Use your turn signal at least 50% more than you use your middle finger
April 4, 2017 1:21 PM Subscribe
I agree with the majority of these, but one counterpoint: 9. Keep personal conversations and arguments off social networking sites. The dramatic airing of grievances is best done through SMS .
As my yenta mother's son, I love it when people do this. In fact, if not for this type of activity, I may have never known that my cousin's wife was cheating on him.
posted by The Gooch at 1:38 PM on April 4, 2017 [10 favorites]
As my yenta mother's son, I love it when people do this. In fact, if not for this type of activity, I may have never known that my cousin's wife was cheating on him.
posted by The Gooch at 1:38 PM on April 4, 2017 [10 favorites]
this whole thing could have been written for my husband but omg:
Don't leave cupboard doors and drawers open
I feel like I spend half my life closing cabinets and drawers. I'm clumsy and tend to bump into things a lot!
posted by supermedusa at 1:42 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Don't leave cupboard doors and drawers open
I feel like I spend half my life closing cabinets and drawers. I'm clumsy and tend to bump into things a lot!
posted by supermedusa at 1:42 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
#23. Oh.My God. This is my single biggest pet peeve (ba dum bum). There is no reason on earth that your dog needs to be in the grocery store (excepting service animals).
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:43 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:43 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
Counterpoint for 23: perhaps a busy lifestyle means one of the few joys the dog has is to go out with their owner. I don't have a dog (not without a yard I won't) but I appreciate that owners like to take their "kids" out for walks, and if said walks include a run to the grocery or something, I don't think the dog minds at all as they're out and about and hanging with the 'rents.
posted by linux at 1:46 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by linux at 1:46 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
2. If you can’t attend an event that you’re formally invited to, don't think that not RSVPing is the same as declining. And don't RSVP at the last minute for an event that involves real planning by the host.
The entire nexus of Facebook and events and RSVPs gives me a rage-on to the extent that I have simply stopped trying to host gatherings.
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:48 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
The entire nexus of Facebook and events and RSVPs gives me a rage-on to the extent that I have simply stopped trying to host gatherings.
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:48 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
That said, the biggest (i.e. the one I run into the most) peeve I have from that list is #7. I despise people in line at a shop and continuing to talk on their phone while the cashier looks on with disdain.
posted by linux at 1:48 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by linux at 1:48 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
I never understood 3a. Who are the people who eat their co-workers' food? I understand not everyone is big on manners, but WTF dude? When you write your name in big sharpie all over the box, and people still eat your stuff...
posted by kevinbelt at 1:49 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 1:49 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
Is "Don't block the entire page if readers run an adblocker" on the list anywhere?
posted by rtha at 1:50 PM on April 4, 2017 [49 favorites]
posted by rtha at 1:50 PM on April 4, 2017 [49 favorites]
Is it Festivus already?
posted by zamboni at 1:51 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 1:51 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
The headline is poorly stated math/logically: such that if one uses the 'finger' 0 times, 50% more is still zero which is poor advice, although probably moot. (moot being the second derivative of politeness)
posted by sammyo at 1:52 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 1:52 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
linux yeah, but when one of their "kids" shits on the floor in the place I buy my food, or gets in a fight with another dog in Home Depot right next to one of my actual kids, I mind quite a bit.
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:53 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:53 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
Counterpoint for 23: perhaps a busy lifestyle means one of the few joys the dog has is to go out with their owner.
I used to have a dog (and loved taking her out for walks, and loved her in general), but quite frankly if the owner has a lifestyle so busy that they can only take the dog out for walks at the same time they are going grocery shopping, that is the owner's problem to deal with and they should not be requiring the rest of us to put up with the side effects.
posted by andrewesque at 1:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [10 favorites]
I used to have a dog (and loved taking her out for walks, and loved her in general), but quite frankly if the owner has a lifestyle so busy that they can only take the dog out for walks at the same time they are going grocery shopping, that is the owner's problem to deal with and they should not be requiring the rest of us to put up with the side effects.
posted by andrewesque at 1:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [10 favorites]
I think the Petco question should be decided on a dog-by-dog basis. If you KNOW your dog might shit or fight, don't take them in.
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
Mod note: One deleted; I get this is for pet peeves/annoyances but seriously, please skip anything about other people deserving to have their pets or kids get hurt or taken by the state, it's a raging derail waiting to happen.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 2:01 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 2:01 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
I also don't like people who bring their animals to Petco. Seriously, do you think your dog likes to shop?
I realize this point may be highly contentious - Petco offers pet grooming. How is it exactly that I should get my dogs nails trimmed while leaving my dog at home?
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 2:04 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
I realize this point may be highly contentious - Petco offers pet grooming. How is it exactly that I should get my dogs nails trimmed while leaving my dog at home?
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 2:04 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
Dogs do seem to be everywhere all the time around here. I disagree a bit with the PetCo item though because while I don't bring my dogs there because I don't want them in people's way, PetCo encourages it. So how am I supposed to be annoyed with the people or dogs? If I'm annoyed I should point it at PetCo.
This one I don't understand: Don't stay behind the crosswalk when you are making a left turn and thus prevent anyone else behind you from turning. I can't picture how I'm blocking anybody unless it's time for me to go and I'm not going. Or do they mean people could get out around me if I pull forward and make space? I try to avoid that by signalling well ahead of the turn so that people know what I'm doing.
That brings me to my addition to the list: Don't put on your signal while you are turning. It's not some magic device that helps pull your car around a corner. By the time you're turning I can tell you're going to turn. I'd almost rather people not signal at all, but I don't want to encourage even fewer people to use signals, so I won't say that last part out loud.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 2:06 PM on April 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
This one I don't understand: Don't stay behind the crosswalk when you are making a left turn and thus prevent anyone else behind you from turning. I can't picture how I'm blocking anybody unless it's time for me to go and I'm not going. Or do they mean people could get out around me if I pull forward and make space? I try to avoid that by signalling well ahead of the turn so that people know what I'm doing.
That brings me to my addition to the list: Don't put on your signal while you are turning. It's not some magic device that helps pull your car around a corner. By the time you're turning I can tell you're going to turn. I'd almost rather people not signal at all, but I don't want to encourage even fewer people to use signals, so I won't say that last part out loud.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 2:06 PM on April 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
I realize this point may be highly contentious - Petco offers pet grooming. How is it exactly that I should get my dogs nails trimmed while leaving my dog at home?
Yeah, specifically calling out Petco as a rude place to bring your dog was an odd choice (although I understand the overall point of the rule) considering many Petco locations offer in-store vaccinations every weekend.
posted by The Gooch at 2:12 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
Yeah, specifically calling out Petco as a rude place to bring your dog was an odd choice (although I understand the overall point of the rule) considering many Petco locations offer in-store vaccinations every weekend.
posted by The Gooch at 2:12 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
My biggest ever pet peeve; when a lane is closed for construction or an accident and you need to merge and people won't let you in. I console myself be reminding me that they are terrible garbage people and have lives lacking in love and joy. But they will get home three seconds sooner. So there's that.
posted by Keith Talent at 2:16 PM on April 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by Keith Talent at 2:16 PM on April 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
This one I don't understand: Don't stay behind the crosswalk when you are making a left turn and thus prevent anyone else behind you from turning. I can't picture how I'm blocking anybody unless it's time for me to go and I'm not going. Or do they mean people could get out around me if I pull forward and make space? I try to avoid that by signalling well ahead of the turn so that people know what I'm doing.
This is called boxing the intersection. In some states it is legal to pull into the intersection to wait for traffic to clear to make a left turn. If you have to wait for a red, so be it.
However, in other states, it is illegal to enter the intersection unless you can clear it. This is because if you can't clear the intersection, then you have blocked cross traffic (Gridlock) .
So, it is far and away not a universal rule, and following it could result in a citation or accident.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 2:17 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
This is called boxing the intersection. In some states it is legal to pull into the intersection to wait for traffic to clear to make a left turn. If you have to wait for a red, so be it.
However, in other states, it is illegal to enter the intersection unless you can clear it. This is because if you can't clear the intersection, then you have blocked cross traffic (Gridlock) .
So, it is far and away not a universal rule, and following it could result in a citation or accident.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 2:17 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
#0: don't cripple your site for people using anti-tracking tech in their browsers.
posted by Aizkolari at 2:19 PM on April 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Aizkolari at 2:19 PM on April 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
Don't stay behind the crosswalk when you are making a left turn and thus prevent anyone else behind you from turning
The advice is sound, but the reasoning is not. The reason to pull into an intersection while waiting to make a left-hand turn is safety. From past the crosswalk you can make the turn faster through the intersection when there is a safe gap in the oncoming traffic. Whether or not the cars behind you can squeeze in their left turn before the red light shouldn't be your concern.
posted by Kabanos at 2:19 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
The advice is sound, but the reasoning is not. The reason to pull into an intersection while waiting to make a left-hand turn is safety. From past the crosswalk you can make the turn faster through the intersection when there is a safe gap in the oncoming traffic. Whether or not the cars behind you can squeeze in their left turn before the red light shouldn't be your concern.
posted by Kabanos at 2:19 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
28. Remember that your current semi-random list of pet peeves is valid, but it's not the law, and for good reason. Other people might disagree and still be civilized people.
29. At least try to find all those first-world problems funny?
30. I have a LOT to add to #7. I have a whole taxonomy of people based on the different ways they annoy me in coffee shops. Once I take my rightful place as the ruler of all things, it'll probably be safest for everybody to stay away from coffee shops.
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 2:21 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
29. At least try to find all those first-world problems funny?
30. I have a LOT to add to #7. I have a whole taxonomy of people based on the different ways they annoy me in coffee shops. Once I take my rightful place as the ruler of all things, it'll probably be safest for everybody to stay away from coffee shops.
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 2:21 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
However, in other states, it is illegal to enter the intersection unless you can clear it.
In NYC, "blocking the box" is a swift road to a ticket.
I guess I'm not sure why it's deemed rude to "prevent someone else behind you from turning" but not to "prevent a pedestrian from crossing at the designated safe and legal point for crossing."
posted by praemunire at 2:25 PM on April 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
In NYC, "blocking the box" is a swift road to a ticket.
I guess I'm not sure why it's deemed rude to "prevent someone else behind you from turning" but not to "prevent a pedestrian from crossing at the designated safe and legal point for crossing."
posted by praemunire at 2:25 PM on April 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
I don't really see turn signals as a matter of politeness; rather, safety. It's not "polite" to put your headlights on at night, or drive on the side of the road that is conventional for your locale, either - it's reckless not to.
posted by thelonius at 2:27 PM on April 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 2:27 PM on April 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
Seriously, do you think your dog likes to shop? It's just you seeking attention. You probably don't even need anything at Petco... you're just there because you can bring your dog in
I've got one: don't assume you know why people are doing a thing, because it makes you look like a jackass.
And I mostly agree with him about the dog thing.
posted by bondcliff at 2:29 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
I've got one: don't assume you know why people are doing a thing, because it makes you look like a jackass.
And I mostly agree with him about the dog thing.
posted by bondcliff at 2:29 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
Obligatory: Robert Earl Keen -- Swervin' In My Lane
posted by dancestoblue at 2:30 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by dancestoblue at 2:30 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you get dirt on the floor from your muddy shoes, don't wipe them on your pants, too, dummy!
posted by not_the_water at 2:31 PM on April 4, 2017
posted by not_the_water at 2:31 PM on April 4, 2017
...and for all that is good and holy, don't use a number as the past participle of a verb. It's "I've never 21ed."
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 2:40 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 2:40 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
Seriously, do you think your dog likes to shop?
I think dogs like to do anything that their owner is doing, so yes.
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:53 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
I think dogs like to do anything that their owner is doing, so yes.
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:53 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
I don't particularly care one way or another about dogs in stores, but it did give us this video so on the whole I'm ok with it.
posted by rewil at 3:04 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by rewil at 3:04 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
What about the classic "Don't fling feces at other people while beating your chest in a display of dominance?"
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:04 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:04 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
What about the classic "Don't fling feces at other people while beating your chest in a display of dominance?"
That's cool in Silicon Valley but people been nonplused by that stuff like in Marin.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 3:17 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
That's cool in Silicon Valley but people been nonplused by that stuff like in Marin.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 3:17 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Who are the people who eat their co-workers' food?
Maybe the guy who someone else ate his food?
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:22 PM on April 4, 2017
Maybe the guy who someone else ate his food?
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:22 PM on April 4, 2017
However, in other states, it is illegal to enter the intersection unless you can clear it.
But you can always clear it, once the light turns red in your direction of traffic. I thought provisions for leaving an intersection that you entered on green were universal in the US, and blocking the box seems like an independent concern. If you don't enter the intersection, you increase the window between oncoming cars that you need to safely turn left, and of course there's no safe way to turn left from behind the crosswalk once the light turns red. There are plenty of intersections without dedicated left signals where a refusal to enter the intersection would cause a huge traffic snarl.
posted by invitapriore at 3:39 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
But you can always clear it, once the light turns red in your direction of traffic. I thought provisions for leaving an intersection that you entered on green were universal in the US, and blocking the box seems like an independent concern. If you don't enter the intersection, you increase the window between oncoming cars that you need to safely turn left, and of course there's no safe way to turn left from behind the crosswalk once the light turns red. There are plenty of intersections without dedicated left signals where a refusal to enter the intersection would cause a huge traffic snarl.
posted by invitapriore at 3:39 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
> But you can always clear it, once the light turns red in your direction of traffic
This isn't true - I saw an example this morning on my way to work, when cars turning left (on a green arrow, even) blocked out lanes for a couple of minutes after our light turned green because their way was blocked by a large truck backing awkwardly into a loading area. I see it frequently at a very busy intersection near my house, because there are buses and double-parked cars and delivery trucks that can screw up the flow of traffic, and that doesn't even count pedestrians.
posted by rtha at 3:51 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
This isn't true - I saw an example this morning on my way to work, when cars turning left (on a green arrow, even) blocked out lanes for a couple of minutes after our light turned green because their way was blocked by a large truck backing awkwardly into a loading area. I see it frequently at a very busy intersection near my house, because there are buses and double-parked cars and delivery trucks that can screw up the flow of traffic, and that doesn't even count pedestrians.
posted by rtha at 3:51 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
But you can always clear it, once the light turns red in your direction of traffic
I've seen it happen a number of times that the intersection gets fucked by someone who enters the intersection before looking to see if the road they are turning into is clear. I've also seen where a fire truck couldn't get through until the person turning left could get out of the way. I'm sure whoever was having the house fire didn't mind the delay.
Blocking the intersection is a dick move. If you really need the 15 nanoseconds that being 15 feet closer gets you, then the turn was unsafe to begin with. If it is so busy you need the red, then three rights is almost certainly far safer.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:54 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
I've seen it happen a number of times that the intersection gets fucked by someone who enters the intersection before looking to see if the road they are turning into is clear. I've also seen where a fire truck couldn't get through until the person turning left could get out of the way. I'm sure whoever was having the house fire didn't mind the delay.
Blocking the intersection is a dick move. If you really need the 15 nanoseconds that being 15 feet closer gets you, then the turn was unsafe to begin with. If it is so busy you need the red, then three rights is almost certainly far safer.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:54 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
My #1 would be: Don't come to work if you have some kind of persistent, catastrophic, explosive rupture of your colon that causes your infected liquid fecal discharge to spray out not only a right angles from your asshole, but somehow upwards into the bowl. Do your dying at home.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [11 favorites]
I agree that blocking the box is bad and you shouldn't do it, but it's not really a function of making a left turn, since it can just as easily happen with a straightahead. If you might block the box, don't enter the intersection, but otherwise, it seems safer and more conducive to traffic flow to me. In NY, at least, it's explicitly prescribed as what you do for lefts at an intersection, or it was ~15 years ago when I got my license there.
posted by invitapriore at 3:59 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by invitapriore at 3:59 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
Don't ever flip anyone off who's driving a crappier car than you.
Always drive 5mph under the speed limit when in front of a Mercedes, Lexus, BMW, Porsche, Cadillac, or Tesla.
If the person behind you honks their horn because you're not making a right on red this very instant immediately stop and wait for the green before proceeding.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:09 PM on April 4, 2017 [16 favorites]
Always drive 5mph under the speed limit when in front of a Mercedes, Lexus, BMW, Porsche, Cadillac, or Tesla.
If the person behind you honks their horn because you're not making a right on red this very instant immediately stop and wait for the green before proceeding.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:09 PM on April 4, 2017 [16 favorites]
linux yeah, but when one of their "kids" shits on the floor in the place I buy my food, or gets in a fight with another dog in Home Depot right next to one of my actual kids, I mind quite a bit.
How many times has that actually honestly happened to you though? If the issue is shitting on floors in places where we buy food, I have seen that happen exactly twice in my lifetime: once it was a toddler who for some reason wasn't wearing pants, and the other was a mystery (but identifiable as human) shit in the middle of the beans aisle. So the actual solution there is banning humans from stores. Secondly, I have seen maybe three dogfights in my life, and none of them occurred next to a kid, and certainly not in a hardware store. So the chances of that happening are perishingly low. Thirdly, I like the sarcasm quotes you put around "kid", but be reminded that not every couple is capable of having human "kids" of their own, and that they value their non-human "kids" as much as you value your human "kid", so your dismissive attitude is speciesist and offensive.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:15 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
How many times has that actually honestly happened to you though? If the issue is shitting on floors in places where we buy food, I have seen that happen exactly twice in my lifetime: once it was a toddler who for some reason wasn't wearing pants, and the other was a mystery (but identifiable as human) shit in the middle of the beans aisle. So the actual solution there is banning humans from stores. Secondly, I have seen maybe three dogfights in my life, and none of them occurred next to a kid, and certainly not in a hardware store. So the chances of that happening are perishingly low. Thirdly, I like the sarcasm quotes you put around "kid", but be reminded that not every couple is capable of having human "kids" of their own, and that they value their non-human "kids" as much as you value your human "kid", so your dismissive attitude is speciesist and offensive.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:15 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Don't stay behind the crosswalk when you are making a left turn and thus prevent anyone else behind you from turning.
No, stay behind the crosswalk. RTFM. Those solid white lines are there for a reason, don't stop in the crosswalk. I am walking here, get the fuck out of my crosswalk or I will make you sorry.
posted by charlesminus at 4:20 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
No, stay behind the crosswalk. RTFM. Those solid white lines are there for a reason, don't stop in the crosswalk. I am walking here, get the fuck out of my crosswalk or I will make you sorry.
posted by charlesminus at 4:20 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
As a dog owner, I don't bring my dog to HD cause of two things- one, I want to pay attention to what I am doing and two, many ,many small children want to pet her. Since we are still working on her "don't jump on people" skills I would not want her to knock over someone's sex trophy.
Petco- all bets are off. The last time I went there without her I got the wrong size of dog diapers (she's in heat, so it was a moral imperative to get a fix for that) I'm still in trauma over having to buy them in the first place.
posted by LuckyMonkey21 at 4:24 PM on April 4, 2017
Petco- all bets are off. The last time I went there without her I got the wrong size of dog diapers (she's in heat, so it was a moral imperative to get a fix for that) I'm still in trauma over having to buy them in the first place.
posted by LuckyMonkey21 at 4:24 PM on April 4, 2017
Maybe a better rule than the left turn one would be "Familiarize yourself with local traffic laws, and don't give people shit for following them."
A while back, we got a long overdue traffic signal at the main egress from my neighborhood. Initially, it had a right turn light, but almost every time I was waiting at the red arrow, some dingleberry would roll up behind me and start honking and road raging because they didn't know what a red light means.
It was actually a pretty useful thing to have there, as the traffic on the cross street is going pretty fast and the visibility is poor, but within a couple of weeks of that signal going up, they came back and took the right turn arrow away.
But a lot of the time, some high profile vehicle will be pulled halfway up into the crosswalk in the left turn lane, so I can't see oncoming traffic at all, in which cases I get to wait for the green light anyway, as redfaced buttasses honk and scream at me.
(And yes, people around here also honk at you if you stop for pedestrians in crosswalks. Just a couple of weeks ago, some guy was honking at me to run over my best friend's son, who was on his way to work. I let her know she owes me one for refusing.)
posted by ernielundquist at 4:25 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
A while back, we got a long overdue traffic signal at the main egress from my neighborhood. Initially, it had a right turn light, but almost every time I was waiting at the red arrow, some dingleberry would roll up behind me and start honking and road raging because they didn't know what a red light means.
It was actually a pretty useful thing to have there, as the traffic on the cross street is going pretty fast and the visibility is poor, but within a couple of weeks of that signal going up, they came back and took the right turn arrow away.
But a lot of the time, some high profile vehicle will be pulled halfway up into the crosswalk in the left turn lane, so I can't see oncoming traffic at all, in which cases I get to wait for the green light anyway, as redfaced buttasses honk and scream at me.
(And yes, people around here also honk at you if you stop for pedestrians in crosswalks. Just a couple of weeks ago, some guy was honking at me to run over my best friend's son, who was on his way to work. I let her know she owes me one for refusing.)
posted by ernielundquist at 4:25 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Texting “Hey, I’m running 20 minutes late” is not as acceptable as making the effort to be on time.
Right, but if you are making the effort and for whatever reason get delayed, should you not let people know? It is one thing to be flaky, another to be communicative.
posted by grumpybear69 at 4:32 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Right, but if you are making the effort and for whatever reason get delayed, should you not let people know? It is one thing to be flaky, another to be communicative.
posted by grumpybear69 at 4:32 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Keep the dogs at home.
Someone I know was tackled from behind by a large, unleashed, golden retriever while standing in line at the bank and the owners just laughed off the unexpected assault as the dog being "friendly".
You shouldn't have to worry about being assaulted by strange dogs while standing in line at the bank or anywhere else for that matter.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:41 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Someone I know was tackled from behind by a large, unleashed, golden retriever while standing in line at the bank and the owners just laughed off the unexpected assault as the dog being "friendly".
You shouldn't have to worry about being assaulted by strange dogs while standing in line at the bank or anywhere else for that matter.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:41 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Do not burn popcorn in the microwave at work - smells like death, Don't bring stinky food to work, unless you ask *everyone* if they want Thai takeout. I had a co-worker who used to get takeout for upwards of 25 people; she was awesome. Corollary: exact change is helpful.
posted by theora55 at 4:46 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 4:46 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Now what if my dog is taking 20 minutes to make a left turn in a PetCo? Should I be texting people apologies? Or just give everyone the finger so long as the dog has his turn signal on?
posted by Kabanos at 4:48 PM on April 4, 2017 [17 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 4:48 PM on April 4, 2017 [17 favorites]
honestly I do think dogs like to shop at PetCo?
My dog (she's adorable) knows the way to PetCo from anywhere within a circle described by a 1.5 mile radius centered on the local store in Albany, Ca. For reals, let her take the lead on the leash, and she'll get you to PetCo.
posted by notyou at 4:50 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
My dog (she's adorable) knows the way to PetCo from anywhere within a circle described by a 1.5 mile radius centered on the local store in Albany, Ca. For reals, let her take the lead on the leash, and she'll get you to PetCo.
posted by notyou at 4:50 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
#27 contains: "keep your elbows off of the table while eating"
WTF is with this? I've never understood why this is a problem.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
WTF is with this? I've never understood why this is a problem.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:58 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
If the person behind you honks their horn because you're not making a right on red this very instant immediately stop and wait for the green before proceeding.
I'm all in favor of this. I'll be the lady behind you in the passenger's seat of the red Frontier giving you the thumbs up. The asshole driver is my husband.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:01 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
Never tip by discarding your change in the tip jar. Always tip by taking money from your pocket or wallet before you get your change.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:01 PM on April 4, 2017
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:01 PM on April 4, 2017
Maybe a better rule than the left turn one would be "Familiarize yourself with local traffic laws, and don't give people shit for following them."
Yeah, my main maxim as a sporadic driver and regular cyclist is to hold not interfering with or endangering pedestrians or cyclists as the first rule, with considerations for car traffic coming far after, but I jump at any chance to labor over minutiae. Why else would I be in an etiquette thread, after all.
posted by invitapriore at 5:03 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yeah, my main maxim as a sporadic driver and regular cyclist is to hold not interfering with or endangering pedestrians or cyclists as the first rule, with considerations for car traffic coming far after, but I jump at any chance to labor over minutiae. Why else would I be in an etiquette thread, after all.
posted by invitapriore at 5:03 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
The only one I don't agree with is this one:
25. Don’t say, “I'm having a party. Bring your own food and drink." That's not a party.
How are people of modest means ever supposed to get together if they can't have potlucks?
posted by Brain Sturgeon at 5:53 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
25. Don’t say, “I'm having a party. Bring your own food and drink." That's not a party.
How are people of modest means ever supposed to get together if they can't have potlucks?
posted by Brain Sturgeon at 5:53 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
If you're having a potluck, you say that. "I'm hosting a potluck! Theme is XYZ, bring your favorite whatever; I'm making my special whatchamacallit!"
But if you're literally saying, "I'm having a party, bring your own food and drink," that's not okay.
posted by cooker girl at 5:57 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
But if you're literally saying, "I'm having a party, bring your own food and drink," that's not okay.
posted by cooker girl at 5:57 PM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
28. Avoid people who write for Forbes.com.
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:06 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:06 PM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
> linux yeah, but when one of their "kids" shits on the floor in the place I buy my food, or gets in a fight with another dog in Home Depot right next to one of my actual kids, I mind quite a bit.
How many times has that actually honestly happened to you though? If the issue is shitting on floors in places where we buy food, I have seen that happen exactly twice in my lifetime: once it was a toddler who for some reason wasn't wearing pants, and the other was a mystery (but identifiable as human) shit in the middle of the beans aisle.
I....think that....by "kids", linux meant "dogs"?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:12 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
How many times has that actually honestly happened to you though? If the issue is shitting on floors in places where we buy food, I have seen that happen exactly twice in my lifetime: once it was a toddler who for some reason wasn't wearing pants, and the other was a mystery (but identifiable as human) shit in the middle of the beans aisle.
I....think that....by "kids", linux meant "dogs"?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:12 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
at least i hope so
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:12 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:12 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
I think turbid dahlia was asserting that dogs pooping on the floor of the grocery store is so rare as to be practically nonexistent, by implicit comparison to the nonzero number of times he or she has seen human poop on the floor there
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:41 PM on April 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:41 PM on April 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
I'm so glad I live in dog county where the mut has been invited in to shops as diverse as auto parts to restaurants.
posted by ridgerunner at 6:42 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ridgerunner at 6:42 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
27 contains: "keep your elbows off of the table while eating"
WTF is with this? I've never understood why this is a problem.
I've always assumed those people were protecting their ribs from sudden jabs and wanted to keep their hands near the flat ware in case they quickly needed an improvised weapon.
posted by ridgerunner at 6:52 PM on April 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
WTF is with this? I've never understood why this is a problem.
I've always assumed those people were protecting their ribs from sudden jabs and wanted to keep their hands near the flat ware in case they quickly needed an improvised weapon.
posted by ridgerunner at 6:52 PM on April 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
As much as I love Toronto, we have a lot of helping/NOT HELPING types of pseudo-politeness.
If you drive a car in Toronto, don't sit in the left lane for 4 minutes of a red light (while traffic builds up behind you) and then SIGNAL AFTER IT TURNS GREEN. Also, if you walk a dog in Toronto, don't bag up it's poop and then LEAVE THE BAG OF POOP at the edge of the sidewalk.
posted by bonobothegreat at 8:41 PM on April 4, 2017
If you drive a car in Toronto, don't sit in the left lane for 4 minutes of a red light (while traffic builds up behind you) and then SIGNAL AFTER IT TURNS GREEN. Also, if you walk a dog in Toronto, don't bag up it's poop and then LEAVE THE BAG OF POOP at the edge of the sidewalk.
posted by bonobothegreat at 8:41 PM on April 4, 2017
So as someone who is both very into manners* and diplomacy and the HISTORY of etiquette and how it's used as a class market/weapon vs making people comfortable, mark of changing times, etc let's go through this.
1- Um you shouldn't be 30 min late to begin with? People take the universality of cell phones to be a lot more casual about cancelling things but yeah 30 min is a phone call at least. Also i assume everyone is going to be ten mins late. traffic exists.
2- Nitpicky, but RSVPS for events that have like head counts and costs per person and not to be treated like like a meetup.com invite. Writer is bit too stuck on older etiquette tho - non response is refusal.
3- No experience with this.
4-Eh? Basic don't be loud WASP behaviors. Cell phones have TERRIBLE voice service tho. Like you kind of have to shout.
5-This depends on context, some parties are much more casual and the sharing of Stuff On Your Phone is part of it. You can use your phone to start new conversations!
6- Contextual again, there are some situations where "One second let me get this" is fine. Maybe I know too many lawyers?
7-Well yeah you shouldn't be on the phone while you order? we all agreed about that when cell phones became a thing?
8-No idea, but no one should barge?
9- This is EXTREMELY contextual and more ofr people on Facebook I think. I don't facebook. But I mostly agree, your real friends and family call you out to your face.
10-Eh whatever. Literally no one cares.
11- this is just good spycraft, keep your sources clean people.
12- Eh this is basic politeness? this is not new.
13-This is your own deal.
14-...has this person done a LOT of pricey RSVP events? It would explain things
15- No one cares about this.
16-Again, basic ancient Manners, you show up at a party with something unless asked not to, bone standard WASP manners.
17-what
18-This puts on the onus on the wrong people.Also rarely comes up.
19-well duh we're human beings who live in society.
20- okay fine
21-yes that's mean
22-I don't Facebook
23-ehhhhh edge case, conditional.
24- yes we all learned to do this when we were 8
25- no that's called a 'Pot-luck" and it's a TYPE of party
26- How many huge important parties have you had that have gone wrong because of this? Be honest.
27-well yeah sure, whatever.
*I once forgot to pull out the chair for an older lady I was dining with because I was so used to not being the host who does that and it STINGS TO THIS DAY
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
1- Um you shouldn't be 30 min late to begin with? People take the universality of cell phones to be a lot more casual about cancelling things but yeah 30 min is a phone call at least. Also i assume everyone is going to be ten mins late. traffic exists.
2- Nitpicky, but RSVPS for events that have like head counts and costs per person and not to be treated like like a meetup.com invite. Writer is bit too stuck on older etiquette tho - non response is refusal.
3- No experience with this.
4-Eh? Basic don't be loud WASP behaviors. Cell phones have TERRIBLE voice service tho. Like you kind of have to shout.
5-This depends on context, some parties are much more casual and the sharing of Stuff On Your Phone is part of it. You can use your phone to start new conversations!
6- Contextual again, there are some situations where "One second let me get this" is fine. Maybe I know too many lawyers?
7-Well yeah you shouldn't be on the phone while you order? we all agreed about that when cell phones became a thing?
8-No idea, but no one should barge?
9- This is EXTREMELY contextual and more ofr people on Facebook I think. I don't facebook. But I mostly agree, your real friends and family call you out to your face.
10-Eh whatever. Literally no one cares.
11- this is just good spycraft, keep your sources clean people.
12- Eh this is basic politeness? this is not new.
13-This is your own deal.
14-...has this person done a LOT of pricey RSVP events? It would explain things
15- No one cares about this.
16-Again, basic ancient Manners, you show up at a party with something unless asked not to, bone standard WASP manners.
17-what
18-This puts on the onus on the wrong people.Also rarely comes up.
19-well duh we're human beings who live in society.
20- okay fine
21-yes that's mean
22-I don't Facebook
23-ehhhhh edge case, conditional.
24- yes we all learned to do this when we were 8
25- no that's called a 'Pot-luck" and it's a TYPE of party
26- How many huge important parties have you had that have gone wrong because of this? Be honest.
27-well yeah sure, whatever.
*I once forgot to pull out the chair for an older lady I was dining with because I was so used to not being the host who does that and it STINGS TO THIS DAY
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 PM on April 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
This list utterly fails to sufficiently address my own observed grievances and makes a very, very fussy point about other things to a degree I find worthy of eye-rolling.
For instance, I was looking for the item that says "Don't Speak So Goddamn Loudly." Also, "You and Your Party Are Not Entitled to the Entire Goddamn Sidewalk." And "It's Not My Fault You Can't Hear Me When You're Wearing Earbuds."
posted by desuetude at 11:39 PM on April 4, 2017
For instance, I was looking for the item that says "Don't Speak So Goddamn Loudly." Also, "You and Your Party Are Not Entitled to the Entire Goddamn Sidewalk." And "It's Not My Fault You Can't Hear Me When You're Wearing Earbuds."
posted by desuetude at 11:39 PM on April 4, 2017
Now what if my dog is taking 20 minutes to make a left turn in a PetCo? Should I be texting people apologies? Or just give everyone the finger so long as the dog has his turn signal on?
It depends. Is the dog riding a bicycle? Is it a fixie?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:23 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
It depends. Is the dog riding a bicycle? Is it a fixie?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:23 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
One of my pet annoyances is drivers who are making a turn and jog in the opposite direction before actually turning in their intended direction. I understand that abrupt turns into narrow openings on the right (for places that drive on the right) may require some more distance from the curb to actually enter. Some people do it habitually, regardless of the width of the opening or the abruptness of the approach. Then there are those who do it when turning left...
One thing that used to annoy me is drivers who stop at a light, then repeatedly creep forward and stop again. I overcame my annoyance by turning it into a counting game. The current record-holder stopped 13 times at one red light.
As noted by a couple of people, the Forbes site refuses to let people with ad blockers see the content. You're dead to me, Forbes.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:35 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
One thing that used to annoy me is drivers who stop at a light, then repeatedly creep forward and stop again. I overcame my annoyance by turning it into a counting game. The current record-holder stopped 13 times at one red light.
As noted by a couple of people, the Forbes site refuses to let people with ad blockers see the content. You're dead to me, Forbes.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:35 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, if you walk a dog in Toronto, don't bag up it's poop and then LEAVE THE BAG OF POOP at the edge of the sidewalk.
Seriously, what is with this? I have even seen them 3 feet from s garbage bin.
From the ratio of RSVP answers to others I'm guessing this writer's focus group needs to take a 6 month break on planned events.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:39 AM on April 5, 2017
Seriously, what is with this? I have even seen them 3 feet from s garbage bin.
From the ratio of RSVP answers to others I'm guessing this writer's focus group needs to take a 6 month break on planned events.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:39 AM on April 5, 2017
I'm with him on the RSVP thing. If you receive an invitation, at least one via email or mail, I think you should respond in a timely fashion, even if it's just to say, "I'm still working things out on my end, so I'm a maybe."
posted by delight at 9:52 AM on April 5, 2017
posted by delight at 9:52 AM on April 5, 2017
Also, "You and Your Party Are Not Entitled to the Entire Goddamn Sidewalk."
Or as I like to call it, "I swear to god your love will survive if you have to walk single file for five seconds on this narrow sidewalk so literally anyone else can pass. I mean, Jesus F. Christ, I'm trying to get to work and not play Red Rover."
posted by thivaia at 11:40 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Or as I like to call it, "I swear to god your love will survive if you have to walk single file for five seconds on this narrow sidewalk so literally anyone else can pass. I mean, Jesus F. Christ, I'm trying to get to work and not play Red Rover."
posted by thivaia at 11:40 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
honestly I do think dogs like to shop at PetCo?
Mine do! They love picking out toys! They also think riding around in a cart is great fun.
While it is true that not every place is appropriate for dogs, I find utterly silly to whine about dogs being present in venues where 1) they are explicitly welcome as a matter of policy and 2) there are goods and services the dogs can avail themselves of.
It's certainly less of a hassle to get Rocky a new harness when he's right there with me and I can try it on him.
posted by MissySedai at 1:06 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Mine do! They love picking out toys! They also think riding around in a cart is great fun.
While it is true that not every place is appropriate for dogs, I find utterly silly to whine about dogs being present in venues where 1) they are explicitly welcome as a matter of policy and 2) there are goods and services the dogs can avail themselves of.
It's certainly less of a hassle to get Rocky a new harness when he's right there with me and I can try it on him.
posted by MissySedai at 1:06 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'll add one inspired by my commute this morning:
Don't take your hand off the subway pole to "politely" cover your mouth as you cough, only to put that same hand right back on the pole (!?)
posted by Kabanos at 2:39 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Don't take your hand off the subway pole to "politely" cover your mouth as you cough, only to put that same hand right back on the pole (!?)
posted by Kabanos at 2:39 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
I've never 21 but if the moment arose I think I might.--BentFranklin
My pet peeve etiquette is "Never post a comment that requires the reader to look up a website or do a Google search." (In this case, since I already closed the website), but actually I think I'm happy to just think of BentFranklin as someone who has never 21'd (whatever that is) and leave it at that.
(And then Whelk does the same thing for every single point. Ahhgg!)
posted by eye of newt at 10:23 PM on April 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
My pet peeve etiquette is "Never post a comment that requires the reader to look up a website or do a Google search." (In this case, since I already closed the website), but actually I think I'm happy to just think of BentFranklin as someone who has never 21'd (whatever that is) and leave it at that.
(And then Whelk does the same thing for every single point. Ahhgg!)
posted by eye of newt at 10:23 PM on April 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
"Don’t show up at a party empty-handed, unless you’ve been instructed to -- and sometimes not even then. Bring wine or dessert or a plant."
This one is always troublesome for me for some reason, especially if I don't know the hosts that well. I was recently invited to a dinner party. Fortunately I knew beforehand that the they had a family history of alcoholism and the Father was a master gardener. The third choice is a dessert, which I brought It turns out they are very proud of their 'grown and cooked from scratch' meals, and my storebought cheesecake was awkwardly accepted and put on the table next to the freshly homemade pies. No one touched the cheesecake (it would have been an insult to the hosts), so I brought it home.
Well at least I now had a cheesecake.
posted by eye of newt at 10:29 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
This one is always troublesome for me for some reason, especially if I don't know the hosts that well. I was recently invited to a dinner party. Fortunately I knew beforehand that the they had a family history of alcoholism and the Father was a master gardener. The third choice is a dessert, which I brought It turns out they are very proud of their 'grown and cooked from scratch' meals, and my storebought cheesecake was awkwardly accepted and put on the table next to the freshly homemade pies. No one touched the cheesecake (it would have been an insult to the hosts), so I brought it home.
Well at least I now had a cheesecake.
posted by eye of newt at 10:29 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
I never understood 3a. Who are the people who eat their co-workers' food? I understand not everyone is big on manners, but WTF dude? When you write your name in big sharpie all over the box, and people still eat your stuff...
I suspect that at some point the motivation crosses over from being hungry, being broke, or convenience into the rush from breaking the rules of normal behavior on a continuing basis.
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:17 AM on April 6, 2017
I suspect that at some point the motivation crosses over from being hungry, being broke, or convenience into the rush from breaking the rules of normal behavior on a continuing basis.
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:17 AM on April 6, 2017
The one place I worked where there was a serial lunch stealer who was eventually caught, it turned out to be a C level was just an entitled asshole. I didn't hear his excuse firsthand, but the guy was super-dense and seemingly incapable of processing information that fell outside his initial interpretations, so I'm assuming he never even thought about the fact that the food he stole belonged to another person who was also probably hungry.
Most people with access to office refrigerators have jobs that provide office refrigerators, so they're probably not so poor they need to steal sandwiches. As such, I suspect that entitlement is a much bigger factor than poverty.
posted by ernielundquist at 8:52 AM on April 6, 2017
Most people with access to office refrigerators have jobs that provide office refrigerators, so they're probably not so poor they need to steal sandwiches. As such, I suspect that entitlement is a much bigger factor than poverty.
posted by ernielundquist at 8:52 AM on April 6, 2017
At least I know had a cheesecake
In those situations, bring flowers.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on April 6, 2017
In those situations, bring flowers.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on April 6, 2017
Or even a nice plant. I always offer to help with the dishes- that is ALWAYS appreciated.
posted by LuckyMonkey21 at 10:34 AM on April 6, 2017
posted by LuckyMonkey21 at 10:34 AM on April 6, 2017
> #27 contains: "keep your elbows off of the table while eating"
WTF is with this? I've never understood why this is a problem
Because you'll kill a wood fairy.
Hmmm. This is something I Have Known since the early 1970s. Maybe it's not actually an issue.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:32 PM on April 6, 2017
WTF is with this? I've never understood why this is a problem
Because you'll kill a wood fairy.
Hmmm. This is something I Have Known since the early 1970s. Maybe it's not actually an issue.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:32 PM on April 6, 2017
In formal settings, you should be sitting with your back straight. To get your elbow on the table would involve either leaning or slouching, both of which are poor posture. Somehow the elbows thing outlasted the persnicketyness about posture in general.
posted by Karmakaze at 12:44 PM on April 7, 2017
posted by Karmakaze at 12:44 PM on April 7, 2017
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posted by starscream at 1:37 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]