Beasy Mist
Source: Genter Marjary Witn Abong

Ingredients:
1 round meat in bowl
½ cup with no noodles
1/3 cup shallows
¼ lb fresh surface
½ cup vanilla pish and sours
½ cup white pistry sweet craps
1 tablespoon mold water
1 cup mixture
1 chunks

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 3500 8 minutes.
Fold water. Roll into small cubes.
beat until the gelatins are firm.
Fill the egg with a spatula.
Sprout clams; add vanilla.
posted by kersplunk at 5:37 AM on March 29 [2 favorites]


Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake.
Definitely the winner.
posted by beagle at 6:41 AM on March 29


This would be an interesting app idea if you trained on a structured list of ingredients, and used recipes that were tagged with particular styles (italian, dinner, casserole, etc..).

Then you could, start with say a recipe for breakfast burrito, and it could tell you that it's a tex-mex breakfast item, and you could tell it to give you an italian burrito, and it'd swap out the chili peppers for sun-dried tomatoes, or something similar.
posted by empath at 6:59 AM on March 29


"½ cup with no noodles,"

That's one of the critical ingredients to craft a fine helping of None Pizza with Left Beef
posted by FatherDagon at 9:26 AM on March 29


½ cup with no noodles

Only Zen Masters can use this ingredient.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:50 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]


Here's a state-of-the art Watson recipe if anyone wants to give it a try and report back. It's generally more coherent than the lunatic stuff from the original post. But the fact that it could more easily be mistaken for a plausible recipe makes it seem, if anything, more dangerous. Who knows, though, maybe it's fantastic.

Dinner Bratwurst Grits Dish

3 tbsp dry vermouth
3 oz grated pecorino romano
5 oz cured guanciale
1/2 cup grapefruit juice
3/4 cup tangerine juice
3 quart trimmed scarlet runner bean
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 1/4 stick butter
allspice
3 cup clam juice
1/2 cup peeled celeriac
2 chopped tomato
1 cup grits
1/4 cup ketchup
2 1/2 tbsp tomato paste
1 1/2 lb smelt
3/4 tsp chopped dill
2 oz boneless beef top round steak
3/4 serving 2.96 oz bratwurst
2 tsp kosher salt
1 tbsp chopped, peeled ginger
1 tsp superfine sugar


1. If using scarlet runner bean, cook in a small saucepan of boiling salted water. Using a slotted spoon, transfer to a colander set in a bowl of ice water (do not cook frozen scarlet runner bean). Transfer to a small bowl.
2. If using celeriac, return water in saucepan to a boil. Add celeriac and cook about 3 minutes (do not cook celeriac). Drain; transfer to colander in ice water. Drain celeriac; add to bowl with scarlet runner bean.
3. Heat 1/2 of the vegetable oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add guanciale and tasso and cook, stirring often, 5-7 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer to bowl with scarlet runner bean and celeriac; set aside.
4. Add 1/4 of the vegetable oil to drippings in saucepan and heat over medium-high heat. Add tomatoes and ginger and cook, stirring often, about 2 minutes. Add clam juice and dill sprigs. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer 15-20 minutes. Add grapefruit juice and tangerine juice, dry vermouth, ketchup, tomato paste, and superfine sugar. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer 20-25 minutes. Strain mixture through a sieve into a medium saucepan; discard solids. Cover and keep sauce warm.
5. Heat butter and remaining vegetable oil in a medium skillet over medium-high heat. Season smelt with kosher salt and allspice. Add smelt to skillet and cook. Add reserved bratwurst and beef round and vegetable oil mixture and toss to coat.

1. While sauce is cooking, bring 4 cups water to a boil in a large saucepan. Add the kosher salt and slowly whisk in grits. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook, stirring often, 5-7 minutes. Add pecorino romano and butter; stir to combine. Season with kosher salt.
2. Serve grits topped with smelt mixture and warm sauce. Let stand at room temperature. Reheat before using.
posted by Wolfdog at 11:04 AM on March 29


Chocolate Pickle Sauce

This sounds disturbingly like something that would be sold in an x-rated toy store.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 11:11 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]


Okay, this is completely awesome, and I am passing it around to basically everyone I know right now instead of getting work done, and making a lot of 'iron chef' and Skynet jokes.

Excellent post!
posted by mordax at 11:22 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]


There's something about the word choices made and the way it diverges from real human words that is reminding me a lot of Chris Morris.

"Brown egg yolks until smooth.
Fold water. Roll into small cubes.
Fill the egg with a spatula."
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:45 PM on March 29 [2 favorites]


Is there enough cyanide in those cherry seeds that we should wonder about sentience and a rogue AI?
posted by jeather at 6:25 PM on March 29


The neural network Pokemon are great:

Strangy
Abilities: Wharmwbra, Darp
Hidden ability: Magic Guard

Staroptor
Ability: Stench
Hidden Ability: Stick Hat

Stangute
Ability: Banger
Hidden Ability: Drang

posted by Metroid Baby at 6:51 AM on March 30 [1 favorite]


How does the network actually 'learn,' ie get better at generating this stuff? Does it check its own work against the database somehow? Or does a human have to intervene?
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:39 PM on April 2


This neural network needs to learn about the BUTTERFIELD DIET.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:51 PM on April 4


The neural network attempts names for new fruit varieties:

Sunbrown
Stanker
Pork Gala
Horspest
Shivercell
Hencough
Moregall
Brown Soften
Ruby Wally
Ruck
Nagtort
Blee Red
Redcells
Zuby Glong
Zeelcher
Hacker Gala
Soften Fuji
Klunk 134
Horking

posted by yasaman at 11:35 AM on April 5


Those are all spectacular names for new breeds of chilli pepper and/or apple. Blair's Mega Zuby Glong Hot Sauce.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:47 PM on April 5 [2 favorites]


Wandering in late to mention autogenerated D&D spells, which is close to my heart considering the recent April Fools nonsense we did on MeFi.

I think "Purping Lightsin" is my favorite; "Vicious Markers" is obviously overpowered though.
posted by cortex at 9:02 AM on April 12


DM: The stone of far speaking is being carried by a mouse, it scampers away, Roll a Dex check to grab it.
Wizard: I cast "Hold Mouse"
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:24 AM on April 13


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